Alisha Fernandez Miranda, SOMEONE'S GOTTA GIVE: A Novel
[0:00]Welcome to Totally Booked Live.
[0:03]I am thrilled to be here with Alicia Fernandez-Maranda,
[0:06]whose latest book is Someone's Gotta Get.
[0:09]Welcome, Alicia.
[0:10]Thank you so much for having me.
[0:12]I'm so excited to be here with you.
[0:13]Yay!
[0:14]And not only did I have you on this podcast,
[0:18]but we've published this book,
[0:19]which is wonderful.
[0:20]And you were our very first author.
[0:22]Yes.
[0:23]Add to the books.
[0:23]And which is not to be published.
[0:24]A thrilled to hear you say latest book,
[0:26]which means I wrote more than one book,
[0:27]which is pretty amazing.
[0:29]Still to me.
[0:29]So yeah, I'll just keep saying latest book from the USA today.
[0:33]Best-selling author.
[0:35]What is such a surprise?
[0:36]Thank you.
[0:38]I'm very proud and excited about that.
[0:39]Amazing.
[0:41]Alicia, tell everybody what your book is about.
[0:43]So Someone's Gotta Give is a novel,
[0:46]which I usually have to start with
[0:47]because when I start talking about myself and my life,
[0:50]people then think,
[0:51]I actually just wrote a memoir,
[0:52]but it is definitely definitely fiction.
[0:55]And it's the story of Lucia.
[0:56]Lucia is Venezuelan-American.
[0:58]She's a lifelong fundraiser,
[1:00]passionate about her work.
[1:02]And the book finds her at the beginning
[1:04]after a whirlwind romance,
[1:05]living in London.
[1:06]She's a new mom,
[1:07]a new ex-pat,
[1:08]a new wife.
[1:09]And she's trying to find her purpose again
[1:11]after having her daughter.
[1:12]And so she gets a job at London's
[1:15]Poshist Private Bank,
[1:17]where she becomes an advisor
[1:18]to the rich and powerful
[1:19]on how to give away their money
[1:21]and do good in the world.
[1:22]And she's trying very hard
[1:24]not to lose herself in the process
[1:26]of all of these shenanigans
[1:28]that she gets to experience.
[1:30]And maybe we should back up
[1:31]just a minute to get context on you
[1:33]for my what-if-here.
[1:34]Why don't you explain
[1:35]what that was so that we know why
[1:37]it's especially cool that you wrote a novel now?
[1:40]So for most of my career
[1:42]up until really about 2019,
[1:44]I was a fully-anthropy advisor.
[1:45]I still am a philanthropy advisor.
[1:47]I work with individuals,
[1:48]families, foundations, and companies,
[1:50]helping them do some good in the world.
[1:52]But in 2019,
[1:53]I had my pre-midlife midlife crisis
[1:55]as I like to call it generously.
[1:56]Because I was so young back then.
[1:58]And I decided that I had this deep yearning
[2:02]to go and try out
[2:03]all the paths that I never took
[2:05]when I was younger.
[2:06]And that took the form for me
[2:08]of a series of unpaid internships
[2:10]at the dream jobs of my childhood
[2:12]because I couldn't go eat prey love
[2:14]so I needed to go work, work, work, for free.
[2:17]And so I worked on Broadway
[2:19]and off-Broadway.
[2:19]I worked for a contemporary art dealer.
[2:21]I worked in a hotel in the Isle of Sky.
[2:23]I worked for a retro dance and fitness company.
[2:26]And in the process,
[2:27]I was writing about my experience
[2:29]and then found,
[2:30]I really loved the writing process
[2:32]and that that was sort of my fifth
[2:34]secret internship that turned out
[2:36]to be the one that stuck.
[2:38]And so I found Zibi originally
[2:39]when I was submitting essays
[2:41]and kind of looking for an agent
[2:42]and thinking,
[2:43]could this be a book?
[2:44]Could I be a writer?
[2:45]I don't know.
[2:46]And she was just so
[2:47]unbelievably supportive of me
[2:48]from day one.
[2:49]I think you wrote me back
[2:50]within 24 hours
[2:51]and we're like,
[2:51]let's get on a Zoom call right now.
[2:53]It was heyday of COVID.
[2:54]And so that is kind of what
[2:57]helped me turn my eye to writing.
