Peace Adzo Medie, HIS ONLY WIFE
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[2:33]Peace, Adzo Medi is a scholar and writer.
[2:36]She is senior lecturer in gender and international politics at the University of Bristol.
[2:41]Her research addresses gender, politics, and conflict in Africa.
[2:44]Her book, Global Norms and Local Action, The Campaigns to End Violence Against Women in Africa,
[2:49]was published in March 2020 by Oxford University Press.
[2:53]Her debut novel, His Only Wife, which is what we're going to talk about the most,
[2:56]was published in September 2020 by Elgonquin Books and selected as the October
[3:00]Pick for Reese's Book Club.
[3:02]Medi's research has been supported by grants from the Andrew Mellon Foundation,
[3:06]the Harry Frank Guggenheim Foundation, and the Social Science Research Council,
[3:09]and have been published in many journals.
[3:12]Her work has won several awards, including the 2019 Best Paper Award,
[3:17]and her short stories have appeared in Slice Magazine Transition, Four Way Review,
[3:21]and Elsewhere.
[3:22]She's also the co-editor of African Affairs, the top-ranked African Studies Journal,
[3:27]and is a research fellow at the University of Ghana.
[3:30]She earned a BA in Geography from the University of Ghana,
[3:32]and an MA in International Studies from Ohio University, and a PhD in public and international affairs
[3:39]from the University of Pittsburgh.
[3:41]I think that's all you need to know about peace, and you can see how immensely
[3:45]accomplished she is.
[3:46]So accomplished that I cannot even read her bio perfectly, and she has lived it.
[3:50]Welcome, peace.
[3:51]Thank you so much for coming on mom's.
[3:53]Don't have time to read books.
[3:55]To discuss your book, His Only Wife.
[3:57]Congratulations on the book.
[3:59]Thank you.
[4:00]Thank you.
[4:00]Thanks so much for having me.
[4:02]Now it's my pleasure.
[4:03]I have to say I listened to this in the car on a bunch of drives that I did,
[4:08]and I had it with all the kids in the car, and it was like, you know,
[4:11]and I would listen back and forth, back and forth.
[4:14]And then I finally said, oh, you know what, guys?
[4:16]Like, this is the book we've been listening to, and they were like,
[4:18]it's so short.
[4:19]What do you mean we've been listening to it for hours?
[4:22]So anyway, it's been like a part of my family, so I'm happy to tell them that we're finally
[4:27]doing this in a room.
[4:30]Okay, so can you please tell listeners what His Only Wife is about,
[4:34]and also what inspired you to write this book?
[4:37]So His Only Wife is a story of a young woman in Ghana.
[4:41]Her name is Afi, and she is in an arranged marriage,
[4:46]or it begins with her feet, and gets it into an arranged marriage,
[4:50]to a man, his name is Ellie, very wealthy man.
[4:55]And this is a marriage that has been arranged by Alice Mother,
[4:58]who is called Auntie, and Auntie has arranged this marriage because
[5:02]she doesn't approve of Alice partner.
[5:04]So on one level, Afi has this task of bringing Ellie closer to his family,
[5:11]because the woman has come between Ellie and his family.
[5:14]But on another level, this is a book about a young woman finding her voice, finding her place
[5:20]in the world, and coming to a place where she can speak about what it is as she wants.
[5:28]So that is His Only Wife.
[5:30]And I wrote a book for several reasons, one thing that I'm very interested in how
[5:36]social pressures shape women's lives.
[5:39]And so I do research on a variety of issues, including on violence against women.
[5:46]And I've done some field work in Liberia and Cordibwa.
[5:50]And I've spoken to survivors of violence, and something that came through in my interviews
[5:55]with them was how they were very much, they wanted to leave abusive relationships,
[6:00]but didn't because people encouraged them to stay and people discouraged them from leaving
[6:07]usually family and friends.
[6:09]And so that really got me thinking about the decisions that women make in relationships
[6:14]because of the pressures and the advice that they receive from the people around them.
[6:18]All very good things to investigate.
[6:21]You know, I read this, this is going to sound so silly.
[6:24]Well, maybe not silly.
[6:26]Just surprising, I should say.
[6:27]There was an ad for a dog food company, and in the ad it said 47% of domestic abuse victims
[6:36]don't leave because they don't want to leave their pets.
[6:40]That interesting.
[6:41]Yeah, so I don't know.
[6:42]I just keep like storing this back to a and repeating it because I find it so interesting that
[6:47]you can feel so trapped and so helpless and be in such an awful,
[6:52]emotional and physical place.
[6:54]And yet your allegiance to your pet is placed at a higher premium,
[6:58]almost than your own mental and physical health.
[7:00]I don't know.
[7:01]I found it very interesting.
[7:02]But it makes sense that if you're in such a difficult position,
[7:08]that's something that brings you joy, something that brings you a bit of comfort.
[7:12]It's something that will be very difficult to part with.
[7:15]Yes.
[7:15]I mean, I couldn't part with my dog.
[7:16]Do you have dogs?
[7:17]I mean, do you have more anymore?
[7:20]Yeah.
[7:20]Well, I just inherited a dog and I'm already in love with her after like a month.
[7:26]So and also you were the Reese's book club pick,
[7:29]which was such a just must have been so exciting.
[7:32]Right?
