Allison Holker Boss, KEEP DANCING THROUGH: A Boss Family Groove
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[1:03]Allison Holker-Boss is the author of Keep Dancing Through, A Boss Family Groove.
[1:08]Allison is a pro dancer on air personality and Emmy nominated choreographer on Dancing
[1:12]with the Stars.
[1:13]Best known to television audiences for her amazing performances as a competitor, all star
[1:18]dancer, and choreographer on Fox's hit dance competition series, so you think you can dance.
[1:23]She also hosted Design Star, next gen on HGTV.
[1:26]Prior to that, Allison worked alongside her late husband, Steven Twitch boss as co-host
[1:31]for Disney's fairytale weddings.
[1:33]Holker-Boss makes her home in Los Angeles with her children, Wesley Maddox Zaya.
[1:38]Keep Dancing Through is her first picture book.
[1:40]Welcome Allison.
[1:41]Thank you so much for coming on mom's don't have time to read books to discuss.
[1:44]Keep Dancing Through, A Boss Family Groove.
[1:47]Thank you.
[1:48]I'm so excited to be here and you're just so lovely like you have such a great energy
[1:51]about you.
[1:52]I should have said that.
[1:53]Oh, thank you.
[1:54]Look at that.
[1:55]It's been two minutes and already.
[1:56]You know.
[1:57]So thank you.
[1:59]You too.
[2:00]Okay.
[2:01]Tell everybody about your picture book.
[2:02]The fact that you wrote this with your late husband to many people know, then the book
[2:08]came out.
[2:09]I want to hear the whole thing.
[2:10]And if this is a trigger for you, if this is a joy for you, like I just want to hear
[2:14]the whole thing.
[2:15]Well, first with writing the book, we wrote it back in 2021 and I have the absolute best
[2:21]partners.
[2:22]I partnered up with Disney and the whole concept behind the book was really just following
[2:26]our family, a day in the life of the boss family.
[2:30]And it follows my kids and through different obstacles that they all actually undergone,
[2:36]right?
[2:37]And nothing crazy.
[2:38]This is a children's book, right?
[2:39]It's still supposed to be light and inspiring for kids, but nothing too dark.
[2:43]But it is something that they go through something and in our family, we've always really
[2:48]believed in affirmations.
[2:50]I've taught my kids since they were little, all three of them are different categories
[2:53]of their life and different ages.
[2:55]How do you use affirmations to really help them get through things or encourage them
[2:58]to move forward and all these, you know, different skills.
[3:02]I try to instill them to make them the strongest versions that they can.
[3:05]So while you're following our family through a day in the life, they go through different
[3:09]obstacles and they use affirmations to help each other get through it.
[3:13]And it's interesting because you asked if it was a trigger for me having this book come
[3:17]out.
[3:19]When I decided to actually still release this book and still come forward with it, I kept
[3:24]reading it over and over again to myself and if it was okay and how would I feel about
[3:30]it and how would my kids feel about it?
[3:32]And then I realized that God and the universe put this in front of me because this is my
[3:37]purpose.
[3:38]I'm for myself going to make sure I stay strong and stay strong for my children.
[3:44]Quite literally what I'm going to do is keep dancing through.
[3:47]And if there was anything that I was going to do to give back to all those people that
[3:51]have followed me for years and supported me and supported my husband's incredible journey
[3:56]and his incredible life and followed us individually and then seeing us come together
[4:00]and then having these beautiful children together, I was like, I want to give them the
[4:07]permission to also keep dancing through.
[4:09]I love that.
[4:10]And so for me, it's interesting when your purpose kind of calls on you and you have to
[4:15]just allow God to kind of take the reins and just pull you where he sees you best fit and
[4:19]suited.
[4:20]And so for me, this seems bigger than me at this point.
[4:24]And so I thought it was very important to have this come out.
[4:27]And then it's also, you know, for my kids, it's also a time capsule of our life, you know,
[4:32]for them to be able to look back and remember how beautiful and how, you know, we, we
[4:38]lean on each other.
[4:39]We're still going to do that.
[4:40]And all the values that we believed in and I believe that he believed in that we still
[4:45]instill in our kids.
[4:46]We're going to keep doing that, you know.
[4:49]It would actually be kind of neat for other families to talk like insert their own challenges,
[4:54]not just as they read, but almost like a little workbook or something like, what do you
[4:57]have to keep dancing through today, you know, because everybody goes through the big
[5:01]and the small and having like a guide like this where it's like, here's how we do it.
[5:06]Like what's your mantra?
[5:07]You know, it's so helpful.
[5:08]Well, I love that so much.
