Ione Skye, SAY EVERYTHING: A Memoir
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[0:44]Ioni Skye is the author of Say Everything, a memoir.
[0:48]Ioni Skye has had an extensive career as an actress, making her film debut starring opposite
[0:53]Keanu Reeves in Rivers' Edge, followed by her iconic role as Diane Court in Say Anything,
[1:00]starring opposite John Q. Zach, and directed by Cameron Crowe, FYI, this was one of my
[1:04]favorite movies.
[1:05]Skye went on to appear in other notable film and television projects, including David
[1:09]Fincher's Zodiac, A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon, Gas Food Lodging, Wayne's World,
[1:15]Fever Pit, Private Practice, and A Rest in Development.
[1:21]Most recently, she has had regular roles on camping, created by Lena Dunham and Jenny
[1:25]Conner, and has guest starred on the award-winning Netflix series, Beef.
[1:30]In addition to acting, Skye is a painter, who has exhibited and sold her work for 25 years.
[1:35]She is the author of the children's book, My Yiddish Vacation, and co-host of the weekly
[1:39]podcast Weirder Together.
[1:41]She is the mother of two daughters and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and collaborator,
[1:46]the musician Ben Lee.
[1:47]Welcome, Ioni.
[1:48]Thank you so much for coming on Totally Butch with Zibi.
[1:51]I'm so excited to talk to you about your book, yay.
[1:54]Thank you for having me, I'm excited to be here.
[1:57]Okay, when did you decide to write a memoir and why did you decide to do it?
[2:01]Well, there was some interest in my life story in a short period of time and people were
[2:05]sort of asking me stories about what it was like to be in the 80s and 90s in Hollywood
[2:11]and questions about Anthony Kita's and different things and so it got me thinking.
[2:18]And also, I realize my people don't know me because I'm sort of shy and ethereal and
[2:26]igma, things like that.
[2:28]So I just really, truly wanted people to get to know my mind and get to know me.
[2:34]And it felt, I felt excited at the idea of writing my story and I just thought of this
[2:40]project, feels like it's got a good, you know, support and flow to it, I'll do it.
[2:47]And it did and so I started almost three years ago.
[2:50]Oh my gosh.
[2:51]Well, as I was saying earlier, I mean, I found it so hard to put down because it was this
[2:57]great mix of you showing us who you are coming of age in this very unique way.
[3:03]And then peppered with all the people like I grew up knowing anyway.
[3:06]And so it was the glamour mixed with like everything stripped away and like your inner
[3:12]most feelings on everything from like sexuality to parenting, parenting of you and then
[3:17]later parenting.
[3:18]But were there things that you were like, I'm writing a memoir, I have to make sure that
[3:23]people know this about me.
[3:25]Like this misconception, this is a misconception or whatever.
[3:27]And well, one thing that my mother, what was she doing?
[3:31]How could she let me be with Anthony Kita's when I was young?
[3:35]That I was happy to describe that she, although she saw him as, you know, she felt like
[3:41]oh, I feel bad for this person, it's clearly having like, you know, an addiction issue.
[3:47]But she would, she and my brother were both like physically sick to their stomachs.
[3:52]And later in life, I apologize to her like, I'm so sorry that must have been a horrible
[3:57]few years.
[3:58]I was like, well, yes.
[4:00]But she, there was nothing she could really do.
[4:02]She wasn't going to like throw me in a car and drive me back home.
[4:05]So I don't know that I wanted to clear up that she wasn't, you know, just letting it go
[4:12]by with that.
[4:13]But apart from that, I apart from just in general feeling really good about people knowing
[4:18]me.
[4:19]I don't, that was about it.
[4:20]That was about the only specific thing.
[4:23]So you take us through your relationships and your career and how it got started.
[4:29]Why don't you just tell listeners, let's pretend they don't know who you are.
[4:31]Right.
[4:32]You got your break, so to speak, which I love hearing that story and how led to say anything
[4:38]and everything else.
[4:39]Yeah.
[4:40]So I've been partly, I did grow up in Los Angeles and not that you just get discovered
[4:46]sitting on a, you know, bus stop.
[4:48]But there are, it is peppered with people around.
