Felicia Luna Lemus, PARTICULATE MATTER
[0:08]Hi, I'm Zibi Owens and you're listening to the award-winning podcast Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
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[0:53]Today's sponsor is Tim Tebow's book Bronco and Friends, A Party to Remember, a new book from the New York Times best-selling author and football star.
[1:03]In a world that often expects everyone to look and act the same, standing out can make us feel less than.
[1:09]But as Bronco and his friends learn, bringing your own particular gifts to the party makes it more fun for everyone.
[1:15]This sweet story and adventure to remember reminds children and their favorite adults that every one of us is special, wonderfully made,
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[1:28]Felicia Luna Lemons is the author of novels Trace Elements of Random Tea Parties and Like Sun.
[1:35]Her writing has been featured in numerous collections and has appeared in many publications,
[1:39]and she is currently the visiting writer at Pitzer College.
[1:42]Particulate Matter is Felicia's new memoir set against the wildfires that plague California in 2020.
[1:49]This climate disaster served as a menacing backdrop as she chronicled her difficult year through a collection of still-lives, landscapes, and portraits in prose.
[1:58]The novel has been praised, well, I should say, in poetry. Well, you'll see.
[2:02]The novel has been praised by book list NPR Poets and Writers and Good Morning America,
[2:07]where I had it on my list of books I was really excited about. Enjoy our conversation.
[2:12]Welcome Felicia. Thank you so much for coming on Monster and have time to read books today.
[2:16]Thank you so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here to get to talk with you. Thank you.
[2:20]Oh, you too. Okay. Particulate Matter. Do you call it a poem? How do you describe it? Because
[2:26]it's beautiful and made me feel so accomplished because like on this page, all it says is,
[2:31]don't they have an app for that? And I've read an entire page. So I feel like this is the perfect
[2:36]book for people who don't have time because each page just has about one sentence, which is great.
[2:41]Well, I'm glad that it's handy in that way. That's that's wonderful to hear. Very handy.
[2:46]Not your intention, but but aside benefit. I mean, it's, I think, you know, it's creative
[2:51]on fiction. I don't refer to it as a poem or memoir, but I think that it is a bit of both of those
[2:56]things. For me, it's it's just the best way that I was able to try to create a portrait of this
[3:01]particular moment in my life. And this was the form that it took. And in part, the funny thing
[3:06]that you say, you know, for folks who don't feel like have a lot of time to read, I felt like I
[3:10]didn't have a lot of a bandwidth and energy and head space at that particular moment to write.
[3:15]So I think part of it was, you know, things came out in a very concise form. And then I edited
[3:21]it even more to get it even more exact in the ways that I wanted it to be. So it could be
[3:28]there's something there's something to that I could hear that. So for listeners who don't know,
[3:34]why don't you tell us about the story that is encapsulated in the, in this work of creative non-fiction?
[3:41]Like what is it you needed to work through? Tell us like that time and place and the emotion,
[3:45]which obviously comes across on the page like immediately, but for those who haven't read it yet.
[3:49]Thank you. This is a piece that I wrote when my spouse was very ill. There was a point where
[3:55]she developed it. She's been a lifelong athlete her entire life and just an avid hiker, you know,
[4:00]played all kinds of competitive sports through school, always incredibly healthy. And out of nowhere,
[4:06]she developed adult onset asthma. She went away for a business trip at one point to Seattle.
[4:11]We live in Los Angeles. So she went away to Seattle where the air is wonderful. And you know,
[4:15]no air pollution or anything. So she's feeling much better with her asthma, came back home,
[4:19]and literally could not breathe. And was just this emergency situation where the doctor said
[4:24]it's truly a matter of life and death. You need to get to cleaner air immediately. So we lived in
[4:28]a very polluted part of Los Angeles. It was the air pollution that was making her sick. And it was
[4:33]an incredibly devastating moment for us to all of a sudden, I mean, it's that it's I can't think of
[4:40]many things that are to lose a loved one and to feel the fear of at any moment this person who I
[4:46]had a very tell wonderful happy life with all of a sudden might be taken away for no fault of her own.
[4:52]So if I wrote this in that year that we were experiencing, we had to live a part for a while.
[4:58]It was just a really hard time. It was a very hard time. And at the same time, I think it was one of
[5:03]those moments where I realized that these everyday details that are so sometimes you're just
[5:08]rushing around rushing around in life that I don't notice the I before did not stop to notice the
[5:14]beautiful things in the everyday. And all of a sudden, I was profoundly aware of them and grateful
[5:19]for that. Just any little thing that could get me through to the next day and to try to get us
[5:23]through this thing that we're going through. So and thankfully, the air helped. So that's, you know,
[5:28]been a wonderful, wonderful change in our lives. But yeah, this is the book that came out of that.
