Julianna Margulies, SUNSHINE GIRL: An Unexpected Life
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[0:41]Julieta Marguliz is the author of Sunshine Girl An Unexpected Life, which is now available
[0:46]in paperback.
[0:48]As an Emmy, Golden Globe, and Screen Actors Guild Award winner, Julieta Marguliz has achieved
[0:52]success in television, theater, and film.
[0:55]She starred as Alicia Florick on the long-running hit CVS Show The Good Wife, which
[0:59]she also produced, and is also well known for her role as one of the original cast members
[1:04]of ER.
[1:05]More recently, she has starred on critically acclaimed series, including The Morning Show,
[1:10]Billions, and the Hot Zone.
[1:11]She's been involved with Project ALS in Erin's Law, and is also a board member of the
[1:15]New York City-based MCC Theater Company.
[1:18]We had the best time.
[1:19]I had the best time.
[1:20]I hope she did recording this podcast, and it was just such a thrill, and her memoir is
[1:25]really great, and I learned so much about her.
[1:27]And you will too.
[1:28]Welcome, Julieta.
[1:29]Thank you so much for coming on Moms.
[1:31]Don't have time to read books, to discuss Sunshine Girl An Unexpected Life now in paperback.
[1:36]Thank you.
[1:37]Thanks for having me.
[1:38]Oh, it's such a treat.
[1:39]I mean, I had no idea, I mean, as you don't with most people who you don't actually
[1:44]know, I had no idea about your whole childhood.
[1:46]How much you moved, what your mom was like, your dad, your family, how much you moved
[1:50]around all these different cultures you were exposed to.
[1:54]Every time you moved, I'm like, come on, she's not going to move again.
[1:57]Really, again?
[1:58]What was that?
[1:59]What was that like for you?
[2:02]It was difficult, because it was so, every year was an unknown.
[2:07]There was no security in that, never knowing what, you know, forget what house or school
[2:11]you're going to, what country you're going to be living in.
[2:14]And the bigger thing, I think for me was, will I be near my dad?
[2:18]So I think children of divorce go through so much pain when their parents separate,
[2:24]which I didn't because I was a year old when they, when they separated.
[2:29]But my dad had always been a constant in my life.
[2:31]And so when, when it went to sort of twice a year, maybe that I was seeing him, when
[2:37]my mother moved me and one of my sisters back to England.
[2:41]And then when my father moved back to England, once we got back to the States, it was just,
[2:45]it gave me tremendous resilience.
[2:47]And then I realized I had to fend for myself, which is, which is probably a good thing
[2:51]too, in many ways, because I developed a strength.
[2:55]I don't know if I would have had had that not been the case, right?
[2:59]There's always, you always have to look for the silver lining.
[3:01]And I think that's sort of the purpose of my, of my book and the telling of my journey
[3:06]is that I didn't realize until I was much older, that I could create my own narrative
[3:13]from my own life.
[3:15]I think we live in the shadow of our childhoods for years.
[3:20]And we put our parents up on a pedestal no matter how wonderful they are, how terrible
[3:26]they are.
[3:28]My parents were both incredibly loving, but incredibly vacant.
[3:33]And so the silver lining of that for me was that I felt love.
[3:38]And they, they always were my, they were my biggest champions.
[3:41]I mean, you know, they championed me, there was nothing I couldn't do in their eyes.
[3:46]And yet I didn't have a, a soft landing, you know, I had no one fall back on.
[3:53]And no one to depend on, but myself.
[3:56]So the silver lining of that was that I became very reliable.
[3:59]But in the midst of it, you know, as I was becoming a woman, I made poor choices in my
[4:05]relationships with men, because I was used to walking on eggshells and I was used to
[4:11]not knowing.
[4:12]And I got good at navigating that.
[4:15]And I, you know, when I turned 35, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
[4:20]Like wait, this, this actually doesn't have to be my life.
[4:23]I don't have to be in pain all the time.
[4:25]Just because this, you know, my career was going great, doesn't mean my personal life has
[4:29]to be awful.
[4:30]It sort of felt like I was balancing, you know, okay, I've got the career down.
[4:35]Now let me suffer.
[4:38]So I really wanted people to sort of see that like, you can come out of all this chaos
[4:46]and create your own calm.
[4:48]If you really do the work, if you really do the, the deep down thinking of how did
[4:54]I get here and where do I want to go?
