Jen Mann, MIDLIFE BITES: Anyone Else Falling Apart, Or Is It Just Me?
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[0:41]Gen Man is the author of Midlife Bites.
[0:44]Anyone else falling apart or is it just me?
[0:46]Gen is best known for her wildly popular and hysterical blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat.
[0:51]She has been described by many as Irma Bombek with F-Bombs.
[0:55]Gen is known for her hilarious rants and funny observations on everything from parenting to gift-giving
[1:00]to celebrity behavior to politics to elves on shelves.
[1:03]She does not suffer fools lightly.
[1:05]Gen is the author of The New York Times bestseller People I Want to Punch in the Throat.
[1:09]Competitive crafters drop off Despets and other suburban scourges, which was a finalist for a good reader's choice award.
[1:15]She is also the mastermind behind The New York Times best-selling I just want to pee alone series.
[1:20]Gen is a married mother of two children, whom she calls Gomer and Adolpha in her writings.
[1:24]She swears their real names are actually worse.
[1:26]And FYI, there is cursing in this episode.
[1:29]So if you are in the car with your kids, you might want to save this episode for later.
[1:34]Welcome, Gen.
[1:35]Thanks so much for coming on Moms.
[1:36]Don't have time to read books to discuss Midlife Bites.
[1:39]Anyone else falling apart or is it just me?
[1:42]Hey, Zavi, thanks for having me.
[1:43]It's my pleasure.
[1:44]As I was just saying, I feel like we've talked about this book a lot because we did this amazing fun event together
[1:49]with Kristin, fun egg trap here.
[1:51]Well, I shouldn't call it amazing, I guess, because I hosted it.
[1:53]But I had fun because you guys were amazing.
[1:55]So let me just say it that way.
[1:57]Okay, well, I'll call it amazing.
[1:59]It was pretty freaking amazing.
[2:00]Okay, thank you.
[2:01]Well, one of us called it that.
[2:02]Yeah.
[2:03]But also, as you know, when I first read this book, when did you send this to me?
[2:08]This was so long ago.
[2:09]Oh, my gosh.
[2:10]Last summer, we were like this summer, I would guess.
[2:13]Anyway, I read it and like fell in love with you.
[2:15]And I had already read your other books and had recommended one recently.
[2:18]People I want to mention the throat.
[2:20]And anyway, I just couldn't wait to read it.
[2:22]And then I read it.
[2:23]And I was like, I saw so much of myself and my inner turmoil and anxiety.
[2:29]All the stuff in your books.
[2:30]I was like, oh my gosh.
[2:31]And then you were nice enough to send me a BFF necklace.
[2:33]And I told you we would read BFFs.
[2:35]I did.
[2:36]You did.
[2:37]Well, because I'll tell you, like, I sent it to you.
[2:38]I mean, of course, I found you on social media.
[2:40]Like, I think everybody else does.
[2:41]And I went down your rabbit hole.
[2:42]And I was like, oh, I need this woman to like read my book.
[2:44]Because I think like she'll like it.
[2:47]And so I sent it to you with, you know, a wing and a prayer.
[2:50]Cause I'm like, she only released this podcast every day.
[2:52]She must get inundated with books.
[2:54]But hopefully somehow my book will like rise to the top.
[2:58]And then when you sent me an email back after you read it about how like,
[3:01]you were one of the first people like, I'm hearing more of this now.
[3:03]But at the beginning, it was really worried that nobody would like get what I was trying to do.
[3:08]And so when you wrote back to me and you were like, no, I get this.
[3:12]Like, I feel this.
[3:13]Like, I think the quote was, you know, this is the book I didn't know I needed to read.
[3:16]And I was like, this is the book I didn't know I needed to write.
[3:18]Like, I, and so that's what I was like, we have to be BFFs now.
[3:21]Like, I'll give you, I think I said anything but a kidney.
[3:24]But even that, I mean, I'm open if we can talk about it.
[3:29]When I'm in the hospital and all of a sudden, in fact, turns out I need a kidney.
[3:33]We'll have to re- we'll revisit it then.
[3:35]Right.
[3:36]We'll talk about it then.
[3:37]We'll talk about it then.
[3:38]We'll talk about it then.
[3:39]Blood types and all that.
[3:40]I should dig up the email.
[3:41]But anyway, maybe I'll try to find it.
[3:43]Yeah, it was a great email.
[3:44]It was amazing.
[3:45]Thanks.
[3:46]I remember.
[3:47]This is how I feel about all books.
[3:48]I wrote about this in my memoir coming up.
[3:50]Like, I know exactly where I was.
