Kimberly Shannon Murphy, GLIMMER: A Story of Survival, Hope, and Healing
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[1:03]Kimberly Shannon Murphy is the author of Glimmer, a story of survival, hope and healing.
[1:08]By the way, I absolutely love this book.
[1:11]Kimberly is a leading Hollywood stunt woman who has served as a double for numerous A-list
[1:15]actresses performing in 133 feature films and television shows, including Once Upon
[1:20]a Time in Hollywood, Captain America, The Eternal, The Old Guard, Bird Box, The Hunger
[1:24]Games, The Lone Ranger, Salt, and Chanted, Marvel's Agent Carter, Euphoria, Big Little
[1:29]Lies, and Westworld.
[1:30]A Taekwondo Black Belt.
[1:32]She received the 2020 Taurus World Stunt Award for Best Fight in Once Upon a Time in
[1:37]Hollywood.
[1:38]She is a two-time screen actor's Guild Award winner for Best Stunt Ensemble and has been
[1:42]recognized with numerous award nominations.
[1:44]And since 2018 has also worked as a stunt coordinator.
[1:48]Kimberly currently lives in Los Angeles with her husband, the stuntman and stunt coordinator
[1:52]Casey O'Neill, who she met on the set of Night and Day when the two were doubling for
[1:56]the film stars, Cameron Diaz, and Tom Cruise.
[1:59]They have an eight-year-old daughter, Capri.
[2:01]Welcome, Kimberly.
[2:02]Thank you so much for coming on moms.
[2:04]Don't have time to read books to discuss, glimmer, a story of survival, hope, and healing.
[2:09]Thank you.
[2:10]Thank you.
[2:11]And thank you for this, by the way, lovely, you're welcome, so lovely.
[2:16]I can't wait to discuss.
[2:17]Tell listeners about your memoir, why you wrote it, what they should expect, they'll run
[2:22]down and then we'll dive in.
[2:23]I've been wanting to write my book for 20 years probably, and I've never just been
[2:28]in this space, like mentally to write it.
[2:32]And when COVID happened, I just don't do well with, like, downtime, so I was like, okay,
[2:36]I'm going to start doing my book, and so I hired a ghost writer, and we did a proposal
[2:41]and Harper bought it within, like, a week of submitting it to them.
[2:46]So I wrote it for my 15-year-old self, and I wrote it for every survivor out there who
[2:51]has suffered any kind of, you know, trauma that just to give them hope that they can
[2:56]heal and get past the difficult things that you might have experienced as a child.
[3:02]Well, you do a really masterful job of talking about both the present where you have,
[3:08]and well, not just the present, but your job experience as a stuntwoman, an amazing, you
[3:14]know, top of your field stuntwoman, and then you take us also through these horrific events
[3:21]from when you were little and the points where all of them sort of come together and
[3:27]the realizations and all of that, and I have to say I was reading, you know, with my hand
[3:34]over my mouth, and then over my heart, because the things that you experienced, I mean,
[3:41]just the fact that you wrote about them so beautifully, I could come to terms with it
[3:44]and share with everybody else is such a gift, and it deserves, like, a standing of
[3:49]age.
[3:50]Basically.
[3:51]Thank you.
[3:52]Thank you.
[3:53]Talk about the stunts and the way your job sort of relates to the pain and why you feel
[4:00]like you went there because I feel like you analyzed that as well.
[4:04]Yes.
[4:05]I think that there is definitely a correlation between people that do extreme sports and
[4:12]having trauma in your childhood.
[4:13]I think there's something about when we feel like we can push our bodies to an absolute
[4:18]limit, which is what I did in my career, and somehow it relates back to our childhood,
[4:25]and I feel like for me, I sort of seek out just doing, you know, the most extreme things
[4:33]I could do in my life, put my body through these extreme things, because I had already
[4:36]been through such extreme things, and I never really connected the two until the prologue
[4:42]speaks about me getting injured on I am legend, and it was in that moment, or at least
[4:48]like a few weeks after that I really sort of sort of putting two and two together that,
[4:54]you know, staying at work when I was so badly hurt, and actually getting up and doing
[4:58]this stunt again and again when we had a, you know, it took like an hour and a half to reset
[5:04]the stunt.
