Author event! Suzanne Warye & Laura Cathcart Robbins
[0:00]We remember how to say her name, yes.
[0:07]Hi.
[0:08]I'm so happy to be here with you.
[0:10]I am just beyond thrilled to be here with you.
[0:15]So Suzanne, so my book stashed my life in hiding came out in 2023.
[0:23]And what I didn't know when I was leading up to publishing was how important it
[0:29]was to have support from other people in the community.
[0:33]In this case, the sober community.
[0:36]And you just came through.
[0:39]And basically you were like, how can I support you?
[0:42]We want to read your book.
[0:43]I want to have you on the podcast.
[0:45]All the things.
[0:46]All the things.
[0:47]Yes.
[0:48]The book club.
[0:49]And I was blown away by that.
[0:51]Because it's, you know,
[0:54]podcasting there, you know, there is a community there.
[0:57]It's different when it's author.
[0:59]Like, I don't know.
[1:00]Just your support in the way you lifted me up.
[1:02]And I was so excited to be able to do anything for you.
[1:05]Because of how you give and what you give.
[1:08]And I actually have a galley of the sober shift.
[1:14]Which is, you know, what they released before they released the actual book.
[1:18]To people in the biz.
[1:21]They'll give you a copy.
[1:23]I marked up this copy.
[1:25]I also read it on, on my computer.
[1:28]But I have notes that I wanted to start with.
[1:31]Well, and I, I have to say.
[1:34]You, you played a huge part in, in getting this book out there.
[1:39]And, and because, you know, to get a book,
[1:42]like you write the book with my McGenius's here.
[1:45]And she helped me.
[1:46]She helped me with the book proposal.
[1:49]And like you have to do all of these things.
[1:51]And then to actually like sell a book, you need names of,
[1:56]of people who have like come before you and who say like,
[1:59]yeah, like this is a book.
[2:01]This book needs to be written and needs to be sold.
[2:04]And more was one of those people.
[2:06]And without you, this book wouldn't be here.
[2:08]So thank you.
[2:09]Oh my goodness.
[2:10]Thank you.
[2:11]Yeah.
[2:12]I mean, it used to just be that you would get a blurb from an author
[2:16]when the book was being published.
[2:17]And now when you do a book proposal, you need to get blurb.
[2:20]So the game has changed a little bit.
[2:23]Yeah.
[2:24]I don't want to scare anybody.
[2:25]You don't have to.
[2:26]But, but it is recommended and it does help to get somebody to endorse it
[2:31]before you go out.
[2:32]So,
[2:33]I wanted to, I was starting to ask you this anyway.
[2:37]I wanted to ask you about the book tour itself.
[2:39]Yeah.
[2:40]Because not everybody does a book tour.
[2:42]It's just, you know, the way the world is now and the economy
[2:45]and the publishing industry is just not everybody gets to do one.
[2:49]So I wanted to know how your yours is going and where you've been
[2:53]and what it's been like.
[2:54]Yeah.
[2:55]Oh my gosh.
[2:56]I love this question.
[2:57]I love this like meta question.
[2:59]Yeah.
[3:00]Because so this is actually our second to last stop on this book tour.
[3:06]We end in Seattle next, yeah, next week.
[3:10]So we've been, I think we have five or six stops, which feels like a lot
[3:14]in a month, especially when I'm used to like being at home in my closet.
[3:18]And we're explaining why you're in your closet.
[3:21]Okay.
[3:22]Okay.
[3:23]Okay.
[3:24]Because my clothes are there and I love that.
[3:26]Okay.
[3:27]But also, I record the podcast in my closet.
[3:31]And yeah, it's a walk in.
[3:33]So it's not like a little, it's a nice closet.
[3:35]But still, it's just a little space where it's just me.
[3:38]And that's where I have created everything.
[3:41]I've done everything on Zoom.
[3:43]Christopher Light, like everything is on Zoom.
[3:46]And I'm just kind of in my little world.
[3:48]So then to be able to come out into the world and to say,
[3:53]it's a scary thing to say, hey, does anyone want to meet me in Santa Monica on this day?
[4:01]Yeah.
[4:02]At this time.
[4:03]And you think like, no, of course, no one's going to want to meet me in.
[4:07]Right.
[4:08]And then you guys come and Laura comes and like, it blows me away.
[4:14]So this has been, I didn't know how, just how grateful I would feel to be out in the world and like,
[4:22]welcome to say all these amazing people.
[4:25]It's been, yeah.
[4:26]What's your favorite moment so far?
[4:29]Hmm.
[4:30]I think the first, so the first stop we did was in Winacca, which I live on the North Shore, Chicago.
[4:38]So it was there.
[4:39]And, you know, it was a lot like just people who, in my life, who just came out to support me.
[4:47]And I didn't know they were coming.
[4:48]Yeah.
[4:49]That surprised me.
[4:50]People there, right?
[4:51]And I was like, I saw that on social media.
[4:53]That was amazing.
[4:54]Yeah.
[4:55]I was blown away.
[4:56]And like sitting right here was my daughter.
[5:00]then when it came time for Q&A, she like raised her little hand, and I was a little
[5:06]bit like, oh god what are you going to say? You know? And she just said, I don't have
[5:13]a question, I just want to tell you that I'm really proud of you.
[5:16]I see, that's it. I was like, okay, but I put my makeup and like, oh that's amazing.
[5:22]And then my little one, or my middle girl then. She was like, hmm, I have a question
[5:29]too. And I'm like, yes, she's like, yeah, but what's it rated on Amazon right now?
[5:34]Like, is it rated for a woman? I was like, okay, no, no, no, no, no, okay, next question.
[5:43]She's like, let's get down to it. How's it performing? Right?
[5:47]hilarious. Then I'll be proud of you. How long have you been sober now?
[5:54]Why are you going to have years? January 20th? Yeah, that's amazing. Yes.
[5:59]That deserves a round of applause. So here's my first question.