[4:51]And my mother had some, you know, people in the music industry and the business.
[4:56]So there were people around like that.
[4:59]I wasn't like, I got to act.
[5:00]I wasn't one of those kids that just wanted to act, you know, as a child.
[5:05]My brother was, so he was auditioning up a storm.
[5:08]I was in high school.
[5:10]He was, you know, three years older and, you know, senior and he was auditioning for this
[5:15]movie, River's Edge.
[5:16]And a friend of ours had taken a picture of us that was in the LA weekly.
[5:19]And I, my brother took this in because he was like, look, I'm in a, you know, he was a real
[5:25]just, he got his own agent.
[5:26]He was just like promoting himself.
[5:28]And I think the casting director saw me and knew this, this sort of brunette, this sort
[5:35]of look of me was kind of the style that this director liked because he had done other
[5:40]movies like Matt Dylan.
[5:41]I think was in the first movie he did and, you know, that kind of brunette kind of look
[5:45]whatever.
[5:47]And my brother said, they want you to come in.
[5:49]They're seeing everyone.
[5:50]I was like, what are you talking about?
[5:51]So I just grabbed a book.
[5:53]So I got the job, which was incredible.
[5:55]And it was the lead and it was opposite Keanu Reeves.
[5:59]And I thought, well, maybe that's it.
[6:00]Like I, you know, just I did this one movie and I'll go back to high school.
[6:04]Then I got an agent and got a job like for this big mini series.
[6:10]I think if it had petered out and was just like commercials and stuff because my mother
[6:13]wasn't like, you guys act, she was just sort of baffled by the whole thing.
[6:17]But I think had it not been a momentum and the quality of the jobs were great.
[6:23]You know, especially the second job was going to Paris and this big, you know, fabulous
[6:28]mini series that was sort of fun.
[6:31]Anyway, so that then it just like I had like four or five years where it was just nonstop
[6:35]and the rest is history.
[6:37]But it's, you know, it's a lot to keep the career going, but it's also good.
[6:41]I don't know.
[6:42]Everybody has to keep something going.
[6:44]The way you wrote about your relationship with Keanu Reeves, like this is why I feel like
[6:50]you read the book and you're like, oh, I kind of know her because you show us that
[6:54]you have a crush on him and you're like, I'm just going to show up in all the details
[6:59]like here I am.
[7:00]And here I am in the bathroom and like then he's like, no, you know, all the little things
[7:04]because all of you and your middle school friends and feeling like on the outside of some
[7:09]of those girls and then feeling like you were interested, but then rejected like not
[7:15]enough people talk about that, right?
[7:17]And that you could be so successful in some ways, but then the things that are most personal
[7:22]and private, you feel like a failure.
[7:24]I know it's funny.
[7:25]It's all the things that people most kids go through in high school, having crushes and,
[7:30]you know, how do I get them to like me back, but it just so happened to be Keanu Reeves.
[7:35]And I think it's well, that it wasn't that I wasn't aware of that, you know, this
[7:41]is extra exciting because even though he wasn't famous by then, he definitely just seemed
[7:45]like this magical person.
[7:48]But yeah, it was it is funny to do all of that, but on a film set and sure, I mean, the
[7:54]feelings are still the same, even if it's you're both starring in a movie together.
[7:59]I love how you were like, no, we don't have to get out of the sleeping bag like we're
[8:02]fine here.
[8:03]We're fine.
[8:04]Well, thanks so much.
[8:05]I am taking this opportunity.
[8:07]He's such a gentleman and so great because, you know, he just is so, he's so sweet, but
[8:14]I don't think I'm the only woman who's tried their hardest and he's rejected.
[8:21]There's this other through line of sort of the search for the musician of your life,
[8:28]your father abandoned you and your mother and your brother very early, maybe abandoned
[8:33]this.
[8:34]Well, okay.
[8:35]Should we go with some?
[8:36]Sure.
[8:37]I mean, you know, opted to be with a different romantic family and then had subsequent kids
[8:41]and all that.
[8:42]And so it left a void for you.