[5:05]So I was just standing there, you know, bloody and cut where, you know, obviously needed
[5:10]attention from a doctor, and I just somehow felt, you know, this pride of just being
[5:15]able to push myself and not, you know, go see a doctor and not go get it taken care of,
[5:21]and it was really in that moment where I realized, you know, like I say in the book that
[5:25]I need to go back to therapy, can you discuss what happened in your childhood, or do you
[5:30]want to leave it sort of veiled, or how do you feel about it?
[5:33]Oh yeah, so I was abused by my maternal grandfather and my mother's father, and he was
[5:39]somebody who abused all his children, including my mother, and then his grandchildren
[5:45]and me being one of them, not all of his grandchildren lived by him, so not all were hurt.
[5:51]I saw him a lot, so for me it happened often, and he died when I was 11, so it happened
[5:57]all the way up until he obviously passed away.
[6:00]Well part of, first of all, I'm so sorry that this happened to you, thank you, and the vivid
[6:05]detail in which you write it, even like the duress you were wearing and how this could
[6:10]happen, but part of it also is the enabling of it, and the people in your life who failed
[6:19]you in terms of their ability to protect you, their ability to overlook, enable all of that.
[6:27]Talk about that, and where are you in terms of anger versus acceptance versus, you know,
[6:34]like where are you today on all of it?
[6:38]Well the book was a really interesting thing for me emotionally because it really wasn't
[6:44]until I wrote it, and obviously for those who are familiar, I was interviewed by probably all
[6:50]of the top trauma doctors, all of the top trauma doctors endorsed it, and then I did interviews
[6:54]with after the book was out, and I think I really had to look at, and I spoke by speak with
[7:01]Dr. Nicole about this, I really had to look at my whole family system, and it wasn't until
[7:07]I read my story, you know, on paper, or listened to my audiobook, because I didn't read my audiobook,
[7:14]I really had to look at my whole family, and what role everybody played in me being hurt,
[7:21]and being, you know, put in this position and being put around this man continuously,
[7:28]and just, you know, whatever it's all to my life didn't do to protect me and didn't do to help me,
[7:36]and where I'm at now is that I'm taking space from everybody, because it's just what I need to do
[7:42]from my own mental health and from my daughter and my family, and it's been a, it's been a difficult
[7:49]road. I'm so sorry. Okay, the level of emotion and, you know, family exhumation, if you will, right,
[8:00]that it's not just your story, right? This is like a whole ecosystem of stories, and to get it all
[8:05]out there, I can imagine that would be difficult for you, for everybody, but so important,
[8:12]and you weren't trying to hide any of the, of the struggles of coping, you know, like you weren't,
[8:19]you show us all of it, and maybe it's not such a straight line, such a straight line, it's not like,
[8:24]oh, this happened, and so this said the other thing, but you take us into the most challenging
[8:29]parts of the rest of your life, which it's almost like a, you know, what if this hadn't happened?
[8:35]Well, here's what happened to my life because it did happen, and you're showing us that way.