[6:03]Let me use my second. Why not just get sober quietly? Why provide all these? No, seriously,
[6:11]like you provided all of these access points right for other people to get sober by doing
[6:16]this work. So why that and not just like going into the background and just not drinking
[6:22]anymore? Yes. This is a good question. I want to say because I'm a Leo, but I think it is
[6:29]deeper than that. When I quit drinking, I just thought I didn't qualify for sobriety,
[6:36]like leading up to it. I didn't hear stories like mine. I just thought that it was the other
[6:44]people who got sober, not me, right? And so when I quit, I realized, hold on, hold on, there's a
[6:52]lightness here. There's a magic, there's a brightness that I haven't heard about much, right?
[7:00]And I didn't lose a lot to alcohol. So I thought that I had to wait. And so then when I quit,
[7:06]I thought, okay, I feel like I want to share this message of just like what I found on
[7:12]the other side and say, wait, you guys, I think it's like way better over here than we've been told.
[7:20]And I don't think you have to wait to lose more or until you're actively addicted.
[7:27]And also, like, I was an influencer already at that point for five years. And so I kind of,
[7:33]that's, I knew how to do that, you know? So I was like, well, maybe we just rebrand this sober thing
[7:40]and see how that worked. And once I started doing that and started kind of shining a light on
[7:46]this bright part of sobriety and hearing from women saying like, oh, I thought I was the only one.
[7:53]Like, I thought that I was the only one who was like struggling to moderate but also
[7:59]didn't really openly lose much. And as soon as I started hearing these comments, I was like,
[8:04]well, well, someone's got to do it. I guess I'll do it, right? Like, yeah, okay, I jumped. And
[8:11]then you guys caught me, which is like the really important part. So, yeah.
[8:15]And you write a little bit about that in your book. And it's just one of the many points in your
[8:21]book where I connected because I wrote stash from that intersection of race and privilege and
[8:27]addiction. And I just hadn't seen a book like that. And then here you are writing two and four,
[8:34]a group of people who aren't represented when you think about sobriety.
[8:39]Yeah. And so what's, what's the feedback been like from those people, from the people that you
[8:46]want it to speak to? Oh, man. It almost like stops me in my tracks a little bit. And because, you know,
[8:54]the process of like the book proposal writing the book, getting the book deal, you can be very
[9:02]like focused on this thing, this book right here, the words, the dangling modifiers and all of that
[9:08]stuff, right? And then really like zooming out and hearing from the women saying like this book and
[9:15]already, you know, I started hearing it from the podcast pretty early on. And now from the book
[9:21]saying like, like I got a message on Instagram yesterday that was like, she's like, I'm on,
[9:26]I'm on day 10 because I started reading your book 10 days ago. I'm like, what? Sorry.
[9:34]Like I will, I will never, I just, I'll never get tired of that of reading those messages. And
[9:42]they all almost, I can't quite wrap my head around it, but just, yeah, I'm blown away and blown away
[9:48]by the women who are so honest and open and willing to like send me a DM to say like, hey,
[9:55]this is my story. And here's where you come into it. Yes. Yes.
[10:00]like, oh, that's so special.
[10:01]Yes.
[10:02]It's like, people you'll never meet.
[10:05]There's this intersection there where you,
[10:08]your life, your experience is pivotal for them.
[10:13]And I know that so well in the books,
[10:15]yours being one of them that I read,
[10:17]you know, when I was in early sobriety,
[10:19]I remember I was in Palm Springs with my husband
[10:23]and my best friend Katie called me and she was like,
[10:27]you have to listen to this book and I listened to it
[10:29]and she goes,
[10:30]see if you can get her on the podcast.
[10:31]I was like, there's no way.
[10:32]She's not gonna know, there's no way.
[10:34]And she's like, take a chance.
[10:35]And I'm like, okay, fine.
[10:36]And it is this thing that we feel so connected to you.
[10:41]And you know, like, so I totally understand it
[10:45]from a reader's perspective of being like,
[10:47]no, no, you are so pivotal, pivotal in my journey.
[10:52]You might not know it, but you are.
[10:53]Yeah.
[10:55]So in this world where we live,
[10:58]you can't watch a TV show or a movie
[11:02]or pick up a novel.
[11:05]Without saying people go to a drink or fun
[11:09]or a solution or just to get through an argument
[11:12]or a bad day.
[11:14]So talk to me a little bit about Big Alcohol.
[11:16]Oh.
[11:17]And that was perfect.
[11:20]Like team and how it fits, you know,
[11:25]like what is doing to us
[11:26]and how we can combat it.
[11:29]Oh my God.
[11:30]I know that's a half hour or two an hour.
[11:32]It is especially you like wind me up
[11:35]and just watch me go, right?
[11:37]But it is something that I didn't know anything about
[11:42]until I quit drinking.
[11:43]And it feels like a cult in that way, right?
[11:47]It feels very much like we're drinking this thing.
[11:52]We're told this helps us to relax,
[11:54]to celebrate, to connect, to conform, to know,
[11:57]to escape all of the things that we want to do.
[11:59]And then not knowing like I didn't know
[12:02]alcohol was addictive, which sounds insane.
[12:06]But I didn't when I quit drinking.
[12:07]I didn't know.
[12:08]And so when you really,
[12:11]when I started digging in to say like,
[12:15]hold on, what's going on?
[12:17]What's that play here?
[12:18]Follow the money, of course.
[12:20]And saw that just the billions of dollars being spent
[12:27]to make sure that specifically now,
[12:30]women and moms are drinking.
[12:34]And we keep drinking until we get addicted.
[12:37]And then we're told what's wrong with you,
[12:40]that you got addicted.
[12:41]Now you have to stop when it's really hard.
[12:47]And that, I mean, that's, you know,
[12:51]I wanted to write this whole book on that,
[12:53]on mommy wine culture,
[12:55]because that is the thing until my agent's like,
[12:58]well, that's a chapter.
[12:59]And I'm like, what?
[13:00]I'm like, whatever, we were like, hmm, okay.
[13:04]And then we were like, okay, we got it.
[13:07]It's a little trick.
[13:08]Right?
[13:09]Yeah.
[13:11]But yeah, I think, you know,
[13:15]it's easy to assume that mommy wine culture was kind of,
[13:19]just born from moms who found out
[13:23]that wine made motherhood easier.
