Amy Griffin, THE TELL: A Memoir

[1:49]Zibby Owens: This is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby. Formerly, moms don't have time to read books. In my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling, buzziest, or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to. Stay in the know, get insider insights, and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com, and follow me on Instagram at zibby owens. Today's episode is number four of the most downloaded totally booked episodes of 2025. We're using these two weeks to count down from 10 so you can catch up on all the episodes you've missed. Enjoy. Amy Griffin is the author of The Tell, a memoir. Amy lives in New York City with her husband John and their four children. She is the founder of the investment firm g nine Ventures. Welcome, Amy. Thank you so much for coming on totally booked with Zibby to talk about the Tell, your amazing memoir. Congratulations.

[3:06]Amy Griffin: Thank you, Zibby. Thank you so much for having me. And, you're just such a great supporter of women and their stories. And, it's, you know, it's so surreal to see you holding my book.

[3:17]Zibby Owens: Here we go. I have to say, I was I read it on an airplane at one point and somebody walked by and was like, I have to get that book. No. That's so nice. That's so nice. Especially for so many, you know, you and I are a few blocks away in New York right now and have so many people in common who have been sort of salivating to get their hands on your book. So I feel very privileged to have read it early. I wanna give it out. I want everyone to have it. I think, I think the greatest compliment thus far has been, you I've only given them out to a few of my closest friends and

[3:49]Amy Griffin: early readers for various people in press. And I think, you know, it's so kind when someone has said to me, it really means a lot when they've said to me, Amy, I hope you don't mind that I gave your book to someone to read it. And it shows that people are talking about it and they're sharing and they're telling their stories. And that's kind of why I wrote it.

[4:06]Zibby Owens: Wow. Well, okay. To the book itself, tell listeners a little bit about your memoir and also you very easily I mean, I guess every memoir, but you very easily could have not decided to share all of this about yourself. And I'm sorry, by the way, for just everything you've been holding and the secrets and the experiences and and all of it, but you so easily could have not shared this.

[4:31]Amy Griffin: Why share it and tell the story too? You know, just going to that very idea that secrets are not for anyone to keep and they're not fair and they're not. They keep people closed off from the relationships and the lives they could be having and living. And I feel like this book was when I started writing it, I had no intention of publishing it. And that's, I think the most interesting part about the book is when I wrote it, I wrote it for me. And I wrote it the first time. I feel like I wrote the book twice in essence, because I wrote the book, I've been writing the book for a period of five years. And I think that the importance of this book is that I'm talking about my story, my singular story. I'm not an expert on anything other than me. And I felt like in telling my story and putting those words down on the page, it was the first time that I'd been truly honest about my life and my life could have looked one way or any million ways to various people. And I think one of the really important things in this book is that you just never know what's going on in someone's life. You just have never idea. You have no idea. And to always assume, you know, best intent. And so the more I wrote, the freer I felt. And then I realized that as I told someone first and telling myself in the writing and then in telling my closest friends and my children and going through this process that really the book was just as simple because the title is The Tell. But I think that the book is everything is in the telling and it's in the relationships around the telling that are why we live this life. It makes it, it's made my life so much richer and so much fuller to come forward and tell it. I mean, Oh Zippy there's days where I'm like, why am I doing this? And then I remember, no, I'm doing this for myself, but I'm doing this for so many others. The others part comes in because gosh, I feel connected because when I first told my story and I was honest with myself about my story, was so lonely. It was so lonely. And I realized at that moment, I felt like I was the only one who'd been through something like this. I felt like this is the, I'm the only one in the entire world that could feel this pain that could absorb this and that could live a high functioning, incredible life. And also not even really being honest with myself about what had gone on. And so, to then be to go out and share my story and realize, oh my gosh, you know, I'm not alone. And so I could say that I'd done that for everyone else, but I felt so free and so liberated. And I love people. I don't think that comes from my trauma. I love people pleasing. I love, I'm a people pleaser, but I love helping people. I love being connected to other women and the more I shared just the better I felt about my life and