[4:56]And that can be really painful.
[4:59]There were parts of this memoir I wrote that I would look at the screen and it was just
[5:03]blank.
[5:04]And I'd be like, you know, this is too hard.
[5:07]I've got nothing.
[5:08]I'm, I'm good for the day.
[5:09]I'm going to walk away from my computer.
[5:12]And then there were days where I sat down and four hours would fly by and I didn't even
[5:17]realize I had been sitting there for four hours because it all just came flowing out of
[5:22]me.
[5:23]And the gift that this book gave me was once I had it all done and I let it out into
[5:30]the universe.
[5:32]I feel lighter.
[5:35]Even though I had worked all that stuff out and I knew it intellectually, writing it
[5:39]down on the page.
[5:40]And that's why I always say to my friends, we're going through a hard time or can't, you
[5:43]know, figure something out.
[5:44]I always, I always say to them, write it down.
[5:49]Even if no one's going to see it, write it down on the page because once you see it,
[5:54]you can let it go.
[5:56]But until you see it, you're going to be carrying it with you.
[6:01]And that's toxic.
[6:02]So, and so I really wanted to look at it.
[6:05]I wanted to live my life toxic free and that includes my relationships with my parents.
[6:11]You know, I needed a forgiveness from them in order to move on and I, and I, you know,
[6:16]it's not just words to really hear a parent say, I'm sorry.
[6:22]Parents so rarely tell their children, I'm sorry because it gives them a disadvantage, right?
[6:29]And why are the children going to listen to them again?
[6:32]And I really learned from that experience, when I'm wrong with my own child, I have,
[6:38]on occasion said to him, you were right and I was wrong and I apologize because I want
[6:43]him to learn that it's okay to apologize in life.
[6:47]It doesn't make you a weaker person.
[6:49]It makes you a stronger person and a more reliable person.
[6:53]So those are sort of the lessons I took away and the lessons I wanted to pay forward
[6:57]because I think a lot of, especially women, you know, we feel like we're supposed to do
[7:04]it all, we're, you know, work balance, work life balance, is that what they say?
[7:10]And that's why I wanted to show the underbelly of what it was like to be on the good
[7:14]wife, which I know on the outside looked so glamorous.
[7:17]Look at her.
[7:18]You know, she's got this incredible job and I did, I loved every minute of it.
[7:24]The juggling I was doing to survive was ridiculous.
[7:30]You know, I would never do that again.
[7:32]I was just no way and I got sick because of it, you know, because I kept powering through.
[7:39]So yeah, so I think I sort of tried to blend it all into one to show the childhood
[7:44]part, the journey to the adulthood part, the mess of the adulthood part from the childhood
[7:50]part and then the clarity of truly coming into my own as a woman.
[7:55]Well, I see why for you writing made such a difference because you can't read this book
[8:02]without having empathy for what it was like for you as a child and sort of forgive it.
[8:08]Whoever you become, right, when you see the way that it started out and the unpredictability
[8:13]and even little moments, like when you got off that plane and London and your mom wasn't
[8:18]there.
[8:19]And then you showed us the picture of what you were like and I was like, oh my gosh, I
[8:22]can't believe she was just like thinking she was going to go to prison for, you know,
[8:25]like just not being able to count on someone who's supposed to be the bedrock.
[8:31]It has to lead you in a certain way.
[8:33]And then I just thought it was so amazing as you were saying about forgiveness, like
[8:37]even with your dad's letter and sort of reshaping the way that your life had gone and making
[8:44]it into new memories for you and sort of just understanding analytically so you can move
[8:49]on emotionally.
[8:50]I thought it was, I mean, it's really amazing.
[8:52]Oh, thank you.
[8:53]Yeah.
[8:54]And that's also why you need a really good editor because I had originally written
[8:59]just excerpts of that letter and sort of interwoven with my own dialogue.
[9:04]And my editor called me and after she read that chapter and she said, I need the
[9:08]whole letter.
[9:10]And I said, oh, God, really?
[9:12]You think anyone's interested in the whole letter?
[9:15]And she said, 100% we need the whole letter.
[9:18]And what was amazing about that was I wrote it with trepidation, the whole letter.
[9:23]But the response to that letter has been remarkable from readers, just saying that's
[9:28]where they broke down in the book.