[8:39]How did that feel? Because it's not just the abuse which you wrote about, which is, you know,
[8:44]just so painful and horrifying for you, and I'm so sorry, but it's also the situations you got
[8:49]yourself in, not just the stunts, but how you block to the pain, who you turn to, how you coped,
[8:56]and having to relive all of that that could not have been easy. No, it wasn't, but it was also very
[9:01]therapeutic in a lot of ways. I, you know, strongly believe that if we don't feel our pain, we can't
[9:07]heal it, and this wasn't necessarily thing for me to do. And if I didn't write the book, I would
[9:13]have had to do it anyway. If I want to continue to better myself and show up for my daughter
[9:20]every day. So, you know, I also feel like in order to connect with survivors, which is why I wrote
[9:28]this book and the reason that I did all this, you know, you have to be able to go through
[9:33]the things that happen after the abuse because it's so important to be able to connect those things
[9:39]and understand that we do things as survivors out of pain when we haven't healed it. And so that
[9:47]was just really important for me to be able to be brutally honest about the things that I did in my
[9:52]life, which wasn't easy to write about for sure, but also when I decided to write it, I wasn't going to
[9:58]not be a hundred percent.
[10:00]honest about everything because it just didn't feel authentic to me if I wasn't going to just put
[10:05]it all out on the table. So that's what I did. And what was it like working with the ghost
[10:11]writer? How did it work? Did you just talk about your stories? What was the process? At first,
[10:16]we just did phone calls, you know, probably three or four hours and she would tape them. And we
[10:21]would just, she'd asked me questions and we would just do it that way. And then I would write
[10:26]and she would make it really pretty. So we would just kind of write back and forth and I would just
[10:31]sort of just write everything that I want to write. And then she would, you know, kind of tweak it.
[10:37]And then I would tweak it. So we would go back and forth like that. And then we did a trip
[10:40]together where we spent three days, probably 10 to 12 hours each day just talking and sort of
[10:48]it was important for her to sit with me and kind of get my mannerisms and just the way that I speak.
[10:54]It was a really beautiful process and I'm super grateful for her and what a talented writer she is.
[11:00]And who is the ghost writer? Can you say? Yeah, Genevieve Field.
[11:05]Just, oh, it's right on the cover. So there you go.
[11:09]Like in case you were worried, she wasn't getting credit. There she is. So
[11:14]what has happened? What stories have come out of this already with other survivors or people who
[11:20]are reading the book and coming forward? Yeah, that's been a really beautiful part about it.
[11:24]You know, social media can have its downs and it's, you know, good, good sides and bad sides.
[11:29]And the great thing about having social media is that people can reach you that wouldn't normally
[11:34]be able to. So to hear people message me about how my book has changed their life and how it's
[11:40]given them hope that they can, you know, get through whatever they've been through is just means
[11:46]everything to me. You, in writing about your mom, especially who has repressed a lot of the memories
[11:51]and it took her a little bit to access them. What do you say to people who have done, like how do you
[11:57]know your blocking those memories versus not having them at all? Like what if there's somebody out
[12:02]there who is listening and it's like, well, maybe or maybe this is bringing a spark of something or,
[12:07]you know, what I'm trying to ask. Like, how do you know? Well, I think it's a, yeah, and I think it's
[12:13]a really common thread amongst survivors that when you start to have these flashes that it almost
[12:20]feels so surreal that you feel like you're making it up and not something that I've, you know,
[12:26]connected with so many people that have had repressed memories that feel that way because it is an
[12:31]unbelievable thing, right? Even if you didn't repress them and it's, it's there in your, in your
[12:36]head, especially when it's incest and it's a family member, it's something that's really
[12:41]difficult and hard to come to terms with, especially if they're still alive.
[12:46]Oh my gosh. How would you even do publicity for this book? Like, here you are. It's like, you know,
[12:52]a Monday, you and I are chit chatting about like your deepest, darkest moments in your life. And it's
[12:58]like, how do you put that and then just go on with the rest of the day? Like, is it hard? Is it,
[13:03]is it just always, I mean, obviously this should hopefully be totally enjoyable because, you know,
[13:08]it's me, I'm kidding. But I mean, like, how do you, how do you have to just turn it on and off
[13:14]like that when it's so painful? It's not, it hasn't been easy for sure. And, you know, I've
[13:22]definitely had my moments throughout all of this. And, but it's also something that I deal with on a
[13:29]daily basis. It's not something that ever goes away. I always thought that I would get to a point
[13:34]in my life where it would. And I'm realizing that that's not going to happen like that. So,
[13:40]for me, to be able to talk about it in a light where I know that it's helping people,
[13:45]it gives me just hope and a good feeling that all of this didn't happen to me for no reason.