[5:33]It just, it's a love letter to her. You know, it's these were the things that I noticed when
[5:36]we had to be a part. And I was just facing the possibility of losing her. And it was a horrible,
[5:41]horrible thing to think about to do. What did she say when she read it? I think, you know, it's
[5:47]hard for both of us honestly. It kind of, it takes us back to a particular moment that we are
[5:53]so grateful to be past at this point. But she knows how much I love her. I mean, this is, this is,
[5:58]she's my one. And I think that, you know, I think, I think it's hard to read about a difficult
[6:03]moment in our life. But at the same time, it's a love letter. She knows it. She knows it's
[6:10]it's filled with love. And it's, and it's just how profoundly I adore her that, you know, it's the
[6:17]when you love someone so much, when something happens, it's really devastating. I mean, it really
[6:22]shook the earth from under, you know, I felt the earth shake when this was a possibility. So yeah,
[6:28]it's also so timely because of everyone sort of a collective inability to breathe right now with
[6:36]the pandemic emotionally, but also physically. I mean, this is the main effect that people have
[6:42]when the COVID attacks your lungs and you can't breathe. And it's like everyone is sort of going
[6:48]through their own version of this hell at the moment. You know, I mean, so this and the fire is even
[6:53]in the book, right? And then there were more fires. I feel like it's like, it's your own experience,
[6:58]but you're closely tracking collectively, certainly what everyone in Los Angeles is going through.
[7:04]Around the world, really. I mean, it's like a moment in time that maybe I don't know if you,
[7:09]I'm sure you couldn't have possibly intended it to mirror our reality, but it just goes to
[7:14]show how much your individual experience can really just reflect a greater collective.
[7:20]I don't know. That is like a total ramble. I hope you know what I'm talking about.
[7:23]No, thank you. I really appreciate that. I mean, I think it's just one of those things that,
[7:28]you know, we it was a profoundly vulnerable, making human experience and
[7:34]in whatever form that comes into our lives, we all experience it one way or other.
[7:39]And I don't wish that experience on anyone and the pandemic that we've been going through
[7:44]just the ways that it's so profoundly impacted people's lives and rippled out all across the globe.
[7:49]It's it's it's it's really it's horrifying. It's really awful. But you know, at the same time,
[7:56]I feel like I don't know. I'm just hopeful that there's something in what I wrote that can
[8:01]give some comfort to someone who maybe has gone through something similar. There's so much
[8:07]beauty in the world and also, you know, we all we all have pain and we all love and we all
[8:13]experience loss. And if there's any way to have that human connection, I mean, that's that would
[8:17]be I'd be really grateful for that. That would be really wonderful. I just like even just flipping
[8:22]through randomly like these simple images you have like this bean and cheese burrito is as always
[8:27]too much for me to eat. Your half is waiting for you. And then of course it's 10th. Well,
[8:31]is this person going to come back, right? The hearing in my right ear keeps going out quite
[8:36]whispers. I stand at the mirror and hold a flashlight to my ear. The whisper stop. The only
[8:40]scratching I could hear stopped. I keep walking into spider webs face first another web. I am beyond
[8:46]exhausted and numb. I don't want to get used to this. Oh, it's just so raw. It's like I'm reading
[8:54]your diary and you're here like in my computer. It's like this is our experience. You know,
[9:02]down the rabbit hole, we go the 10 minute nap with you on the new bed heaven. I hope we can keep it
[9:08]a cup of peppermint. You made for me with the spoonful of wildflower honey heavens. You
[9:13]heavens. Oh, it's so beautiful. It's really beautiful. But here, okay, so here is my question.
[9:19]How in terms of like making this into a book, because there aren't that many words,
[9:24]and it could have been just like, I don't know how long it would be if you put it in one
[9:29]like word doc or something. It could be totally technical now to get us away from this emotion and
[9:34]whatever. Like how did you, and it's so cute and small. Cute is the wrong word because this is a
[9:39]serious book. But like the format of it is so like compact. And like, how did you know this could
[9:46]actually be a book versus a novella or a short essay somewhere or like, and how did you convince
[9:53]somebody to publish it in this form? Because it's awesome. But I feel like people are always like,
[9:59]oh, publisher.
[10:00]just don't want those publishers, don't want that.
[10:01]And now here is a book which is totally different,
[10:03]which is in part why I wanted to talk to you about it
[10:05]because it's just so cool.
[10:08]How did it become a book?
[10:09]No, I mean, I think you hit on something though.