[13:26]And then they're like, oh, let me just put some cutesy
[13:29]sayings on a dish towel.
[13:32]When really it was born in boardrooms, you know,
[13:36]the helmed by men who are just trying to get women addicted
[13:40]and spend money and quiet.
[13:43]And I just always picture this, you know,
[13:48]anytime I'm like, oh, God, this is hard.
[13:50]Like to go out or to fight this big alcohol thing.
[13:55]It just feels hard.
[13:56]I picture a mom in Iowa who is so just spent after a day
[14:03]of momming and the relentlessness of it.
[14:07]And she just needs, you know,
[14:10]she needs to escape.
[14:12]She needs to find herself again.
[14:14]She needs so she sits down at the kitchen counter
[14:18]and she's just like a shell of herself.
[14:21]And then I pictured two men in suits.
[14:24]And of course they have dark sunglasses on
[14:25]because yeah, and they sit down
[14:29]and they just put a glass of wine in front of her and say,
[14:35]and like just drink because we don't wanna hear
[14:39]what you need and we don't wanna hear how you feel.
[14:44]I mean, that is a little keep me going forever.
[14:47]Like that because that's what's happening.
[14:50]It is.
[14:51]It is that it's not men in black kind of.
[14:53]Yeah, it is, it is, it is, I was just gonna read this really quick.
[15:00]When I was drinking, I installed guardrails around alcohol, and many times burst right through them, as soon as the poison took over my brain.
[15:11]I'd set a plan in place as I was curling my hair and applying my mascara for a girl's night.
[15:17]All right, I think.
[15:19]I'm going to have two glasses of wine in total and drink a glass of water in between.
[15:25]Then I promised myself I would call it a night early so that I could be rested when my kids woke me up at the crack of dawn.
[15:32]I walk out of the door confident in my decision feeling proud and normal.
[15:37]And then you talk about what happens afterward.
[15:41]So part of this book, when you guys buy it and read it, but it's not just about reading it, it's really using it.
[15:51]So there's like places where you're asking yourselves questions, there's tips for getting through certain things, and then there's your memoir part of it where it's your story.
[16:02]But I wanted to, I love that section because I totally connect it to that, but also talk to me about, because you write about this about sitting through the discomforts in early sobriety and those first.
[16:18]You know, I think so much of drinking, especially for me was kind of immediately discounting myself and saying like, obviously I'm not, I can't handle this.
[16:31]So like, I need this, right?
[16:33]And I can't have this is socially, is that like showing up to a party sober and like talking to strangers for 10 minutes, nope, right?
[16:43]Going on a date, nope, like having sex, nope, right? Like all of these things that make us uncomfortable and are scary.
[16:53]I learned very quickly in sobriety, like, oh, that's actually a requirement is to, is to feel bad at first.
[17:05]We were talking about this today is to just feel all of the things that we probably tried not to feel and by trying not to feel center solves the message that we couldn't, and that we weren't strong enough.
[17:21]We, you know, didn't have the tools, we weren't capable.
[17:26]And so then just immediately saying like nope, obviously I can't do that.
[17:30]And so then it does, it did require me to say, alright, I'm going to be scared.
[17:37]I'm going to be, you know, uncomfortable.
[17:40]I'm going to be, you know, knee deep and grief.
[17:44]That I think I lost my dad like just over a year into sobriety.
[17:49]I'm sorry. Yeah, thank you. And like, you know, when everyone was kind of saying, you know, we'd understand.
[17:58]If you drink, like, you know, we would understand, right?
[18:03]It was the conscious choice to say like, no, I'm actually going to feel this thing.
[18:11]That was the hardest thing I had felt this horrible grief.
[18:19]And really allowing myself to do that and to do it in a messy way and not pretty.
[18:26]And fall apart, gave me perspective on all of the other stuff that I had discounted that I couldn't do.
[18:34]And it was like, oh, and once I kind of got through grief as much as you can get through it.
[18:41]Yeah, I was like, Oh, social anxiety. Oh, I got that. Oh, like speaking in front of.
[18:48]Oh, I've got that. Like, I went through the feeling's Olympics. Like, and I, and I showed myself like, okay, I raw dog that like, I can.
[18:59]It's survivable. Yeah, I can get through this. And I think just, especially if we start drinking, you know, I was 16 when I started drinking.
[19:09]And so I had never given myself a chance to feel that to just feel it.
[19:17]And I think, yes, a variety is at first being like, okay, this doesn't feel good.
[19:23]It's like great. Yeah, you're on the right path. If it doesn't feel good at first, great.
[19:29]Keep going because it gets better, but first it feels bad. And that's good.
[19:34]I love that you went there and gave us that example because I think I don't know that I've ever talked to anybody who stopped drinking, who doesn't have a, but if this happens, I'm going to have to pick up, you know, or when this happens, I'm going to have to pick up.
[19:51]So to have that as the thing, one of the first things you go through. Yeah.
[19:57]In sobriety, I think it's really inspiring.
[20:00]in a way that you probably didn't want to inspire anybody,
[20:04]but you got through that.
[20:05]I wondered if you could talk a little bit about,
[20:10]I don't know how you feel about advice,
[20:12]but if you were gonna give advice to somebody
[20:15]who's going through something that's maybe not quite
[20:17]as big, that is maybe just their first cocktail party
[20:23]or their first dinner party
[20:24]or their first kids game, like a basketball game,
[20:28]where they're gonna, you know,
[20:29]we're anywhere where they would normally drink
[20:32]and they decide it not to.
[20:35]Yeah.
[20:36]Yeah, you know, I think planning on being uncomfortable.
[20:43]Yeah.
[20:43]So that it's not gonna like hit you upside the head
[20:46]and you're gonna feel all like,
[20:48]oh, it's like you're gonna go into it saying,
[20:52]I'm going to feel uncomfortable.
[20:53]I'm going, my pulse is gonna race.
[20:55]I'm gonna get like sweaty hands.
[20:58]I'm gonna be like, oh, God, do I sink?
[21:02]You know, like, we don't plan.
[21:03]Okay.
[21:04]Yeah.
[21:05]I don't know.