[7:33]Zibby Owens: the people in it. I mean, you can tell there's that authenticity to it, right? It that you're working through you can feel you working through some of the things that happened as we read, which makes it even more compelling, is to see you. Like, you start the book, and I know your kids are very involved in this. And, you know, how they were feeling about you and the sort of wall that you had put up with them because well, you go into it in the bible. I won't give a thing. But you had basically put this sort of wall up. And as we go through the book, to see it completely come down and the closeness that not that you weren't close before, but the change in your relationship with the people even closest to you as a result of being able to share how that transitions and grows throughout the book. Like, it's very, very powerful. And, you know, having our closest relationships improved by sharing

[8:24]Amy Griffin: is it sounds simple, but it is not simple. You know, it's so interesting. It boils down, I think a lot to the word permission. And I think that there was this incredible relationship building, you're right. A closeness that I could not have possibly imagined because I did think that I was incredibly close to my children already, but I had no idea how I would feel about my relationships, friendships, children, every relationship I have. But when it first started with me, then it all stemmed from that. And when I was looking outwards for answers, even in the doing for my children and all the busyness and taking them to and from that wasn't a closeness, that wasn't necessarily the relationship building piece. And so now I look at the writing and I look at the process I was going through and I'm sure you've had this conversation a million times, but in talking about writing a book and they say, Oh, it's so hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Or it's not, people say it's cathartic, but it's not. In my case, it saved my life. In my case, writing this book is everything. It to was put my words down and really understand who I was. I mean, you talk about how your stories are created and how your stories are built. I was an English major in college and I love to write. And my mother, you always said, you're going write a book someday. It all came to this. So now when I read it and I read about, as I reread it and I reread it and I see the relationship changes. And I remember how I was feeling when I was writing, I'm so with myself as I'm reading the various parts over and over again, because there was this transformation. And so now to look at it, I'm so grateful. I'm so incredibly grateful for that transformation. And I can kind of laugh at parts of myself now too, because I mean, wasn't, I don't know, it was laughable then, but I had this need to record and write down everything that happened to me down to every morsel that I ate for fear, that what I had remembered and the feelings I had would go away. And I kind of liken it to walking on the other side of the street. You live on a street and you live on a block for so many years and you always walk down that one side. And yet, so you live on that street and you have that experience, but sometimes it's only when you cross over to the other side of the street and you look back at your house, you look back and say, Oh, I live on that side of the street. And you can understand the full picture. And the book is sort of me crossing the street for the first time and really, you know, really looking at my life. So Amy, on the outside,

[11:01]Zibby Owens: it could seem like your life seemed not that anyone's life is perfect, but you're this beautiful, gorgeous, smart, talented, professionally mega successful, always smiling, kind person in society who is just like, will hug anybody and just like you are so warm and out there. And, you know, you have these fabulous kids, and, you know, your life just seems or see could seem just so, you know, blessed and perfect. And that's part of why I said you didn't have to share this, of course, but, like, nobody has to share. But the things that happened to you and I don't wanna ask you to tell them because I feel like part of the book was the discovery of what happened, but you can if I don't know what you're saying in interviews about sort of the main event or whatever. But I don't know. Just take me through this and what would have happened? Like, what where do you think the parallel life of your would have been had you not kept this a secret? Or what if you had told this story ten years ago? Or do you think life would be different now? Or what do you say about

