Lauren Martin, THE BOOK OF MOODS

2020-12-30 · 32:31 · Lauren Martin · Podcast Audio

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[1:42]I loved this episode with Lauren Martin and her book is one of my recent favorites truly Lauren is a Philadelphia based writer.

[1:51]She has been the head lifestyle writer for elite daily and a contributing writer for L complex and bustle magazines.

[1:58]She is the founder and head writer of Words of Women, a popular blog that aims to educate inspire and transform the lives of its 300,000 followers.

[2:06]Lauren is also the creator and author of the Children's YouTube series and book The Adventures of Mina and Jack featured in The New York Times, BBC Huffington Post and The Washington Post.

[2:16]Her new book, The Book of Moods, blends cutting edge science, timeless philosophy, woody anecdotes and self care advice.

[2:23]Lauren has written a powerful, intimate and incredibly relatable chronicle out transformation,

[2:28]proving that you really can turn your worst moods into your best life. This has been exceedingly helpful for me personally.

[2:34]I hope you enjoy it. Welcome Lauren. Thank you so much for coming on moms don't have time to read books.

[2:39]Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

[2:42]I literally cannot wait. I have like been counting down for this interview because your book,

[2:46]which is called The Book of Moods, how I turned my worst emotions into my best life,

[2:52]has been like the most helpful book I've read and it's like it's so much more. It's not self help.

[2:59]It's not memoir. It's like this perfect hybrid of like here's what happened to you and here's how I

[3:04]can help you and here's what you need to know and it's shifted my whole mindset on everything.

[3:10]So anyway, I'll just say maybe maybe you should jump in and just tell listeners what the book is

[3:16]really about what inspired you to write this book and then we'll go from there. I'm just so happy

[3:22]that you thought that because I was worried you know what the book being published during this crazy

[3:27]pandemic like oh wait is this going to seem trivial like is this but now I'm realizing more than

[3:33]other people are kind of locked in their motions and locked in these places that they did and I

[3:37]feel like we're dealing with such monotony but also it's like life is expanded and we kind of

[3:43]need something I think you ground us and I'm hoping this book is that but basically the book started

[3:47]obviously before COVID hit five years ago. I was living in New York basically with in my 20s

[3:53]and I had everything I wanted. I had a good job and magazine. I adjusted with my boyfriend. I was

[3:59]living in New York City but I kept I don't want to say breaking down but just like ruining my days

[4:06]and I would get in these bad moods and one day I came home from a really bad day at work

[4:11]and I remember I was in a bad mood. It was a bad commute. I was just irritable and my husband was

[4:16]there and he was just always in a good mood and he was making dinner and he was excited to see me

[4:20]and I was just I think like I was just cranky. I was mean. I was I was moody and I couldn't get out of

[4:27]it and he like poured me a cup wine and he was trying to talk and eventually he didn't snap

[4:31]and this was after like probably six months of living together and he was like I can't do this

[4:35]any months. Like I really can't live with someone who cannot control like it's exhausting like

[4:41]these up to me sounds and I realized for the first time and I think when you live with someone

[4:46]you're forced to look at yourself in a different way. I realized like my moods didn't just affect me

[4:51]they affected him and you know it's one thing for me to have a bad day or bad week but like that

[4:56]affects those who you live with and you know I talk about in the book, moods is energy and energy

[5:01]transferable and it's just kind of it's a snowball effect and so that happened I kind of was like

[5:08]alright he's like we broke up for a little I also met this amazing girl which I talked about in

[5:14]the book in this bar and she was like what's wrong like why are you drinking on a Monday night and

[5:19]she just said it so simply she was like oh you just have moods like you too but she was one of

[5:24]those women who just like I could tell how to handle on them and I realized like okay like maybe

[5:30]this is something for me to figure out for women and maybe there's so many more women like me

[5:34]who feel this way who like can't seem to get through a day without obsessing over a mark

[5:38]or like you know looking in the mirror and it's not liking what they see and then just not being