[21:06]Really planning on planning on the discomfort
[21:11]and then also just kind of allowing it to happen,
[21:16]not trying to control that the situation,
[21:19]just saying, okay, I'm gonna do this
[21:21]while you're reminding yourself,
[21:24]no one's thinking about you.
[21:26]No one's, no one's being like,
[21:29]oh my God, I wonder if she's so uncomfortable right now
[21:31]because they are either uncomfortable themselves
[21:34]or they're drinking and then they're really not thinking
[21:37]about you, right?
[21:38]And then they're not even noticing you.
[21:40]Yeah.
[21:41]And so it takes the pressure off when you realize
[21:43]like you're not the starring role in anybody else's story
[21:47]and anybody else's life.
[21:49]Like we're all too busy thinking about ourselves, did.
[21:52]So that I think kind of alleviate
[21:55]some of the pressure.
[21:56]I love that.
[21:57]It's so true.
[21:58]That's so true.
[21:59]Because we're so, so center, just human beings,
[22:02]by an answer.
[22:03]We do think the spotlight's on us and I mean,
[22:07]I can't tell you how many people I've told socially
[22:10]that I know socially, that I don't drink,
[22:12]who offer me wine the next time they see me.
[22:14]Like they just don't leave it, if they don't care,
[22:17]it's not as big of a deal to them as it is.
[22:19]And I'm like, nope, not, and they're like,
[22:21]well, maybe a beer, I'm like, no, not that either.
[22:25]Yeah, I don't think.
[22:26]I don't do any of that.
[22:30]All right, so you have stash in your book
[22:33]and your list of books and podcasts.
[22:35]That helped you.
[22:36]I love that.
[22:38]You also talk about chocolate.
[22:42]Can you just talk a little bit about chocolate?
[22:45]Yeah.
[22:45]Yeah.
[22:46]As long as you want me to talk about chocolate.
[22:49]Oh my God, this is the thing.
[22:51]Like I'm not like sitting in my feelings all day.
[22:55]You know what I mean?
[22:55]I'm not like, I'm like, very, you know,
[22:59]just whatever this is.
[23:01]I don't know.
[23:02]I'm not like a guru who's gonna be like,
[23:05]no, just sitting in your feelings.
[23:06]No, like I need to escape.
[23:08]I need like healthy ways to cope
[23:10]and hiding in the pantry and eating the good chocolate
[23:15]that like my kids don't know where it is
[23:17]is definitely one of those things.
[23:20]And like, that's okay.
[23:22]You know, I think sometimes when you get sober,
[23:24]it's like, okay, great.
[23:25]Now I'm gonna wake up early every morning and work out
[23:28]and I'm gonna cut out sugar
[23:30]and I'm gonna, you know, quit and it's like,
[23:33]no, like, yeah, take it slow.
[23:35]Yeah, don't do everything at once.
[23:37]Don't do anything at once.
[23:38]Yeah, maybe not even.
[23:41]Yeah, just, it's okay.
[23:42]Like, I've never gotten a DUI from chocolate,
[23:47]or like, blacked out from,
[23:48]if I could black up in the chocolate, I would have,
[23:51]I'm here to say like, you won't black up from chocolate.
[23:53]So yeah, you could show up.
[23:56]So that was my favorite of the tools
[23:58]that you recommended to help us get through.
[24:00]But tell us, talk to us about some of the other ones,
[24:03]like things that you recommend.
[24:04]Yeah.
[24:05]When people are either moderating or quitting,
[24:09]or drinking.
[24:10]So for me, one of the biggest things is to get out
[24:14]out of my head and into my body.
[24:17]Because my head, I have OCD.
[24:19]And so my brain, it can really mess stuff up.
[24:24]And my thoughts swirl, and it's the what ifs,
[24:27]and all of this, like, oh my God, forever.
[24:30]You know, what was I that bad?
[24:32]Like, all of these things in the beginning.
[24:34]And anytime I find myself on this hamster wheel,
[24:38]my brain, and this is through my battle with OCD.
[24:43]And now I kind of have this perspective to say like,
[24:46]oh, this is, this can get messed up.
[24:49]You know, this can really trip me up.
[24:51]My brain is wrong a lot.
[24:54]And so, yeah, to get it out of my brain and into my body.
[24:57]And so for me, that's running.
[24:59]Any.
[25:00]that kind of just turns my brain off. Running is huge, yoga, taking a shower, dancing, dancing.
[25:07]You're big on dancing. You're big on dancing. I know, I am big on dancing, you guys.
[25:14]I love dancing. Like putting on real music in the kitchen, not like kids, like actual music,
[25:22]you know, my kids will dance like Rob Zombie with me like in the kitchen and just dance and you
[25:28]you can feel like I can feel my stress, you know, lesson. And there's two. And it's just,
[25:34]it totally changes the vibe. Dance, yeah, dancing, love. And yeah. Well, I think.
[25:42]And to find like that thing, like whatever your thing is, I definitely like dancing. I love
[25:50]blasting music. And just like that's when I'm writing, I will take a break and do something.
[25:57]And dancing is one of the things that I do. I also do push-ups. Oh, yeah. Well, you know,
[26:05]sitting is a new smoking. Right. So I'm trying not to, I'm trying to stay active while it's happening.
[26:15]Um, it's, it's almost time for us to take questions. But is there, is there anything that I didn't
[26:20]touch on that you want to talk about? Hmm. I don't even know. I just, I'm just so grateful to, to be
[26:30]able to do this. You know, it was, it was a little bit hard to get this book sold because it's not
[26:37]the sensational rock bottom story. That's interesting. Right. Like it's not going to be made into a
[26:43]a movie. Like it's not, you don't know. It's awesome. Maybe. Okay. But it's more of these like little
[26:52]losses. Right. And it's a lot of the not yet. Um, that's, it's not as sensational. But it's what I,
[27:00]I think that the Quitlet shelves need it. And so to be able to just talk to you guys about it is
[27:07]the dream. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I, I just remember one more thing to ask you. And then we'll, then we'll
[27:13]go to questions. I don't even know if it's a question. Um, you write about, I think it's your first
[27:18]time drinking. And someone says, Oh, your ears are red. And that they think it's funny. Right. And
[27:25]what that really is, is a reaction to ethanol. Right. Yes. Which is what alcohol is. Um, which is
[27:33]poison. Yeah. Right. It was like my body. Your body is responding the right way to the poison.