[3:51]I was like sitting at my kitchen table when I was reading this book and writing that email.
[3:55]And I just remember how I felt like flooded by just the sense of like not feeling alone.
[4:01]And not that I feel so alone, but you know that somebody had my stuff that goes going on in my brain.
[4:07]So anyway, yeah.
[4:08]Yeah.
[4:09]A lot of preamble here, but.
[4:10]Okay.
[4:11]Why don't you talk about the genesis of midlife bites and how you had served.
[4:15]Not.
[4:16]Well, you tell me tell the story.
[4:18]Just go.
[4:19]Just go.
[4:20]Just go.
[4:21]Well, again, as you said before, so I've written books called People.
[4:23]I want to punch in throat.
[4:24]I have a whole series of those and I have a blog and you have this really large social media following.
[4:29]And, and, but yet, it just, I don't know.
[4:32]Like I hit 47 a few years ago and I woke up and I just felt like.
[4:36]I felt like my life was truly half over that they're really well.
[4:40]I was just like, okay, seriously, like you really are halfway done.
[4:43]And what have you done?
[4:44]Like, and, and I had a good career, but I just I was like, I wasn't.
[4:48]I was kind of at a crossroads.
[4:49]I was sort of like, I don't know what I'm going to do next.
[4:51]Like, my kids.
[4:52]I when I started writing my kids were very small and they were cute and the stories were funny.
[4:55]Now they're teenagers and they only communicate through Venmo and TikToks with me.
[5:00]And I'm like, and they're not very nice.
[5:01]And, and I thought, you know, what.
[5:03]And then I'm looking at my husband.
[5:04]And I was sort of like, has he always chewed like that?
[5:07]Like, what are what?
[5:08]And then what are we going to talk about when the kids are gone?
[5:10]What are we going to fight about when they're gone?
[5:12]Like, am I going to still like him as he gets to like me?
[5:15]So I just, I don't know.
[5:16]Just like, I just had this overwhelming.
[5:19]Like, just all this anxiety and stress kind of hit me at once.
[5:22]And my husband was out of town.
[5:24]And so I called him and I was crying.
[5:27]And I told him, you know, and he was just like, are we going to get divorced?
[5:30]I'm like, I don't know.
[5:31]Cause like, I seriously want to run away right now.
[5:33]Like, I just, I don't know what's happening.
[5:35]And so he suggested that I write about it.
[5:37]Cause he was, I'd had this blog for years.
[5:40]And I'd kind of let a good dormant.
[5:42]But he was like, the blog is still there.
[5:45]Your people are still there.
[5:46]Like, go work this out with them.
[5:48]Because I guarantee you're not the only person feeling like this.
[5:50]He's like, this is a midlife crisis.
[5:52]And I'm like, I don't have time to have a midlife crisis.
[5:54]And he's just like, well, I'm sorry you're having one.
[5:57]And I was like, well, you guys get sports cars.
[5:59]And like, what am I getting?
[6:01]Like, I'm just getting more anxiety.
[6:03]And so I wrote the blog post called, is anyone else falling apart?
[6:06]Or is it just me?
[6:07]And the blog post just really hit a nerve with, you know, lots of people.
[6:12]And then my editor at Valentine, Pamela Cannon reached out like within,
[6:16]I don't know, probably an hour or two was like, what are you doing?
[6:19]Stop crying, write this book.
[6:21]Like, this is the book.
[6:22]And so, so I started writing it.
[6:24]And then I finished it during lockdown, which was really terribly hard.
[6:30]And I was really worried because it's still funny.
[6:32]It's very wrong personal, but it still is very funny.
[6:34]And, but it was worried.
[6:36]It wasn't funny because it was really hard to be funny during when everybody was locked in.
[6:39]And so that was also reassuring.
[6:41]But I first started sending that to people and they were coming back and like,
[6:43]oh, this is funny.
[6:44]I'm like, oh, thank God.
[6:45]I wasn't sure anymore.
[6:47]It's just kind of been it's been a long time coming this book.
[6:51]And I'm very excited for it to finally come out so everyone can finally read it.
[6:54]I am equally as excited.
[6:56]And I'm so glad that you had an agent who could see all of the good and know that a post had the potential to be a book and all of that.
[7:05]Yeah.
[7:06]It's really awesome.
[7:07]She had some vision.
[7:08]She had a lot of vision for it.
[7:10]Because I was like, this is like, I don't know how to write a book about this.
[7:13]And so she really worked hard with me and helped me kind of formulate this book.
[7:17]And it's definitely a collaborative more collaborative than I've ever done.