[9:31]That's where they were sobbing because they couldn't.
[9:34]And also to be able to show the parent side of things, you know, like it allowed me to
[9:40]understand we're all just human, you know, doing the best we can.
[9:44]And we're flawed and we're juggling.
[9:47]And my dad was just felt that he was up against a wall and he thought he, look, I'm supporting
[9:52]them.
[9:53]I'm giving them an education and I'm, you know, and then to hear, so to see my side of it,
[9:57]to understand it, to hear his side of it, and to realize, like,
[10:00]You don't have to walk around with this case load of anger towards your parents for not being there. How about you ask them, why?
[10:08]Yep.
[10:09]And I'm lucky. I know how lucky I am that I had parents who were, you know, they were receptive to that because I'm sure a lot of parents, especially of my parents' generation would just sort of pretend they didn't hear it or not respond or defend themselves.
[10:25]My parents were very open and, and for me, you know, when my dad suddenly died and it was so strangely sudden to have this vegetarian man who didn't drink or smoke like dropped dead at 79 of a stomach aneurysm was so out of left field for all of us.
[10:42]But because I had done all the work with him, there was, there was no unfinished business, you know, I only felt love when you died and grief and you can really work through love and grief.
[10:55]It's very hard to work through anger and grief.
[10:59]Very true.
[11:00]Yeah, so that's what I always try to tell my friends who have, you know, difficult relationships with their parents as adults.
[11:09]And I don't think we've explored that enough either, you know, I think, I think we need to explore what it is to be an adult and and still have a relationship with your parents and be able to find the love, you know, not just not, I didn't want to complain anymore.
[11:28]And I didn't, I didn't want to still have the same baggage with my parents because you bring that into a marriage.
[11:37]You just do. There's no way you don't.
[11:40]And if you just block it out, you're still holding on to something toxic.
[11:43]So it's cathartic to write it down and just to see your feelings on the page and then be able to work through them.
[11:51]And also because I think as as crazy as my mother was, she's such a fascinating character. I mean, I'd love to play her one day.
[12:01]You should.
[12:03]So it's good storytelling, you know, because no one would believe it who's going to believe that, you know, a 15 year old comes home and her mother is living with a 21 year old man.
[12:12]I mean, you know, and how do you navigate that as a 15 year old when the boyfriend's much closer to your age than your mother's age.
[12:19]You were like, he has acne. He has acne. That's how young he is.
[12:24]I kind of believe it. I mean, I was like, are you kidding me? It's got acne. Doesn't she see it?
[12:29]She didn't.
[12:30]But we joke about it now a lot. I mean, my mom.
[12:33]My mom is almost 87 and just last August, I had to move her into assisted living because she has beginning stages of dementia, which has been really interesting to navigate also because her narrative of my childhood
[12:47]and her own childhood has complete selective narration.
[12:51]I bet.
[12:53]And I actually, I think there's another book in there too just to sort of the journey of of an aging parent who's falling ill and how we, you know, how, how do we get through it without letting it push our buttons?
[13:06]How do we react in a kind empathetic way rather than an angry like, you know, go back to that childhood reaction when she triggers me?
[13:15]So it's been, it's been a fascinating journey that way too.
[13:19]Well, I think you're right. I feel like you're only really an adult when it, you can put down the stuff that is all that when you stop living your life about your, your own parents.
[13:29]Like when my mom was finally like, you know what, I did the best I could, you know, sorry.
[13:33]And I'm like, you know what, she didn't. That's what I'm trying to do now as a parent.
[13:36]Like that's all any of us can really do and maybe we'll make mistakes, but, you know, moving on.
[13:41]Yeah, I mean, that's all you can do. The best you can do.
[13:44]You know, I mean, I have, and don't we deal with it every day on like a, you know, I don't want to say mundane level, but I mean, just today, like I have a back to back day and then I have this event, I have to go to you tonight.
[13:56]And what about dinner?
[13:59]So I'm like, I make sure, run and take the dog out early and then, and then, oh my God, I've got to go shopping and I've got to get food. What do they want? And then you have to think about what they want to eat like just the littleest things.
[14:09]It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is when you're a working parent, you know, and of course they could just order in.
[14:16]But my, the mother and me wants them to open the fridge and see, oh, we have a choice of this this and that, you know, all these crazy things we do because God forbid my child grows up to say my mother was never home to make me dinner.