[27:38]That's, that's entering it. And so tell me, just tell me about that moment for you and what,
[27:44]what, what that was like and what you were thinking. Oh, man. It's so, it was the first time I drank
[27:48]and I, it was tequila. Yeah. It was my friend Zach. Yeah, exactly. Because my friend Zach and, you
[27:54]know, they were kind of already part of yours. And I just wanted to be cool. And I was like, please
[28:00]tell me I'm cool, right? Like, welcome me in. And, and I, yeah, and I drank and he was so happy.
[28:07]He was like, so happy. And he was like, Oh, my God. Your ears are red. That means you're drunk.
[28:12]And then that's like a huge hug. And so right there, it was like, yes, you did it. And it was like,
[28:20]oh, my God, I belong. Right. I belong. I'm, I'm welcome here. Like I'm on the right path. And so
[28:27]I didn't even really remember that until I quit drinking. And I started going back to be like,
[28:33]when did I start? Like, what was, and then this, this memory came and I was like, oh, my God,
[28:38]it was just a very clear message. Like, you do this thing and you will fit it. Like, you will belong.
[28:45]And I always, you know, my parents divorced. And I always wanted to belong. Like, I always wanted
[28:50]someone to just welcome me in and say like, you're okay. Like, you belong here. I mean, it was,
[28:57]you know, not that, not the right crowd to belong in. But yeah, that was the message.
[29:02]Yeah. We're coming up to the holidays. Yeah. People either relapse or return to use,
[29:11]whatever, however, you want to phrase it. It's skyrockets by 150% during the holidays.
[29:18]But last year, almost for, it was like 49 point something percent of drinkers explored either
[29:28]moderating or eliminating alcohol from their lives during that same period. Yeah.
[29:34]So, you know, did you see adolescence? No, I started it. Did you all see that? And then I got
[29:40]like, it was tough. It was just, yeah. Well, there's this one scene that has nothing to do with
[29:46]any of that. And that was tough. Where the dad's car has been tagged with this
[29:53]saying that he doesn't want on his car. Yeah. And he can't get it off. So he goes and gets vodka.
[30:00]It's the only thing that he can find, and it takes it right off the car, and I was just like, wow, no one's talking about that
[30:08]That the paint remover that he got at all the home people or the equivalent
[30:14]Wasn't it was the vodka and they just kind of went over that and I was amazed by that
[30:21]This is what you talk about a lot. This is what we're putting in our bodies
[30:25]Expecting to perform at top level right doing it because it's what everybody's doing and we're encouraged to do it
[30:33]Yeah, we're odd if we don't and and I just don't think there's especially for women. Yeah, there's a lot of thought
[30:42]That goes into how we process how we metabolize this
[30:47]This like I said, it's it's a poison, but whatever you want to call it the body doesn't really like it
[30:52]It's terrible on the liver. Yeah, I mean like every organ it touches. It's terrible
[30:56]And that's why you throw it off like that's your last like last long defense to be like, okay, stop everything get this out of
[31:06]So you know if
[31:08]You online or you
[31:10]Here are just wanting to look at how you use alcohol
[31:17]This is perfect timing for this book especially for the holidays
[31:22]And Halloween is a drinking holiday, by the way
[31:27]People in my neighborhood like they carry it around in wagons. Yeah, or big cup
[31:33]Halloween has turned into like a bar crawl. Yeah
[31:37]Yeah, that of like the kids. Yeah, this is always a thing that kind of you know
[31:43]I don't know and I'm not a mom who's like enjoy every second because like yeah
[31:50]Like yes go to a Halloween party for adults like that's great
[31:54]But like let the kids trick or treat
[31:57]Yeah, and the focus to be on them like just let them it's infiltrated
[32:02]Yeah, it's everywhere. Yeah, we have like the black parties in them. Yeah, it's like just do it on a different state
[32:10]Don't do it during trick-or-treating. Yeah, let them put the kids have something and then Thanksgiving and the December holidays
[32:17]And then New Year's and then Valentine's Day. Yes, which is really a drinking holiday, too
[32:22]But you're supposed to be romantic
[32:24]Yes, yes, and then and yeah, so you talk about it. It's you anyway. I'm diverting
[32:29]If you're looking at it or you know someone who is by this book for them
[32:34]By it for yourself use it as a manual, which is how I looked at it
[32:38]Yeah, when I'm doing this I'll look up, you know in the table of contents. It's it it listed here
[32:43]Oh good
[32:44]So I know how to go into this party now and if I can't go
[32:48]This is what I'm gonna do instead because I'm too shaky or it's too is too much. I'm too overwhelmed at this point. So
[32:55]It's it's really magnificent
[33:04]And so yeah, we're gonna open up the floor for questions and then after questions, we'll do book signing
[33:17]Um, how do you I don't know how old your kids are? They are oh my god. I'm so glad you said this because okay, they're all they're 11
[33:25]You know what I'm gonna say
[33:27]They're 11
[33:29]8 and 6 and I have to tell you
[33:31]My sexual is not still in a crib. Okay in the book
[33:36]It says like keep the keep the kids in the crib as long as possible
[33:40]And my picture on this still in a crib and I'm like, no, no
[33:43]He was four when I wrote it and then I just changed the ages that it was we edited it
[33:47]But I didn't change the crib thing
[33:52]That's hilarious
[33:53]So I'm like, oh my god, we're gonna think like okay, she is crazy because she's a six-year-old
[33:58]Okay, I don't okay, so yeah
[34:08]Those are the worst than when you can't yeah, so very
[34:10]Yeah
[34:13]When my youngest was one I got over and so my question for you is now is there older?
[34:18]How do you talk to them about your sobriety of love here?
