Cameran Eubanks Wimberly, ONE DAY YOU'LL THANK ME
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[0:53]Today's episode is sponsored by beekeepers' natural.
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[2:09]no time. And the promo code to enter is no time. An O-T-I-M-E. So go check it out, and I'm excited
[2:20]to expose you to this great brand. Cameron U-Banks Wimberly is the author of One Day You'll
[2:26]Thank Me essays on dating motherhood and everything in between. She is an alumna of Southern
[2:32]charm, the hit Brava Reality series, and also the real world. She is a real estate agent based
[2:38]in Charleston, South Carolina, where she lives with her husband Jason and their daughter Palmer.
[2:43]I recorded this conversation with Cameron through Anderson's bookshop on a late night when
[2:50]everything went wrong with her technology. And this episode could have probably been filmed in,
[2:56]I don't know, 15, 20 minutes or something like that. But it took us almost an hour and 15 minutes
[3:00]in the end. So it was really fun. We had a lot of laughs to forgive any awkward cuts in and out
[3:06]due to Wi-Fi and technical issues. All right. Well, welcome, Cameron. So excited. We get to chat.
[3:13]I was worried that wasn't going to happen. But how do I go on a sale? Oh, gosh, this is not going to
[3:18]work. Okay. Thank y'all so much for being so patient. I wish I could see you and see your faces
[3:23]and say, hey, do you? And thank you. So be for doing this. Oh, it's my pleasure. My pleasure.
[3:28]Got to hone my little stand up. Anyway, all right. Well, Cameron, first of all, congratulations on
[3:35]writing your book One Day You'll Thank Me. Oh, thank you today. Thank you. Thank you so much.
[3:41]I can't, it was so hard for me to come up with a title for that book because, you know, you're like,
[3:46]what do I want to call my book? Oh, God, this is a big decision. And then I thought about that,
[3:50]because that's one thing my mom always used to say to me is one day you'll thank me for this. So
[3:55]that that's how the book came to be. That's a great title. I love it. It's perfect. So, Cameron,
[4:00]what made you write a book? Why did you, how did this come about? So obviously being on reality
[4:07]television, it gives you a platform and an audience for a brief window of time. I was joking earlier
[4:13]today that in a few years, I will just be a washed up reality television star. So if I'm gonna write
[4:18]a book, now is the time to do it. And really being on southern charm, I you obviously have access
[4:25]to social media and people can DM me on Instagram and women would DM me nonstop about like relationship
[4:33]advice, asking me about my indecision to have a child. It seemed to really resonate with a lot of
[4:40]women and women would write me and say, oh my gosh, like I resonated with you, with your whole
[4:45]breastfeeding, laundry. And I thought, you know, I'm sitting here in my DM's like writing like
[4:50]counseling these women, I may as well just put it all in a book that you can hold and it's
[4:54]is tangible. Perfect. And I bet that has not stopped the DM's. I bet you to say that.
[5:02]And I feel so guilty because I can't get to them all, but I do. I try to read as many as I can.
[5:09]So when you sat down to write about new motherhood and this whole thing, how did you go about it?
[5:14]Did you decide like, all right, I'm gonna start from way back when in dating and just go all the way
[5:19]through like, how did you even decide on the scope of the book? And then what was it like just
[5:24]getting it all down and like reliving it? Well, I figured I still get asked about the real world
[5:30]all the time. Some of y'all are probably too young to even have been old enough to watch it back in
[5:36]the day. But the world wants to be a pretty big deal and it's heyday back when I was on it. So
[5:41]I figured I may as well start the book with the real world because that's a question I get all
[5:46]the time. And then, you know, there are there are parts of my life on southern charm that I didn't
[5:51]really talk about. I really didn't talk about my relationship. I kept that private. I kept Jason
[5:56]private kept my marriage off the air. So I knew I wanted to use the book as as a way to be more
[6:02]open and honest about that so people could feel like they really got to know me. And then I just
[6:07]yeah, I would get in the bed. I would drop Palmer off it at school. I'd get cozy. I'd get in the bed
[6:14]and I'd just start writing. It came pretty easy to me. All the whole process was about
[6:22]about a year and a half. That's not too bad in the grand scheme of book project world.