[2:59]And I loved the process
[3:00]of writing my what if you're
[3:02]so much.
[3:02]I still kind of can't believe
[3:04]that that gets to be a real
[3:05]book in the world.
[3:06]And so while I was
[3:08]waiting in between finishing
[3:10]my memoir and it being published,
[3:12]which takes a really long time,
[3:14]actually, for those of you
[3:14]that are not in publishing.
[3:15]I mean, we do it faster
[3:16]than you were faster
[3:17]than those.
[3:18]Some people wait,
[3:18]some people wait much longer,
[3:20]but I was not used to the long time
[3:21]scales of publishing.
[3:23]And I was like, wait,
[3:23]you mean, I just,
[3:24]that's it.
[3:25]Like, I can't write anymore.
[3:26]I need to write something.
[3:27]So I started this novel
[3:28]right then.
[3:29]So when you decided what
[3:30]if write a novel,
[3:31]then what happened?
[3:32]You came up with the idea first
[3:34]or you just started writing
[3:35]Lucia or like what came
[3:37]what came first.
[3:38]So I'm a, I'm a plotter,
[3:39]a lot of pantser.
[3:40]I'm a very type A
[3:42]organized Excel spreadsheet
[3:43]kind of woman.
[3:44]And so I had an outline.
[3:46]I had this idea for a woman
[3:48]who was not me,
[3:50]but had shared some similar
[3:51]experiences.
[3:52]I love the kind of fish
[3:54]out of water stories
[3:54]that you get from something
[3:55]like the devil wears
[3:56]Prada.
[3:57]I love the rich people
[3:59]behaving badly,
[4:00]elements of Kevin Quon's
[4:01]Crazy Rich Asians.
[4:02]Those are all books.
[4:03]And I love a British romcom
[4:05]like so, so, so, so much,
[4:07]which it will be obvious
[4:08]to anybody that has read
[4:08]this book because
[4:10]even Colin Firth makes an
[4:11]appearance.
[4:11]So those are all of my
[4:13]kind of influences
[4:14]and inspirations.
[4:15]And so it was so clear to me
[4:16]that I wanted to write
[4:16]a book about something
[4:17]like that.
[4:18]I wanted to write
[4:19]something that took place
[4:20]in the philanthropy world
[4:21]because I think it is
[4:22]a weird, wild,
[4:24]wonderful place
[4:25]that is kind of
[4:26]unbelievable
[4:27]some of the things
[4:27]that I get to see
[4:28]and experience
[4:30]if you've not been part of it.
[4:31]And I desperately
[4:32]wanted to write
[4:33]about being a mom
[4:33]because that was
[4:35]becoming a mother
[4:36]and continuing
[4:36]to be a mother
[4:37]has been
[4:38]probably the single
[4:38]most transformational
[4:39]experience of my
[4:41]life for good
[4:42]and for bad.
[4:42]So I sort of had
[4:43]all of these ideas.
[4:44]I set out an outline.
[4:45]I wrote a draft.
[4:46]I went back and
[4:48]edited it.
[4:48]I wrote a second draft.
[4:49]I sent it to my
[4:50]former agent.
[4:51]And she just wrote back.
[4:52]She was like, this is
[4:53]this is bad.
[4:54]I can't tell you
[4:55]why this is bad,
[4:56]but that is why
[4:56]she was like,
[4:57]no longer at least
[4:58]she's agent.
[4:59]There was no
[4:59]constructive feedback
[5:01]in it.
[5:01]No,
[5:02]I'm kidding.
[5:02]And so I mean,
[5:03]it's true.
[5:04]She is no longer my agent.
[5:05]But I put it.
[5:05]And then I was like,
[5:06]okay, I guess
[5:06]I can't write a novel.
[5:07]I guess that
[5:08]what I've just
[5:08]like died is
[5:09]had a horrible death.
[5:10]So I put it away
[5:11]and I ignored it
[5:12]for about
[5:13]three or four months.
[5:14]And I just couldn't
[5:15]let the story go.
[5:16]I had this
[5:16]I knew there was
[5:17]something I wanted
[5:17]to say,
[5:18]even if I hadn't yet figured out
[5:19]how to say it.
[5:20]And so I went back to it.
[5:21]Amazing.
[5:22]11 drafts later,
[5:23]here it is.
[5:25]And just like that.