[5:09]I love that like that's so inspiring to hear and, you know, for me and my kids every morning
[5:14]day say, I'm strong and smart.
[5:15]I'm beautiful and kind.
[5:17]Of course, for Maddox, it's time handsome.
[5:21]And then we also say things like, which is really sweet when I hear them say, I say, we
[5:25]do that and then they finish it when I say the hard things.
[5:28]I love, you know, you're of like here, other people's mantras or sayings would be,
[5:33]but we swear by them and I have my kids lean on each other and say them to each other
[5:38]when they're having a hard time.
[5:40]So I love that.
[5:41]To your point about the universe.
[5:42]I mean, there's really, it's like somebody wants you to keep remembering something.
[5:47]And what better way than publishing your own children's book and having to read it out
[5:51]loud over and over again?
[5:53]Like if you wrote a grown up book, right, you maybe you do a reading or two or you could
[5:56]talk about what happened, but you wrote a children's book with like the words you're
[6:00]going to say a million times.
[6:01]I mean, it's really genius when you think about it.
[6:04]Yeah.
[6:05]I think it's something special for my kids because they also really part of the process
[6:11]and they were like lining up when they first got a physically touch it, which was really
[6:15]cool and special.
[6:16]So, you know, whenever you're having hard times, I feel like it's always, you only are
[6:22]having a hard time because you've had so many good times now.
[6:26]And so for me with the kids being able to see them light up and experiencing something
[6:31]of almost success in themselves, you know, because they, they were a part of it.
[6:37]And now they get to physically see and experience success of it and feel like they accomplish
[6:43]something so big, even through something so hard.
[6:46]Yeah.
[6:47]Well, you know, there's so many ways to help people through harder times.
[6:51]And one is just addressing something hard head on, right?
[6:54]Like here is how we cope and let me explain it to you.
[6:58]But this is the ultimate sort of show, don't tell, right?
[7:01]This is, this is just our joy.
[7:03]This is how you capture your joy and whether the person you love is still in your life
[7:07]or not, you remember them with such love and joy that it can infuse that positivity going
[7:12]forward.
[7:13]Absolutely.
[7:14]And I, I want to instill in them so much love and joy still.
[7:17]I don't want them to be scared of that.
[7:19]You know, I don't want them to shy away from it.
[7:20]You know, even though it sometimes feels scarier, is it okay, is this right?
[7:25]And I want them to know that all of those feelings are completely valid and real and understood
[7:31]and, but they still can move through love and joy.
[7:35]Yeah.
[7:36]Anyway, I, my daughter was in a soccer game in the rain just like in this book, but they
[7:40]did not cancel it.
[7:42]Thank you so much.
[7:44]So you are much better off.
[7:46]So whatever, you know, sadness and having it canceled, it's far better than what we
[7:51]all at that day, just absolutely dredged.
[7:54]So you're probably right in that day, like two of my kids, my older kids are way of
[8:00]boarding school.
[8:01]And just right before this, my husband and I were downstairs and on his iPad, he was
[8:04]watching, you know, one kid play hockey and I had my, my daughter swimming on my phone.
[8:09]I was like, this is the greatest parenting moment ever.
[8:12]We just get to sit here and I'll win watch them, but anyway, yeah, mom life, anyway.
[8:18]So when you were writing the book, tell me a little bit more about that and working with
[8:23]this illustrator who's so talented, she leaned right.
[8:25]So great.
[8:26]What was all of that like and tell us like the day to day of what that looks like writing
[8:30]a children's book for you up.
[8:32]Writing a children's book.
[8:33]This is going to sound crazy and I hope it doesn't sound vital, but it felt easy.
[8:39]Like it, it felt like we were supposed to do it and it just, it just was something that
[8:43]we would sit there and we just really bring up, you know, kind of again, it was just
[8:48]a day in our life.
[8:49]So we just started talking about what does a day in our lives look like and what happens
[8:54]and there's a moment when we run into a neighbor named Dale and Sue and that's something
[8:58]that had happened that day while we were writing the book.
[9:02]You know, we were so close with their neighbors and we were like, we have to put Dale
[9:05]and Sue in there.
[9:07]But really, I feel like the process was so easy for us because we just got to be honest.
[9:16]We got to be honest and we knew the messaging, what we wanted it to be and we knew why.
[9:23]And so for me, when I looked back at the whole process, it was like the words just kind
[9:28]of fell out of us really easily.
[9:31]And you know, we're actually putting the writing together though, we had these affirmations
[9:37]that we constantly say.
[9:39]But in the book, we wanted it to feel a little bit more rhythm cool than how we usually
[9:43]say it at home.