[5:43]themselves and feeling bad and I just was like you know what I want to explore this so I spent

[5:48]five years studying all my moods just like anytime something coming about me it's like a comment

[5:53]for my mom a subway delay and I tried to kind of like organize them and evaluate them and then I

[6:00]started working on things to try and fix them like things I would read from psychology or

[6:05]your reality or science and then it's the book is kind of a whole I guess the solution of

[6:11]the best things I learned and the things that worked for me oh my gosh well first of all I am so

[6:16]with you on having moods and I wish that when I was your age I'm in my 40s now but I wish that

[6:23]back then when I was having so many moods like I had taken five years to sort them all out

[6:27]because I mean I you know I pursue different like tactics for a time that regulate myself but I

[6:35]think so many people have so what you're talking about which is just like moods that feel like

[6:41]they take over you and they almost go out of your control and they run they can run your life

[6:47]and exactly hurt your relationships and you always feel bad afterwards right like

[6:52]it didn't mean to say that it means to do that I didn't feel like myself and I feel like

[6:56]things like lack of sleep all these things are like triggering factors right like and then what do

[7:02]you do like what do you do with this whole composition of characteristics and your book just like

[7:08]answered the question in a way yeah yeah and it's like I tried to group I tried to make it because

[7:14]moods are very individualistic and I want people to like I'm not going to be triggered by the

[7:19]same things that you are and it's funny when we hear our friends complaining about their bad moods

[7:23]it seems so trivial but that's because that's their trigger and the book is broken up by my triggers

[7:29]you know family friendship beauty but at the core of those is the underlying emotion which is

[7:36]universal so it's like anxiety depletion and so even though it's you're seeing my triggers and my

[7:42]stories I think most people understand that feeling and that feeling and what I hope they do is

[7:48]start looking out for their own triggers which can be kind of fun in a way and like kind of like

[7:52]the love language like find your who's the trigger so true the chapter that I think stayed with

[7:57]me the most I shouldn't say I think one of the most compelling chapters was your chapter on beauty

[8:03]and like when you got a zit on your face and you didn't want to go to a party and to be honest when

[8:08]I read it I didn't know what you looked like I didn't even know at first how old you were until

[8:11]you gave it away in the book essentially held your but so after I read that whole chapter and

[8:15]basically it was you saying you felt so awful about how you looked and that you've always been

[8:19]comparing yourself to other people and you have to like come to terms with the fact that like you're

[8:24]not a pretty person and that's okay and like everyone feels ugly from time to time and let's

[8:29]it get them down but it's okay and you can power through and you like come to some like state of

[8:35]really like resolution on it and how to carry those feelings in the world and not let them get you

[8:42]down and whatever and then not to be like totally superficial but then I saw your picture and I'm like

[8:48]oh my gosh like what is she talking about like you are so pretty and then it made me my heart hurt

[8:54]for you even more that like you're not that it would have been okay for anybody to be with those

[8:59]up over it but you happen to be very pretty at the same time and for you to be feeling this ugly

[9:04]and you even talk about being with somebody else who like made you feel that way right like somebody

[9:09]you idolized it yeah like I can't believe she felt that way so it's almost like everyone's

[9:14]feeling that way so just tell me more about that whole section well first of all I so appreciate that

[9:20]and you know since the book has come out I never did into rambles before because I don't like to

[9:24]look at myself like I just I don't and I it's I talk about in the book I don't think women see

[9:30]themselves I think we just look in the mirror and see this compilation of all the things we

[9:35]can go wrong with that you know so I look in the mirror and like to my husband I it's a totally

[9:40]different he sees something completely different because I've grown up being like oh well you know

[9:44]my cheek wants to be better my lips to be plumper my eyebrows could be better and so I don't

[9:48]keep myself and that mood it's your second chapter because it was a big one for me and like

[9:55]especially living with a man who he's confident and

[10:00]You know, he didn't understand like I would have a visit and didn't want to go out and he was a cochanger