[5:28]Okay, the world of philanthropy,
[5:30]let's talk about that
[5:31]because you had a different
[5:32]title originally.
[5:33]I did.
[5:34]Or the book.
[5:34]Can you show that?
[5:35]Yes.
[5:36]It's still,
[5:36]and actually,
[5:37]I've come around
[5:38]completely to this title.
[5:39]As usual,
[5:40]the Zippy Publishing team
[5:41]has renamed both of my books
[5:43]for the better,
[5:44]like truly.
[5:44]This was,
[5:45]I have to say,
[5:45]this was ants.
[5:46]And like,
[5:47]kudos to Ann,
[5:48]because I get so many
[5:49]compliments on the title
[5:50]all the time.
[5:51]And I think it just works
[5:52]perfectly.
[5:53]The original title
[5:54]was called Unrestricted Giving,
[5:56]which is a technical term
[5:58]in philanthropy
[5:59]when you give a donation
[6:00]or a gift,
[6:01]and you don't designate
[6:02]where it has to go.
[6:03]So you say,
[6:04]I'm going to give this
[6:05]to you nonprofit
[6:06]who I love and trust,
[6:07]and you use it the best
[6:08]way that you see fit.
[6:09]And unrestricted
[6:10]giving is a great way
[6:11]to give.
[6:11]And one of the
[6:12]most helpful ways
[6:13]that you can make a gift
[6:14]to a nonprofit.
[6:15]But it also, for me,
[6:16]was such a parallel
[6:17]for being a mother,
[6:18]and how much of life
[6:20]and having children
[6:21]becomes about having to
[6:22]give of yourself
[6:23]in almost this
[6:24]unrestricted way,
[6:25]where you are constantly
[6:27]being asked to be there
[6:28]and do things,
[6:28]and be the person
[6:29]that your children
[6:30]needs or your partner
[6:31]needs,
[6:32]and that that can be,
[6:33]you know, a challenge
[6:34]to go through life
[6:36]where you didn't do that
[6:37]before.
[6:37]By the time Lucia meets
[6:38]her husband
[6:39]and has her daughter,
[6:40]she's 38.
[6:41]So,
[6:41]she's lived a life.
[6:42]And she now has
[6:43]to become this person
[6:44]who has all of these ties
[6:46]to other people
[6:46]and figure out how to be
[6:47]that person in the world.
[6:48]So, I loved that title.
[6:50]It was deemed to,
[6:51]like, philanthropy, wonky,
[6:53]still in my heart.
[6:54]It's called that,
[6:55]but I think we ended up
[6:56]with a pretty great one.
[6:57]I think so too.
[6:58]Well, we did a little poll,
[6:59]and most people
[7:00]didn't know,
[7:01]didn't get the double
[7:01]meaning of unrestricted
[7:02]giving.
[7:03]So,
[7:04]that just highlights
[7:05]the world of philanthropy
[7:06]being somewhat of a closed
[7:07]system,
[7:07]and not everybody is
[7:09]involved in it.
[7:10]And that's why
[7:11]it's so ripe for
[7:12]fiction.
[7:13]Yeah.
[7:14]What are some
[7:14]of the things
[7:14]about the world of
[7:15]philanthropy
[7:16]as someone who's in it,
[7:17]and from Lucia's point of view,
[7:20]that you really wanted
[7:20]to let everybody in
[7:22]and let them know about?
[7:23]Yeah.
[7:24]I mean, I think when you
[7:24]read about or hear
[7:25]about philanthropy,
[7:26]you hear about these huge
[7:28]multi-million-dollar gifts
[7:29]coming from
[7:30]people naming things
[7:31]and kind of big
[7:32]charities,
[7:32]or you might see
[7:33]something that's been
[7:34]donated by someone
[7:35]and you think gosh,
[7:36]isn't that great?
[7:36]And I think that
[7:37]philanthropy
[7:38]exists in this world
[7:39]where you see
[7:41]some of the most
[7:42]true pure form of
[7:44]generosity,
[7:44]I think that you see
[7:45]in humans anywhere.
[7:46]I have met
[7:47]so many extraordinary people
[7:48]who really just
[7:50]for whatever their
[7:50]motivations,
[7:51]and personally,
[7:51]I don't care what their
[7:52]motivations are,
[7:52]but whatever their
[7:53]motivations
[7:54]want to give
[7:55]and give and give
[7:55]and help others.