[7:21]I'm kind of a solo person.
[7:22]Like, I'm always interested when other writers like,
[7:24]Oh, I said notes, you know, I send chapters every day to my agents and my editor.
[7:28]And I was like, I send them a finished book.
[7:30]Like, I don't, I don't check in.
[7:33]So I'm like, no news from me is good news.
[7:35]It was always bad.
[7:36]And I was like, Pam, like, can we have a call?
[7:38]I'm lost.
[7:39]She helped me find my way back.
[7:42]Oh my gosh.
[7:43]Okay.
[7:44]Well, some of the things that I loved, I'll just read like, if that's okay.
[7:47]Just for my couple different passages that I thought were awesome.
[7:51]Some of this is just your inner monologue.
[7:53]So this might sound funny when I just read you what you are thinking.
[7:56]But this was when you are dealing with your age.
[7:58]This is from the very beginning, but I'm going to go to the middle later.
[8:01]I popped a handful of drugs plus my daily leave into my mouth and muttered,
[8:04]when the hell did this happen?
[8:06]I looked at my phone as if Google might have an answer for me.
[8:08]Instead, I saw my overstoked calendar mocking me with a message in all caps,
[8:12]announcing my 47th birthday just a few days away.
[8:15]47 already hit me that I was in the middle of my life, probably even past the middle if I wanted to get real depressing.
[8:20]And when I took stock of all the things that I accomplished and accumulated over those 47 years,
[8:24]I felt incredibly underwhelmed.
[8:26]Half my life was over in a blink.
[8:27]And what did I have to show for it?
[8:29]This is all there is.
[8:30]And then you would go through this whole thing.
[8:32]You said my brain might be foggy, but it can still be this, okay, cursing alert.
[8:36]Okay, but it can still be.
[8:37]I should say cursing alert for this whole episode, but it can still be a real asshole.
[8:40]That day my brain was a total asshole.
[8:42]It's all downhill from here, Jen.
[8:44]What the fuck are you doing with your life?
[8:45]What have you accomplished?
[8:46]How will you retire?
[8:47]Have you seen your bank account?
[8:48]I know you made money.
[8:49]Where the hell did it go?
[8:50]Have you seen what your neighbor Elizabeth has done?
[8:52]She runs her own company, plus she found a charity this year.
[8:54]Oh, and let's not forget she's still fine time for daily workouts to keep her body rocking.
[8:58]Plus weekly date nights and mind blowing sex with her smoking on husband.
[9:01]What was the last time you had anything mind blowing?
[9:03]That wasn't a dessert.
[9:04]Do you even remember how to do sex, Jen?
[9:07]Oh my God, I could just keep going.
[9:11]Anyway, you're so funny.
[9:13]I mean, there is this perception, and I just like posted about this this week.
[9:16]Like that everybody is somehow doing it all better.
[9:19]Right?
[9:20]Everybody seems on the outside to like have mastered everything.
[9:23]And really, have I?
[9:26]Well, I think that's the thing, you know, because when I started this whole writing thing,
[9:30]you know, I that's what it was railing against was like all the mothers that had all mastered.
[9:35]And that, you know, that we all thought had it mastered.
[9:37]And I was like, come on, you guys.
[9:39]And so I really kind of thought I'd gotten through that because I'm like, I don't have that sort of anxiety.
[9:43]And I got to middle age.
[9:44]And I started looking around.
[9:45]I'm like, and my whole thing was, and this is the thing, like I've never been a vain person,
[9:48]but like all of a sudden I was like, do I look as old as her?
[9:51]Like, I was like, I look younger, right?
[9:53]Am I just gonna be like, what is wrong with you?
[9:55]I'm like, I don't know.
[9:56]Like, I don't even know what's happening.
[9:58]You know, and I'd be like, oh.
[10:00]No, and I would always want to know like, and I did know this. I did want to know this to when we had the look is I wanted to look what drugs everybody was on. I'm like, how are you getting so much down?
[10:06]What are you taking in there just like coffee exercise and plenty of water and I'm like lies all lies like I'm like, what I'm even drink water. So whatever.
[10:19]Oh my gosh. Okay. And then there's more when you start railing on yourself with your body, which is also hilarious.
[10:26]Okay, you said, this is after the sense when you talk about how you started dying your hair blonde and getting your lip waxed on a semi regular basis.
[10:33]You said when midlife hit some years ago, I went from being someone who barely glanced in the mirror before leaving the house is what you were just talking about to someone obsessed with every little detail of her face body.