[10:06]And it just to me it was like but my beauty is my work and I think it was coming to terms of like my beauty is not my worst

[10:13]And also coming to terms of the fact that like I am beautiful

[10:17]But in my own way and I need to start appreciating that way

[10:20]And there's this mantra that I talked about in the book and it changed everything for me

[10:24]And it was the whole you're not pretty like her you're pretty like you and I think that

[10:30]I found that a few years ago and I made like a little sticker out of it and I put it on my phone

[10:35]And every time I was walking somewhere and like I saw like you know a beautiful girl in the street or just was comparing myself

[10:40]I would look at it and it started to like change something in my brain a little bit and really rewire it

[10:45]And now it's like I don't know if it's because I'm older or just practice it so much

[10:49]But I really do feel more confident and I feel like I have these amazing gifts to give and I have these unique things

[10:55]That make me beautiful and I'm gonna stop comparing myself to women and and and also when that happens

[11:00]I think you start appreciating one and more rather than comparing yourself again

[11:04]Some of you can start to be like wow this girl's amazing and I'm amazing and that was I swear this book was like

[11:10]I was writing through it as I was experiencing it so like every chapter my friends

[11:15]I let a few times read it. She was like this is a love letter to yourself

[11:18]Like this is really like beautiful because you're you can tell you're reckoning with something in each chapter

[11:24]And I think I really did go through the chapters in real time and kind of tough to experience that which is why I'm glad it resonated

[11:32]Just you totally even when you said like when you like you challenge us like go back and look at through photos from like three or four years ago

[11:39]And where you really as bad as you thought do you know?

[11:43]And I don't like yeah, and then also like being around older people and having them see the beauty in you as the youth itself

[11:50]And that that's something just so

[11:52]Intangible that like until you lose it you didn't even know you didn't even know you had it

[11:56]It's you didn't value it. It had no value to you at the time

[11:59]It was only once you lost it that it takes on its own value

[12:04]Exactly, I'd there's this amazing nor efron quotes that I put in the book

[12:06]And it's like if I could go back

[12:08]I would put a bikini on until age 35 and never take it off

[12:12]We just don't appreciate ourselves in the moment and then I always

[12:17]So like you fact that but right now I'm cute like why can't we just ever appreciate ourselves and and I think it does

[12:24]I talk about in the this chapter like kind of a little bit of the spiritual aspect of like you know washing dishes

[12:30]while washing dishes and yes, I loved that

[12:32]Appreciating the moment

[12:34]No, that was so great. I'm sorry. I'm cutting up. I'm like so excited

[12:37]I'm not even like you talk I use that the next day well because last night was last night of the night before last

[12:43]I had that that going on and there were so many dishes and even when my husband was cooking

[12:47]I was like, I sure you want to make like eight things and heat up four things and other pots because like that's gonna be a lot of dishes after

[12:53]You know, and he's like, no, it's great. Everybody's gonna want this. It's gonna go bad if you don't use it

[12:57]I'm like, okay fine and then of course there are a thousand dishes and you know

[13:00]I'm gonna be left to like go after two years. That's not true. I got I had some helpers

[13:03]But anyway, there I am like with my hands in the wet soapy water

[13:06]And I was like wait, this is a lot of talking about in her book like my kids are around me

[13:12]Everybody was sort of happy and I was like, you know why like this might be the best moment even though I'm I would normally be

[13:19]Annoyed and in a bad mood that I can all these dishes and did it and is it worth it and said that was like wow

[13:26]This is like a moment in time and like there actually a lot of great things going on

[13:29]And I was like, thank you thanking you for that as I got that like mindfulness boost from the book

[13:34]That is the most amazing thing to hear because like that's really all I think any author wants from a book

[13:39]It's just someone especially with a book like this. That's more self-help

[13:43]even if just one thing sticks with you and

[13:46]That changes the way that you perceive something or live your life that's a huge feat

[13:51]That's like amazing to hear and and I do the same thing when I was just not like Lauren

[13:56]Appreciate this right now. Like this is a great moment. Stop thinking about this future

[13:59]But you know what you'd rather be doing like this is a good thing to be doing right now your husbands in the other room

[14:04]You're washing dishes for the food that you just had like life is good

[14:08]And you even said something like you know, maybe you're washing dishes and eventually you won't be washing dishes for two

[14:13]You'll be washing dishes for one and that made me want to cry. Anyway

[14:17]It was it's just such a great the whole thing is such a great reminder of like making the best of life is really what it is, right?