[7:56]And it is
[7:57]beautiful.
[7:58]Like it is one
[7:58]of the most.
[7:59]If you're ever
[7:59]feeling
[8:00]down on what's
[8:00]happening,
[8:01]you just spent
[8:02]a little bit of time
[8:02]with people
[8:03]who are
[8:04]either working
[8:04]in nonprofits
[8:05]or giving,
[8:05]and it's a really
[8:06]sure-fire way
[8:07]to kind of
[8:07]boost your mood,
[8:08]because it's amazing.
[8:09]But at the same
[8:10]time,
[8:10]there are all these
[8:11]paradoxes
[8:12]that exist
[8:13]in this world.
[8:14]I have been
[8:14]to
[8:15]conferences
[8:15]about climate change,
[8:16]where people have
[8:17]flown in on private
[8:18]jets
[8:18]together.
[8:19]I mean, not
[8:20]like for real.
[8:21]I've been to,
[8:22]you know, events
[8:23]where we're talking
[8:24]about our fundraising
[8:24]for people in
[8:25]extreme poverty,
[8:26]and they're passing
[8:27]around the
[8:27]nicest champagne
[8:28]I've ever drank,
[8:29]which I will take
[8:29]a glass of that
[8:30]because it is
[8:30]delicious.
[8:31]Philanthropy
[8:32]brings together
[8:32]a huge swath
[8:33]of people,
[8:34]people that are
[8:34]grassroots activists,
[8:36]working on the ground,
[8:36]people who are
[8:38]celebrities
[8:38]and royal
[8:39]and all of these
[8:40]amazing things,
[8:41]and they exist
[8:41]together in this
[8:42]world where they're
[8:42]all trying to do
[8:43]good,
[8:44]but they have
[8:44]very, very
[8:45]different ways of approaching
[8:46]that.
[8:47]And so that was
[8:48]something I really wanted
[8:49]to tease out.
[8:50]I mean, on the one
[8:50]hand, it's a fun
[8:51]world.
[8:52]Like you're in
[8:52]Buckingham Palace
[8:53]in this book,
[8:54]you're on a private
[8:55]island, you're
[8:56]having this kind of
[8:57]amazing experience,
[8:57]which is just weird
[8:58]that you get to do
[8:59]that in philanthropy,
[9:00]but you do.
[9:01]And at the same time,
[9:02]you are trying to
[9:03]understand what are
[9:04]people's
[9:05]motivations,
[9:05]what are they trying
[9:06]to do,
[9:07]how much am I willing
[9:09]to compromise
[9:10]in my values and
[9:11]what the purpose
[9:12]that I'm trying to achieve,
[9:13]to help others come
[9:14]along the way.
[9:15]And I just think it's
[9:16]fascinating.
[9:17]I think the whole world
[9:17]is fascinating
[9:18]because you've got
[9:19]all these people
[9:20]that are ostensibly
[9:21]trying to do good
[9:22]and do it,
[9:23]do this one great
[9:24]purpose,
[9:25]and they're all
[9:25]approaching it in
[9:26]really different ways.
[9:28]And so that's
[9:29]narrative tension for
[9:30]you right there,
[9:30]I think.
[9:32]So what are
[9:34]what are
[9:34]motivations?
[9:35]You said it doesn't
[9:36]matter what the
[9:36]motivation is.
[9:37]Tell me a little
[9:38]more about that.
[9:38]I mean,
[9:39]that is my
[9:39]personal opinion,
[9:40]I will say,
[9:41]because a lot of
[9:42]people do
[9:42]think it matters.
[9:43]But I think people give
[9:44]for lots of reasons.
[9:45]Some people give
[9:45]for religious reasons.
[9:47]Some people give
[9:48]for
[9:49]altruistic reasons.
[9:50]Some people feel
[9:51]guilt.
[9:51]They give
[9:52]because they feel
[9:52]guilty.
[9:53]Some people give
[9:54]because they want
[9:55]access to whatever
[9:56]the world of
[9:57]giving is going
[9:57]to give them,
[9:58]whether it's
[9:59]being connected.
[10:00]did to high profile people who are also supporting the same cause,
[10:03]be able to go to amazing glamorous events,
[10:06]or a lot of people give because it helps their businesses,
[10:09]and it helps their businesses kind of do better.
