Dacía James Lewis,THE GAME OF LIFE: Releasing the Weight When God Says Wait

[0:49]Zibby Owens: Hi. This is Zippy Owens and you're listening to the award winning podcast, Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. I'm also the host of Moms Don't Have Time to Lose Weight, and I'm the editor of the anthology, which you should run out and buy, called Moms Don't Have Time to A Quarantine Anthology.

[1:04]Dacía James Lewis: All proceeds of that book go to COVID nineteen Vaccine Research. And I'm the editor in chief of Moms Don't Have Time to Write, a new publication on Medium, and we're accepting submissions, so please send your personal essays there. And if all that isn't enough, you can follow me on Instagram at Zibby Owens, and my website is zibbyowens.com. Okay. Now back to this amazing podcast. Welcome to another day of my June Book Blast. It is Life Advice Saturday and these few episodes will help set you on the right course and give you some wonderful thoughts and perspectives on leading your best life. Dasia James Lewis is the author of The Game of Releasing the Weight When God Says Wait. Dasia is a creative executioner known for her professional poised, outgoing personality, and infectious smile. After graduating from Texas State University with a BS in sociology, she moved to LA to pursue her passion of working in the entertainment industry. That's where she started her career as a production assistant while continuing to train as a dancer. She has served as creative director and choreographer on multiple marketing campaigns for brands such as Weight Watchers and Pantene Pro V, and has choreographed in graced stages with artists such as Tracee Ellis Ross, Jennifer Hudson, Jamie Foxx, Kanye West, Stevie Wonder, Mary J. Blige, and more. Her recent performances include Coming to America and Genius Aretha. Dacia is the president of Women Wives Warriors, an organization that inspires women all over the world to reach their potential in spirit, soul and body, and is the owner of DOP Entertainment. When the Game of Life author is not on television and film sets, she's busy creating content for her company and or serving youth ministries. Dacia teaches and speaks worldwide at dance studios, universities, conferences, and various church events. She resides in Atlanta with her husband Walter and is currently getting her MA in writing and digital communication. Welcome, Dacia. Thank you for coming on moms don't have time to read books to discuss the game of life. Thank you for having me. It is such a pleasure. I love, by the way, that you started the whole book with the game of life, which I also loved to play as a kid, by the way. Yes. And I found It's one of my Those tiny little pegs that you put in the cart. I know. It is one of my I used to play all the time with my cousins. And it's it's so funny because we have, you know, some people like monopoly and some people like twister or, you know, the different types of games. But the interesting part that I found with the with the game of life is it's usually females playing the game. I don't know many males that are playing the game of life. It's true. It's so true. I kind of prefer I really liked Scrabble. That was my favorite board game. But I did really I did like Monopoly in Life too. I don't know. Did you ever play Scrabble? Really? Didn't. I played Scrabble. I was not good at it, but I played Well, okay. Your book, first of all, I misinterpreted at first and I thought it had something to do with weight, like meaning your weight. And then of course, as soon as I opened it, I was like, Oh, I'm a moron. No, of course, this is all about the waiting game and infertility. Oh my gosh, it was great. And so, you know, I loved how you interwove your interwove. Is that even a word? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I think it is today. Well use it. Your journal entries from that time of your life when you were really struggling and how you use terms like doing a spiritual autopsy and just trying to reckon with being, you know, a spiritual Christian and not getting what you want from God. Tell me about writing this book and why you decided to make it into a book and in your journey and everything. The interesting part is that, like you said, it's journalistic. No one ever expects anyone to read their journal, right? Because it's such an intimate thing. It's so personal. And during that season, and it was like over a matter of maybe six years, not really knowing how to process my thoughts. I think sometimes, think as Christians, you know, there is this place, take it to prayer, take it to prayer, take it to God in prayer. And it becomes a ritual and a rite and, you know, just this routine thing. And it wasn't fixing the thoughts in my head, really. It really was not. And so I had to come face to face with myself by looking at my journal. I actually went back years prior and saw how devastated I was. And as I started to move out of that place, and I think moving out of that place as journaling is therapeutic in a sense, but it was when I started to see myself in this sense of entitlement from reading my book, like God owes me something because I'm a servant or, you know, feeling like why would you do this to me, you know, and we are not not susceptible to trials and tribulations in life. And for some reason we feel that we do, but it's because we've experienced such a good God right when you when you see the blessings flowing, and you're like, God, you're so good. Okay, do it again. Do it again, But we're not ready for those valley seasons. And so I think around six or seven years into the journal when I was looking back, I was like no longer in that place. And I had therapy and all of that. Interesting enough, I was in my prayer time and God was like, that's a book girl, because if you felt like that, somebody else is feeling like that. And so I was like, it's a book. I don't even know how to write a book. How do I even do this? And it becomes difficult because there's no outline. These are just journal pages I'm just throwing. Do I put this? Do I put this? And it's so literal. Cut