Alyssa Milano, SORRY NOT SORRY

[1:35]Zibby Owens: Hi. I'm Zippy Owens, and you're listening to moms don't have time to read books. This thirty minute podcast features a new author interviewed by me every single day, three hundred and sixty five days a year for about thirty minutes. I am also the publisher for Zippy Books, which publishes 12 books a year in fiction and memoir. Our books are already out now. You can check it out on zippybooks.com. And we have a magazine called Zippy Mag where we have lots of wonderful essays and lifestyle features. That's at zippymag.com. We have classes at zippyclasses.com. And I recently opened a bookstore in LA called Zippy's Bookshop at 1113 Montana Avenue at 11th Street in Santa Monica. I hope that you are able to enjoy some of our other offerings. But this here podcast is the basis of all of it and started in 2018. And no matter what I do, this is basically my favorite thing. Enjoy.

[2:35]Alyssa Milano: Today's rerelease is with Alyssa Milano, who, for anyone who grew up in the eighties, perhaps remembers her as Sam on Who's the Boss? But, also, she has her own career and a huge career at that now as a producer and is even working on something that maybe I brought her way. I hope you enjoyed this episode with Alyssa Milano. Alyssa Milano is the author of Sorry, Not Sorry. She has spent almost her entire life in the public eye and is an actor, producer, designer, philanthropist, and humanitarian. Alyssa currently stars in Insatiable for the streaming giant Netflix as Cora Lee, the social climbing wife of a disgraced lawyerbeauty pageant coach. Prior to that she was seen in their hit series Wet Hot American Summer ten Years Later opposite Amy Poehler, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Ian Black, and Judah Friedlander. She recently completed the independent feature Little Italy, a modern day Romeo and Juliet story where love blossoms between members of two passionate Italian families locked in a bitter rivalry over who has the best pizzeria. Alyssa also served as the host and a judge on Lifetime's Project Runway All Stars alongside judges Isaac Mizrahi and Georgina Chapman. She entered the world of graphic novels with Hacktivist, a fast paced cyber thriller that follows the young founders of an innovative social media company who moonlight as a secret black hat hacker team. The CW is developing a drama series adaptation of Hacktivist. In addition to her deal with The CW, she has a first look production deal with CBS and TV studios. And I actually already had Alyssa Milano on my podcast, I think it was last summer. So this is her second time, and I learned all sorts of new stuff and we had a really fun time. So enjoy. Welcome, Alyssa. Thank you so much for coming back on Moms Didn't Have Time to Read Books to discuss Sorry, Not Sorry. Yes. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. No. It's my pleasure. How did you decide on the outfit for this cover? This is the least important question ever. And we're going to get into the nitty gritty of really important topics, but, you know, just wondering. The picture was actually from a photo session that I did for, I think it was for The Washington Post. And so, we used it because it's kind of perfect for that. But, yeah, it was just my leather jacket that I had. We shot we shot we did the photo session at a hotel in New York while I was doing press for for other things. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna just put on my black jeans and my leather jacket. And there's the picture. So it And there it is. It has kind of turned into my activism picture. Yes. Activism uniform or something. I love it. It's really cool. Alright. Well, you have so many ideas in this book about just basically everything going on in the world right now. You have distilled down and have an opinion and a strong point of view about, which is amazing. And you write it really clearly, too, which is A lot of help from the editors because Really? Well, yeah, because some of the issues that I talk about can be incredibly, not only complex and have a lot of moving parts, but also have a lot of feeling behind it. And so, you know, it was trying to balance that line of giving a lot of myself because, you know, I wanted to give the readers a glimpse into who I am, but also to be historically correct and, you know, to push the envelope in a way that I feel like, you know, needed to be pushed. I found it really, you know, there was this groundswell of support or encouragement by your use of repetition, right? Particularly, like in the first one where you're just saying like, What's messed up? I'm not sure if I can curse. It's my own show. I don't even know if I can curse on it or not. You know, you're just like constantly being unapologetically effed up. Yeah. But you said, like, this is an example, and here's why. And this is an example, and here's why. And even later when you're talking about men, and what was the phrase you used all the time? The sickness in men, right? Sickness