[9:44]So the one thing that did take us a second to kind of like, oh, how do we, how do we
[9:48]get the pages to kind of feel like it's almost like a song?
[9:52]Yeah.
[9:53]It does sound like a sign.
[9:54]Yeah.
[9:55]Like for us, music is just so important to our family and you know.
[10:00]we always are playing music and depending on what we're doing, it kind of depends on the mood of
[10:04]the music as well. We kind of almost pair it like you pair like cheeses with wine, like music with
[10:09]them. So it for us, that was something that we really wanted to make sure in this book that,
[10:14]you know, I'm not a musician, but I am a dancer. So music just means so much to me that we wanted
[10:20]to have this flow to it. So we added some kind of like rhythm where it kind of feels like you
[10:24]almost not while reading it. Yes, I was like, did I miss an mp3 file of a song somewhere? Like,
[10:31]was that in one of the emails? Like that this is actually a song? And I was like, no, I can't find the
[10:35]song. So I guess it isn't. But yes, it very much sounds like lyrics, which is great because
[10:40]and kids love reading that sort of repetitive, not repetitive. That sounds negative, but you know,
[10:44]the refrains like that are sure. It has a close as a rhythm to it and you want the kids to
[10:50]fill that when they're reading it. Yeah. How did you get into dance originally?
[10:55]Well, I saw my sister dance. My older sister, I saw her performing and I remember watching her
[11:00]in this routine. The choreographer was Mia Michaels, who's well, you know, Emmy nominated
[11:06]while around an incredible choreographer. And I just saw my sister dancing and I was so moved by it.
[11:12]She looked like a warrior, like she's so powerful and strong. And I, from that moment, just knew
[11:17]I wanted to dance. And that was it. I started dance lessons literally. I feel like the next day
[11:21]or the next week and never looked back. And it kind of feels like a dance found me if that sounds
[11:29]right or crazy. But it did. It found me. It just kind of moved the rest of my life.
[11:34]That's amazing. And what has it been like you've chosen to be very open on social media,
[11:39]like many people, but you're very open about your life and then to go through a trauma
[11:44]in real time on social, how did you figure out sort of what to post, what to keep close to the
[11:51]vest? You know, I was trying to, I was like sort of analyzing like how did you do that? How did you
[11:56]get through? What are you showing the rest of us as you go through this personal journey, voyage,
[12:02]whatever? Like how did you or did you just like make it up as you went along? I mean, I'm sure you
[12:06]didn't have a strategy. We're just living through it. But there was no strategy was just,
[12:12]you know, I've shared so much of my life with the public. I mean, people have been really
[12:18]following my journey since I was 18 years old. It's kind of all I know. And I don't mean that in
[12:24]a positive way or negative way or any of it. It's just, it's just so kind of ingrained in me. And
[12:31]when everything happened, I never really thought about what things would look like or how,
[12:37]you know, things needed to be. I was kind of more or less everyone's mom was like, you know,
[12:43]these, you know, individuals and these followers and whatever you want to call everyone that
[12:48]they're an integral part of me. And I just found it, you know, an old balance or trying to be
[12:56]balanced with myself way that I wanted to make sure that I let them be seen and heard. Because I
[13:02]truly feel like I've been carried by everyone. I feel I feel protected. And I feel like I have
[13:10]this external barrier and wallet people have really helped create for me just to kind of help
[13:18]me get through this. And I just feel like I wanted to kind of in any way, I could give back to
[13:24]them for being that because everyone's been so helpful and supportive. And I just have so
[13:29]much gratitude for that. Had you gone through last before? This was my first trauma, for sure,
[13:36]in my life. And you know, it's interesting because it's all the things that people say it's going
[13:42]to be. I didn't know that, but it's, it's a mental, it's spiritual. But it's also physical. I
[13:49]took on a lot of physical pain from it that I wasn't expecting. And it came with so many challenges
[13:55]I would have never expected. But I like I said, I've had so much support. And I've had so many
[14:00]people just, you know, coming to my aid and coming to my, in my family's, you know, side and just
[14:08]wanted to be there for us. And I feel like I look at 20, day to 2022 and 2023 is being, you know,
[14:17]something that chapter in my life that I really honestly can even fully put an express into words.
[14:23]The hardships that I had to overcome and get through, but I really have used starting in 2024
[14:31]as a catapult to really allow myself to try to close that chapter, not forget. And you know,
[14:38]the book, you can always go back and open that and read it and see it and understand it and learn
[14:42]from and grow from it and respect it and love it, but try to move into a new space for ourselves.