[10:41]My quote laugh lines were no longer disappearing, but my eyebrows were I know I had eyebrows, but I went to bed one night. And when I woke up the next morning, they were gone.
[10:50]I lost the hair from my eyebrows, but then I had hair sprouting out of unusual spots, my ears, my chin, even my fucking nipples and my press. Oh my god, my breasts.
[11:02]I don't have any good qualities, but those breasts used to be my shining glory. Now they were no longer symmetrical when it was decidedly longer than the other. Yeah, I said longer, not bigger.
[11:12]They now, they now put through a symbol two loaves of French bread raising toward my waist, one just a bit closer to winning than the other.
[11:21]It's the one without the hairy nipple case you were wondering, just to look halfway decent, they require bras that consists mostly of industrial grade reinforced wiring.
[11:32]Come right swatch of fabric and that read of the ball where I give no less than a hundred bucks of these quite an effort. Please don't ask about my nether agents. Oh my god, you're so funny.
[11:42]Oh my gosh, that's, you know, it's funny because everybody else has been asking me like really super personal stuff, but nobody has talked about my boobs like that. I forgot that I did call them loaves to French bread as I sit here looking at them. Yes, they are so you're welcome, ladies, like something better than me in that regard. I have no fear.
[12:01]No, it's just so funny to hear somebody like not to poke fun at the way that we all like tear ourselves apart, right, the viciousness that with which we sort of analyze ourselves and our bodies is like, you know, it's just, I think for many people, you know, you would never say it out loud or you would never say it to somebody else and what the things you think about yourself. And yet here you are. I mean, you're just so funny. I don't know. It's just thank you.
[12:31]I try to be honest as I can because I feel like if we're gonna, we're all aging. It's all happening to us. Like gravity is at work, you know, my, I'm looking at microblading my eyebrows now because I'm running out of like hair and my eyebrows.
[12:47]It's your reading. I'm like, I'm looking at my space in the video and I'm like, yeah, I'm, I'm officially 100% blonde now, like I've gotten blonde or blonde or blonde or over time to hide the gray, you know, but it's like, we have to make fun of it.
[12:58]Because otherwise I'm just going to cry. So I have to laugh and we all have to laugh about it. Yeah. It's true. I'm like, how blonde am I going to go? Right. I mean, it's I'm impressed. You're like holding out. You're doing well. Like, I mean, even now I'm going to go.
[13:10]Yeah. I feel like it's particularly dark. But, you know, I don't know. But your few years younger than me, though, too. Yeah. So that's what's going to happen to me. Yeah, who knows over the next five years, what you'll do. But it just like this last time I joke. I think I put it on Facebook that I went in to get my hair done.
[13:26]And I was like, okay, the grave really came through. I'm like, I'm going to need to go blonde or I was like, can we go blonder. And then I felt like I came out there looking like denariest Targaryen from like, aim us around.
[13:36]I was like, all right, that'll work.
[13:40]That's the last we were a bit.
[13:42]I did talk to my husband when I was like, maybe I'll go great because maybe I'll be one of those people with like this perfect gray bob.
[13:49]And how would I know if I don't try. How did those people know? How did they know like it's just going to look amazing. I'm going to grow it out.
[13:55]What if that's me.
[13:57]And I did that like during the lockdown when we couldn't get haircuts. I drew it out. And I was totally embracing the brain. I was like, I'm going to be like this really like one of this fabulous like steel gray like, you know, Bob that just just like people will stop traffic.
[14:10]People have been like, look at that silver hair. It was awful. It was so bad. And I was like, Oh, you guys, I can't do it because I was really, I mean, I joined a group like for like gray hair ladies where we could all like learn how to care for our gray hair.
[14:23]I was ashamed. I was like, I have to leave. I'm going to the stylist today to get it all died. How are you supposed to care for gray hair?
[14:31]Oh, you need like special shampoo. And then like the hair turns like it would be mine at least and my mother's to it. My mom and see nothing. My mom has beautiful silver hair. So I thought maybe I would have silver hair.
[14:42]We look nothing alike in any regard, including nursing over here. But it's like, why are we it's it has more curl to it. So you have to do like smoothing stuff. I don't know. That's the other thing. I had the time to do that.
[14:54]I feel like we get to a certain age like I at least know how to deal with my own stuff. Having new stuff is like, no, no.
[15:02]You know, like, that's how I feel about like, yeah, I'm trying to ignore that everybody keeps giving me gifts of wrinkle cream for my eyes. I'm like, if one more person gives me wrinkle cream for my eyes. I put it at like six people.
[15:14]Like, I get it. I know I need to do something with my eyes, but damn, you know, I just had to be adapt right. I'm used to I don't know.