[14:28]That's like, that's like a state just drive a stake through my heart.
[14:34]So I hope that's the, the only thing has to complain about when he's on the shrink's couch, but it is and then there's that point to when it when you come from the parent, you know, like especially someone like my mother and I write in the book, you know, she, she definitely did not cross her teaser dot her eyes.
[14:50]I mean, it is shocking that we got through any of it, but then am I doing too much for my kid now.
[14:56]Am I, am I doing so much that he won't be able to fend for himself and I panic about that all the time and I try and stop myself.
[15:03]Constantly there's this monologue like just because you can do it better doesn't mean you should do it.
[15:09]Let him do it and learn, you know, so hard that it's so hard.
[15:14]When you're watching them struggle right.
[15:16]Yes.
[15:17]I'm like, let me just tell you that she is it's fine.
[15:20]We're caught because we're always in a rush and we'll always go going.
[15:22]I mean, that was the silver lining of the pandemic for me was just this sudden.
[15:28]Stillness and the time to really enjoy cooking and enjoy putting a meal out on the table and sit and talk to one another without a.
[15:39]A timer going off saying okay done now we got to go.
[15:43]You know, I, I think it was so tragic in many ways this pandemic, but I think in so many ways it reset the clock for many, many families.
[15:52]And especially I think many, many mothers who were juggling most of the work.
[15:58]I mean, I know that sounds.
[16:01]Sexist in the opposite way, but it is true.
[16:04]No, I think it's a huge it was a huge relief not to be racing places.
[16:08]I mean, so much of the day is like getting this kid to that place and figuring out what they need and not forget.
[16:15]I mean, having all that in your head like always going around.
[16:18]At least you could put that piece down.
[16:20]There were other issues right, but at least that.
[16:22]Yes, it's so true.
[16:24]And also to know that like, yeah, all these little things that build up.
[16:28]They'll get, they'll get through it.
[16:30]You know, they'll be fine.
[16:33]It is a, it's a tremendous journey this life.
[16:37]We're on my, my child actually sent to me the other day, which at first I was so taken aback by it.
[16:43]And then I realized like, wait, what a great way to live.
[16:47]He said to me out of the blue, he goes, I just need you know, I'm not afraid to die.
[16:50]And I said, first of all, you're 100% healthy.
[16:53]Why are we having this conversation?
[16:54]And what?
[16:55]And he said, I just think it's weird that everybody in this world goes around worried about death when it's the inevitable.
[17:01]It's part of life, isn't it?
[17:04]Well, I said, well, I think it's really the people that get left behind that are the ones to worry about.
[17:11]And he said, well, yeah, I would be sad.
[17:14]If there, there was death in my life, but I also know that that is what life is.
[17:18]Good for him.
[17:19]I know, right?
[17:20]I mean, that is great.
[17:22]I literally yesterday, well, I don't know when this is coming out, but yesterday was Mother's Day.
[17:27]And I decided to write a note to my kids as if I were dead.
[17:31]I know the sounds like depressing, but I wanted them to know that like, I don't want them to be sad on Mother's Day.
[17:37]Like I love Mother's Day.
[17:38]And the thought that like for years on end, just because I died, they would all be sad about it.
[17:42]And morning and crying.
[17:43]I wanted to be like, no, no, no, let's enjoy it.
[17:46]This is not like a plot twist.
[17:47]We all knew this would happen to everybody.
[17:50]So maybe you can, and now I'm sort of like, what if there's a way to get a, what if we could get rid of grief?
[17:56]I mean, that's amazing if we got rid of them.
[17:57]What would that do for the community and the world at large?
[17:59]Like think about all that.
[18:01]Anyway, that's where my.
[18:02]It's actually a really great letter.
[18:04]That's a brave letter to write.
[18:06]Did they read that?
[18:07]Where did you put it away?
[18:08]No, I posted it on Instagram.
[18:10]Are you dead?
[18:11]I posted it.
[18:12]I read it to them.
[18:13]My daughter is younger.
[18:14]It was like crying.
[18:15]She's like, why would you read this to me?
[18:16]I'm not old enough for this.
[18:18]And I'm like, you know what?
[18:19]Because tomorrow you don't know what's going to happen.
[18:21]And I want you to know this is important.