[8:43]And then as you sort of reflected the end of the book about how you were trying to plug
[8:47]that hole with different musicians and your first in the line really was Anthony Quita,
[8:52]which you referenced who, and then at the end you still say like, when you think about
[8:57]your daughter, like the idea that you could watch that happen.
[9:00]I know you just said it about your mom.
[9:02]You were so young.
[9:03]Like, even he was young.
[9:04]You were both like, oh, I know, yeah, he was very young too.
[9:09]And when I say it was a different time, which I've said, it's not that it was okay.
[9:15]It was just that it was sort of, that's what a lot of people in that scene at least
[9:21]were like.
[9:22]I mean, some of the things that now are just, you know, not on the table.
[9:26]We know that now.
[9:27]It was still like, you know, a little dodgy, but also doing it now is almost worse than
[9:35]ever doing things that, you know, aren't whatever, you know what I'm saying.
[9:39]But yeah, it's true.
[9:41]I hope that my kids, well, there's more communication.
[9:45]I mean, my mom is pretty good at communication, but now more than ever.
[9:49]And so, and I've talked to my kids like so much about everything.
[9:54]I consent and all these things that we know now, which is so good.
[9:57]But you have these scenes where you're alone in the apartment.
[10:00]in Hollywood, like making house, but by yourself
[10:04]and like a sketchy guy at the window.
[10:06]And you just feel the sense of like,
[10:08]I'm trying so hard to be grown up,
[10:10]but like actually I'm not.
[10:11]And I don't really want to,
[10:13]but I had a kind of, I don't know,
[10:14]pride there was something my mom's house
[10:17]wasn't that far away where I grew up.
[10:20]And I loved it, but it was strange.
[10:22]I had, I don't know, it felt like pride,
[10:24]like I can't go back, but I was so scared.
[10:27]It was a nice apartment, but LA,
[10:29]even in a nice neighborhood, it's safer in New York,
[10:33]I feel like, yeah, it was really scary.
[10:37]And I had like, you know, alarms on the windows,
[10:40]but then they would blow open and be like,
[10:42]you know, guest bedroom window open.
[10:45]I was like, it was like worse than not almost
[10:48]not having the alarm.
[10:49]But, and no one was there, it was just,
[10:52]but yeah, it was really scary.
[10:54]But I had this nice, I had this nice job
[10:58]at the same time, say anything.
[11:01]And I still had some, my friends that I was connected to,
[11:06]because when you're in that situation,
[11:07]you end up like hiding and feeling like almost embarrassed.
[11:10]So I was kind of like, my life was getting small,
[11:13]but when I would go to do say anything,
[11:15]it was such a confidence building.
[11:18]People were vibrant, they were happy.
[11:20]And it just, that's so great.
[11:23]Cause finally when it snaps,
[11:24]and you're like, what am I doing?
[11:26]You know, I just realized.
[11:27]And also meeting Adam, who is so lovely.
[11:30]And I was like, this is warm and wonderful.
[11:33]Anthony, you know, God bless him right now,
[11:36]not so warm and wonderful.
[11:37]So that was really good to finally snap out of it.
[11:41]And then have all this like, so many people
[11:43]just like, I love you, let's hang out.
[11:45]So that was good when that ended.
[11:48]Well, you go from Anthony Kita's,
[11:51]a tiny bit John Kisek scene, blah, blah, blah.
[11:54]And then Adam just falls ahead of her heels
[11:57]and love with you.
[11:57]And it was so amazing.
[11:59]And for a while, you two were so happy, so happy.
[12:03]Yeah, that was wonderful.
[12:06]And you show us like, you can really be your own worst enemy
[12:08]in a way.
[12:09]Oh yeah, I mean, there's two kind of thoughts.
[12:13]One, I was young and I should have been,
[12:16]probably just, you know, college age dating
[12:19]and being myself and not married.
[12:22]And then the other, clearly, I was, you know,
[12:26]just looking for love and didn't feel like when he was gone.
[12:31]Until actually I knew we're coming back together.
[12:33]But emotionally, I just would have abandoned min issues, I guess.
[12:36]So on one end, I feel like sad.
[12:39]And I at that point could not stop myself
[12:42]from like, you know, whatever, just being a cheater at the time,
[12:46]which was so bad and it was awful.