[10:12]If it really is in some ways like my diary
[10:15]of that particular time and experience
[10:19]and there would sometimes be like one thing
[10:22]that I would kind of fixate on in a day
[10:25]and continue to, my mind would just play with it
[10:27]all day, one detail from the world around me
[10:30]or something that I was noticing at home
[10:32]that normally I would just, you know,
[10:33]tell me about it at the end of the day in passing.
[10:36]And all of a sudden it had this huge importance
[10:38]and magnified kind of presence in my life.
[10:41]So I'd write it down.
[10:42]And so it'd be sometimes one sentence, you know,
[10:44]one particular detail that I would just try to capture
[10:47]as specifically as I could.
[10:49]Yeah, I think it's that thing of like,
[10:51]when you're going through something
[10:52]that is so all encompassing, sometimes that's how
[10:55]brain works through the situation.
[10:58]It's like I was giving so much energy
[11:00]to doing everything that I could to help her get better
[11:02]and to try to keep our life together.
[11:05]And sometimes all that I could focus on
[11:08]was one specific detail, but that's what got me through.
[11:11]It was that one particular beautiful detail,
[11:13]like a hummingbird's nest.
[11:14]You know, just this magical thing
[11:17]that the hummingbird's nest fell outside our house
[11:19]and all of a sudden it was there.
[11:20]And it was just like the most beautiful thing
[11:21]I'd ever seen in my life.
[11:22]And it gave me some hope and it made me sad too
[11:25]because I thought, well, there should be little birds
[11:27]in here, you know, so it was this whole mix.
[11:30]Everything just had the layers like that.
[11:31]And I'm lucky that I work with really wonderful publishers
[11:36]who are happy to take risks
[11:40]and are happy to try to push the boundaries
[11:44]of what's included in literature, you know,
[11:47]and Akashit books is just, I mean,
[11:49]they're amazing.
[11:50]That's what their whole purpose is to really expand
[11:55]those boundaries and to bring to the center pieces
[11:58]that may not be conventional in some ways,
[12:00]but that's still really like speak to a human experience.
[12:03]And hopefully, or good literature, you know,
[12:06]I mean, I'm hopeful that this lands in a way
[12:08]that even though it's so different,
[12:10]people will appreciate it as much as one of my novels.
[12:13]I didn't mean different would be bad.
[12:15]Yeah, different is very good.
[12:18]I mean, I feel like as somebody who reads like a zillion books
[12:23]and looks at books so often,
[12:25]even the books I don't end up reading,
[12:26]but I evaluate or whatever,
[12:28]to have something so different makes me stop and sit and look.
[12:33]And in a way that's also what these life experiences do to us,
[12:36]you know, you're going and going and going.
[12:39]And then next thing you know,
[12:40]you're not going anywhere.
[12:41]You're just forced to stop and sit.
[12:43]And I feel like the form of the book mirrored
[12:47]the sentiment of the book.
[12:48]So I think it really worked.
[12:49]Thank you.
[12:50]It's my own two cents.
[12:51]Tell me about more about your writing in general and novels
[12:54]and how you got started as a writer
[12:56]and like how we got here, you and me this afternoon.
[12:59]Because you very graciously invited me to come talk.
[13:04]Thank you.
[13:05]Yeah.
[13:08]You know, it's funny.
[13:08]I thought I was going to be an academic.
[13:11]So I studied history in college.
[13:13]And I absolutely loved it.
[13:14]And I was all geared up to go and focus
[13:17]on German history in particular.
[13:19]I was really interested in cultural history
[13:20]and all different sorts of things like that.
[13:22]And I went through my program as rigorously.
[13:26]I was a nerd.
[13:27]I'm just going to say that.
[13:28]I was an absolute nerd.
[13:31]So I was convinced that I was going to be a professor.
[13:33]I, you know, my professors were supportive of it.
[13:36]And then all of a sudden, about a year after I had finished that
[13:40]and I was actually in a teaching cadential program
[13:42]because I thought, OK, well, maybe I'd
[13:43]want to do this for a little bit first.
[13:46]I saw an advertisement in the OC weekly
[13:49]where I lived in Orange County in Southern California.
[13:51]That point was kind of like the Village Boys
[13:52]sort of, you know, publication.
[13:54]And it was a photograph of this historical figure,
[13:57]Maui O'Rourkeings, who was a photograph.
[14:00]I saw this picture.
[14:01]And I was like, oh my gosh, who is this punk right girl?
[14:04]Like she looked fierce and wonderful.
[14:06]And that was kind of my scene at that point.
[14:08]I thought, oh, there's got to be some great show that's
[14:10]coming through town.
[14:11]You know, it turns out that it was actually an Edward
[14:13]Western photograph.
[14:14]And there was some very classy, very, you know, lovely exhibit
[14:18]and living of each that I ended up going and seen.