in men is this. This is the sickness. This is because of this tweet. This is because of that. And, like, it's like an inculcation, right, of, like, trying to reverse indoctrination, if you will. So tell me about that. And how did you harness all of these feelings? And, like, tell me about the writing and the passion Well, and all of I think the really the cool thing for me was this. You know, I've written books before, but this format was a lot more aligned with how I normally feel good about my writing, you know, because I write I write op eds. Right? I that's that's what I've been doing for the past, you know, five years, and I've been published in in everywhere from The New York Times to The Washington Post, you know, to CNN opinion pieces. And I think for me to be able to take a topic and really emerge myself in, you know, those five or six pages rather than an entire book allowed me to give issues time to to breathe, but also to, like, to move away from them quickly. So I think there's just a I don't know if you could tell while you were reading it, but I'm doing I'm recording the audiobook right now. And there is, like, this gradual, slow, you know, rise to almost hysteria. You know? And I think in the sickness of men is a is a good, you know, sort of middle place where you go, oh, okay. This is gonna start getting, you know, deep. You know? But but also just things that I'm so passionate about, like my family. You know? And to be able to write a book about, like, activism plus my personal life, I really felt like the the essay format really lent itself to both of those things. So, yeah, it was really fun. And, you know, people talk lot about, like, it was so cathartic to go reexamine my life. And I wouldn't say it was cathartic because a lot of it is it's tough, you know, to go back and take inventory of why you are who you are. And but I will say that, you know, we talk a lot about right now trying to find, especially in in my family, but also, like, with my therapist. And we talk a lot about trying to find the blessings in this time in history. Even though it feels so heavy and it feels so completely out of control, our control. And and this book and being able to write it without, you know, having to leave the house to go pick up the kids from school or whatever whatever it was, to be able to write it in a concentrated way when there was not much else going on was great. And so that's that's one of the things I come back to when I think about this this really chaotic time, this chaotic time in in history, this politically, this chaotic time just in public health, in global health, and even in, you know, international relations. Yeah. So to be able to to do that was it was really a blessing and very like, when I when I think about the things that I'm you know, I have gratitude toward, it's that I had this time to be able to really focus on this book and make it something that I wanted, you know, to share. It was a process, though. I mean, it was definitely a process. It was writing and then rewriting and then, you know, going back through and then getting notes from my editor and rewriting. And, you know, it's interesting because some of the essays came really easy, and then others, you know, I knew what I wanted to say. I knew what was important to say, but it was and I think a lot of this might sound crazy, but I think a lot of this is because in the past five years or whatever, I've worked with so many organizations and advocacy groups about the issues that were going on in our country that I had to remind myself how I felt about them. Because so often when you work with these groups, they're sending you talking points to to build your tweet around or your you know, the the way in which you you speak to these things. And so it was an interesting exercise to sort of throw all of that away and really just figure out, like, what do I want to say right now about this? So, I'm really, really proud of it. And as I'm doing the audiobook right now, it's spurring even more ideas. Like, I thought the other day, I was like, I should take some of these chapters and do them on stage. Like, as a performance, like a one woman show. Because they are, it really the book is really like a timestamp. You know, when you look back, when you read this book twenty years from now, you're really gonna get a glimpse of exactly where we are or were as a country. I was just talking to somebody right before I was going to do this, and they were asking me two questions. First she was like, oh, well, she must have had a ghostwriter, right? And I was like, oh no, I don't think so. This was I think this was all her, which, by the way, I might have made up. But I was like, not that I know you that well after our one other podcast interview, but I was like, this sounds this is so much someone's voice. Like, you can't make Yeah. This No. I did not have a ghostwriter, but I did have a lot of help from my editor and gotten books, and and they were they were incredible. But I think you could