and paste was literal for me. I was cutting the paper and moving it around, playing puzzle pieces, trying to put this book together. So to come full circle and see it, it's really fulfilling. And it has really been a blessing to hear the testimonies of so many people, so many women in the waiting season, not necessarily just from a fertility season, but just people are waiting for marriage, people are waiting for breakthrough, people are waiting for healing or healing for their family members. And if they don't see it, it's just me trying to give you hope in the waiting season. And the wait part, yeah, it's a play on words, right? So the weighty part is the anxiety, the disparity, the hopelessness, the depression, all of these weights that'll hold you down from progressing forward and feeling hopeful in life. I love that because everyone has been through something which has required a weight of some kind. Everybody knows that feeling, especially when things are out of your control, right? It's the worst, particularly for people who like feeling like everything is in their control and you just By nature. It's like we like we can control it. And you know, God is a sovereign God. We can't control it. Although we think we can, we have no control over certain things. And for me, that was a part of the deliverance in writing the book is like, look, I'm gonna give this and release all this weight to you. I can't handle it anymore. I can see when it got when I got to a place of agnosticism and really questioning if God was real, I literally was face to face with myself like what is what is truly wrong. And when you really come to that place of vulnerability and transparency in your spiritual walk, I believe that God will start to show you where you started to taint your vision of him through your mounting disappointments and experiences, be it you or the experiences that you've seen around other people when you feel like he didn't come through. And yet his mandate is like be fruitful and multiply as you point out in the And then you're like, so then why am I suddenly barren when this is what you want from me? Like, what the heck? Right. Yeah. These are your promises. And you said that you're you're you're not a man that you shall lie, nor the son of man that you should repent, that all your promises are true. So why is it not coming true for your daughter? Talk to me, you know? And I believe that our heart's desires, the things that we desire in life are truly God's desires for us. But there is this element of perfect timing that we all forget about. I can't imagine it happening to a kid in my late 20s. I can't even imagine having a kid in my early 30s because I was so driven in another life, so selfish, you know? And I believe that God was He will teach us things during that wait, either about ourselves or even about the people that around us and how we can be more loving and giving to other people. So it's perfect timing too, you know? It's that scripture I think is Proverbs twenty twenty one, like an inheritance gained too soon will be lost in the end. It can't come quicker. If it comes quicker, like what are you gonna do? It's like giving a baby a keys to a brand new car. What are they going to do with it? Like, what can you do with it? Crash it. Well, I love how you put all these interviews with different sort of celebrities or notable women or people sort of reflecting back on their timing and what it was like for them. And did they miss their moment? And did, you know, when they were 20 and at the height of fame, you know, Tyra Banks, example, was she thinking about having kids or what happens later? And then of course on top of that is the timing that's like a miracle that like really any children are conceived. I mean, it's really the odds. It's just like, how does it ever work? But it does. Doctor. It is truly a miracle. And even if, you know, for those that might be dealing with infertility or aberrant season, whether it's the male or the female, and even as you start to contemplate procedures, it's still a miracle because sometimes the procedures don't And work, so literally you have to take a step back and be like, You are in complete control. Whether you decide to go natural or whether you decide alternative procedures. There is still this force that has the ultimate say. Relinquishing control is the key to really manifesting those things into existence. That's my thought. Always say that my last I have twins who I was 30 when they were born, but then I really wanted more kids. Anyway, whatever. Long story. I won't get into it. But they were a total miracle. I like had this kid and I I thought I was done. I had given away all my baby stuff and it was almost physically impossible that I could I was going to get pregnant right then, but I did. And like, that's all I say is like, oh my gosh. And then it was like a joke because right after I had that baby, I got pregnant again and my doctors were laughing, you know? So anyway, these miracles happen and I always tell my kids, there's such miracle. I don't know. It's just like divine intervention. That's what I always say. Absolutely. I mean, it's stories like those that are inspiring just in general and attest to relinquishing Relinquishing. Relinquishing. I know this morning. It's 9AM over here, Zuby. Okay. Control is such an imperative part of that if you ask me. There's something about the surrender that gives the universe this turn. I don't know. I buy into it. I wholeheartedly agree. Do. So you revealed a lot about not just yourself, which, of course, as most memoirists do by trade essentially, but also your husband who at first didn't even wanna get tested for his, you know, his own stuff. And yet now all of his personal information is there. Cool with that? I mean, what is that like? He's a trooper. My husband is very supportive, number one. And the other side of that is this experience has been so humbling for him. He's like, I don't care. God has taken me to the ultimate place of humility that tells the world in hopes that it will be a blessing to someone else, right? Because in this case, my husband was the one diagnosed with male factor infertility. And a part of my healing was speaking on my entrapment and what I felt at that time. 