[15:23]After a point, you get used to what you have to manage. And then now that I love to manage. Well, and I feel like some of this stuff is you don't just give like wrinkle cream to a woman unsolicited. Like it's wondering if she's like, hey, your eyes look great. What do you use, you know, fine.
[15:36]If you were like, I have this amazing stuff. It's, you know, made from baby tigers and it's $1,000 an ounce, but you know, it got rid of three wrinkles. So you should use it.
[15:44]But it's one thing to like just like, voiced like wrinkle cream on people and be like, Hey, you look a little tired, which like to carry some wrinkle cream.
[15:51]Like, no, that is not okay. I don't do that to people, please.
[15:55]My mother is one of the people. Well, she's probably given it to me like 12 times or something ridiculous, but finally she was like,
[16:01]I said, are you using the stuff for your eyes? And I was like, not yet. I just haven't gotten around to like even reading the instructions and figuring this out. So I don't like burn my skin off or I don't know something I could do because I'm not really focused on it when I'm tired and whatever.
[16:13]And she's like, she's like, well, you know, like that was pretty expensive. Could you just give that back to me now. I'll use it. And I was like, okay.
[16:21]So anyway, moms are fun. They're just, they're so honest and yet so honest.
[16:29]Okay. Then you also have this hilarious part about sex and I have to read from this too. And I don't know if you know, I also cohost sex podcast, which is crazy and off brand for me.
[16:40]It was supposed to be moms and a time to have sex, but it's turned into like whatever. Anyway, it's called sex.
[16:45]It's gonna be interesting. So I've now gotten enough practice that I can read this without totally blushing. So that's, that's my purpose.
[16:52]I noticed you whispered about the breast. So I know I still do. I still think about habit. You know, what's so bad.
[17:00]All right. Go for it. Okay. Okay. You're talking about your husband and you're saying you're rarely trying new things. You say we really try new things and let me be clear again.
[17:10]This is all my fault.
[17:11]The hubs would literally do anything I asked when every woman in America got all hot and bothered about 50 shades of gray. He was like, do you want me to tie you up?
[17:18]Do you want me to tie you up? Should we both get tied up? Whatever you want to do. Let's do it. I was like, no, thank you. Rope burns aren't sexy.
[17:25]There are a few reasons for this. One, I'm not interested in learning new tricks.
[17:29]A few years ago, there was a viral video of a woman named anti angel who taught ladies how to give him blood job with the grapefruit. Sorry, I have to whisper.
[17:36]Basically, you cut a hole in the center of the grapefruit.
[17:39]I can't even slide it onto his pecker blindfold him and then do your thing as usual except you get an extra toast.
[17:46]I didn't see the video is a maze balls and I encourage every woman to watch it because anti angel has a real gift.
[17:53]I watched that video and once I got over the slurping noises, all I could think was what a mess.
[17:58]Who wants to go to all the work to give a blowjob and have a sticky grapefruit juice bottle to clean up.
[18:03]You're done. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm just going to read one more paragraph.
[18:08]Another time I read an article in a men's magazine, I found it in a doctor's office waiting room that touted 20 positions that weren't missionary.
[18:14]I figured I had a few minutes to kill and maybe I'd surprise the hubs with my newfound knowledge of what men really want in the sack.
[18:20]The first move on the list was called the 69 brit. The man lies on his back and the woman does a back bend over him.
[18:26]Then he just performed the tried-and-true 69 move. We all know a mother fucking back bend. Fuck that noise.
[18:35]Oh my gosh. Oh, you're so funny. You're just.
[18:39]Well, it's crazy when I was reading the audiobook for this book and we I forgot about that part with the grapefruit.
[18:45]And it was just like, and I'm just in the studio by myself with like a male engineer and then my female directors like on zoom and it was like dead silence.
[18:53]And he was like, okay, so we should maybe take a break.
[18:57]And I was like, do you want the Google link to that because I can give it to you.
[19:02]I mean, I'm kind of curious. I'm like, yeah, most people are.
[19:05]So I showed him on YouTube. I was like, here you go. And he's like, cool. I'm going to lunch. I'm like, all right, bye.
[19:11]And then the lady and I like had to talk about it. But I was like, oh, this is kind of awkward with other people here.
[19:16]But it's pretty amazing and I highly encourage if you are into you like grapefruit and blow jobs. I really recommend the video something special.
[19:26]We'll have to find the intersection of that group. Right. It's like concentric circles. I think I know where they live. I think I got I think I have their number.
[19:36]Oh my gosh.