[13:53]That makes sense. Tell me about the title, the cover, the marketing of it. Like, how did this all
[14:00]come to be at first? I thought I had, I was like, oh, did I, is that a piece of paper?
[14:04]And then I'm kidding. You know, I was like, did I get something on this book? No, I love it. It's
[14:08]so creative. So, tell me, so I'm for those listening. It's a picture of Kimberly. But half of it is
[14:15]behind what could be waves, what could be a paper. So, just talk about this a little bit.
[14:20]Harper designed that bit of it. I always wanted my picture to be on the front of it. And that was
[14:26]kind of a back and forth for a while, because I'm not, you know, famous, per se, you know,
[14:32]unusually, the people that are famous or the ones they put on the cover. So, that was a little bit of
[14:36]not a fight, but I had to kind of convince them of that. And then they came up with the whole
[14:41]layout of it, which I love. And yeah, we just pretty much went back and forth about
[14:46]just the font for a while. But yeah, they came up with the, you know, they have all of their
[14:51]reasons for doing things. And now mostly, I feel like it's because everything's going to be so
[14:55]tiny than people, because they're clicking on things. So it has to be, I guess, a really strong
[15:01]tiny picture. I learned a lot about this world, because it's not my world. So yeah.
[15:11]Strong tiny pictures. There you go. Strong tiny pictures. I was in a Barnes & Noble over the weekend.
[15:16]And they had a whole section where they just put books with people's faces. Like it wasn't memoir,
[15:24]it was like the face section. They didn't call it that. But that's all it was. And the other
[15:28]memoirs were somewhere else. And I was like, well, this is interesting. I've never seen anything like that,
[15:32]you know? But yes, I'm glad your picture was on the cover. And I feel like it's suggestive of a
[15:40]bravery, right? It's like you're not hiding anymore. Like you just want it out there. So it's very,
[15:45]you're just like staring down the reader. It's very intense. Yeah. I like it. Thank you. How has
[15:51]your day to day life changed and your professional, your personal life? Now that it's out there,
[15:56]not to say that everyone in your life has read it. But most people I would imagine know of it.
[16:01]So like, what is that like? And do you mind? Obviously, don't mind. You wrote it. But I don't know.
[16:06]Are there any context where you're, I don't know. How does it feel? You know, I don't know
[16:12]if my family's read it to be honest. I'm sure that some of them have. And I'm sure that some of
[16:16]them haven't. The only thing for me was back to school and I this year. I was like, I don't
[16:20]really think I want to go. I was literally going to ask, I was like, I'm not going to say
[16:25]parent teacher conference because that's so random. Why would I say that? No, I was definitely,
[16:31]I said my to my husband. I'm like, you can go this year. I knew that people at school had read it.
[16:36]I knew that the teachers were sort of talking about it. And I was kind of like, yeah, I don't,
[16:41]I just need a minute. But that was my only sort of, oh God, I don't, you know, because people
[16:47]are funny about certain things. And I think when you put your whole life out there and strangers
[16:53]may not understand, you know, why you did it or, you know, so I was just like, I'm going to take a
[16:59]time out. Yeah. And I know Cameron Diaz wrote the beginning. Tell me about your relationship with
[17:06]her. And it was so wonderful. I mean, I don't know. Obviously, I don't. None of us really know most
[17:10]celebrities in the world, but to see her painted in such a lovely sort of real light was also really
[17:18]interesting. Yeah, she has been an amazing friend through all of this and through my life. We met when
[17:26]we met 20 years ago now. And she's just sort of been with me through this journey. And through
[17:33]me writing, she was just a really an amazing friend. And my FaceTime calls with her were often
[17:41]and she was just a really big part of like my strength through all of this. So I'm super grateful
[17:46]for her. And she's just an amazing human. Awesome. And where do you go from here? The book is out.