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[16:13]Dacía James Lewis: Right? I'm not telling him to get on the mantle and speak with me. I'm not telling him to hop on the platform and tell his story in his own words. These are my words. This is my perception of my reality. And sometimes we can feel like we're invading someone else's life with our truth, but it's my truth because I'm experiencing it. And I believe that we have ownership of that. And if it was a very sensitive subject for him, I probably would have wrote it in written it in a third person, right? So for him, he's cool. And then he has his talks with men, and they feel comfortable. Friends of ours that have read it, they're like, oh, us two men, and he'll talk about it with them. So I think that eventually it'll become an Us thing and we'll probably do marriage ministries and talk about all the struggles that encompass this and other things. But he's so cool with it. Calls himself the co author. Nice. Because his story isn't. He's like, I'm a co author here. And what about the quote idiot boyfriend who gave you or not even boyfriend, the guy who gave you the thing that was, I don't even want to say it in case you, I mean, I know you write about it, but I don't want like give away your stuff. But, you know, that guy Yeah. Read the book. Read the But that guy, did he read the book? Do you have any idea? Are you still in touch with him? No idea. I should have someone speak to him, like, on the slide. I wonder. You're gonna FedEx and McCopick or something? That's a really Yeah, I wonder. That's a really good question. I won't say. I won't say because if I say what era it was, people are going to know off bat who it is. I don't want say what era. I think he needs an anonymous delivery. If I find this address, I'll send it to you and I'll do it. Will totally do it. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. A part of that too is deliverance and liberty and freedom because there's a taboo subject around that thing. We won't say what that thing is because we want them to read books, but that too. I felt like exposing that and feeling like our past hinders our future. And sometimes it really does because there are things that can happen that can be a hindrance later on in life. But in this case, it's mental shackles too, right? Because you're like, Oh, what happened? What did I do back in the day that would have thankful this situation or my blessing from God? What did I do? And internalizing those things. So that was a part of freedom too, because God is a God who forgives. He doesn't care. He heals and things like that. So that was healing in and of itself. It's like, yeah, I said it. What do you have to say to it? You can't judge me for it now because I've given to you to speak about it. No shame. Wait. Will you tell me a little more about your really exciting career? I mean, you've done such cool stuff. And now, by the way, I saw on your website, I don't know if this is even still true that you still offer a hip hop. Do you still offer a class on Saturdays? Do. Okay. My girls and I are gonna have to do this. Yes. I do. If I'm not available, which is rare because I kind of have etched it into my schedule. But yes, Saturday mornings, and this started during the pandemic. I figured. I started, you know, offering class for free as a way to give back. And it's a nice, good sweat. So yes, Saturday mornings, I do offer a beginner, very groovilicious class because everyone is not a dancer. If I, you know, they came in and I gave them twenty five eight counts, they probably would never come back. I don't even know what that means. So, okay. Right. Exactly. So it's like a move in a groove like something that you would enjoy. The music is phenomenal. So yeah, truly have been blessed career wise. I moved from Galveston, Texas. After I graduated from college, I went to Texas State University, and my degree is actually in sociology and biology and with the intent of going to medical school to become a pediatrician because I do love kids. I really love kids. But that was the agreement that I had with my mother coming from a very small town mentality. Be a teacher, be a doctor, be a lawyer. The goal is to get you a good, stable job. And we made a deal. We shook. And I said, Okay, I will do this because this is your perception of your reality for me. But then I need for you to trust me as I take a leap of faith and really go pursue the thing that I believe that God put in me. And she was kind of distraught and shocked and did not believe it until my car, my Honda Civic was packed up to the top with my map quest in my passenger seat. I was pulling out of the garage and she's like, Oh, you're serious. I said, I told you, I was serious. I am out of here and I drove to Los Angeles and the rest is history. And within that year I had got into production school and I also, know, became I became a P A production assistant for those or what they used to call a gopher. Go get this goal that, go pick that up. And I went to this amazing school, Streetlights. I don't even know if Streetlights is still open, but it was a nonprofit school that was cultivated to put people of color in the industry, more people of color in the industry. And so I got into that school and they put me out to work. And one of the greatest jobs that I've ever landed as a production assistant was Dream Girls. While I was working on Dream Girls, I was able to meet some amazing people. And Then I was just dancing for fun on this side. A friend of mine who was a choreographer said, Hey, Dacia, I think you need to get an agent and start dancing full time because you pick up choreography well. I knew I always wanted to be a dancer or choreographer, but somewhere in my mind, you know, where my mom, you know, had kind of implemented this. This is not a real job situation. There was a hesitancy there, I would much rather be a producer or a director or some something that felt a