[14:25]It's like yeah, I mean, I just felt like my bad moves

[14:29]I was I was wasting my life like I was wasting my life in these bad moves

[14:32]It's like why can't I be in a good mood more often because I know what I'm in a good mood on my best self

[14:37]Like I'm happy and cheerful and like my husband's with me the other day. He's like oh my god

[14:41]You're so like cute today. I was like why like I'm wearing like the drop like what pants you look

[14:46]You're just happier like you're happy and I think being happy

[14:50]Most women like you just

[14:51]We get to in our heads and we just get so distracted and then we're not ourselves

[14:56]It's so true. So just like what is your stand on

[15:00]Medication because I would say a lot of people might come back from this conversation and say like well

[15:04]Maybe she just needs like a higher dose of Zilloft or something like that

[15:08]Yes, I you know, I had been you know

[15:11]I think everyone kind of wonders once in a while do I have depression?

[15:15]You know my family my grandmother's bipolar, you know

[15:18]I think everyone wonders a little bit and I have you know

[15:22]Bins prescribed

[15:23]You know Xanax when I couldn't sleep and I talk about that in the book and

[15:28]I think there's a fine line when you know like this is a bigger issue

[15:33]Than something I can handle myself and I

[15:37]In high school a doctor did put me on like Zilloft

[15:39]I didn't say on it. I think I'm like a week and I was like, you know

[15:42]I this is ridiculous like I want to see if I can work this out

[15:45]And I've always had that and I think some people are just warm with a little bit more

[15:49]sadness and others or and I think especially artists and I find myself more

[15:54]intersective

[15:55]But the point of the book was kind of like

[15:58]I think a lot of women have this

[16:00]Amazing quality for empathy and this amazing quality for emotions. I mean we have so many emotions within our set

[16:06]I didn't want to lose that and

[16:09]I think this book is in my

[16:12]source of help and medication, but I do think you know when if it you know

[16:17]There is a time in a place for you to seek actual health and and I think

[16:22]There's a fine line and and I think you'll know when you should speak to your doctor if you are feeling those ways

[16:27]But I hope this helps those who aren't sure really and then maybe could be like the last try

[16:32]Totally so how did you find the actual writing of the book? Like now that you've like you loved it like where you do is there you are?

[16:40]No, no

[16:42]I don't love it. I talk about it in the book. I think it's the first chapter like I had you like did not want to do it at all

[16:48]And like looked at it like I was gonna break down

[16:51]Yeah, like I was freaking out because

[16:55]You know, I do come from a writing background

[16:57]But when you're doing it for and you probably know this when you're doing it for publications

[17:01]You have a deadline and just get it done

[17:03]Like it's just and I was writing like an article a day and it's just like whatever

[17:06]I didn't like you care

[17:08]But it wasn't just like wow

[17:09]This has been like my whole life leading up to this book and like this is a publishing company looking

[17:14]I mean you also understand because I know you're working on a book not to be crazy

[17:18]Not creepy

[17:21]I'm my book everything

[17:24]I just it was so anxiety inducing because I think I've started worrying so much about like if you're gonna sell

[17:31]Is it well written and that's when I really and I I started going to what I always did

[17:35]Which is words of women looking at how other women approached it and especially writers and I love writing advice

[17:41]I just love it

[17:41]So I was finding a lot of solace in how other women faced the blank page

[17:48]And I really and I took the best ones and I put them in the book

[17:51]And I feel like writing advice is really like life advice like you know focus on one more to the time