[10:12]So there are so many reasons why people choose to give.
[10:16]And I think it's complicated.
[10:17]Some people give because of their family history and legacy,
[10:20]or their own legacy. They want to be remembered.
[10:22]And so people come to giving,
[10:24]whether you're giving $5 or whether you're giving $50 million.
[10:27]People come to it from very different,
[10:29]typically very personal places.
[10:32]And I really think there are a few things more personal for people
[10:34]than your legacy and your money and your family.
[10:37]And so all of that emotional and psychological stuff
[10:40]comes to play a part of it.
[10:42]For me, I really don't care why people are giving
[10:44]as long as they're giving personally.
[10:45]That's because I've worked as a fundraiser for many years,
[10:47]and I've seen what that money can do.
[10:50]But this gray area of whether it matters more,
[10:52]where money has come from,
[10:54]why money has come from a particular place,
[10:57]or where it's going, is a really complicated question in philanthropy.
[11:00]It's a big gray area.
[11:02]There are no right answers.
[11:03]And I think now, in what is becoming an increasingly polarized climate,
[11:08]it's becoming an even more important question that people are asking.
[11:11]And I could geek out about this all day in my whole life.
[11:13]And why would this threaten Lucia and who she is?
[11:18]Why would being in this world threaten her beliefs?
[11:21]So Lucia is a, she was a fundraiser.
[11:24]That's how she started her career,
[11:25]supporting an organization in Texas.
[11:28]That someone told me that I made up and someone said,
[11:30]I wish I could go work for them.
[11:31]I was like, oh, that's maybe we should start this.
[11:33]That uses art and culture to support immigrants and refugees.
[11:36]And she comes from an immigrant background.
[11:38]And so it's really personal for her.
[11:40]She grows up with her grandparents.
[11:42]They pass away when she's in college.
[11:43]So she's on her own.
[11:44]Her whole life is her work.
[11:46]And she is dedicated.
[11:48]She gives, talk about unrestricted giving.
[11:50]She is giving all of herself all the time to her job.
[11:53]And what she sees as her purpose, which is to leave the world
[11:56]a little bit better than she came into it.
[11:58]And when she moves into the other side of the table where she's not
[12:01]asking for money but helping people give it away,
[12:04]she's kind of faced with all of these people whose value systems are
[12:08]maybe different from hers in certain ways.
[12:09]She's got this boss Celeste who's French and
[12:13]glamorous and very beautiful and very driven.
[12:15]And Celeste, like Lucia, also wants to do a lot of good in the world.
[12:19]But Celeste's approach to it is you need to do whatever it takes
[12:22]to a mass as much power and as much money as possible.
[12:25]And once you're in charge, you can go and do all the things you want.
[12:29]So just keep your head down and stick with me and eventually we're going to get to
[12:32]that place.
[12:33]She meets other people that she works with who feel completely the opposite.
[12:36]It's our job to be agitating all the time.
[12:39]And she is a person who worked somewhere where she was like counting pens and paper clips.
[12:44]And all of a sudden she's working in a private bank where she's taking
[12:46]limos everywhere and she's got a nice shiny new
[12:49]MacBooks that her desk and things like that.
[12:51]So it's a real questioning for her of all of her beliefs, the reasons that she came into this space.
[12:57]And how she as a person needs to behave what she needs to decide how to act within it
[13:04]in a country where she doesn't know any of the rules.
[13:06]Everyone's throwing around British language.
[13:08]She's going to like baby classes where they're talking about bobbins and buggies and
[13:12]nappies and prams and just like look all this stuff up later.
[13:15]And so she's really out of her comfort zone and she's out of her depth in every possible way.
[13:21]The ex-fat life is something so many people can relate to.
[13:24]And you are a case in point.
[13:27]How is it for you not living where you grew up?
[13:30]It's such a good question because unlike Lucia, I moved to the UK completely by choice.
[13:36]My husband does not British.
[13:37]We didn't have any family connections there.
[13:39]I went to graduate school there.
[13:41]I fell in love with being in Europe and being abroad.
[13:44]And so as soon as I got engaged, I said to my husband like the next day.
[13:47]My now has been.
[13:48]I was like, we're going back to the UK.
[13:50]That's where we met in London.