[14:49]Yeah, that's so important to feel like you have the permission even to move forward and to try to
[14:55]go ahead and make new memories and all of that. It's hard. It's so hard. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry
[15:01]for your loss. I should have started at the conversation with that. But it sounds like a platitude,
[15:05]but I really, you know, my heart goes out to you and your family for everything that
[15:09]that happened. And it's just so beautiful that you could turn it into something so joyful and
[15:14]to give back to the rest of where else. It's really wonderful. I appreciate that pledge. Thank you.
[15:20]Do you find books to be a space of solace for you is reading a big thing for you,
[15:26]your kids reading two, your kids, all of that. Are there go-to books that you all love or
[15:31]how have they played a role in your life? Absolutely. I love reading. My favorite book is big magic.
[15:37]I, you know, I'm right now reading a woman who wrote with wolves.
[15:42]I find reading to be a place for me to find inspiration and to help me find myself,
[15:48]you know, I read a lot of like self-help books, motivational books. It's kind of the space I find
[15:52]myself in. And I do. I find it to be so helpful. You know, I often say your words are powerful,
[16:00]right? Your words become your reality as another affirmation, me and kids say. And so even when I
[16:07]choose, you know, music or the books I read, I tried to make sure it's something that's going to
[16:12]lift my spirits. I find that to be so important and words are powerful. And they have so much
[16:18]meaning behind them. And so I love to read. So for people who are listening and not watching this,
[16:24]I have to point out that you have like the most amazing hair I've ever seen. And her hair is like,
[16:29]I know this is not the point of this podcast, but I like major hair and beauty, like super long,
[16:34]beautifully, like colored and sculpted locks. Okay. What is the secret of having such amazing hair?
[16:43]I have a great hair silence shot out of Vanessa. No, honestly, can I, listen, the tea,
[16:49]I'll just give you the tea. Do I expose myself right now, there are extensions. Really? Oh, my gosh.
[16:58]Okay. Actually, I feel so much better now because I'm like, how can hair even do that? Well,
[17:03]that's, it looks so natural. I never would have known. It looks amazing. Now I'm like,
[17:08]maybe I'll try extensions. Thanks. All right, I'm going to look up Vanessa. I'll just search,
[17:15]search the web. Are you going to be writing more books like this or do you have more coming in the
[17:25]series or what's what's next? Absolutely. We'll be writing more. I love, I love writing. I love
[17:32]journaling. I love, you know, all those things that for me, this just felt the path for me
[17:38]and a place that I've, I love it. I love, you know, the partners I have with Disney is also
[17:44]so fantastic and they'd be wonderful. And so we definitely want to keep going down this route for sure.
[17:49]Amazing. And what about the rest of your life and your dancing and TV and I'll just all the stuff.
[17:55]What else is coming, coming up for you or that you're excited about? I am so excited that
[18:00]I'm a judge. I'm so excited that you can dance this season. That's just a place. It's like my home.
[18:05]So to be back on that stage and sitting at that table just means so much to me. So that is something
[18:12]that I again just feel so called to do in a new space for myself because I've always been the
[18:19]dancer, always been the performer or choreographer of a project that now to sit back and almost
[18:24]help someone else on their journey is just such a new step and a new place for me to be that I'm
[18:31]very, very excited about it. So fun. What about like the new dancer? Like I am not a particularly
[18:37]good dancer. I will only really dance with my kids when I have like no shame. That's that's true.
[18:43]Do you, like, do you ever want to start from scratch with like help somebody who's really
[18:48]helpless? Like getting better dancing. What is, is the secret just not being too self-conscious? Is
[18:54]that how much a part of it is the mental game of dancing? I always tell everyone. And people think
[18:59]I'm joking, but I'm dead serious when I say this. Dancing is really just walking with style.
[19:06]That's it. You get the two step. There's just a walk. Just cool walk and you just kind of add your own
[19:10]flair, your own spice to it. You just got to season it up a little bit. However, you find to be right.
[19:16]But really you should walk in and just do it real cool. So if I'm teaching someone from the
[19:21]basics, I'm like, let me see your walk. And then and then if I add something to it, it's really
[19:26]just a walk. So that's whenever I'm teaching someone who I always start from that place. And then
[19:30]they always feel really comfortable because you're like, get your right. Just walk and really cool.
[19:38]That's amazing. What would your girlfriends say about you that would surprise other people?
[19:43]Like, what do they know that we don't know? Oh, my girl. Oh, my goodness. I would say,
[19:48]man, people come to me a lot just to be heard. A lot of people come to me to be heard. And
[19:57]um, I think my daughter gave me the best compliment.
[20:00]And I've ever received my entire life.
[20:01]We were at my, you know, I had a birthday dinner this last year.