[6:28]Amazing. Well, tell me about what it was like debating whether or not to have a child and your
[6:37]initial reluctance, which you were really open about in the book. And I so appreciated because a
[6:41]lot of people don't discuss it or they feel very judged about that. Speaking of, here is Palmer
[6:47]and Jason really quick. They want to say hi to y'all. Hold on. Palmer just had her back. Hey.
[6:52]Oh, thank you. He's real. He exists. Palmer, show me a little else.
[6:59]I'm good. Okay, but mine. All right. Okay. So cute. The question was before I got interrupted
[7:09]about being so open about whether or not to even have children. Yes. So I mean, having a kid is
[7:16]a pretty big deal like bringing another human into the world. I think is the decision that
[7:21]should not be made lightly. For me, I was never like the little girl that played with baby dolls and
[7:27]like, you know, had the stream of having a big family. And it felt guilty for a long time because,
[7:33]you know, after you get married, people start saying, when are you going to have a baby? And I was in
[7:37]my 30s and to make a very long story short, it finally got to the point where I started to think,
[7:43]I might regret not doing this. And you know, I'm getting older and if I'm going to do it,
[7:48]I should probably do it now. And I know I'm not going to regret having a child, but I might regret
[7:54]not having one. And I'm so glad that I did it because it has been the best thing that it's
[7:59]it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's also the hardest thing that's ever
[8:02]happened to me. It's it's all the things. Motherhood is all the things. Yes. Well, thank you for
[8:09]being so open and sharing. Karen, when you were leaving the hospital with Palmer and you were trying
[8:14]to deal with the car seat, you said, what the heck do I do with this? And I feel like that is
[8:19]basically the big question and all of parenting. Like, what do we do with this? What do we do with
[8:24]this situation? What do you have to put in a car seat? But what do we do as as all the things change?
[8:30]So tell me about that. What do you do with all the uncertainty? How do we, how the heck do we do
[8:36]with this? So one thing that I tried to make common in the book is when you become a mom,
[8:43]there is something kind of primal that takes over. It's like a superpower that you've never had before
[8:48]and you get this, you all of a sudden get this keen intuition or at least I did. And you can read
[8:57]all the books in the world and take all the advice in the world. But ultimately it's really
[9:02]only you that knows what's best for your baby because your baby is unlike any other baby and you
[9:07]are unlike any other mother. So that is what I tell people. And then obviously with stuff like
[9:12]the car seat and all that, thank God we have Google because that when mom had me, you know, if she
[9:19]had an issue with the car seat, she was screwed. At least now, you know, you just get on your
[9:23]cell phone and you did, you know, you can watch a YouTube video. I remember the stroller I got,
[9:28]I used to always have trouble unhinging it and I would just get on YouTube and watch the video and
[9:33]it was no problem. I think I took my car seat to the fire station. Honestly, I feel like
[9:38]had to go to get it installed properly. I mean, I didn't go myself. I think, I don't know.
[9:42]I think my ex has been dead for so many. Anyway, yes, so crazy. Well, in addition to you leaving
[9:47]with the hospital, you got the car seat in and then you went home and you had six weeks of what
[9:52]you called the baby blues, which sounded very much like those part of depression and I felt my
[9:57]heart was just breaking for you crying every day for six weeks.
[10:00]tell me about that feeling and you know you were beating yourself up for being sad on top of being
[10:05]sad. Well you know I don't think it's weird when I was in the hospital they they give you a
[10:12]little questionnaire to ask you know and of course you've literally just had the baby so you know
[10:18]I don't think your hormones are necessarily raging at that point and so of course when I left the
[10:22]hospital I felt totally fine but then a couple days after being at home I remember one night I
[10:29]started crying and I looked at Jason and I said I can't believe we did this to our life.