[12:48]And it made it very hard to let go of that relationship
[12:53]for some reason or maybe more complicated.
[12:55]But yeah, he really was, but I'm so happy
[12:58]that he really, we really protected each other.
[13:01]And we were both famous at the time
[13:03]and it was really nice.
[13:04]We were really good to each other.
[13:07]It was very, very sweet.
[13:09]Yeah.
[13:10]Oh, that's amazing.
[13:11]I know, that's amazing.
[13:12]I found a good marriage again, which is so amazing.
[13:16]Yeah.
[13:17]Like after that, I was like, well, I guess I had my one shot.
[13:20]But I'm just happy that you can have a second chance.
[13:24]So you, during your relationship to Adam,
[13:26]you explored what you first felt as a flutter during a sleepover
[13:31]situation when you were a kid and then decided,
[13:34]okay, maybe I am bisexual.
[13:36]Let me explore this.
[13:37]Yeah.
[13:38]I mean, there was a very wonderful lesson
[13:41]that you like, you know, a few minutes ago
[13:42]and we're talking about like,
[13:43]and tell me about this section.
[13:45]It's funny.
[13:46]I'm happy to include it, but also I have that voice.
[13:49]It's like, I can't,
[13:50]but I'm very happy to include it, to be honest.
[13:52]But yeah, there was this really great scene in LA.
[13:56]It was just some wonderful scene.
[13:58]Like the L word, some of those people
[14:00]were really based on some of the people
[14:01]who actually in the scene ended up like acting
[14:03]in the L word too.
[14:05]But it was just a wonderful scene of great women.
[14:09]And I don't know, I was, I've been in therapy
[14:12]and off my whole life.
[14:13]And I, not, I just was like always like,
[14:16]where is this cut?
[14:17]Like we were, I would try to figure out
[14:19]not in a way to like, I have to cure myself
[14:20]but just out of curiosity.
[14:22]And what is this and trying to figure it out?
[14:25]And I could never, is that's why there's so many
[14:27]gender study classes.
[14:29]Because like, who, no, people cannot figure it out.
[14:32]But yeah, that was, had it not been, you know,
[14:36]I guess it was a hard time in my life,
[14:37]but also really nice time.
[14:39]But yeah, I have no idea what, where that came from.
[14:44]At least there was an social media then.
[14:45]That's true, I guess.
[14:46]Yeah, I mean, any picture you share now is up to you.
[14:50]That's true, that's true.
[14:51]I mean, some of the pictures might be really fun.
[14:53]But yeah, it's true.
[14:56]When we were young, all actors together,
[14:58]like even hanging out with Drew, Winona,
[15:00]like there was, we would just be able to hang out
[15:03]and just not worry and just be yourself
[15:06]and dress how you wanted.
[15:07]And you know, we're even less stylists.
[15:10]It was kind of a different time a little bit.
[15:11]Yeah.
[15:13]And then as we go through your life,
[15:16]I feel like this isn't a spoiler
[15:17]because you were still married to Ben.
[15:20]But then you eventually, you end up in a marriage
[15:22]where you're so happy and you've been
[15:25]in this long term relationship for a long time.
[15:27]And as you said, like in a really funny way,
[15:29]you're like, still faithful.
[15:31]You know, I know.
[15:32]Yeah, I think partly when I had Kate,
[15:35]my first kid, oh, I skipped over David Nettum.
[15:38]Oh, yeah, we'll go back.
[15:39]So I think what happened, why it all ended up nice is one,
[15:42]you know, you have a kid and just,
[15:45]you want something great for her.
[15:47]I did have a good taste with people.
[15:50]Like Adam was amazing.
[15:52]I loved being married, believe it or not,
[15:54]when you read the book, it sounds like
[15:56]I'm all over the place, which I am, but I loved it.
[15:59]So I know I like being married.
[16:01]I want a good situation for Kate.
[16:04]And I think all the work I've done on myself,
[16:07]I was like, if someone, it's actually interesting.
[16:11]I met when I was pregnant with Kate,
[16:15]I was really nervous.