[20:05]And everyone was going around the table just to share, you know,
[20:10]either like a memory or a moment that we shared or something
[20:13]that, you know, some gratitude towards me, you know,
[20:16]which is interesting to say by yourself.
[20:18]But when I got to my daughter, which I could cry right now,
[20:21]she was like, my mom makes people feel like they're at home.
[20:26]Mm.
[20:27]That's so nice.
[20:28]Yeah.
[20:29]So that to me, that was the best compliment I've ever received
[20:32]in my life.
[20:33]Oh, my gosh.
[20:35]And what do you think, you know, your late husband
[20:38]would say about all of this if he could see what's going on?
[20:42]I think he'd be really proud.
[20:44]He'd be really proud.
[20:46]I think he'd be proud of me.
[20:46]But I think he'd be really proud of the kids.
[20:49]They've handled everything in themselves with such grace
[20:52]and kindness and they've never let this hold them back.
[20:56]And I think that they are just the most wonderful humans
[21:01]in the entire world.
[21:02]Oh, so amazing.
[21:05]Do you have any parenting tips?
[21:06]Sounds like you're really good at staying close to kids.
[21:09]Somebody just, I just read somewhere
[21:11]that the, the, how to know if you're a successful parent is,
[21:14]if your kids actually want to hang out with you and their older.
[21:17]What do you think about that?
[21:19]I love, well, me and my daughter are best friends.
[21:21]So I mean, I'm not first always, but we're best friends.
[21:25]So yeah, I mean, I'll take that.
[21:26]I'll take that for sure.
[21:27]But I think the parenting advice I would give is just see them
[21:32]and hear them.
[21:33]You can learn a lot from your kids.
[21:35]I don't always look at being apparent as a position to always know
[21:40]and have an answer all the time.
[21:42]There's so much power in saying I don't know.
[21:45]Let's figure it out together.
[21:47]That's amazing.
[21:48]Have you found supportive other widows?
[21:52]I mean, it would have sounds like such an outdated term,
[21:54]but anyone who has gone through spouse loss or like, you know,
[21:58]I know there's a whole community I've read a lot of books
[22:00]and have a lot of friends have gone through something similar.
[22:03]Have you found solace in that group in particular
[22:06]or is it more like, you don't, I don't know.
[22:08]I'm just wondering, you know, I haven't really gone that route
[22:12]per se as far as like a community of it.
[22:16]But I do, I've had a lot of people
[22:19]who have dealt with a lot of loss in different kind of forms
[22:23]that come to me and reach out to me wanting to share their stories
[22:26]and I try to be a safe place for them
[22:28]as they're trying to be a safe place for me.
[22:30]But I do, I have like such a great group of community around me.
[22:34]I call it my chosen family out here in LA.
[22:37]But I do, I have a really great chosen family.
[22:40]You know, I have a bookstore in LA.
[22:42]You have to go check it out.
[22:44]I would love to.
[22:45]That'd be wonderful.
[22:46]Yeah, you said that.
[22:47]Please have said that information my way.
[22:49]I will.
[22:50]Anytime you want to come to an event or whatever,
[22:52]you do lots of events all the time.
[22:53]So oh, I love that.
[22:54]OK, it'd be great.
[22:56]Well, OK, last question.
[22:58]What advice would you give to aspiring authors,
[23:00]particularly of children's books?
[23:03]Ooh, this advice I would give to someone
[23:07]writing a children's book is making fun.
[23:12]Even if there's a lesson in it, even if there's
[23:14]something that needs to be said, something that needs to be
[23:16]direct, let kids have fun.
[23:19]Let kids have fun.
[23:21]That is excellent advice.
[23:22]Excellent advice about writing, excellent advice about parenting.
[23:26]You're like getting the full sweet hair.
[23:28]Oh my gosh, I feel totally equipped
[23:30]to go through the rest of my day.
[23:31]So thank you very much for all of it.
[23:34]Thank you so much.
[23:35]You're so lovely.
[23:36]Thank you.
[23:37]Well, congratulations.
[23:38]Keep dancing through such a great message
[23:40]and fabulous book.
[23:41]Congratulations.
[23:43]Thank you, I appreciate that.
[23:44]We'll talk soon.
[23:44]OK, bye-bye.
[23:47]Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have
[23:49]Time to Read Books.
[23:50]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at zibbowens
[23:53]and at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[23:55]Also sign up for my newsletter at zibbowens.com
[23:58]and sign up for my virtual book club
[24:00]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.
[24:02]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan.
[24:04]In fact, texture sound for the sound editing.
[24:06]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[24:08]for providing this fantastic intro and now trim music.