little bit more stable, but was still in the entertainment industry. But I stepped out on faith, and it was such a moment because my first gig was the Grammys when I stepped out on faith as a dancer. And to me, that's what God needed to confirm that was my route for me. Because if it was like a smaller gig, I probably still would have been like, do I really want to do this? But when you hit the Super Bowl of music, know, that's you're like, oh, oh, wait, you doing something for real, for real, for real. So that was just kind of like the start of my career. And then I can tell you something after that big job, I think for a year, it was like silent. I was like, are you kidding me? What the this is like, ride the wave, know, what's next? What's next? And I remember the next day, I went to audition for stomp the yard. And I bombed that audition, like bomb. I was like, what the heck, God, you know, I'm hot, you know, he's like, no, you're not hot. Go sit down and continue to train. Like go continue to train. And so I just continue to train and just get better and better as a dancer, which making a dancer is much better than being a PA because the money and the hours, you know, sixteen hours seventeen hour days as PA eight hours as a dancer, almost the same rate. Yeah, I think I'm definitely gonna go as a performer. So then things obviously picked back up. Yeah, they did. I don't know what was next. Oh, maybe low, you know, low, low, low, low. That's the one with Flowrider. I'm definitely in that video. Don't tell anyone. I'm gonna go watch it right now. I'm gonna go watch it. Will. I'll I'll be I'll like in the back. I don't even remember. Yeah, I got an agent and everything just kind of started to start to manifest to confirm that this was the place that I was gonna be. And I started to teach, you know, choreography and it really affirmed that thing that was put in me like it really affirmed that thing that was put in me and once I finished dream girls, I did get a call from Jennifer to choreograph her tour Jennifer Hudson And so I ended up choreographing her tour after that. And so many great jobs. Fatima Robinson is the top of the top cream of the crop muse of choreographers. And when I tell you once I met her on Dreamgirls because she was a choreographer of Dream Girls. I worked with her so much from black eyed peas to the Soul Train Music Awards to VT like literally Dream Girls really set the trajectory. And although I thought I was going as a production assistant, I was actually making those connections that were was going to take me back to the original plan that God had for me. So what is coming next for you now? You have this book obviously and accompanying publicity and like what about the dance stuff and like how are you managing all of this? How how am I? Okay. How am I managing? I don't know. Pray for me. I'm asking. Pray for me. I am currently doing as much press as possible. My schedule has been crazy with press for the book, which is phenomenal. But there's also summertime coming up, so I do like to dedicate a lot of my time by sewing back into summer camps. So there are three or four summer camp camps that I have lined up where I will be teaching kids the business of show business and really the audition room how to audition well, and that will probably encompass a lot of my summertime as well as I am in graduate school. I am getting my master's and I have summer session and fall session and then I will be done with my master's. And so I am busy, busy, but busy doing what I want to do. That's what I'll say in this season. But it gets to this point to where time management is important for me. And I am at the place where I can say no to things. If it's not benefiting me or benefiting my purpose, it's never about the money for me, but the purpose. It's purpose over popularity for me. And so I'm really going to continue to hone into the things that I feel that God has called me to do in this season. And then of course, can catch me on Come to America, which is on Amazon and Genius, which is on Hulu and any other secret projects. Can't tell you right now, but if they go to my website, I always keep them updated. Okay. I saw Coming to America too. Now I have to go back and watch it again. Oh yeah, you got to go watch it. You you know, I'll tell you that, you know, when you oh, I don't know. Some people might not have seen it, but it's like the beginning scene when you see Gladys Knight, but I'll just say that. When you see Gladys Knight, and you'll see me in the right corner of her. No way. Okay. Yeah. Right to the right. Yeah. She was amazing. Oh, so gracious. Okay. Great. Oh, Gladysheim was amazing. Oh my gosh. Well, now I have all this fun stuff I get to watch again. You know, this is great. Okay. You know, time management. Insert watching footage because this is work. Right? Yeah. I'm kinda Yeah. It's amazing. Again. Yeah. Research. Yeah. Research. Yeah. Gotta be better prepared for next time or something. Awesome. Thanks. Absolutely. Well, Dacia, thank you so much for coming on the show. Congratulations on your book. Good luck with all of the publicity and getting through all of that. And thanks for stopping in here. Thank you so much. I appreciate you having me and you have a wonderful day. And when you're ready, I will FedEx that book to that guy. So don't forget. I'm not even kidding. I'm not kidding. Okay. Keep it in the back of your I'll keep that in the back of my mind. It'll come up. Just wait. Okay. Bye bye. All right. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to part of my June Book Blast. I hope you enjoy it. Come back tomorrow for more.

[28:19]Zibby Owens: Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Zibby Owens and at moms don't have time to read books. Also, sign up for my newsletter at zibbyowens.com

[28:30]Dacía James Lewis: and sign up for my virtual book club and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week. Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texture Sound for the sound editing, and thank you to Morning Moon Productions for providing this fantastic intro and outro music.