[17:56]Just pay attention to what you're working on

[17:59]Getting ahead of yourself so

[18:01]the process started is very chaotic and then

[18:04]As I was getting into it and finding a threading advice

[18:08]It got much calmer and then I blocked it. I loved it. I loved every bit of it

[18:12]Yeah, people think my podcast is about books, but really it's about life right because that's all writing ends

[18:17]It's all like stories and moments and that's what a good book is. It's just like a way into somebody else's life

[18:24]And into their heads and into

[18:26]Like their advice and all the rest. Yeah, and writers are just kind of like these vessels

[18:31]I'm just trying to explain our life experience

[18:34]And you know the things that we see in life and interpret out of life. So yeah

[18:38]I feel like the two coincides really well

[18:40]So tell me more also about words of women

[18:43]So you had all the quotes like because that's grown into like this huge thing now like so tell me about that

[18:49]Yeah, that was so

[18:51]five years ago

[18:52]I was like obviously in a dark place and

[18:55]You know, I have my boyfriend and I kind of broken up

[18:59]I'm at this girl

[19:00]I was really lonely too and I talk about friendship

[19:03]In the book because I felt like I was in New York

[19:06]But I wasn't really didn't have the college friends

[19:08]Anymore and the high school friends and you know, I had some coworkers, but I felt really lonely

[19:12]And I was kind of speaking at the time, you know

[19:17]Women with moods and trying to understand it better and I started finding all these amazing quotes

[19:21]That these women were saying and they really need me feel better

[19:24]And I think a lot of pain has to do with

[19:27]The loneliness of pain and how we feel so alienated by it like we must be the only one feeling this way

[19:34]So when I found these other women saying like I feel this way, I feel anxious

[19:37]I feel insecure and it would be like is it all russiany

[19:40]I was like oh my god, that these amazing successful powerful women feel the same way I do

[19:45]And I feel not only left alone, I feel really empowered by this

[19:48]So I started kind of putting the quote

[19:51]On to an Instagram account which at the same time

[19:54]I was like I'm gonna because I couldn't get a publisher at this point

[19:57]I was like an unknown writer

[20:00]you know, it's really hard to get a publishing deal. It's hard to get an agent. So I was like,

[20:03]you know what, I also published one day. So I was like, I'll sell this account and I'll kind of like

[20:07]lead in what I'm learning from the book and my own words and these amazing quotes and in five

[20:12]years I'll also publish. Five years goes by and I also have a newsletter and this woman

[20:17]reached out to me on the newsletter who worked in publishing and she was like, I love your

[20:20]newsletter. I love your account. You have an agent and it kind of went like full circle and I really

[20:24]believe if you like invest in yourself and like really and it's these quotes that I was putting

[20:29]towards the things that was like driving me to keep going and keep following my dreams and it just kind

[20:34]of grew organically because I think a lot of women like like knowing that they're not alone and

[20:40]also like here in these amazing stories of women and I talked about it in the book. I also wanted to kind

[20:44]of disrupt the feed because I think a lot of our mood and our insecurities come from just like

[20:50]scrolling through this like perfected lives of others these fake lives and we see like, oh,

[20:55]looks like beautiful girl and I got beautiful girl like friends hanging out without me and in

[21:00]between that I really wanted there to be just like an amazing quote that wasn't like cheesy or

[21:06]inspirational but like a really profound quote about life or friendship or just like the female

[21:13]condition that need to really kind of stop and forget about the rest and kind of think about

[21:17]something different. Would you do or maybe you already have this in the works or something like just

[21:23]a quote book like a beautiful coffee table book with all your quotes? I would love to do that. I

[21:29]had one publisher, I think my agent found, who dealt to me about doing it yet because but like

[21:35]I didn't let like I'm so particular because I've been doing it for five years. I basically did like

[21:40]a pitch to her with all these quotes I would use and this idea and she was like, no,

[21:45]like I just would rather have it be like, you know, she wanted like a Beyonce lyrics for the name of it

[21:51]and I was just like, that's not like the vibe of words of women. Like if I'm going to do it,

[21:54]I want to be done right. So I kind of taps on it. I'm kind of waiting for the right opportunity

[22:00]to really do it and do it right. But I would love to do that. Well, don't wait. Like you just send it

[22:06]out now. Like you have to say, yeah, I know. That's like stop waiting. And that's a really good time.