[12:07]Amy Griffin: these, like, misconceptions people have about each other? That was like a thousand questions. So I don't know. Just run with whatever. No. I love somehow my brain went to the fact that when I first got married and I was living in New York City, my husband once said to me, when I saw a woman that I didn't know well, an older woman who was so lovely, and I jumped in and I said, hi. And I said her name and she sort of jumped against the building. And John then said to me really kindly, he said, Amy, I think you scare people sometimes, your Texas friendliness. And when I had taken him for an engagement party when we were dating, he kind of got lost in the crowd and this is kind of how I knew her. Was from this amazing community in a small town in Texas, which, so anyway, I took him to go to this engagement party and he came back and I said, how'd it go? Are you enjoying meeting everyone? And he said two words, very friendly. So I think that's sort of the nature of where I come from. And I would definitely say that that comes from my mom. And when I talk about what happened in my life, my mom and my dad, and in my upbringing, again, your stories are created over many decades and would my life be any different? I think that that's part of the letting go in that I don't look back and say, if only this hadn't happened and if only this had happened and why am I telling this story now? And I think the whys and the hows and the shoulds and all of that are sometimes questions that then I realize I I don't have an answer for them. And here I am today and I'm so wildly grateful. I think part of the reason that I'm so grateful is that for all that I've been through, I do have an amazing life. I have an amazing life. And I think when people use the word perfect in any vein, I think any woman can relate to that word because we're all doing a thousand things. You know, when you have the lunchbox under your arm, you're trying to make a meeting, you have the ring light on. Zippy, you're the queen of that. And so it's just not relatable because it's not real. And I think that for so long in knowing myself, but not really acknowledging the trauma. And I will talk about it a bit, but I literally would look over my shoulder like, who am I talking to? I'm just doing the best I can. Isn't that what every woman is doing? We're all holding all these balls in the air at any given time. And that's kind of what makes up a beautiful life. And so you know, in sharing the story, I think it's all parts of me. So there's like this incredible part of me that's on the business side and the mom's side and the, you you have all the parts of you. The story is one part of me. And I think once I was able to share it, it has made the full picture. It has helped me understand why I do the things I do. It has helped me understand why I want to bolt out of an elevator sometimes. Has my children understand who I am, but you know, it was only in saying I experienced severe childhood trauma and sexual abuse. And just saying those words is really hard. It's really hard. Sometimes I think, am I the one saying this, sitting in this body? And then the second I say it, I have a bit more confidence about myself. Have a bit more confidence about, you know, for other people. I cannot even tell you the number of women on a daily basis now who have heard of my story. You know, the book's not out yet, so that they're just ready to tell. They're ready to find someone that they connect with. And that's really important to them in their life. And it may, it doesn't have to be an, know, God willing, I hope that people who haven't experienced what I've experienced, but people have also experienced much worse than what I've experienced. And anything, I think there's so many things that as women, we just think it's just easier to just tuck it back into our brain and just keep going. Right. And so while life is not perfect, I think that it's incredible to think that the relationships in our life are what's going to get us through. And when you go and you tell and you share, and you're vulnerable, just like being vulnerable is like the greatest strength I feel that I can say that I've had in the last few years. It's not perfect. It's not pretty. It's scary. It's ugly sometimes, but it's, there's almost this incredible joy

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[19:07]Zibby Owens: So will you take listeners back a little bit and explain all of your professional success? You have become, like, the most powerful investor of these amazing brands and building brands and doing so much good,

[19:21]Amy Griffin: knowing everybody in the world, like where did this come from? I mean, I don't know that I'm any of all those things, but all I can say is I just started by showing up. I just started by showing up. I just said, you know what? My kids have gotten a little bit older. There's a great book called The Power Pause right now. Don't if you've seen it, but there was this moment where I talk about, I was literally handing kids out of windows in New York City as I was getting out of a car with one taxi with one, this went to a preschool. Mean, we were in school together and you go through those phases, right? Where your doctor, when you go in for the hundredth time and you're sick, but you've got to take care of your children who are sick. And the doctor says, you're just going to be sick till your last child is in kindergarten because otherwise everything goes into the mouth. And it was really only then once my oldest went to kindergarten and I've been doing so many things, but I realized I have this skillset and I think a lot of it probably comes from my upbringing now finding myself as a consumer investor, loving brands, loving the people that are building them. It's not a one size fits all. It's very different with every founder that I'm working with, but that was my passion. I love making a call for someone to make a connection, to help them with their advertising or their branding or bringing someone on their board. It's different every day. My job is different every day, but how did I start? I started by showing up. And that was, I think a value that I got from my parents at a very, very young age. I thought that everyone had a grandmother who was the matriarch of this family in a small town in Texas where women didn't work, but my grandmother did. And when she walked in the office, there was no chewing gum allowed. Everybody wore hose and heels, and they all sat up a little straighter when she came in the room and they had this incredible reverence and respect for her. And here she was this widowed woman in a small town in Texas who was building all these crazy businesses. She built three businesses. I think I wrote about one, but, I mean, I wrote about one, but, and now to see my family legacy and that my family all still is involved in the business. So definitely stems from that. Wow.