[16:16]I'm with David and I thought, how can I,
[16:18]you know, sometimes people have their first baby
[16:20]and they think is my life over?
[16:22]Am I gonna, what's gonna happen?
[16:23]Is it gonna be interesting still?
[16:25]Like you just have these questions
[16:27]and I met this couple, friends of David Nettos,
[16:30]whose Kate's father.
[16:32]And they seem like they didn't really know
[16:34]what they were doing, but they were good parents.
[16:36]They were still stylish and fun,
[16:39]but they were taking the kid's priority.
[16:41]And I just thought, this can be good.
[16:44]And also I had to believe I could have a good marriage.
[16:48]And so I think being older, Kate,
[16:50]and just knowing like I like being married.
[16:53]So I don't know.
[16:53]I was set up for success, I guess, you know,
[16:56]because of all those things.
[16:57]I mean, really, people should have to wait.
[16:59]I feel until they're naked.
[17:00]We're also developing so much.
[17:02]How can we possibly be?
[17:03]Yeah.
[17:04]It's like a miracle of any young marriage,
[17:06]or for sure.
[17:06]Yeah, I do feel lucky because I feel lucky
[17:10]that I was older.
[17:12]Cause you know, like really the maturity
[17:15]to be able to look at what's going on
[17:18]and not just be like pulled by emotions.
[17:22]And you know, and also Ben is like,
[17:24]we're both very analytical.
[17:27]We both love to work on ourselves.
[17:29]So, you know, it hasn't, you know, to marriage.
[17:32]So there's, you know, it's hard work,
[17:34]but we both are like really up for it,
[17:37]which is so nice.
[17:38]I love them.
[17:39]Yeah.
[17:40]My husband's about six years younger.
[17:41]Two of them.
[17:42]I was very happy to see your husband as younger.
[17:43]You don't hear that so often.
[17:45]I know.
[17:46]And he's, he's always been like a little old man.
[17:50]So he's smart, but I like, yeah, it's nice
[17:52]that he's a little younger just cause we can play tennis
[17:55]and he runs around.
[17:57]I'm a little, yeah, he runs around better than me,
[17:59]but it'll be okay.
[18:00]It'll all work out.
[18:02]Another sort of three line of the book,
[18:04]they reference it slightly as your dad.
[18:06]And you developed a relationship with him over time.
[18:10]So much, and it formed like a really nice arc
[18:11]of the book from starting in Ireland, essentially,
[18:15]and you know, to getting back.
[18:18]Yes, beautiful.
[18:18]Anyway, talk a little bit about that.
[18:20]Yeah, I, I'll always think that it's not right
[18:24]to have children and not be with them.
[18:26]Like I won't ever think there's any reason
[18:29]you should do that.
[18:30]Like I feel like, you know what I mean,
[18:32]unless it's whatever.
[18:33]There's some crazy situation.
[18:34]But I do feel sad for myself and upset at him still,
[18:39]but I also can't not want to get to know him better.
[18:43]Like when I left seeing him for the first time,
[18:45]I just wanted to know him more.
[18:47]So holding all those feelings at once,
[18:50]like I still don't think it's right
[18:52]and I'm still confused.
[18:54]And, but I just love still getting to know him.
[18:59]And I might see him in the spring
[19:01]unless for some reason.
[19:03]I think he'll be okay with the book and everything.
[19:05]I haven't sent it to him, but I think he'll be wondering.
[19:09]I just gave it to him.
[19:11]You know, I'm not so close with him.
[19:13]And so to be honest, I was like,
[19:16]I'll just wait till it comes out,
[19:17]but I think he'll be all right.
[19:20]I think, but yeah, I'm still curious about him.
[19:24]This starts a lot of, yeah, I mean,
[19:25]there's a lot of unknown when you have someone
[19:28]in the world who you haven't lived with,
[19:29]like a regular parent.
[19:31]Yeah, and it's just fascinating too.
[19:33]It's also a way to get to know a part of yourself
[19:36]a little bit, like genetically, and just, you know,
[19:39]it's still fascinating to me.
[19:41]And there is some tenderness there, you know what I mean?
[19:45]Yeah, of course.
[19:46]But you have like all these different arcs, right?