[10:34]We had such an easy life we used to sleep why did we do this and of course you feel so guilty
[10:40]feeling that because you love this little baby you know you would step in front of a car for this
[10:46]child that you also feel just it's it's hormones it's hormones you can't help it it's not your fault
[10:53]it was extremely hard for me but at the same time I knew in the back of my head this is not
[10:59]who I am this is not really the way that I feel this is a chemical reaction happening in my brain
[11:04]and it's not going to last forever so I at least was aware of the fact that it was not my fault.
[11:11]That's a huge awareness I mean that is a lot to be able to identify that and and go easy or
[11:17]on yourself for us especially when you're in the through. My mom had it and she luckily talked to me
[11:22]about it and and I knew there's a genetic component to it so. So you're on the lookout.
[11:27]Yeah you had a whole chapter about what about having a second child and how you know clearly
[11:35]nobody is satisfied with whatever you do whether you have a kid like great now they want another kid.
[11:44]Girls have to have a board yeah so how do you deal with this sort of public pressure I mean this is
[11:50]your life right and all these people are weighing in on it how do you deal with that and also
[11:55]you know talk about your decision that one is enough for you like that's fine.
[12:00]So I think and what I tell people and what I have learned through all this is just don't talk
[12:07]about these things with women don't ever ask a woman when are you going to have another child are
[12:13]you going to have a baby are you thinking about having baby when are you going to get pregnant
[12:17]because you never know what that woman is going through for all anybody knows I could have been
[12:23]trying to have a baby for the last six months and had you know two miscarriages nobody knows so
[12:29]it's best just to keep your mouth shut and leave leave bringing a child into the world up to the
[12:36]person that is actually doing it and not give your opinion and don't ask and obviously people
[12:41]don't mean anything by it they can't help it but those questions can end up hurting somebody
[12:47]that you know that might be having issues with it so I just I say don't ask don't ask the question
[12:53]that's a great point yes you never know I mean and so many areas you just never know what
[12:58]anyone's going through about really anything we're going through but for me I again it just goes
[13:04]back to me trying to be self-aware tuning out you know societal pressures and and going with my gut
[13:14]because obviously my head my head says oh gosh Cameron what a horrible mother you are like you
[13:20]need to give Palmer a sibling you know I mean don't be so what's the word I don't know
[13:26]but then in my gut in my heart which I think is the part of you that you really should listen to
[13:30]we'll say Cameron more than one is going to put you over the edge and you are going to be overwhelmed
[13:38]and you're probably not going to be the best mother to two as you can to one and obviously there
[13:44]are women out there who can mother you know five and six children and they're spectacular at it
[13:49]now wish I could be that person but I'm not so I try to be self-aware and know that one is my
[13:56]limit and I would rather give Palmer a happy and sane mama rather than a sibling and you know
[14:03]I never say never I could wake up tomorrow and change my mind but that's where I am now
[14:08]well I don't want to pile on and be another person asking you about all these decisions
[14:13]in your life so I'm just going to let it go at this point and you do whatever is right for you
[14:18]and you know yeah that's what everybody do it's like Shakespeare said if I was to ever get a tattoo
[14:25]would be to that own selfie treaters be true to yourself don't don't worry what other people
[14:30]thinking it was fine I was talking to somebody earlier today and she said you need to have another
[14:33]one because if when you have two it's actually easier for you because they play together and you know
[14:40]one is actually more warm and I'm like oh god I did I have a point I have four kids and it is not
[14:45]easier they it's another it's another person for gosh say I mean it's like it's it's another person
[14:51]it's like if nothing else it's another set of forms for everything yeah although the other day
[15:03]they were talking about where they wanted to live and they're like oh well you know we're just
[15:07]going to take this house because yeah either you'll be dead or you'll live somewhere else