[21:23]Zibby Owens: And can you talk a little bit about maybe some, like, what does it feel like to you to build, help build a consumer brand And how does that relate to now sort of building the brand of your own book?

[21:35]Amy Griffin: Well, that's really interesting. Well, that's kind of just it, right, is that brand building is storytelling. And we want to use these products. We have to have these products in our life that make our lives better, fuller, richer, make us live lives longer and healthier. And so these are the products that I have gotten behind. Twenty years ago, however long ago, before was investing, I would find something and I would love it. And then I would give it to all of my friends and say, this product, this cream, this food product, everybody has to have it. And I truly felt joy in actually giving that product to people to say, do you like it? Do you like it? Do you like it? I get that. I call my mom the food pusher because if you go home to Texas, she says, you have to eat it. You have to eat it. And I say, but mom, I don't want that tamale. You have to eat the tamale. This woman made it at our church. And I said, mom, I don't want the tamale right now. So I get that enthusiasm from my mom, but I think you said it, it's fascinating because now I'm stepping into my story, right? And the tables have been turned where I've been so good and tried my best to build the stories of all these women and the founders that I've been associated with. And also there's just this glimmer in every founder I've ever met with about these crazy ideas people have, and they're determined they're going to go out and change the world with them. And they are on many levels. But with this book, this book is in many ways far more powerful than any business thing I've done. I think it's the most important thing I will do in my life. Hopefully setting a good example for my children and then seeing this book come out. And it's just

[23:21]Zibby Owens: it feels really good. It feels really good to be doing it. It's amazing. What are you afraid of? Is there anybody you're afraid to read this book in particular or just in general? What keeps you up at night when you're worrying about it, if you're worrying about it? You know, the very idea,

[23:36]Amy Griffin: of course, I'm so much fear. I think that I keep having this vision sometimes of me being on a high dive and jumping into the water. And I can remember as a child being on a high dive, ones that are really bouncy and scooting to the side, like to the left and thinking if I go to the left, maybe it's easier. And then my toes will go over to the right. You go to the right. It's a little bit easier and then going, no, you just have to go off. You can't go off the side. If you go off the side, you're going hit your And I think with this book, remember, this is the story I've been told by someone not to tell. And that secret again, and not allowing myself permission to just go for it, to just do this. I say it all the time. I think that, you know, it's maybe it's a branding message for myself, but I would say, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this. And this is that moment in my life where, yeah, I have a lot of fear And I don't know that I can pinpoint it, but it's fear of being told not to tell the story. It's fear of being told that it's not important. It's fear of not being believed. It's fear that my life does look perfect, so how can she tell this story? It's fear of come up with one and I will agree with it. Right?

[24:50]Zibby Owens: Wow. Do you have any thoughts now? You are such a, like, innovative thinker in terms of how to improve lives and this and that. And now you're in publishing. Maybe it's too early to ask, but I bet your mind is already spinning with with ways to improve the system. Or did you take done it. No. You're the one doing it. We're all watching you. Like, what have you learned so far? Like and how did you go about even selling the book? Like, what was that whole process like? Well, that thank you for asking that question. I think that,