[19:48]We've got your dad, we have your relationships.
[19:51]And then there's your career,
[19:53]which is also really interesting
[19:54]because there aren't that many sort of,
[19:56]let's do a retrospective of my career in.
[20:00]or whatever that really take us in and you take us into a lot of your projects and the films and
[20:06]what you got out of it and even acting tips and how you learn to be a better actress or actor
[20:11]or whatever. Talk a little bit about that because you've also you know you've shifted your career
[20:16]and maintained it forever you know your whole life. It's amazing to be able to have done that because
[20:24]it's you know being an artist essentially it's you know goes up and down but
[20:30]yeah I I I always because it was sort of accidentally happened to me I people have been
[20:37]postures syndrome anyway so I definitely had that but I realized I really loved it. I loved being on
[20:43]a film set like people would come visit sometimes and say oh this is boring like even band who's
[20:48]in musician finds it boring because there's a lot of sit around and wait I don't find it
[20:54]boring I can talk to the writers or I can I don't know I'm I'm enamored by the whole thing so I
[21:00]knew that and I love actors so I don't know it's so it's been and I love all the different acting
[21:08]classes were so interesting to me all the different methods and so even though it sort of accidentally
[21:14]happened to me I was I am an actor and I'm not still kind of scratch my head and think that's
[21:21]so wild because I don't see like there's an actor type and an actress type that I'm some
[21:28]somehow don't fit them old and I say in the book I'm not exactly someone who is like a Hollywood
[21:34]player but I've always wanted to be and I like that I kind of am so it's it's not I don't I watch
[21:41]the Oscars and I always think oh I don't like the Oscars and I watch and like I love the Oscars
[21:46]so I love it I like the industry I like the business I mean you know the business is business
[21:52]but I like that side of it I like my side of it so it's funny but why I also like writing the book
[21:59]is people think I didn't want it or I'm just too cool for it and even though I do other things
[22:07]and I I don't know it's just something that I that's something I kind of want to clear up
[22:12]whether I need to or not maybe it's okay to be all of those things you know well you're also
[22:17]I mean you're super artistic you're a writer you're a painter you love writing paint those were my
[22:22]first like basically reading you know the magician's nephew or something and then just like writing
[22:28]exactly the same story and my like I did love writing and put you know write poems whatever
[22:34]which a lot of people did back then but yeah I love painting is also drawing yeah I'm very creative
[22:42]and do you find time to read now I make myself read because it does do something to your
[22:48]brain and feels good so I love to read in the sun but I'm the sun so bad for you so I literally do
[22:55]like an egg frying like I'll read and then I'll turn over and read and then I'll go in the shade
[23:00]but I love reading in the sun yes I make myself read because it's it just it just is different
[23:07]to it it's differently as the kids say and did you sort of study other memoirs and think of who
[23:14]you wanted to be like or not like yeah I mean I was like carry a fisher please come inside my body
[23:20]so I can write funny I wonder if it's funny but I was like there's no way I'm gonna be as funny
[23:25]yeah I was I was listening to I listened to Barbara Streisand and and that was just when I was
[23:30]I moved to Sydney Australia so I had all this time so I was happy it was so long I listened to
[23:37]Al Pacino's I read yeah I was reading rereading like Carrie Fisher's books so I was trying to kind of
[23:44]absorb and study and then a couple friends who wrote like flea who's I'm friendly with
[23:49]I asked him for advice but I was very careful who'd ask for advice because you know how it could
[23:56]be annoying if it the wrong like some people I gave the book and I'm like no notes I'm not as
[24:01]unless there's something that you really want me to take out but please don't give me any like
[24:05]tips or notes but yeah I definitely was kind of going a little memoir crazy but I used to sadly
[24:11]I used to read so much as a kid my mom like literally once I hit a book from me because she was like
[24:18]you have to like clean your room or something and I was like you're hiding a book
[24:23]but um yeah I and now I wish she still reads like maybe it's a different generation but she reads
[24:30]my mother all the time but I wish I read more it's busy that's why we have podcast and I
[24:35]look like you can pick with you a podcast I like your podcast so yes it's amazing you mentioned that
[24:45]you love giving advice to actors and actresses and creatives who are starting out when you're
[24:51]doing that like do you talk about fame itself and how like how do you feel about it overrated underrated