[15:10]I'm putting it out of my own house already like what what is going on you know utter
[15:17]I know someone's saying what about hubby he must be okay with just Palmer so he he would have
[15:23]if if I was if I was down for it he would have another child for sure he would have another but
[15:29]he's he's obviously loves Palmer and is very happy with our one but he would have another one he
[15:34]wants a boy but I'll get pregnant and I have twin girls so tell me about the way that
[15:41]your work and your public life in or how does that how do you sort of integrate that with your
[15:47]personal life how do you turn it on and turn it off well for me you know I did the real world when
[15:53]I was 19 years old so and I hate even using the word fame because to me you know I consider someone
[16:00]famous if they've like done something notable or if they have a talent or they I don't know I don't
[16:08]consider like reality television people famous because what have we really done we just we just
[16:15]live our lives on a TV show so the real world kind of gave me that little taste of like what
[16:20]it feels like for people to all of a sudden recognize you on the street and I truly compartmentalize
[16:28]it like I I try not to even think about it a lot I feel like I'm a normal person I live my life
[16:34]is a normal person I do not consider myself a celebrity by any means if anything it kind of weirds me
[16:40]out that anybody can even perceive me as that I mean I'm kind of boring to live that exciting of a
[16:45]life well what what kind of plans do you have going forward you are an amazing mom you're obviously
[16:51]so invested in Palmer and you know she's all over your Insta I mean you're you know you're so lucky
[16:58]in that way what do you have coming next you have this amazing book are you looking to do more
[17:03]I know what I have next I think I'm done with reality television for sure at least in the
[17:08]context that I have been on it I think if I were to ever go back on it it would have to be no drama
[17:13]like maybe like HGTV that's like my new speed of reality television I don't like the fighting
[17:20]I don't like the vitriol that the toxic it just it seems like the whole reality television world
[17:26]is like taking a dumpster dive lately and well Cameron if you can hear us do you want me to all
[17:32]the people here do you have any words of sort of wisdom or anything to say to them about your
[17:40]journey and this book and why it's so important to you well oh gosh I mean that's such a huge
[17:46]question I don't know I'm 37 years old I happen obviously I have a little bit of life behind me
[17:52]what I have learned from I would say motherhood and life in general is one be true to yourself
[18:00]listen to that inner voice and learn to decipher what is your head talking to you versus what is
[18:06]your heart I've been reading a lot of books about this lately and it's really it's helping me
[18:12]a lot in my life listening to my heart instead of my head because I think the heart will always
[18:16]lead you in the direction that is good for your life so that would be my biggest advice and I would
[18:22]say two girls that are not married and do not have children yet take your time it is not something
[18:28]that has to be accomplished by a certain age like society tells you live your life learn your
[18:35]lessons say yes to many different men so you can you know I don't want to say test drive that sounds
[18:41]bad but so you can learn you know who is the best partner for you and also as a potential
[18:48]father of your of your future children be open and yeah I guess that'll be my advice that's great
[18:56]you just that was great you've thought that out perfectly and what about one more piece of advice
[19:02]for people who are who would like to write a book aspiring authors oh my gosh just do it just get
[19:09]get on your computer and start writing it can be very cathartic it's almost like feel like writing
[19:15]a book it's it's kind of like going to therapy with yourself because you learn about you you learn a
[19:20]lot about yourself in the process of doing it so just get on your computer and start doing it
[19:25]amazing I love it I'm so sorry many technical difficulties
[19:32]okay bye thanks so much to be keepers natural for helping me through a sick day with the amazing
[19:41]cough syrup and cough spray throw spray that you have and thanks for helping all my listeners
[19:47]be keepersnaturals.com slash no time promo code no time thanks for listening to this episode of
[19:53]moms don't have time to read books don't forget to follow me on instagram at zippy Owens and at
[19:59]moms don't have time to
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