[22:14]You're right. Okay. I'm going to do it. If you just like maybe get your agent on that

[22:17]this afternoon, I bet you could, you know, call me in two weeks. Let me know if you haven't

[22:21]sold it. Yes, but I love that idea. Definitely it's on with my radar. I was just saying on another

[22:27]podcast. I have this like secret, you know, maybe I should have a publishing house myself or

[22:32]something like that because like every time I talk not every time, but a lot of times I talk to

[22:35]authors like you. I'm like, oh, I want Laura Martin's coffee table look like on my coffee table.

[22:40]Now, you know, like who's going to do it? If I could just make it happen, I would, that would be so

[22:45]cool, but I don't know. I'm not at that point. But if I were, I would be doing it myself.

[22:51]Well, maybe I will wait for that. That's what I mean. I'm happy to just kind of like wait for

[22:54]the opportunity. So I'll keep an eye out. Okay. Great. All right. Well, I have like four books

[23:00]slated ahead of you. Now I'm kidding. I don't like any time with me. So what are you doing now?

[23:07]I mean, you're you must have all this press coming up for the book and all of that. Are you

[23:11]are you still writing? Are you doing it just like on the side to keep yourself sane or what?

[23:15]Yeah. It's so hard because I'm kind of superstitious. So I'm like, I don't want to start working on

[23:20]another book until like I feel like I've, you know, sold enough of this one and I can

[23:24]out of the woods and I'm very overly cautious and I do still work full-time just because my work

[23:31]in marketing. I just, I'm like, I still want to be a full-time writer. Like that's my dream.

[23:36]This is my first book, but I'm just like, I don't want to jinx it and God forbid I like quit my job

[23:40]and like, you know, I know how life works and I know that it can take time and you know,

[23:44]you look at like someone like was this Gilbert and you're like, oh, I'm going to be a best

[23:47]seller like her like, you pray love was like her fourth book and that, you know, it takes time.

[23:52]So I'm working. I'm writing on the side. I still write my newsletter. I still run the account,

[23:58]which I love doing. It's like an obsession. I have a few ideas for, I would really love

[24:04]to do a book on like email friendships. I think it's not really talked about enough and I think

[24:09]women have a little bit of like a war to you of like these friendships we should have in our

[24:13]30s and 40s. That's not realistic and I feel like it would be helpful to have someone kind

[24:19]of say like what's I struggle with, you know, sometimes feeling lonely or maintaining a friendship

[24:23]I wish I could maintain. So that might be something I'm listening on that.

[24:27]That'd be great. I'm sure you could put some of the quotes in there too, but you know,

[24:31]I will of course I'll put the quotes. I'm like a quote queen. You could do like the book of

[24:35]friends, right? You can have a whole series of I love that book of the book of, well,

[24:40]I my husband and I are like currently working on getting pregnant and he had like a previous

[24:46]little thing that it didn't work out, but I was thinking, you know, when I was pregnant

[24:49]for a little, I'm sorry, but the emotions is okay. It's like crazy how much, you know, I'm so happy

[24:54]more people are talking about it like this again and all these amazing women. But in the few

[24:59]months, I was pregnant. I was like, this is so extreme. Like these emotions and, you know,

[25:06]being a woman and caring, you know, having to just keep going through life, but also being

[25:11]pregnant and being tired and being nauseous and having your hormones change. And then I was so

[25:16]excited because I was like, oh, well, motherhood comes, that's gonna be a whole range of mood,

[25:19]but I'm sure I have an experience yet and triggers. Yeah, hold on to your seat for that one.