[14:20]And the second I saw at this person,
[14:22]I had no idea who this person was.
[14:24]It was very little written about her at that point.
[14:26]I was just absolutely obsessed and compelled
[14:29]and could not stop thinking about her and started writing.
[14:32]And that was, that's how it happened.
[14:34]I was obsessed with this person that I couldn't find anything
[14:37]out about.
[14:38]And so I started writing these stories,
[14:39]trying to imagine who she was.
[14:40]And that material became part of what
[14:42]was then kind of transformed in my first novel.
[14:45]And I came back to it for my second.
[14:47]So that's where it went.
[14:49]It's the whole thing if you just have that one moment
[14:52]where everything changes course.
[14:54]And here I am.
[14:55]Wow.
[14:57]So tell me about, like, when did you get off the main track
[15:01]and sit and start writing and said, this is it?
[15:04]Like, did you sell, how did it work in terms of publication?
[15:07]Like, did you sell the pitches of that as a historian?
[15:11]Like, you know, tell me about that.
[15:13]I ended up going to graduate school,
[15:15]because I asked a nerd.
[15:16]I thought, OK, I don't have a, I felt
[15:19]like I needed to learn more and kind of be guided.
[15:23]And, you know, just learn more.
[15:25]I just wanted to know more about how to do this
[15:27]and to learn from some people who knew how to do it well.
[15:30]So I went to graduate school.
[15:32]And my thesis ended up becoming my first novel.
[15:35]And we just kind of, it was really difficult at first
[15:39]to try to get it placed.
[15:40]And then once it happened, it just all fits really beautifully.
[15:44]And I was really grateful for it.
[15:46]It was a really lucky kind of set of events that happened.
[15:50]So, yeah, amazing.
[15:52]And are you working on anything now?
[15:54]Oh my gosh, I'm always writing.
[15:56]And there's so much going on in the world right now
[15:58]that I'm trying to figure out what exactly,
[16:01]like, what the next project going to be.
[16:03]There's so many things that I've been thinking about.
[16:05]Yeah, it's going to take a minute.
[16:07]I think there's just so much going on in the world
[16:10]that is worthy of being addressed in a really smart way.
[16:15]And so I'm going to, I think it's going to take me a second
[16:16]to try to figure out how I might try to contribute to that.
[16:19]All right, we'll give you a second.
[16:20]Thank you.
[16:23]What advice would you have for aspiring authors?
[16:26]Oh my gosh, read everything you can,
[16:29]especially the things that inspire you.
[16:31]Read it as a book lover and also actively reading it
[16:35]to figure out how writers are doing the magic
[16:38]that they do that inspires you more really hard.
[16:41]Be kind.
[16:42]I think that's important.
[16:45]Be kind to the people who support you
[16:47]and take time to read your work and offer feedback.
[16:50]And be appreciative of all of that
[16:52]because it's always a group effort to get this stuff done
[16:56]and stay humble and just keep working hard
[16:59]and just keep at it.
[17:01]If it's what you love, it'll click.
[17:03]And don't forget to breathe.
[17:04]That's new, right?
[17:06]And stretch.
[17:08]I was especially right now
[17:09]with everything being on computer all the time.
[17:12]Be sure to go outside and enjoy a beautiful nature.
[17:16]You know, spend time with people
[17:17]that you find joy in and, you know.
[17:20]Stay human.
[17:21]I miss people, I miss people a lot.
[17:25]Anyway, well, thank you.
[17:27]Thank you for your time.
[17:28]I'm so glad our paths have crossed
[17:29]in this bizarre format.
[17:32]It is such as it is.
[17:34]But thank you for talking about your work.
[17:35]And I'm glad that your partner is okay
[17:38]and that you guys got through this
[17:40]and I hope you both have continued health
[17:42]and all the rest.
[17:44]So thank you.
[17:45]I really appreciate it.
[17:46]You and your family too.
[17:48]Yeah, thank you.
[17:49]Okay, all right.
[17:50]All right.
[17:51]Thank you.
[17:53]Thanks again to Tim Tebow
[17:55]and his book, Bronco and Friends,
[17:56]a party to remember for sponsoring today's episode.
[17:59]Go check it out at Tim Tebow.com
[18:02]slash Bronco and Friends.
[18:03]Thanks for listening to this episode
[18:05]of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[18:07]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram
[18:09]at ZB Owens and at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[18:12]Also sign up for my newsletter
[18:14]at ZB Owens.com and sign up for my virtual book club
[18:16]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.
[18:19]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texture Sound
[18:22]for the Sound Editing.
[18:23]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[18:25]for providing this fantastic intro and now trim music.