tell it's my voice. Yeah. I could I mean Yeah. Yes. And it's I could tell you. It's consistent. Right? Yes. That's true And I think what you were talking about before about just repetition and maybe why, as I'm reading this for, you know, recording it, I think the inspiration where I was like, this would be a great, like, monologue to do on stage is because of that repetition, because there is something rhythmic Yes. About and it's almost like, you know, some of them read as if I was at a protest. Yes. Right? Like, that's That's true. That would be a stump speech, you know, or, you know, some speaking somewhere about something that I believe in. But I I write very, very much rhythmically. So much so here's an interesting thing. I I wrote us a pilot script, and my dad's a pretty famous music editor for films. And I sent him I did this mood board on Instagram, and I sent him I sent him the mood board. And I said, you know, just take a look at this. If there's any type of of music that you think would be a great companion for these visuals, you know, just send it my way. And he sent me this amazing Icelandic group. And as I pressed play, I just started reading the script. And the inflection in the script is inflection in the music that he sent me. Woah. And and I think, you know, I'm a very big believer that everything like, synchronicity is a real thing, and everything has a rhythm. Right? Like, you know when you're in your car and there's a song playing and maybe it's raining, and then all of a sudden the windshield wipers start, you know, wiping in the same rhythm that the song is in? Like, I think everything has a rhythm. So for me, I think in writing in writing the the book in those moments where I am using a phrase over and over, it's it's a callback to my days, you know, protesting and being on a stage. But, also, it's just I write rhythmically. So for me, that is the rhythm. I love it. Take it to the stage. Yeah. Would be cool, right? I don't know. It would be totally cool. I would have to find I'd have to find another writer really sort of, know, yeah, make it for the stage. But I think it could be really interesting. I'm sure there are people who would be dying to do that job, Yeah. I think it could be really interesting, and an interesting way to express what I've written in a different format that still allows for for me to be me. You know? I I say to you know, I've written this is, like, my sixth book that I've written. And I always say to the publishers, I'm like, can we please, please try to find a different way to sell this book other than going and doing signings at a book store or, you know, readings at at whatever. It it's just it be first of all, I'm dyslexic. Second of all, I have social disorder. So, like like, to be in, you know, a small bookstore and and sign hundreds of autographs, it just makes me nervous. But, also, like, the dyslexia and having to read an excerpt for at, like, I don't know, Barnes and Noble in front of hundreds of people makes me so nervous. So I'm always like, how can we do something interesting with this book? No. I actually just announced that I started my own publishing company. Oh, And it's counteract, like, some of these very things that you're saying. And like, how can we do things differently? And there must be better ways. And all these complaints, not complaints, but just, you know, things that could be optimized by so many people like you and that I've had on the podcast. So I'm trying to do it. So Good for you. Good That is all I wish you all the luck. You deserve it. Oh, thank But, you know, it's it's also like it's such a weird when you think about how writers are mostly incredibly introverted and very complex in their thinking, in their ability to communicate. And the fact that, like, we've decided that going into a bookstore and signing autographs would be conducive and show them in the best light, it doesn't really you're right, it doesn't really sync up. Today's episode is sponsored by Quince. Summer always makes me rethink what I'm reaching for every day. Lighter fabrics, better materials, pieces that just feel good the moment you put them on and look effortless. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high quality essentials. Think breathable linen, soft organic cotton, washable silk, but without the luxury markup. It's that rare balance where everything feels elevated but still easy. Quint's has beautiful everyday pieces like 100% European linen pants, dresses, and tops with styles starting at $32. Their denim is soft and easy to wear. I wear my jean jacket all the time. And their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for layering on cool summer nights. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. 