[25:25]Yeah, exactly. So that's kind of like also in the work as in getting pregnant, hopefully one day,

[25:32]but yeah, motherhood would definitely be an interesting subject. Yeah. Well, you could even call it like

[25:36]the book of trying, you know. Yeah. And I feel like there is not definitely not enough literature

[25:43]out there for women who experience, you know, miscarriages or lost, lost babies. And you do feel

[25:49]very isolated when it happened, especially because people say, don't talk about it until after 12

[25:54]weeks. I mean, people are much more open. I have 13 year old twins and also like a seven year old

[25:59]and almost six year old. But like when I was trying to have my twins, like nobody was talking about

[26:03]anything, you know, like in all of a sudden, it's like, don't tell anybody even if you are pregnant

[26:08]for 12, and I'm like, I'm not telling anybody for three months. And I'm like vomiting on the street.

[26:13]And like, right? It's like, this is the time that I would want to tell everybody

[26:17]every little detail because it's like the wildest ride ever. And if anyway, the whole

[26:22]no, it's so true. And well, you're kind of like, you know, the end of you do damage if you don't,

[26:27]because it's like, I didn't tell anyone. I accept like my parents. And then I was like 12 weeks.

[26:34]And then when I experienced them as carriage, I had to go out with my friends because I'd

[26:39]been avoiding them for three months that I want to tell them. So then I went out for drinks of them.

[26:43]And I just like experienced this intense like traumatic experience. But like, I didn't want to tell

[26:48]them because I hadn't told them I was pregnant. So I was going to be like, guys, I'm like really sad

[26:52]to look so much that's internalized. And you're just kind of here. And you're going on with normal

[26:57]life. And you're just like, this incredible thing happens to me. This also terrible thing out

[27:02]between me and like, I just have to be abnormal. I'm happy to see more women are speaking about it.

[27:08]But I do think we definitely could talk about it more.

[27:11]Especially, you know, as you're going through it, you know, even if you're not ready to

[27:15]write a whole book about it, you should be journaling and taking notes on all the feelings and moods.

[27:21]I don't know. I think that a book like this on that would be really interesting too.

[27:24]Definitely. I've been trying to write about it. I will say it's been harder. It's in

[27:28]all right about it. And then I'll have a drink and like start crying later. And now I'll be like,

[27:33]okay, clearly that was like a very, I need some time. But like when I was pregnant, I definitely was

[27:38]well, first of all, I just can't give her how tired you are. Like all the time.

[27:41]I was like, way too tired, even right. I was like, all right, when I start feeling better and normal.

[27:47]But like, it's a tense experience. Yeah. Well, don't, I didn't mean to put pressure on you to do it.

[27:52]Like, whatever. No, I was not, and not that you need more ideas. You already had like a fantastic book.

[27:57]I just, I want to keep reading what you're writing. So that's why I think I'm talking about lines.

[28:01]I love it. And trust me, multiple people have been like, you should be journaling. You should be

[28:04]writing about this. And I know as well. So on. But yeah, I'm just excited. I think, you know, the first,

[28:10]my first book is definitely anxiety inducing. But I'm trying to, as I see quite in the book,

[28:16]change that verbiage from like, I'm so nervous and anxious. I'm excited. Yes.

[28:20]Because otherwise, I'll have a heart attack. And even what you said about, what did you say? Like,

[28:25]it's not stressful. It's a challenge or something. Like, it's not hard. It's just a challenge.

[28:29]Isn't there something? Yeah. It's been five years. I know, I'm sorry. I should have had the quote

[28:35]at the ready. I'm like, can you please quote this back to me? Oh, here it is. It's um,

[28:40]well, to replace calm down, I'm excited. I don't want to go or I don't want to,

[28:44]as I get to. I'm scared. I'm pumped. Yeah. Just kind of switching that. And that's called anxiety

[28:50]reappraze, though, which is obviously a cognitive trick. And it really does work because,

[28:54]you know, the feeling of nervousness and anxiety is the same as excitement. But we,

[29:00]the way we label it is the way that we then experience it. Okay. So do you have any advice for aspiring

[29:05]authors? Yes. Okay. One, I just wrote about this in my newsletter. There's always a back door.