[19:38]So Jen, I know you started off like blogging and just sharing your feelings and all of this.
[19:44]And now you've let the rest of us or follow along with you as you've gone through life and vented and, you know, chuckled and given us the humor and so much.
[19:53]And how do you feel about like the writing part of it, how you're able to take the funny and.
[20:00]and like put it down, like, is there a stuff here?
[20:02]Is there a place you're not willing to go?
[20:05]And I don't know, how do you just feel about this whole thing
[20:07]and how it's blown up over time?
[20:09]Yeah, I would say after this book,
[20:11]there is not a place that I'm not willing to go
[20:14]because I get real personal about sort of like
[20:16]my relationships and my friendships
[20:19]and my relationship with my husband
[20:20]and my relationship with myself.
[20:23]And they're not as funny as the parts you've read.
[20:26]And so, you know, I don't hide behind a lot of jokes
[20:29]in some of that, but I don't know.
[20:32]At this point, yeah, I guess nothing's off the table.
[20:34]I've always been somebody who tries to say what nobody else
[20:39]will say or what we're all thinking, but you can't say.
[20:41]Maybe like, you know, I don't have a real job.
[20:44]I don't have to worry about going in the next day
[20:46]and seeing somebody at work after writing what I write.
[20:50]And so it's easier for me.
[20:53]And I love writing.
[20:55]And I love telling stories and I love entertaining people
[20:57]and I love making people feel like they're not alone.
[21:00]And I love just sort of creating communities.
[21:02]And I think you understand that too.
[21:03]Like you are always creating communities.
[21:05]You know, it's like this is kind of,
[21:06]I don't want to say lonely because lonely is that the word
[21:08]but this is kind of a solo job.
[21:10]And you can get lonely really quick
[21:12]if you don't stay connected to people,
[21:15]but it's hard to be connected to people
[21:16]when you are doing all the things that we do.
[21:19]And so it's nice to have that kind of online community too.
[21:22]And so I'll always have that.
[21:24]Like whether, and I can't imagine stopping,
[21:27]I don't know that I would ever stop writing,
[21:28]but maybe I'll finally run out of content.
[21:30]And then I will say, no, you will not.
[21:33]When you were here,
[21:34]you mentioned how you had a million followers
[21:36]in social media.
[21:37]And I went on Instagram and I was like,
[21:39]okay, I've got to find all these accounts.
[21:41]So I was, we were like falling asleep and kind of like,
[21:46]yeah, she said a million.
[21:47]I was like, okay, I'm going to start adding it up.
[21:48]So I was like, okay, well, how many for Instagram?
[21:51]What do we have to, what do we add Twitter?
[21:53]What about these three different groups on Facebook?
[21:55]And I was like, it's like, you have to be a mathematician.
[21:58]You do.
[21:58]You do.
[21:59]There are spread out all over the place.
[22:00]They're mostly on Facebook.
[22:02]I have three pages now, I think on Facebook.
[22:05]And then I've got, I don't know, four or five groups
[22:07]at all or various.
[22:08]Cause I'm kind of like a stickler about my groups,
[22:10]like what we can talk about in groups.
[22:12]So I have like reading groups and I have politics groups
[22:14]and then I have the mid-life vice groups.
[22:15]And so, and then yeah, no, I'm not an Instagram is not
[22:19]where my people are.
[22:20]I'm not an influencer of any kind.
[22:22]I'm getting a little bit better at TikTok.
[22:24]I discovered TikTok a few months ago
[22:26]and I'm trying to figure TikTok out,
[22:28]but I would love to get a bunch of people on TikTok,
[22:30]eventually.
[22:31]I think that's kind of my next sort of,
[22:33]it makes more sense to be over there.
[22:35]So it's a good platform for storytellers, TikTok.
[22:38]So Insta's a little bit harder for me.
[22:40]So yeah, no, they're not an Instagram or Twitter,
[22:43]Twitter, Twitter, Twitter is just where I go
[22:45]and I like yell at people.
[22:46]So you know, a woman called Tinks T-I-N-X T-I-N-X.
[22:51]It's so funny, you should follow her anyway.
[22:54]She does all these like, parodies like,
[22:56]rich mom, start her edition, ask for an edition.
[22:58]She's so funny and just like makes fun of people,
[23:00]but she shares her whole life.
[23:02]Anyway, we watched a whole bunch of her on TikTok
[23:04]the other day during this long drive.
[23:06]And then I went back to Instagram
[23:08]and I was like, well, compared to TikTok,
[23:10]now Instagram looks so boring.
[23:11]Like, nor my Instagram is my place.