[34:22]Yeah, this is such a yeah, I've been getting this question a lot
[34:26]Obviously they hear a lot
[34:29]About it they we are very open about talking about
[34:35]Alcohol I always say you don't have to vilify alcohol
[34:38]You just have to tell the truth about it and the truth goes a long way
[34:41]You know, we didn't have the truth when we were growing up
[34:45]It was just like this is your brain on drugs. No other discussion
[34:49]You know like the frying egg, but then that's it and so really like they know all of them know that it's
[34:56]Adicted that it'll make you feel good at first and then it'll make you feel
[35:00]really bad. Um, it's important like if they see someone drunk, not to say like, oh, there's
[35:06]just being silly. Or if someone's passed out, it's not, you know, Uncle Tom took a nap,
[35:12]like, no, Uncle Tom drank a lot and now he's passed out, right? Um, the best book on
[35:18]this is the addiction inoculation by Jess Leahy. So if any of you guys are like, okay, how
[35:25]do I talk to my kid? She, it's, it's the best one. Um, and she's got, she's
[35:29]got tips for all ages, like starting very young. I think we start talking about it before
[35:36]you think they're ready because they're getting so much of the information, like every commercial,
[35:43]every, you know, anything that they see any TV program. My 11 year old loves modern family,
[35:50]they drink so much on modern family. And you wouldn't really realize it unless you're looking
[35:58]for us like, oh, wow, do you see how they're just drinking wine right now, just, right? Because
[36:03]they're bored or just for no reason. So yeah, I would say you can't, you can't talk about it too early.
[36:14]I'm sharing a little bit about your husband eventually. Yeah, that same thing. Walking the path
[36:20]of, you know, yeah, of the course of time is because of your lifestyle. What has been the
[36:26]reaction of your friends circle as well? Yeah, just the people in general around you and your
[36:33]day to day life. What is, yeah, you always find that they overcompensate. Oh, I don't think that
[36:39]much anyway. Right. You know, it's bright. I know. That's funny. It's like my experience and quite
[36:52]frankly, it's uncomfortable sometimes. You know, these are like, you know, friends when I had one
[36:57]friend when I gave up big and say, well, you're not going to be funny anymore. Right. That's tough.
[37:04]Yeah, you're like, well, is that always had in common? Right? Like, yeah, I think, you know,
[37:09]there has been probably some fall off, not like a fall out, but just a falling off of like,
[37:16]if that's all we did, like, if that was the goal, that's why my goal anymore is to drink. So
[37:23]I kind of, you probably don't want to hang out with me and I don't want to hang out with you because
[37:27]drinking is not fun, right? And so, but for like a lot of my friends still drink and they, you know,
[37:34]they are fine with it. I did realize I was in New Orleans recently. My husband and I, yeah,
[37:40]right? And one of our friends was really drunk. And, you know, okay, I wasn't like,
[37:49]did you know, alcohol's up and all, you know, like, I'm not like this in real life, you guys.
[37:57]And she just, she kept saying, well, you know, I'm not enough of a haul. Like, she was kind of
[38:03]telling me and it hit me just how vulnerable it is for people to drink in front of me.
[38:09]Yes. And so that gave me some compassion just to be like, you know,
[38:15]yeah, it's okay. Like, yeah, that it's just a vulnerable thing. And so if I'm not invited to something,
[38:23]it's probably because they want to drink. I wouldn't, okay. That's okay. Like, I wouldn't have,
[38:27]you know, my circle is smaller though, but I like it that way. I like a small circle.
[38:34]Have you seen any shit with them though as far as like, them being inspired by you and saying,
[38:38]you know what? Yes. Yes. Totally. Yes. No. No. No. No. Yeah.
[38:43]Only one question per person.
[38:48]Do you, you're over your limit now? Yeah.
[38:52]I have actually since I quit. So my mom quit. Well, my brother quit, my mom was my husband quit.
[39:00]And then, yeah, and I have friends who are like, yeah, actually, I don't want a drink tonight or if we go to dinner.
[39:08]And then they're like, oh, I'm not going to drink because you're not. And so that's just a good end.
[39:12]Yeah. Yeah. It's great.
[39:14]Thank you. Yeah.
[39:16]Yeah. I'm Holly.
[39:17]Hi.
[39:18]Thanks for moving here.
[39:19]I'm already yet, so I'm going to get back that way just that it reminded me in the program.
[39:23]There's just the attraction, not the motion.
[39:27]Yes. Yes.
[39:29]But my question is, so I've taken many of Laura's classes and much better records because of her.
[39:36]And I relate to what you're saying for encouraging you and my question is more since I haven't read the book yet.
[39:44]Did you have writer's book? How did it teach you how how did you get to the end?
[39:50]Oh, my gosh.
[39:52]Kristin, I'm looking at you because I remember I literally remember you sending me an email. So Kristin, it's.
[40:00]is my book coach. She helped me with the proposal and then edit it like as we went for the book.
[40:06]And I remember you being like, okay, so have us back to me whenever and I sent it back to you this
[40:14]whatever three chapters. And I just, the subject was like, I'm melting. And like, I was like,
[40:19]I can't do it. And then you sent back and you said, you need to do it anyway or something. Like,
[40:25]yeah, so much writer's block so much. I thought writing would be like, you know, I'm going to
[40:30]go on a little retreat and like to my mom's house in the woods. And I'm going to be like, you know,
[40:37]and it was not that it was like, I just I kind of had my computer work with me wherever I was.
[40:44]So that way if something struck, then I would be like, okay, so I would be like on a dirty carpet
[40:49]at dance practice, you know, and like writing her in car line and like just writing her in my
[40:55]notes app. I wrote more in like spurts. I found when I had time that I planned to write.
[41:04]I would be like, so anyway, yes, I was like so organized. I have never been as organized as I was
[41:13]when I was writing the book. I have never had the laundry done as quickly. Like, yeah, I was just
[41:20]so I was on top of everything else because they would literally be like, what the hell can I do?
[41:26]Yeah. So I had from February until October 1st, that was the first draft.
[41:37]Did you have a deadline? Yeah, October 1st was the deadline. And then
[41:42]so you sold it first? Yes. Yeah, we sorry. I'm jumping under your question. Yeah, so I think,
[41:49]yeah, I think well, I don't know because I didn't even start writing it in February.