[13:51]And I have now been overseas almost as much of my life as I lived in Miami for,
[13:57]which is crazy to me because I still very much consider myself a person from Miami.
[14:02]But I've lived in the UK longer than I've lived almost anywhere else.
[14:05]And I think for me it's been incredible and it's been a real gift because when you
[14:10]leave the country where you were raised, you get to see it from a new and different perspective.
[14:16]And you get to understand that the world is vast and wide.
[14:19]And that people are so different in how they approach things.
[14:23]And I think being able to raise kids in a different country has been kind of an amazing experience
[14:28]because I've got all my friends here with children.
[14:30]And I know what they're doing and how many times they're going to the pediatrician and
[14:34]what vaccines they're getting and what the schools are like and what happens on the playground.
[14:38]And then I have my life in the UK and I get to see all of these things
[14:41]that maybe sometimes you take for granted if you only see one way of doing things.
[14:45]And I actually get to see all of these different ways of being a mom,
[14:47]all of these different ways of raising kids and of existing in the world.
[14:50]So it feels like a gift to be able to be always in a different context.
[14:55]And I think as evidenced by my what if year, I really love the feeling of being
[14:59]slightly out of my comfort zone all the time and living abroad will do that to you.
[15:03]Even now, after so many years, if I get into a taxi with a Glazwee Jin driver,
[15:08]I cannot understand what he's saying. His accent is very thick.
[15:11]We can't have a good conversation. He's saying all these words in, like,
[15:14]Gallic or Scots that I don't know. And I love that. I love that feeling of not always
[15:19]knowing exactly what's going to happen next.
[15:21]Amazing. Well, you do a great job in the book with the whole notion of the juggle of the parenting
[15:26]and managing work and managing relationships and just all of it, which is of course,
[15:32]you know, the being most people's bonnet who try to balance all of the things.
[15:36]How do you, how did your balancing affect Lucias? Like, what did you learn that you could
[15:42]infuse in your character? It was amazing writing this book about a woman within 18-month-old
[15:49]having 13-year-olds because I'm a much more, I don't know if I'm any better at being a mother,
[15:56]but I'm certainly, I've had more experience being a mother than I did when I was in Lucias' shoes.
[16:01]And so, you know, I think I have looked back on all of these periods of my life where I
[16:06]have been trying to figure out what is the right balance between work and having children.
[16:11]And I can see where I have failed, miserably. I can see where, like, maybe succeeded a little
[16:15]for, like, a day and then got back to failing miserably. And so that kind of hindsight is 2020
[16:21]has been really valuable. I loved taking myself back to those feelings of new motherhood, which
[16:28]in very many ways are similar to the feelings of being new to a country and are similar to the
[16:33]feelings of being new in a job or new world. It's this kind of, like, I have this huge responsibility.
[16:39]I don't know exactly what to do, and I'm really worried I'm going to mess something up.
[16:43]And so it was so nice and cathartic, I think, in a way to go back to those early days.
[16:50]Some of those feelings came straight back to me, like being in a mommy and me class. There's a
[16:56]scene where she's in the library. She's like trying to make friends. Nobody wants to be friends
[17:00]with her. I was like, that was me in the library. In my dressiest sweatpants singing for
[17:04]Arjaca, like wishing I had a friend to be there with me. And so I really enjoyed and appreciated
[17:10]that. I don't know that I know much more now 13 years on from having kids about balancing things
[17:16]better than I did back then. I feel like I'm still trying to get it right every day.
[17:21]But yesterday at my event, I was with a woman who's working on a parenting book, and I asked
[17:26]her opinion of this question. And she said, someone once told her that balance is really just
[17:31]the second before you fall in either direction. So I think that's what I'm going to do.
[17:36]I'm going to adopt that approach to thinking about balance from now on.
[17:39]Well, there's another author named Amanda Getz, who has a whole theory of the different
[17:43]self, your different selves and how you can only sort of be one piece for a certain
[17:48]percent of the day, but on a macro level, it all sort of evens out. Yeah, someone
[17:52]told me when it was in my 20s, and she was very wise in her 40s. And she said, she said,
[17:57]I think you can have it all, but not all at the same time. And that's also stuck with me a lot.
[18:01]But I think, you know, I'm doing my best. I'm trying. I don't always get it right.