[17:53]Right. Like what what next? You focused still on your like day job career of all of that.
[17:59]Are you now interested in writing more books as like the book thing itself and something that
[18:04]you're drawn to? Are you like, I'm so glad that's done. Never again. Like, how do you feel?
[18:10]I wouldn't say I would never write another book again, but I want to make this a film. So that's
[18:15]my next thing. And I have some producers that are interested in it. So that's my, that's my world. So
[18:22]I'm excited for the, you know, potential of us doing that. Um, would you be the stunt double and the stunt
[18:28]No, definitely not. I'd be a producer. Yeah. I was kidding. Kind of. For the, for the people
[18:38]listening who don't know much about what it's like. And I know you talk a lot about this other
[18:42]piece of your life in the book. Give a tiny glimpse as to what that's like for people who don't
[18:49]know or can't imagine putting themselves in harm's way like that. Like what is, you know,
[18:54]what is that like on a day to day basis knowing you have to get up and go somewhere that most
[18:59]people will never have the bravery to go. See, but you mean like my work. You mean, I mean,
[19:06]like your work. Yeah. I don't really see it like that. To be honest, it's, you know, it's
[19:13]interesting because I know everyone sees a movie or they see a TV show and you see a dangerous
[19:17]not happening. And, you know, we're giving the audience what they want, which is, you know, this
[19:22]fee like, oh my God, that was crazier, whatever. But the reality is we rehearse it for, you know,
[19:27]especially the bigger ones. We rehearse it for a really long time before we, you know, we don't
[19:31]to show up to work and like jump off a building. I mean, although I have done that at times,
[19:36]you know, but everyone we work with and every, you know, it's a, it's a tight knit family.
[19:41]And there's a lot of trust. And, you know, I've never been in this situation where I felt like,
[19:46]oh my God, I hope I don't die. That's not actually true. I have been in that situation. Okay,
[19:52]before, but only because that was for night and day when I was on the back of the motorcycle
[19:57]for Cameron and she did all, you know, cuz-
[20:00]that kind of stuff is just more precarious in that,
[20:03]you're on a motorcycle and if something goes wrong
[20:06]or if a camera moved in, you know,
[20:08]something could always happen.
[20:10]But in general, when I go to work,
[20:12]it's a very sort of rehearsed situation.
[20:15]So we're not just kind of flying by the seat
[20:17]of our pants, I suppose.
[20:19]I mean, that's a relief.
[20:24]Where do you feel like the role of love is in healing?
[20:28]Gosh, it's probably the first thing that you need,
[20:31]I would say, and that's love for yourself,
[20:34]which is difficult to get when you were introduced to love
[20:40]and such a backwards way, I would say.
[20:42]You know, I came into this world in a family
[20:46]that was extremely abusive and so I didn't really know
[20:50]what the definition of love was.
[20:53]And I feel like until I met my husband
[20:55]and I had my daughter, really when I had my daughter,
[20:59]you know, if you have children you understand,
[21:01]like you give birth and it's like this love
[21:03]that you've never even knew was like possible.
[21:07]And then I sort of realized that I really didn't love myself
[21:10]enough and that was something that I really needed
[21:13]to work on because I didn't think I deserved it.
[21:17]And that I think is a lifelong struggle
[21:21]and a work that I'll probably be doing forever.
[21:24]Do you ever just wake up and be like,
[21:26]this was so unfair, like what the heck?
[21:30]Yeah, totally.
[21:32]Yeah, 100%.
[21:33]But those days are very few and far between
[21:37]because that doesn't really get me anywhere.
[21:40]You know, like the pity party thing,
[21:42]which I've definitely had those moments.