[41:55]You will know that you sold it in February. And then you started writing it more like
[42:00]paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was definitely like
[42:06]yeah, everybody's first two months took longer than the last two months.
[42:09]Yeah, yeah, that's so true that it was really good stuff for you. Yeah, because I passed you and
[42:15]then I'm like sweating. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I said I'm melting, she's like, no,
[42:22]you know, you're trying to melt. Yeah, so like, it just, yeah, it didn't look anything like what I
[42:30]thought it would. Got it worked. Yeah, thank you. We can do a couple more.
[42:39]before we do signing for me. I got soberish. Um, it's like, I'll have a drink like four times a year,
[42:49]like randomly. Just through coincidence, I think through life journey, I grew from Miami, very
[42:54]a heavy drinking party centric town. And then I went to LA. But I did find that when that shift,
[43:01]in me naturally happens, a lot of the friends I was hanging out with, like it was a lot of like
[43:07]drink culture, project culture, like, and then there was like kind of nothing else to do.
[43:13]So a lot of them fell off. But I feel like I'm still finding as I go through my journey, and I'm like,
[43:18]I'll go to concerts for myself for a different activities for me. So many too many people,
[43:22]but all of them are like, hey, let's hang out, let's grab a drink. So I feel like that conflict of like
[43:28]having a hard time meeting. Yeah, the right people or the people that have control, I don't want
[43:33]to go up with a new friend and then let them get crazy and put in situations that I'm uncomfortable
[43:38]with, like, like last summer I went on a girls trip with one friend and her friends, and she drove
[43:44]for three hours, she had drank four wines. And that made me so sick. So yeah, it was a friend. So it's
[43:51]like those situations when you have like certain standards for yourself and for the people you
[43:56]want to surround yourself with, but you're having a hard time meeting them. Yeah. And foster
[44:02]yeah, you're in the, you're in the part where it's like, you've burnt some stuff down that you
[44:08]wanted to burn down and you haven't quite built yet, right? And so you're like in the, in smart, it's
[44:15]like the end of middle. Oh, I love you. It's like you're in the middle. You're not going to stay there,
[44:20]sober communities are like the best. If you can tap into, you know, any sort of local or start
[44:29]online. I know a lot of people are like, nah, online friends aren't real. Because online friends
[44:34]are so real. Like they're so, it's so real and way leads on to a way, right? And so if you start
[44:41]online and you, you don't need like in sobriety, you're not, you're not like collecting friends.
[44:47]You don't need a lot, right? Like you need like a few. Yeah. And you'll find them and you don't
[44:54]have to put yourself in situations where you feel unsafe just to just to be connected. Like
[44:58]that.
[45:00]six years. Yeah. And that ship started. Yeah. I have like, I wanted a wine. I smelled a wine on a,
[45:07]on a plane. Right. And whatever I was going to say, I'm just going to say something.
[45:10]I was thinking, I had one of them and I was like, this feels weird. Yeah. But yeah, it's just like,
[45:15]very sporadic for me. My family, luckily the territory my family does not change my dad's
[45:20]dream. He passed away. He was an alcoholic. So I take him. That ship's happened after
[45:24]he passed away. I just went through his, the morning of his loss, like, sober everyone.
[45:29]Yeah. But yeah, I think I've just had to go really challenging time and it's now been like
[45:33]six years. And I haven't found that network of like girlfriends that just want to hang out
[45:39]with it. It's not about like, oh, let's go grab a drink. I would go party. But you know, it's
[45:44]yeah, I would really lean into like sober communities. Really. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're
[45:52]a lot to them. Yeah. And they're so bad. And a lot of sober curious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you got it.
[46:09]Yeah. So it's so funny. Because I was just reading the subtitle, which I forgot what it was.
[46:15]Yeah. Me too. I was like, wait a minute. I was looking at like an abundance of like, I mean,
[46:23]you know, I've been sober a long time too. And I think there's such like the, I take like cold
[46:29]medication the other day and it like popped me up. Yeah. I don't think I might like being fucked up.
[46:36]I like, I don't know where this experience. Like, there's such a clarity of being sober. And like,
[46:43]so for you, like, what is that like, abundant blessing of society for you? Like, what, what makes you
[46:50]so happy about getting that in your life? Oh, you know what? It's the, I keep coming back to this lately,
[46:58]like the magically mundane. Like, it's that it's, it's not anything. You're a shattering or like,
[47:08]even not as interesting enough to write about. But like, just the, the moments that I would
[47:14]have missed had I had two or three glasses of wine that I had no idea I would have missed.
[47:20]What it was like when we were playing, you know, two nights ago with my family. And like,
[47:26]we were all together. And that's a rare thing to have the 11 year old want to hang out with us,
[47:32]right? And the six year old being like, okay, I'll play cards and I'll, and the eight year old
[47:37]getting along with both of them. And like, just all of, you know, and my husband, I'm not fighting
[47:43]over cards or. And, you know, just that, like, and I would have had I've been drinking. I just
[47:53]would have had a glass of wine. I wouldn't have gotten drunk. I wouldn't have left out. I would,
[47:58]but I would have missed just the little moments that I didn't miss. And I just was like,
[48:06]God, I wouldn't miss this. Yeah. You know, so it's, it's like the, just the teeny tiny, I write
[48:14]in the book about like, after my dad passed and we were, it was like a one of those like dreamy
[48:21]summer evenings and sitting by the fire outside. And I was drinking Tebocchico and I was by Russell
[48:27]and the kids were all playing in the yard. And I was like, God, this is so great. And then I realized
[48:31]my Tebocchico was empty. And I was like, I got to go get another one. And I was like, no, I don't
[48:39]know. I don't. I'm fine. Like, yeah. And I'm like, I don't want to break this spell. You know,
[48:46]because if I get up, then they're going to be like, can you get me something or like, oh,
[48:50]what's going inside? And I'm like, no, no, I don't want to break this spell. And so then I just
[48:54]like stayed being like, yeah, I'm hydrated. Like, I'm not thirsty. I'm good. And then my dad
[49:01]favorite song came on, came on like our music. And it was like, Jeremiah was a bull frog.