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[19:51]Alyssa Milano: I feel like, especially post COVID, I mean, I also have a lot of anxiety, and now it's, like, found new ways to manifest itself, which is And I discover them every day. So I'm, like, really having a hard time being in crowds after being so much time in my room, in my house and all that. By the way, I didn't love crowds to begin with. No, I never liked Now I'm like Now I literally, I had, like, a panic attack the other day. Was, like, crying. I was like, this is ridiculous. This is I can't like, I have to get through the street and like, I have to drop my kids to school. And like, it's not, you know, even like, I don't know if it's the same for you. I just feel like even being in like party type situations, like, I'm so drained. Like, I have to like, you know, recuperate for so long afterwards now. Know, Emmy weekend is coming up, so I have, you know, the list of parties that I've been invited to. And, you know, my husband's he owns his own managerial company now, and so he kinda has to go to those parties. And I don't know. I just feel like I paid my dues. Like, I've I've done it now for forty years. Like, maybe I get to just stay home and be cozy. You know? But the the whole kids in school thing Oh my gosh. It is so it is so nerve racking. And, you know, I I talk to my therapist quite a bit, and I really want to destigmatize the whole mental health aspect because I think it's really important right now that we not only take care of ourselves, but have someone to talk to that's not, that doesn't feel burdened with our quirks and the things that make us special. But he was like he his name is James. And he was like, you know, you're doing well. And I said, yeah. And I don't really understand why. And he said, oh, I know. He's like, because everyone else is operating at the same frequency that you usually operate. Like, so you can go. Like, see what I mean? Everything's fucked up. See it? Told you. I told you this for years. And now we're all there together, you know, in this in this place of panic and hysteria. So yeah. But I I've been I think because there's like, my anxiety disorder has so often been about feeling something physically and then piping in why I well, I feel this way because of course I feel this way because I haven't, you know, had a second to myself or whatever. Or I feel this way because it's gonna rain tomorrow. It's gonna rain. And that is giving me my anxiety. You know, whatever it is, we just plug in mental reasons for the physical manifestations. And I just can't like, I I there's enough to be, like, substantially upset about now. So I'm not plugging in any, like, false emotions to No lack of material. Yeah. Like, just go into the supermarket. I went to the supermarket the other day, and I'm in the produce section. And I you know, someone was wearing a mask, and they pulled down the mask to sneeze and cough all over the the tomatoes. And I was like, oh god. Just slowly back away. Like like, what like, what do you do in that moment where you're just I just wanted to go, just keep your mask on if you're gonna sneeze on the tomatoes. Like, just keep the mask on. Yeah. You know? So at least sneeze at least sneeze on, like, the packaged goods. Or processed. Or processed. Yeah. But not the fried, you know. No. Not your tomatoes. Like, and I'm Italian, not sacrilegious. Like, you don't sneeze on tomatoes for the love The secret of ground of the Secret ground of of ancestors forgotten. Oh my gosh. But it is really something. Well, I was so happy to see in your book that you talk about anxiety and how you felt about it and even your experience with COVID and just all that stuff that so many people are feeling now. It's just, you know, in the midst of your it's almost like you were like a minister or something, right, getting up and giving like a sermon or a speech or something about it. And yet then we get these like glimpses into like what's behind that. And that was very almost comforting in a way in the midst of your, you know, justified rage at so many things that's going on. Anyway, I thought it was such a nice balance that you struck. Yeah, it was, that was the challenge of writing this book because, you know, I didn't want it to be like me getting up on my soapbox and preaching how people should feel. I do give I always give sermons, but it's more about, like, this is where I am right now, and, I don't know, come with me if you're also on that journey. And if not, you can be troll y and troll me on the Internet. Like, it's just it is what it is. You know? Yeah. Well, this was amazing. So aside from turning this into a one woman show, like, do you what do you and knowing the constraints of, like, what makes all of us wanna, like, have panic attacks or whatever Yeah. What are the plans for, like, how you can promote this book? Have you come up with anything? I think do a lot of virtual things. Yeah. I mean, I just I just signed, I don't know, I wanna say 2,500 books. Oh my lord. I it took me it took me six days. Oh my gosh. I don't even understand, honestly, autographs. I I don't understand it. Yeah. I don't Why is it so great? I mean, I'd so much rather, like, take a picture. Like, I I don't know. Have a conversation or I don't know. The the