[18:23]I want you to know it now.
[18:24]I want you to appreciate every day, right?
[18:26]We don't know.
[18:27]We don't.
[18:28]Nothing is promised.
[18:29]Like let's just enjoy it.
[18:30]So maybe it was a little heavy.
[18:32]No, I think that's a really great.
[18:34]And I think that's a great point.
[18:36]A friend of mine is her father has a few months to live.
[18:39]And they're very, very close.
[18:41]And I said to her actually on Saturday, we I went away with a few
[18:45]girlfriends for the weekend.
[18:46]Nice.
[18:47]I think that's what all of us do, by the way.
[18:49]Yes, very true.
[18:50]Back by Mother's Day, but it was really nice.
[18:52]But I said to her, you know, when my dad first died, I felt such grief.
[18:56]Just such grief.
[18:57]There was just a hole in my heart.
[18:59]But it's been six years now, or maybe more eight years.
[19:03]Jesus, it's been eight years now.
[19:05]And I said to her, he's a part of me.
[19:07]He's still alive.
[19:08]He's inside me.
[19:11]He's in every fiber of my being.
[19:13]And I do.
[19:15]I keep a picture of my father and me from my wedding day on my
[19:18]bedside table.
[19:19]And every night I get into bed.
[19:21]And I see him.
[19:22]And I say to him, I hope I see you in my dreams tonight.
[19:26]Oh, that is sweet.
[19:28]You know, it's rare, especially.
[19:30]It used to be much more frequent when he first died.
[19:32]But now it's rare.
[19:33]But it's just those moments.
[19:34]I'm like, you're right there.
[19:36]And maybe he'll show up.
[19:37]And maybe you won't.
[19:38]But, you know, it's the right order of things.
[19:42]First of all.
[19:43]Yeah.
[19:44]And know that you feel grief, but then you're going to feel
[19:48]almost closer to your parent.
[19:51]Because you can talk to them all the time.
[19:54]I talk to him all the time.
[19:56]You know, he left me my stepmother who we thought was going.
[20:00]to go away before him. She was very ill when he died.
[20:03]So we were already for her to die. And she was older than he is. So we were like,
[20:08]oh my god, he died. But that's not how things are. But every time I leave the nursing home
[20:14]because she's a lot of work, I look up and I go, dad, really.
[20:21]But you know, I take care of her because I know he loved her.
[20:26]And so it's my gift to him. You know, I mean, I love her too. But I don't love her,
[20:32]you know, as the way he did. But I take care of her because that's what he would have
[20:37]wanted me to do. And so they're with you forever. And I know it's easy to say it's very hard to
[20:43]feel it. And I think when children lose their parents at a very young age,
[20:47]yes, it's a very different story.
[20:51]They're great. Wow. Yeah, that was actually interesting because I noticed how you wrote about
[20:56]Vicki in the book. And I was like, wondering what the real story is here.
[21:02]I feel like it was the one relationship you didn't totally dive deep into.
[21:06]Yeah. I mean, I did. I have a lot of chapters on the editing room floor.
[21:10]I had a whole chapter about her. And she was a very interesting character.
[21:15]What's been interesting since my father's death is I have been going out to lunch with a lot of
[21:21]their, their friends. They're still two high school buddies of my fathers. He went to
[21:26]harassment. And they're still alive. One is my god, Father Allen, who I write about in the book and
[21:29]the other is Ben and Jimmy Foyne. And we have lunch. They're in the city and we have lunch,
[21:34]you know, probably once every six months. And I said to them because it was upsetting to my
[21:39]stepmother that no, none of my father's friends were calling her after my father died. So I called
[21:45]them. And I said, Hey, guys, Vicki is alone in a nursing home in Great Barrington. And I'm sort
[21:52]of her only conduit to the outside world and to my father. And she's wondering why you haven't
[21:59]called her. And I am, too, to be honest. You know, I wasn't trying to shame them. But I just
[22:04]know that if any of their, if they had died, my father would have been there for their spouses.
[22:09]In a heartbeat, he would have been driving to see them all the time. And across the board,
[22:15]every single one of them was like, we never liked her.
[22:21]She, your father died because of her. And they had this whole narrative built up.
[22:26]But and we never understood why they were together. Your father was this intellectual.