[25:20]Amy Griffin: I can also say, I guess, publishing saved my life because the idea that I had, I had no intention. I had this book I'd written for many years and I had 100 to 150,000 words that I'd already written of this book. And actually someone came to me and said, in the literary world and said, would you be willing to write a book about women in business? And I mean, it was an incredible time. It was three days after I had already written something in a short form, to sort of consolidate my ideas about, you know, at the time where I was, it was okay, I need justice. Right. And that's how things can look perfect if you tie everything up with a bow. And so I was in that place where I thought this is what I'm going to do, and this is the path I'm taking. And there's so many of those in the book. You see that, you don't get what you want, but maybe that's the right answer. It's like, you are where you are in that right moment. So just like be where you are. And in that moment you see, I sit in those moments throughout the book and have to make these terms. And, so when I got this phone call to say, Amy, would you write a book about women in business? My answer was there are many more women who are qualified to write a book about women in business. I don't know that that is something that people would want to read. That's not how I was feeling anyway at the time. And I said, I looked at her in the eye and I said, but I wrote a book. And she said, what do you mean? And I said, well, I have one. And I said, can I send it to you? And she said, yes. And I said, hold on. And I had it on my computer and I sent her the whole file. And my husband said, what you just sent it? And I said, yeah, I just, I sent it. It feels right. And it's, you know, someone pointed this out to me recently, a friend pushing send on that computer was the next step in telling. That was telling again, that was me stepping on the high dive and putting my toes on the end to say, I matter, my story matters. And in saying that my story matters, I'm going to show others that their story matters too. And so that was the beginning of it. And then the thing about writing the book was, and I may have alluded to this before, but writing the book was, it just came out of me. I mean, it was a process that I'm more grateful for that I could ever imagine. And as people said, you may, you know, it's be careful, it's not cathartic or it is cathartic. And for me, wasn't even, it was just everything. Was everything. And I did sort of step back from my life. You know, I was still doing my business and taking care of my kids, but I was frantically writing weekends, nights, stepping away. I mean, there was not an hour that I wasn't writing. If you think about it, I was writing for myself, I was writing as I was untangling this part of me. And so it was a great privilege and a luxury to be able to do that.

[28:15]Zibby Owens: That's amazing. Well, whoever that was, who asked you for the woman of business, like, wow. Kate Hoyt, CAA. She's a very special person. Yes. Amazing. Amazing. Amy, I think this is so generous, an act of yours. You're doing it Thank you. At perhaps, you know, at your own expense of sort of fear and worry and, you know, lack of privacy. Like, you're putting all these things aside and you're saying, like, no. No. I'm ready to share. It's helpful for me. But also, all of you out there who have been through something similar can feel inspired. If I can share, you can share. And I feel like you're going to start this whole ripple effect, this whole movement of I know some people have you know, not that no one has shared, but I just feel like to your permission thing earlier, like, you are going to be paving the way as you do in business with sort of working through these issues and and having people come forward publicly and and and get the freedom from

[29:22]Amy Griffin: that they are so desperately craving and maybe they didn't know that they need it. I think freedom is exactly the right word and freedom and connection. And I think that, you know, the telling is just, it's so, I think I will feel so much gratitude for the book because I think the book, I hope the book lives outside of me and does its own thing. And that when someone tells me that again, that's like the nicest thing I think someone could say to me is I pass the book to someone else because I think they need it. Or that someone says that they went to tell someone something about their life and they find that person because I think one of the really important points of this book too, is that you have to find people in your life and you can, we can all think of them. I hope that everyone has that one, at least one person in their life that can listen and hear and hold it. I think I've realized too, that you do have to be a bit careful about going to just tell everyone everything that's going on. Because not because for fear of what you say, but for fear that they may not be able to hold it. Or as you see, as I talk about it in my book, there are so many times I go to tell my story and I can see now in someone's eyes, not even necessarily that it's the same type of trauma, but they're dealing with something. And so there's this real meeting of where someone else is in their space and making sure that they're able to hear you so that then your needs feel met and they feel met. And so, you know, at the core of this, it's just about relationships because I would not, I would not have survived this. As I look at the other side of it, would not have survived this without the relationships in my life and that being therapy, which I'm so privileged that I could have. I still feel so grateful that I could have. And, it is a privilege, but it's the relationships I realized in my life, my husband, my children, my friends, and that for me was as important as, you know, going and getting the therapy. I love that. Well, I will be watching, rooting for you along the way. Thank you, Zibby. Thank you so much. Anything I can do. I'm so excited for you. And, you know, I want to say I feel like really proud of you because it's a really amazing thing to do. I'm so grateful and thank you to you. You lift so many women up and, you're doing so much for publishing every we're all watching. It's all so exciting. Thank you.

[31:42]Zibby Owens: All right. Thank you, Amy. Good luck. Congrats. Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly moms don't have time to read books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram at Zibby Owens, and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.