anyway, I think I think that probably goes there's probably some interesting history about The autograph. Autographs. Yeah. The autograph. That up. That's a good point. Yeah. I bet there is some kind of because I remember being little, like, little little and having an autograph book. Ugh. My kids at Disney World, they, like, run around Really? That's what I was just gonna Hey. That's exactly what I was just gonna say is I would take, you know, my little autograph book, and when we'd go to Disneyland, I would get Mickey's autograph. And, you know, Snow White, I remember she kissed one of the pages with her red lipstick, and I do that sometimes. Like, if I'm wearing lipstick, I'll, like, I'll I'll be I'm just, you know, Snow White. Just I kiss the page where I sign it because that is gotta be more interesting, I think. There There must be some parody where, like, people are, like, licking autographed pages. Yeah. They're, like, taking it to, like, a full on experience. Using it as toilet paper or, like, some ridiculous thing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Great. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what that is, but, you know, I am going to try very hard to push myself to do some in person events, too, because I really believe in the book. Yeah. Well, I think in smaller settings, it can be super powerful to connect with authors and readers, and it's amazing. And outside. Outside. Like, if we could figure out a way to do it outside a bookstore. Yeah, that's true. Well, I have to warn you before you come, New York is really crowded right now. All of a sudden, they're like a I mean, I don't know, last year was like empty here, and now it's it's just, hard, it's just really crowded. I think that's good. I think that's good. It's probably good for the city. You know, my family, who still lives in Brooklyn, they have been talking about how sad New York seems and how the buzz that was so prominent and such a huge part of New York's identity didn't feel that way anymore. So maybe what you're feeling is that maybe that's coming back a little bit. And I think we need to celebrate that. You're right. I will reframe. I'm going to take James' advice through you. Yes. I get it. I can send you a little piece of the bill or something like that. Okay. Excellent. Anyway. Okay. Do you have any advice for aspiring authors? Write every day. Just write. It doesn't matter about, like, what you write about. It doesn't matter if you're working on a specific project. Just write. And then the other thing I would say is is don't be afraid to put a lot of yourself in the book, even if it's not a memoir or a book of essays about how you feel, even if it's a a total fiction story, what will set it apart from the other authors and the other books is that there's part of you in there. Yeah. And just to be patient. It takes a lot of patience to be a writer. It really does. Because the process is not immediate. Right? It's kind of like being a parent. Yeah. Right. You put in the work, and then you hope for the best. You hope it'll turn out okay. But sometimes you have to throw it out. I don't know what that equivalent would be. But you can't throw out your children. Not advocating. Maybe you try a parenting technique that someone else said was good and it's a total disaster. Then you move on, but you have to try it to get to where you, you know, feel better. Yeah. Yeah. I love that your books behind you are color coordinated. Yes. Well, you're welcome to come when you're in New York. You can come hang out. That is so cool. I need to do that with my books. I did it. Yeah. After COVID, I took every book in this whole room and put it on the floor and redid it. That's awesome. Yeah. I don't know. So I love it. Awesome. Alright. Well, and if you ever wanna talk more about the publishing stuff and Yes. I would love to hear about or whatever. You know, I'm we launched on Monday, and Good for you. Exciting right now. And we have a great team of people and acquiring books and stuff. So I wanna help people, you know, get their books in the world in the best ways for them too. So I love that you're doing that. It's so awesome. Thank you. And needed. To continue to do something one way doesn't mean it's the right way. It's just it's one way of doing it. So the fact that you're able to, yeah, let's let's set up a Zoom where you can fill me in. Perfect. Love to. Okay. Awesome. Thank you All right. So Thank you. Thanks for your support. Really appreciate it. Talking about the book. Of course. Now I have to go find myself a jacket. Take care. Bye bye. Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Zibby Owens and at moms don't have time to read books. Also sign up for my newsletter at zibbyowens.com and sign up for my virtual book club and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week. Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texture Sound for the sound editing, and thank you to Morning Moon Productions for providing this fantastic intro and outro music.