[21:44]And you know, I just try to be super grateful
[21:48]for the life that I've created
[21:50]and that I've been able to create
[21:51]despite everything that's happened to me.
[21:53]And you know, just that I just want to keep pushing forward
[21:57]and do all of the positive things I can.
[22:00]It doesn't mean I don't make mistakes
[22:02]or don't have those moments in my life
[22:04]because I do.
[22:05]But it's more important for me to be happy
[22:08]and to just be grateful and to give my daughter
[22:11]everything I never had.
[22:13]And what if someone's listening,
[22:15]they've been through trauma,
[22:16]they're feeling very alone and really struggling.
[22:20]What advice would you give them aside
[22:22]from just making sure they read your book,
[22:24]which they must do?
[22:26]What do you want them to know?
[22:27]Yes, and I will say, you know, I wrote my book.
[22:30]I don't feel like it's a triggering book,
[22:32]which I think a lot of survivors
[22:33]and I've heard this before they read it.
[22:35]I'm afraid to read it, I'm scared.
[22:37]I really feel like it's almost like this guide
[22:41]to how you can work through everything
[22:44]without being triggering.
[22:47]And I think that the biggest thing that I would say
[22:49]is that you're worth it.
[22:51]And you're not defined by what happened to you
[22:54]or what somebody who was really sick did to you.
[22:58]And that's something that I try to remind myself
[23:00]is that, you know, I am not defined by him
[23:03]and I'm not defined by what he did to me.
[23:05]I'm defined by what I do in this world
[23:07]and how I show up for myself
[23:09]and how I show up for my family.
[23:11]And in those moments where it is really difficult,
[23:14]I just think it's really important to remember
[23:16]that you're worth all of the things
[23:19]and that if we could all do something positive
[23:22]with our pain, this world would be a better place.
[23:26]Very true.
[23:28]What is something you do for fun
[23:30]or with your daughter or just something you're watching
[23:34]or reading or eating or something
[23:36]that you would recommend in some way
[23:38]or that's been giving you a lot of joy lately?
[23:41]I will say that I've just for the first one of my life
[23:43]just trying to sit in my gratefulness,
[23:46]which is something that I've never had before
[23:49]and it's taken me a really long time to get here
[23:51]and I do slip in and out of it.
[23:53]But that was something that was a really hard place
[23:56]for me to be because I was in survival mode for so long
[23:59]and because I did have so much anger
[24:01]around what happens to me.
[24:04]So I feel like when I can sit in my gratefulness,
[24:06]I have this sort of peace that I never had before
[24:09]and I think that's a really beautiful place
[24:12]to try to come back to.
[24:15]And I've been practicing that.
[24:18]Well, Kimberly, this book, I mean,
[24:21]what a journey, so good, so important.
[24:24]I just, you know, want to like beam a hug
[24:28]or not that you need it for me, but just like,
[24:30]oh my gosh.
[24:31]It really, and it's just like very much stayed with me
[24:35]and it's incredibly powerful
[24:36]and that is what books are for, right?
[24:38]To get us to feel like that.
[24:39]So congrats on the book itself
[24:42]but also on your incredible resilience
[24:44]and, you know, all that you give back
[24:46]to the world as a result.
[24:47]It's really awesome.
[24:48]Thank you so much.
[24:49]Thank you.
[24:51]All right.
[24:51]Thank you, Kimberly.
[24:53]Thank you.
[24:53]Okay.
[24:54]Have a great day.
[24:55]Okay, bye.
[24:56]Bye. Bye.
[24:58]Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have
[25:01]Time to Read Books.
[25:02]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at zibbowens
[25:05]and at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[25:07]Also sign up for my newsletter at zibbowens.com
[25:10]and sign up for my virtual book club
[25:11]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.
[25:14]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan Beck,
[25:16]Texture Sound for the Sound Editing
[25:18]and thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[25:20]for providing this fantastic intro and outro music.