[18:06]I feel like most of the moms I know are doing their best and trying and not always getting it
[18:09]right. And the topic, it never seems to be exhausted in my circle of friends in my WhatsApp
[18:15]groups. This is always the thing we're talking about. How do we figure out how to
[18:19]be good moms, but also pursue the other dreams that we have outside of being moms.
[18:23]And so it's just such a rich topic for discussion, anything.
[18:28]So you've done an insane amount of events in the last couple weeks and have many more to come.
[18:33]What have been some of the themes that are resonating most with the people reading the book
[18:38]and the questions you're getting? What are some of the the nuggets you've gotten so far?
[18:42]Okay, so a lot of people want to know if I base the characters on anyone in real life and who?
[18:47]And I very politely say no, of course not. It's a novel. Also dream casting for the movie.
[18:52]That's a lot what a lot of people want to do. Like who would be in this cast?
[18:55]The the motherhood and ambition kind of conundrum the tension that really seems to
[19:00]sit with a lot of people, I think. And for all of those reasons that we just discussed.
[19:05]And the other thing that comes out for people, I think, is this difference between
[19:09]meaning well and doing good, between intention and impact that comes into play in the philanthropy
[19:15]and how you sort of square that circle where you are surrounded with people who are really trying
[19:21]to do their best. But sometimes that has unintended consequences. And when you as a person know where
[19:28]your red lines are. So Lucia has plenty of moments in the book where she has to make a decision
[19:33]about what to say or what to do or who to support where she's questioning how this sits with her
[19:39]values and not always knowing what the right answer is. And that conflict, I think, manifests
[19:46]itself in everybody's life in a lot of different ways whether you are in philanthropy or not in
[19:50]philanthropy. And I think those red lines have been something people have really wanted to talk about
[19:55]where are my red lines to which my answer is I don't have any idea. I think they change all
[20:00]the time and how do you exist as a person who is true to your values and what matters
[20:05]to you but also knowing that sometimes you can't always say exactly what you want to say
[20:10]to everybody that you want to say it to you because we have to exist as people in this world
[20:14]who are with each other and you know supporting each other and not always uh you don't always
[20:18]catch the flies with what is it vinegar honey set of honey you need the honey not the vinegar
[20:23]and so I think people have really wanted to talk about that and the nicest things people have
[20:28]said have been that they've like stayed up late reading it woke up their spouse laughing
[20:33]like those are my favorites I love people reading it in bed on beaches in bath tubs that's
[20:37]been like bath tubs yeah all right what is next on your what if list okay I keep having to put
[20:44]this out there because uh one day it will happen I'm so desperate to do an internship for Disney
[20:48]I keep saying it out loud one day I needed Disney executive to listen and be like sure well
[20:54]give this girl an unpaid internship so just manifesting that for everybody in this room and anybody
[20:58]who's listening I'll do anything I'll be the greeter like at the front of the park so I want to be
[21:03]in a theme park I want to be in a theme park embedded in the theme park universe working for free
[21:08]which is apparently what I do so that is definitely on my what if list um I'm really trying to get
[21:14]better at tennis I've been playing for two and a half years now I am no better than I was when I
[21:18]started I had an injury uh earlier this year and I then I had to start playing with my right hand
[21:23]and my tennis coach was like oh you're just oh no I start playing with my left hand she's like
[21:27]oh you're just as good with the left hand as you are on the right hand and I was like so I'm
[21:32]terrible in both arms and I'm still writing I really am trying to get better at screenwriting
[21:38]I've taken a few screenwriting classes now I wrote a short film script it's pretty bad but I always
[21:44]think the first draft has to be bad to get to a better place I'd love to adapt someone's
[21:48]got to give and write a screenplay of it that's on my like bucket list of goals for next year
[21:53]so we'll see what else happens after that I'm actually spending a lot of time supporting my
[21:57]husband in his what if moment right now he has just launched a podcast actually an Edinburgh food
[22:02]podcast which you should all listen to it's called eating and waiting to eat and so he's like having
[22:07]his best what if life as well so now I'm on the other side of the what if holding it all together
[22:12]while he lives his dream amazing Alicia thank you so much thank you for listening to totally
[22:22]booked with Zibi formerly momstone have time to read books if you loved the show tell a friend
[22:28]leave a review follow me on instagram at zibi Owens and spread the word thanks so much oh and buy
[22:35]the books