[22:30]So I had this whole chapter about her. My stepmother was an alcoholic. And I wrote about her
[22:35]alcoholism in the, in the book. But it was starting to get into too many, you know,
[22:40]you open up too many boxes. And then there's no cap on top. You can't, you can't then put a,
[22:45]put a close to it because you start veering down so many roads. So my editor felt like we
[22:50]need to stick to your immediate mother and father in relationship. And she can be on the periphery,
[22:56]Vicki. But if we get into there, then we have to get into her crazy childhood, which was a crazy
[23:01]childhood, you know. And so it just started getting a little too messy. And so we had to
[23:07]contain it a little bit more. And my father who never drank alcohol was married to a woman who
[23:12]was not a deep thinker. You know, you could never be too rich, too thin, or too famous in her eyes.
[23:18]And her world was much, much more of a super, superfluous world than my father's was. So none of us
[23:25]could really understand why they were together. And yet, and I did write this in the book,
[23:30]She made his eggs just perfectly, you know, she had his shirts ironed and his orange, she's
[23:35]freshly squeezed every day. And my mother would rather burn an album, do that for you.
[23:42]Oh, you know, it all works out and we all make our choices. But I love her and she was good to me
[23:46]as a kid, you know, when I visited. So I, I'm going to take care of her till she dies.
[23:51]It's just what you do, right? Oh, I mean, it's not what everybody does. So it's really nice
[23:56]you're doing that. Well, yeah. I mean, she's turning 90 in June. So I'm like, really?
[24:03]That's a sound morbid, but I mean, it's she's she's very sick. So I just don't know what she's
[24:09]clinging to. I want her to let go and and go hang out with my dad. Well, well, that's really
[24:14]that's just really awesome. I saw by the way on your Instagram that you post about books every
[24:20]so often. And I feel like we have the same distant books. I've I've had like every author. You mentioned
[24:26]like Aaron French and Lily King and Brent Bennett, who is my Dixon. Oh, yeah. Carly. It's like,
[24:32]I love all the books. You love. Are you reading? I'm just right now. I'm obsessed. It's so good.
[24:37]Are you reading? Delia efron's new book left on 10. I already read it. It's amazing.
[24:42]I have a quick read. Don't tell me. Okay. I know. I know her a little bit and I know how it
[24:47]I loved it. I actually like on my list of like what I'm what I got my mom for Mother's Day this year
[24:53]because it's great. It was great. And I loved interviewing her. She was awesome. But yes,
[24:57]you guys interview her too. She lives around the corner for me. So we bumped into each other.
[25:02]Oh, yeah. She had read my memoir and stopped me on the street. And I was I was just she had once
[25:07]written an op ed in the New York Times years ago when I was on the good wife. I think the title was
[25:13]What About Me? And it was all about how important it was for her. Not the character Will and Alicia,
[25:21]but for her for Will and Alicia to get together.
[25:25]That's a great op ed. So I've been a huge fan since then. I've been calling her going, wait,
[25:30]wait, wait. Let me tell you, it wouldn't have been great. So she's like, I don't care. It's about me.
[25:37]Did your mom like did I know she was having dementia now, but did she have any feelings about the book?
[25:42]Like, is she read the book? She has read the book. And first of all, she knew everything that
[25:47]was going into the book because I needed my research really was her. And thank God I got her before.
[25:55]She doesn't she she's in and out of dementia. So early stages. So she's still pretty coherined for
[26:01]most on most days. It depends on the day. And I told her this and she laughed so hard. She's like,
[26:06]I love the book honey. It's so wonderful. I said, of course you do. You're the biggest narcissist
[26:11]I know. But she does. She loves the honesty of it. And I think she, you know, my mother valued her
[26:20]worth on the amount of boyfriends she had. And so I write about how beautiful she was and all
[26:31]her boyfriends. So to her, I think it seems like she is this stunning still a Broadway dancer,
[26:38]you know, with the men falling at her feet. And I think that makes her happy.
[26:45]Oh my gosh. Yeah. So amazing. Do you know what has become of lamsy and
[26:51]gravity Jones stuff to animals? They're here. They're in there. Do you still have them? Oh my gosh.