[24:58]annoying part of the part of the territory I feel I've been so lucky I'm feeling more than ever
[25:06]my level of fame is I wish every famous person could have because I can go around the world and
[25:13]that side of it I wish everyone could have because I absolutely can not like I get noticed like
[25:20]just the right amount so I feel like good people like me but I mean I would like a little I'm
[25:26]hoping after the book I have a little more action in my career so I would like the fame to bump up
[25:32]a little more so you know because it's really how many seats are in the theater or nowadays
[25:38]how many people are watching whatever streamers shows but yeah I mean I'm not I would like more
[25:44]fame so I can have more options but I think it's gonna happen and the careers are always like
[25:50]I'm sort of philosophical like it just always kind of comes back again so yeah I don't know what
[25:56]advice other than if you will you know if you can stay long enough in it and you know see if it
[26:03]happens because but people who my friends who've tried acting and then stopped they just were like
[26:10]oh I didn't really want to do it so you know we hear that like if you can stomach all of it and
[26:17]you really want to do it that's different to thinking you have to do something I've had friends who
[26:24]like a friend whose father is a doctor but really she she became like a writer and she was
[26:30]going down the path of trying to be a doctor for her dad and you know those kinds of things like
[26:34]who are you doing it for but being an artist like I don't know if any parent even other artists
[26:40]most even actors are like no don't even if they do well you hear them say to their kids like
[26:46]I think Bob Dylan famously told his kid to open a deli or bought by a deli because like you just
[26:50]are like this is not a great business I'm rambling but you know you're not really
[26:57]I mean these are all the things you know I think it's so interesting that for you fame can be a
[27:02]tool to getting what you want as opposed to like reveling in it right like I was in a book
[27:07]citing what there was somebody next to me who was like a famous actress who wrote a book or
[27:11]something and I was like I think I should I wish I were famous just so that I could then sell my
[27:16]book right like that it would be easier to sell my book about something totally unrelated yeah I
[27:21]think it's true it's to get somewhere and but it is fun you do hear and I feel the same other
[27:27]people wanting to delight the people they care about yeah like that's always really fun the
[27:32]people you admire your friends who you admire you're just like oh they're they loved my book or
[27:38]they loved my performance or I don't know that's always really fun and tell me about the process of
[27:43]writing this he said it took three years yeah it was good that the proposal was about it
[27:48]it took about a year and it was so thorough at the end so that was really great to hang a lot
[27:52]of things on so that was wonderful because it was that was really good I loved it I was I really
[28:01]was hard working with it I loved you know I just I loved writing about myself so I must be really
[28:09]have a huge ego no not at all but it was different you know I'd done creative writing in my life
[28:16]memoirs so different so I was sort of reading about writing a little bit at the time and I really
[28:24]really really liked it I just and I wasn't thinking so much about being exposed I was thinking about
[28:30]exposing I didn't want to expose others too much but for myself I didn't feel fearful now that
[28:38]I'm doing all the press and it's come out now I'm like what have I done no I'm happy but I'm now
[28:44]a little more afraid but I was able to kind of just I must be good I must like be thorough so that
[28:50]was it was really good and the therapeutic part they say when you write a memoir it's more happening
[28:54]now and I think even maybe in like five years I'll read it and learn more but I almost feel like
[29:00]I'm too close to it but talking about it every time I walk away I I think the pieces are coming
[29:09]together a little bit about my life yeah but you say you know for anyone who's introspective and
[29:14]likes to work on themselves and always improve and whatever I think writing is such a tool for that
[29:19]yeah and what whether the end product gets distributed widely or stays in your computer like that
[29:25]process is not one of ego I think it's one of understandings you could be a better person to the world
[29:31]right yes for sure yeah I think for sure yeah and and being you know I want to just
[29:38]be as happy as I can be but yes I agree do you feel like you're happy now yeah I think I'm you know
[29:44]knowing yourself better helps and all of those things people say like I'm noticed certain things
[29:51]that are great like you know when people are like this two shall pass and when you're young like
[29:55]but I feel this right now so that's great I'm learning if I have an ink
[30:00]just night and I wake up a couple times now,
[30:02]a day is my 20s and 30s.