[29:11]And I think the hardest part about writing is especially if you're kind of unknown and you don't

[29:17]have a large following or anything. You're like, what's the point? I'll never get published.

[29:21]If there's a will, there's a way. Like, this is coming for me. Like, I literally moved to New York

[29:25]enough. 22 had no, I didn't even major in English. My parents wanted to major in marketing for,

[29:29]like, to make more money and no. So, but I just decided, you know, like, I'm going to go to New

[29:35]York and I'm going to just walk door to door and talk to me and give me a job. If I'm an intern,

[29:39]that's fine, which I was, worked my way out. And then I couldn't get any agent, a traditional way.

[29:44]So I built a social platform. It took five years. But I think if you love to do something,

[29:48]it will come and have faith in yourself and have faith in the process. Even if you need to self

[29:53]publish, I think there's no shame in that. 50 Shades of Grey was self published. Even if you go

[29:57]towards your goal that way, just don't.

[30:00]Let's don't be daunted by it.

[30:03]And once you start writing, I think the biggest thing

[30:06]is to kind of just have faith in what you're doing.

[30:08]And I literally have a Google Beach Doc,

[30:12]which I also might one day publish.

[30:13]I think it's 200 pages of quotes from writers giving advice.

[30:19]And so much of the advice is just get it all out.

[30:22]Just like, get it all down.

[30:24]That's what the first job is for.

[30:25]And then the second job, just rework it.

[30:28]And I think it's so daunting when you see the blank page.

[30:31]And it's just like, you need to kind of just spit it out,

[30:33]even if it's not good.

[30:34]And then you can rework it later.

[30:36]The other is Danny Shapiro.

[30:37]So cute.

[30:38]I love her.

[30:39]I know you've met her in an interview

[30:41]for her book, Still Writing.

[30:43]It's like my Bible.

[30:45]And she has so many good quotes.

[30:46]And I just love her whole, like, build a corner.

[30:49]That's what people like, good at puzzles do.

[30:51]They do one piece at a time.

[30:52]They focus on the corner.

[30:54]So I think it's just like staying calm

[30:57]and staying passionate and not getting discouraged

[30:59]by the process and not getting discouraged

[31:01]by when your friends are getting published and you're not

[31:04]and seeing like, oh, it's impossible.

[31:06]Because anything worth doing is hard.

[31:08]So if you have the fire within you to write,

[31:10]I think that's enough.

[31:12]Like if you have that burning desire,

[31:14]that's enough proof that you deserve to be a writer.

[31:16]I love it.

[31:17]Well, Lauren, thank you so much.

[31:19]Thanks for this chat.

[31:20]Thanks for your book.

[31:21]And thanks for indulging all my random ideas for you,

[31:25]which you didn't believe in, I'm sorry.

[31:27]No, I loved they were all the ideas I've ever had

[31:29]and someone was evaluating them.

[31:30]Thank you.

[31:31]Okay, great.

[31:33]All right, we'll stay in touch and congratulations.

[31:35]Well, thank you for having me.

[31:36]I'm glad to talk to you.

[31:37]Bye.

[31:38]Bye.

[31:39]Thanks so much to today's sponsor.

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[31:50]Don't have time to read books.

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[32:02]that you are looking for.

[32:03]Thanks.

[32:04]Thanks for listening to this episode of moms

[32:06]don't have time to read books.

[32:08]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram, at zibi Owens

[32:11]and at moms don't have time to read books.

[32:13]Also sign up for my newsletter at zibiowens.com

[32:15]and sign up for my virtual book club

[32:17]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.

[32:20]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Textures Sound

[32:22]for the sound editing.

[32:23]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions

[32:25]for providing this fantastic intro and out trim music.