[49:09]And I was like, Oh my God. I didn't even know that I would have missed that. Like, in my mind,
[49:17]like, if I was drinking, it would have been fine. But like, I would have missed that. So that was
[49:23]love that. One more question. Okay. You did you had one back here, but let's do two. Okay,
[49:32]one, two, because you got a question, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was just going to say, after
[49:36]a conference, and it was one of your people on the weekend. Yeah. So the idea that I grew up with was
[49:45]if you couldn't have a nice meal, Brian, you have a master of wine, you just closed
[49:50]well together. And I carry that with me for my life. I mean, I'm married to somebody
[49:56]who can go and drink. So I always have my...
[50:00]That's a one in my room.
[50:01]Yeah.
[50:02]So I'll try to understand the sober things.
[50:05]Yeah.
[50:06]Yeah.
[50:07]Yeah.
[50:08]I never felt that I'd be a buzz,
[50:11]but never be in trouble.
[50:13]Right.
[50:14]I feel bad or, you know, wake up with a headache.
[50:18]Yeah.
[50:18]So I'm just trying to understand that area of your,
[50:21]you know, you're writing about.
[50:22]I love that you're here.
[50:24]Like I just love, you know, this is exactly what we want
[50:29]is like to be able to talk about alcohol,
[50:32]especially if it's still in your life.
[50:34]Just to say like, hey, yeah.
[50:35]So what is this sober thing or what is this?
[50:38]And if that works for you, then that's great.
[50:42]Right.
[50:43]And just the idea of drinking with the blinders off,
[50:47]I think is a refreshing thing.
[50:50]Instead of like how I was raised and we were raised
[50:53]to just like, you know, that you have to do this.
[50:57]This is, but instead just to be able to talk openly
[51:00]about this thing that's in our lives.
[51:01]Yeah.
[51:02]And I also just wanted to show that I do have a couple
[51:06]of friends who don't drink.
[51:07]Yeah.
[51:07]And we hang out together.
[51:09]Yeah.
[51:09]I did choose too much to drink and.
[51:11]Yeah.
[51:12]So one with that.
[51:13]Thank you for watching.
[51:14]Yeah.
[51:15]So it's never a feeling of getting bad.
[51:19]Right.
[51:19]So I was trying to...
[51:21]Yeah.
[51:22]Not pretty old, you know.
[51:24]Yeah.
[51:25]I'm glad you're here.
[51:26]And I think the book...
[51:28]I think you'll like the book.
[51:29]Like it might just give you a little bit perspective
[51:31]on, yeah, I don't know if you'll call that maybe you haven't
[51:35]had, but yeah.
[51:37]I love dessert.
[51:41]I love dessert.
[51:42]And I always have dessert.
[51:43]And I sometimes end up at dinner with people
[51:45]who can have sugar.
[51:47]And it's not a judgment.
[51:48]It's not, it's just an individual thing.
[51:51]I'm metabolized it differently than they do.
[51:53]And so it's, I don't not have my dessert
[51:57]because they're not having dessert.
[51:58]I'm still having my dessert.
[52:00]It's the same thing, yeah.
[52:02]Yeah.
[52:03]And so it's a different kind of sobriety,
[52:05]but it's just like it whatever works for you.
[52:09]If it's getting in the way of your life,
[52:11]then it's something to look at.
[52:12]And if it's not, then say, lovey.
[52:15]I don't know.
[52:16]I don't know.
[52:17]There you go.
[52:18]That's amazing.
[52:19]I mean, I don't know.
[52:20]I was like, it was good for you.
[52:23]I don't know.
[52:24]I don't know.
[52:25]I don't know.
[52:26]I don't know.
[52:27]I don't know.
[52:29]I live in Gel range Florida, which is known to be the
[52:34]sober capital of the world.
[52:37]Oh, is it really?
[52:38]New York Times.
[52:39]Oh.
[52:40]And I've been in AA for 23 years.
[52:43]And I have to love it.
[52:45]But this, I'm just so grateful for you
[52:47]because this is the story that women don't hear enough.
[52:51]You can work hardly ever.
[52:56]When I got sober 23 years ago, and I would tell my story in AA,
[53:00]I used to think I could have bought a dress this thing.
[53:02]Right?
[53:03]Yeah.
[53:04]I'm like, it's just so that I'm a great family.
[53:07]Right?
[53:08]Right.
[53:09]I graduated college.
[53:10]Yeah.
[53:11]It just didn't really hit.
[53:12]Yeah.
[53:13]I was like, I was like, I was one for us.
[53:15]Oh, there you go.
[53:16]You got it.
[53:17]Yeah.
[53:18]Yeah.
[53:19]I think you did such a great job in the flow of really highlighting
[53:24]the feeling.
[53:25]Yeah.
[53:26]Yes.
[53:27]And that is universal.
[53:29]Mm-hmm.
[53:30]And I wanted to say thank you again.
[53:32]Yeah.
[53:33]Women really need to, your book is very needed.
[53:37]I don't really think it's great.
[53:39]Thank you.
[53:40]Yeah.
[53:41]Thank you.
[53:42]Thank you.
[53:43]Thank you so much.
[53:46]Thank you so much.
[53:48]What do you think?
[53:49]I think you think like touch on what you guys are saying.
[53:51]I think it's great to be so curious right now.
[53:53]We're living in a time when we're so much more informed.
[53:56]Yeah.
[53:57]And we can make intelligent decisions with regardless
[54:00]of what you choose.
[54:01]Mm-hmm.
[54:02]So we're very happy to have you guys here.
[54:04]Yeah.
[54:05]The discussion, which is like really discussion for everyone.
[54:07]Yeah.
[54:08]Yeah.
[54:09]We need to tell decisions every day.
[54:11]Mm-hmm.
[54:12]And I'm not sober.
[54:14]Oh, good.
[54:15]Yeah.
[54:16]I think this is, this is great.
[54:17]We should hear more about it all the time.
[54:19]Mm-hmm.
[54:20]So thank you guys so much.
[54:21]We have both books at the register.
[54:23]And I know we'll be happy to sign take photos.
[54:26]Mm-hmm.
[54:27]Thank you guys.
[54:28]Thank you.
[54:29]Thank you.
[54:30]Thank you.