[23:13]Yeah, and I really love it, but I don't know.
[23:15]There was just something, you know, it wasn't as dynamic.
[23:18]I'm like, I don't get to know her as well
[23:19]when I'm on Instagram.
[23:21]Well, and the thing that's weird too
[23:23]is that my things that do best on Instagram
[23:25]are when I put my TikTok videos on Instagram.
[23:28]Then people, like, you know, it's like,
[23:30]people are kind of, I don't know.
[23:32]I'm not that interesting.
[23:33]I don't show my kids.
[23:34]I don't show my house.
[23:35]I did get a dog finally, so I could like show him,
[23:37]but there's just not a lot to show.
[23:39]I mean, how many selfies can,
[23:40]and pictures of your book covers
[23:42]can you put on Instagram and make it interesting?
[23:43]So yeah, I don't like it.
[23:46]I know.
[23:47]I feel like Instagram is available for me
[23:50]to just like write essays that are really short.
[23:53]Yeah, you do do that a lot.
[23:55]And I don't, because I hate doing it on my phone.
[23:59]Like if I could do Instagram, like on a computer,
[24:01]maybe I would do better with it,
[24:02]because I hate typing on my phone.
[24:04]I hate it.
[24:05]It's just too hard for me.
[24:06]I don't know.
[24:07]My brain doesn't work that way.
[24:09]Yeah, I mean, I prefer a computer,
[24:10]but you have time.
[24:12]I don't know.
[24:12]I know, exactly.
[24:14]If only there was a brand for that.
[24:16]So when you're not creating content,
[24:20]what type of content do you consume?
[24:22]Kind of content.
[24:24]Obviously, I read a lot,
[24:25]and I read a lot of fiction.
[24:28]I try really not to read in my genre,
[24:30]because I feel like everybody,
[24:32]the thing about humor is that, you know,
[24:34]what makes us all different.
[24:35]We all have the same stories.
[24:36]It's just our voices that make us different kind of.
[24:38]And so I find myself either not really comparing myself,
[24:43]but I'll feel like,
[24:44]man, she told that so much funnier.
[24:45]Like, she did such a, you know,
[24:47]and so I, or I maybe will adopt their voice,
[24:50]which is not good.
[24:51]So I don't really read much in my own genre,
[24:53]but I read a lot of fiction.
[24:55]And right now, I'm kind of going down a,
[24:57]I think I've learned TikTok.
[24:58]I'm going down like a sexy rabbit hole.
[25:00]I never read, like,
[25:02]erotica or anything like that.
[25:04]But I'm reading that barbarian one
[25:05]that everybody was talking about,
[25:07]you know what I'm talking about?
[25:07]Like the blue, oh, zippy.
[25:09]Don't be so bad.
[25:10]I don't know.
[25:11]I don't know.
[25:12]I swear.
[25:13]You, Ruby Dixon, you need to have her on your podcast
[25:16]because she broke TikTok with this book called
[25:19]Ice Planet Barbarians.
[25:20]And he's like a blue alien who's really good at sex.
[25:24]And so, yeah, don't give me that face.
[25:27]Read the book and you'll understand.
[25:29]Okay.
[25:30]Okay.
[25:31]I've been always the same way
[25:32]because I was like, what is happening right now?
[25:34]Like why is the world losing their mind
[25:35]over like a blue alien with like a ribbed penis?
[25:39]Like what?
[25:40]So I had to go and she's a genius
[25:43]because she was like trending on TikTok.
[25:45]And so she lowered the price of her book
[25:47]to like a buck 99 or something
[25:48]that which you can't say no to two bucks.
[25:50]So like boom bot.
[25:52]And so I just, so I tried it.
[25:54]And so I do that a lot.
[25:55]Like I read a lot of like what is popular
[25:58]because at the end of the day, publishing is a business.
[26:02]And I think you definitely understand this too,
[26:04]that it's like, and so I'm always sort of watching
[26:06]like what is trending and why and how
[26:08]and what are we doing to capitalize on that?
[26:10]And what can we do to like maybe,
[26:13]I don't want to like repeat that.
[26:14]But you know, what can I do to sort of understand
[26:17]how that worked and why did that happen?
[26:19]And maybe how can I put that into my business?
[26:21]And so I'm kind of always,
[26:23]so you know what I'm reading for pleasure?
[26:24]I'm kind of reading for like, for work.
[26:27]Just terrible.
[26:29]No, it's not terrible.
[26:30]What advice would you have for aspiring authors?
[26:33]My advice for aspiring authors
[26:35]is to just start writing.