[30:04]Oh my God, I have something tomorrow, now I'm up and home.
[30:07]Like I was so anxious and overthinking and now I'm like,
[30:11]I'll be fine cause you know, you're fine.
[30:13]You know, even if this happens.
[30:15]So I don't know.
[30:16]And being, getting older is interesting
[30:19]cause yes, I care less and I'm being more bold in my acting,
[30:24]but also aging is not easy.
[30:26]Like last year was probably the first year
[30:28]that I started feeling like, oh no, like my face,
[30:32]but at the same time you realize, wow,
[30:36]I'm so grateful that I'm healthy cause you know,
[30:40]you finally get old, you know,
[30:41]you're just like, you see other people who are,
[30:44]you know, not doing well or feeling well.
[30:46]So anyway, it's that simultaneous thing of like wisdom
[30:50]and then dealing with getting a little older, yeah.
[30:52]Maybe it was wired this way.
[30:55]Like we have to care a little bit less
[30:57]as we age otherwise.
[30:59]It would just be really depressing.
[31:00]Yeah, it's nice that we care less.
[31:04]Yeah, it's the right time.
[31:05]Yes, exactly.
[31:06]Yes, that's so true.
[31:09]Okay, last question for anyone out there
[31:11]who is thinking of writing a memoir.
[31:13]Is there anything you learned from the whole process then?
[31:17]Well, just support.
[31:18]I had a friend, this actress, Jenna Malone,
[31:21]who she's really great and she said,
[31:22]why don't you write it yourself and put it out yourself?
[31:26]Like I don't.
[31:27]So actually a friend of mine has this great life story
[31:31]and it's wonderful.
[31:32]And I was like, just try get the agent.
[31:35]Like I would just recommend doing it kind of by the book
[31:39]cause that's how I felt comfortable.
[31:42]I think it's great.
[31:43]I've made short films on my own with just me and my friends
[31:46]but this I would say definitely get some help
[31:50]people telling you cause I'm not in this business.
[31:53]And for me, I love Patty Smith
[31:57]and like, but I wanted it to be like straightforward.
[32:00]So fine, you know, also you have to decide like,
[32:02]are you gonna do a more straightforward memoir
[32:04]or so that's another thing kind of deciding
[32:07]cause I thought, oh, I want it to be really, really creative
[32:10]and then I just thought, no, this is memoir.
[32:12]I want it to be beautifully written but like a memoir.
[32:16]So I put in some poetic stuff cause I can't help it.
[32:19]But yeah, what else?
[32:21]Just did, yeah, it's, some people had written them
[32:25]told me to people I know that it was,
[32:27]the way they said this is an amazing experience.
[32:30]It was sort of like before having kids
[32:32]when people give you a look like, get ready.
[32:35]This is it to me and you don't know what it is
[32:36]until you're there.
[32:38]I just thought, oh wow, they had a big experience
[32:40]but I don't know.
[32:41]And so now having done it, I'm like,
[32:43]oh, that's what they're talking about.
[32:44]And I can't tell you exactly what that is
[32:47]but now I understand the look in their eye.
[32:51]It's a big experience.
[32:53]Yeah, but good, really good.
[32:55]Well, I'm glad you took the time for this big experience
[32:57]in your life which is totally entertaining
[33:00]and sort of thought provoking for the reader.
[33:03]I feel like your own life could be its own movie.
[33:05]So, you know, if you ever short of projects,
[33:07]you could just go for that recreation 2.0.
[33:11]So anyway, thank you for this and thanks for writing it,
[33:16]putting yourself out there and undoubtedly
[33:18]helping a lot of people along their journey soon.
[33:20]Yeah, thank you for having me.
[33:22]My pleasure.
[33:23]Thank you for listening to totally booked with Zibi
[33:26]formerly momstone after time to read books.
[33:28]If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review,
[33:32]follow me on Instagram at Zibi Owens
[33:34]and spread the word.
[33:36]Thanks so much.
[33:37]Oh, and bye the books.