[26:56]I do. I still have them right now. They're in storage and a bin. But for years they were in
[27:01]Karen's room. They're dirty. I mean, I tried to wash my ravage. It's a little gray. But yeah,
[27:08]I still have them. They're the only things I have for my childhood. And I thought my son would
[27:15]take to them. But boys are very different than girls. He's like, no, thanks. He's like,
[27:20]whatever. Doesn't have wheels. No. But we have my favorite one day. Maybe if he ever has children,
[27:25]I'll be able to get them to my grandchildren. My mom had these dolls that like her parents had
[27:30]gotten her. And they were like, you know, they don't move very much. You know, they're just like
[27:35]propped up. And she gave them to me when I was a little girl. And I was like, Oh, great. I want to
[27:38]give these to my kids. And my kids are like, these are the creepiest things I've ever seen. They made
[27:43]me like put them in the closet with the door closed. Right. Everyone has seen these again. I'm like,
[27:47]well, that's what happens. That's why we haven't seen it. It's like, it's like watching our
[27:52]children now with with technology as opposed to, you know, how we grew up. It's like, for my
[27:57]son, when I was editing, when I was editing and writing my book, I was in such a panic because
[28:02]I'm technologically, I'm technologically challenged. And my son would be like, mom, why are you
[28:08]cut copying and pasted? Just do this. And I was like, Oh, you're going to lose it. And if you just,
[28:14]you know, for, for them, it's so easy. There's an Easter it. It's just a different language now.
[28:19]And I have to stop. I sort of push it away because I, I mourn the good old days of actually
[28:26]sitting down with a pen in hand. And now I sound ancient, but there's something about writing,
[28:31]you know, kids don't write anymore. And then we don't, we call those letters I had from when I was
[28:36]a kid, was because my father saved the letters. What happens to emails? You know, unless you put
[28:43]them in a folder or print them out, which when I got older and I made my father get email,
[28:48]when I was away on different jobs. And there was a whole chapter about that too. But he had,
[28:53]when he died, I found all my emails. He printed them out and put them in a file.
[28:58]So which was great because I then remembered the whole job that I was on. I'd come home every
[29:04]day and, you know, write to him about what it was like, you know, it was when I was during the
[29:08]Miss of Avalon. And it was such a, my favorite job I've ever had because I was writing horses.
[29:12]And the only reason I knew how to ride horses was because my father gave me horseback writing lessons
[29:17]and supported me as an equestrian. So I was so grateful to him. And it really, it's spelled out
[29:22]the journey. And I think now it's like, now we're on a mission to clean out our mailboxes, you know,
[29:29]like, what can I throw away? Yeah, that's true. But those little things, and I'm a definite
[29:34]cleaner. I like everything in order, but those little things you have to save those moments,
[29:39]because you'll forget them. You think you won't, but you will. That's true.
[29:43]Julianna, thank you so much. Thank you for sharing your whole life story. Even without all the
[29:48]entertainment stuff, I found it absolutely fascinating. And then to know what's become of your career
[29:53]on top of this childhood, just made it even more interesting. So I just thought it was fascinating.
[30:00]And I'm so glad that you've come to this place of forgiveness
[30:03]and acceptance and leaving your life the way you are.
[30:06]It's really awesome to like,
[30:08]on through this little journey with you through the book.
[30:10]So thank you.
[30:11]Thank you so, so much.
[30:12]Thank you for reading it and for having me on your show.
[30:14]I love the name of your show.
[30:16]It's really good and good luck to you.
[30:19]And thank you for supporting writers.
[30:21]It's such a great thing.
[30:22]You're doing it.
[30:23]It's my pleasure.
[30:24]Thank you.
[30:25]Okay, take care.
[30:26]Bye-bye.
[30:27]Hi, I'm Sivi Owens and you're listening to the award-winning podcast,
[30:32]Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[30:34]If you like this podcast, you will love my new anthology
[30:37]called Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[30:39]Check it out and you'll hear from 49 authors
[30:42]about all sorts of things Moms Don't Have Time to Do.
[30:44]All the authors have been on this podcast.
[30:46]Also, check out my TikTok at with Sivi and Tracy.
[30:49]My other podcast, Sex Talk with Sivi and Tracy.
[30:52]Check out Moms Don't Have Time to Write on Medium.
[30:55]And of course, my new publishing company called Sivi Books.
[30:59]And now back to our daily author interview site
[31:01]and a quick hello from some of my kids.
[31:03]Hi, hi, hello.
[31:05]Enjoy the show.