[26:37]You know, so many of us have had so many different paths
[26:40]to publishing and there's so many different avenues
[26:43]out there now.
[26:44]I mean, I just bought my daughter a subscription.
[26:46]She's 15 and she asked me to buy her a subscription
[26:48]to Wattpad and she's reading all these books
[26:53]that mostly written by young, at least what she's reading
[26:56]is written by young female writers.
[26:59]And you know, and they're taking feedback.
[27:02]They have followers and they're taking feedback
[27:04]from their community about where the book should go next
[27:06]and what they should do.
[27:07]And I have heard of at least one or two, you know,
[27:10]huge success stories that have come out of Wattpad
[27:13]where agents or editors are kind of looking through there
[27:15]for talent.
[27:16]And you know, there's micro, micro blogging
[27:20]that you could do on Instagram.
[27:21]If you want to do that, of course, self publishing
[27:23]is always around.
[27:23]I have a foot in self publishing as well.
[27:25]Traditional publishing blogging for me was sort of,
[27:28]that was what I needed to do for a while.
[27:30]I know lots of people who kind of started
[27:32]the same time as me and right out of the gate,
[27:33]they self published.
[27:34]And for me, I wasn't there yet.
[27:36]I didn't have that confidence yet.
[27:38]And so for me, blogging was better
[27:40]that I could kind of build up my confidence
[27:42]and build up my audience and figure out
[27:43]what I was going to do.
[27:45]But I think it's just a matter of like,
[27:46]I can't tell you how long I talked about writing
[27:49]and I didn't do it.
[27:51]And I want to go back now and like smack that girl
[27:53]and be like, just start.
[27:55]And don't throw away anything, don't, you know,
[27:58]that's the other thing.
[27:59]Because I've been writing since I was five years old.
[28:00]Like there's no book somewhere,
[28:02]probably in a trash heap, you know.
[28:04]But there's no books that I have things I wrote,
[28:07]a stories I wrote.
[28:08]And as a humorist, those are gold.
[28:12]Like, oh my gosh, like I could have made so much fun
[28:14]at that shit.
[28:15]So, but also though, just you find old things.
[28:19]Like if it's not working, especially with the blog,
[28:21]I mean, I would say like I have,
[28:23]I think I have like 600 blog posts published,
[28:25]but I have another like 600 drafts
[28:27]because it's like, it didn't, it wasn't flowing.
[28:30]It wasn't working.
[28:30]I stopped, but I don't throw it away.
[28:31]I can't tell you how many times when I need,
[28:34]but I need an article for something or,
[28:36]or I need something real fast.
[28:37]I can go back through those drafts and be like,
[28:38]what was I trying to do here?
[28:40]And then I can fix that up and republish it.
[28:43]So don't throw anything away.
[28:45]Nothing is, nothing is trash.
[28:47]Love it.
[28:48]Amazing.
[28:49]Jen, so fun.
[28:51]Love talking to you.
[28:52]I knew I would, but it's even exceeds my expectations.
[28:56]So thank you.
[28:57]Thanks for coming to the salon in New York
[29:00]and everything.
[29:01]And thanks for doing this.
[29:02]Oh my goodness.
[29:02]I'm so excited for your buck to be out in the world.
[29:05]Well, I just really appreciate how much you have just
[29:08]like champion me.
[29:09]Thank you so much for all that you've done for me.
[29:13]I mean, I don't think you guys understand like,
[29:14]I was coming to New York for something else
[29:16]and I asked to be if she could go to coffee.
[29:19]And if he was like, I'll do you one better.
[29:21]I will host a salon at my home and introduce you to like,
[29:25]you know, 30 of my closest friends.
[29:27]And I was like, what, okay.
[29:30]So I mean, you were just such a huge champion
[29:32]and it's not just me.
[29:33]And I know, because I watched, I watched your Instagram.
[29:36]I know it's not just me, you're doing this
[29:37]for all kinds of authors.
[29:38]And we all are just so appreciative.
[29:40]So please go support all of Zebis writing too.
[29:44]Thank you.
[29:44]That's very sweet.
[29:45]Awesome.
[29:46]All right, Jen.
[29:47]Have a great day.
[29:48]Thank you, Zebis.
[29:49]Bye.
[29:49]Bye.
[29:51]Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have Time
[29:53]to Read Books.
[29:54]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Zebis Owens
[29:57]and at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[30:00]So sign up for my newsletter at zibbowens.com
[30:02]and sign up for my virtual book club
[30:04]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.
[30:06]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texturesound
[30:09]for the Sound Editing.
[30:10]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[30:12]for providing this fantastic intro and outro music.