[7:32]What did you even was that even on the horizon of things you were hoping
[7:36]would happen with this book?
[7:37]Or did you what it would happen when you found out?
[7:40]Tell me about that.
[7:41]Well, I, I hoped briefly before I ever knew.
[7:45]And then I thought, Oh, don't, don't even think about that.
[7:49]What are the chances that would happen?
[7:51]So it was an extremely pleasant surprise.
[7:55]And honestly, I found out and I had no idea what to do with myself.
[7:59]I was almost frozen.
[8:01]I was like, what do I do with this information?
[8:03]I'm so so happy.
[8:05]What do I do with this information?
[8:07]But you know, it's the Reese's book club community.
[8:09]They're just a wonderful community of book lovers.
[8:12]And they have been so supported in so many different ways.
[8:15]So it's just, it's been wonderful being the October book club pick.
[8:19]Oh, it's exciting.
[8:20]And I was watching you today because I was wondering if they had posted.
[8:23]Well, our interview will air later, but a lot of places were airing their November picks today.
[8:28]So I was on there and watching you give all the clues and I was thinking to myself,
[8:32]does peace know the answer to this?
[8:33]Or did they just give her the clues?
[8:35]Do you know the answer or did you just get the clues?
[8:37]They just give me the clues.
[8:38]Oh, I got like everyone like reading their responses like, oh, okay,
[8:44]is this what people think it is?
[8:46]I just know the clues.
[8:48]Well, everybody in the comments seemed to be pretty convinced it was one particular book,
[8:51]but I don't know.
[8:52]Well, they all wanted that free giveaway, I guess.
[8:56]So they hopped on the bandwagon.
[8:58]Well, we'll find out today.
[9:00]Yes, exactly.
[9:02]Yeah.
[9:02]This book was so like realistic, particularly the scenes where
[9:07]Afi was in the apartment just biting her time, waiting for Ellie to come visit.
[9:13]And she didn't know what to do.
[9:14]And luckily she was able through Richard and her family to go take some sewing classes and
[9:19]like go to different schools and all the rest.
[9:22]But for a while, it was just her with the thick carpet and her mom and alone,
[9:27]like padding around and wondering if she should be like dressed and ready and what was
[9:32]going to happen for her husband to show up who she hadn't even seen since
[9:36]including at the wedding, which is crazy.
[9:38]Yes.
[9:39]Tell me about like crafting that moment and that feeling.
[9:42]Like, did you have a period of time where you felt that same sense of like
[9:46]that the minutes were so long?
[9:48]Because that's how you made it feel for the character.
[9:52]Yeah, I think I've definitely felt like that when waiting for things to happen.
[9:58]But I just, I've been-
[10:00]He wanted to communicate the things that women do for men
[10:05]and the sacrifices that women would make for men,
[10:10]including a woman like a few who is ambitious, who is smart,
[10:13]but has been led to believe that she should make these sacrifices.
[10:19]She should be willing, she should be ready and prepared
[10:22]and perfect, looking all the time in order to please this man.
[10:29]She's never even like Max officially since they've been married.
[10:33]So in crafting that period in a feast life,
[10:36]I just really wanted to show this excruciating detail of just waiting
[10:43]and waiting because you've been led to believe that this person is so important
[10:48]and you should give so much of yourself to this person.
[10:51]By the way, when Ellie did finally arrive and as I said,
[10:54]I was listening in the car with the kids and they finally got together
[10:57]and my daughter was like, mom, so I turned it down.
[11:02]I was like, I'm sure the scene's almost over.
[11:04]So then I turned it back up and they had gone out to the kitchen
[11:07]and then you had them go back in the bedroom and it started again
[11:10]and she's like, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'll tell you.
[11:14]Oh, what have I done?
[11:16]It was so mortified, but anyway.
[11:19]So mental note, don't listen to this middle part in front of your kids.
[11:24]Oh my gosh.
[11:26]You know, part of the book two was not only her allegiance really to Ellie,
[11:31]but also the sort of like post-mortem allegiance to her father
[11:35]because her father passed away leaving the family in sort of financial ruins
[11:40]and she had to live with her aunt and felt indebted to her aunt for a long time
[11:44]and this is part of why, you know, she wanted to repay the aunt.
[11:48]But it's the loss of not only her father but also the lifestyle
[11:52]or the father provided and sort of what it's like to have been, you know,
[11:57]somewhat frivolous with her purchases and not really thinking
[12:00]and then you had a whole thing where, you know, she's like,
[12:03]if only I could go back and, you know, have a moment of those clothes that I didn't care about
[12:08]or all of that and just like hold on to those not knowing that they were about to go away.
[12:12]So tell me a little more about that element and the kind of fall from grace that can so easily happen.
[12:18]Yeah, so a big part of this story is the class divide.
[12:22]I really wanted to show that.
[12:24]And I've thought about it and said would Auntie have proposed this marriage
[12:29]if a feast father was alive, if they were middle class.
[12:34]I don't think so.
[12:36]And I think it's because of a feast financial, the family financial situation.
[12:40]That is why Auntie felt bold enough to propose this marriage.
[12:45]But I just really wanted to explore how economic disparities impact the decisions that women make,
[12:53]but also even how it shapes marriages because then you have a relationship where one person has more power than the other
[13:00]because that person has the money and is therefore than able to call the shot.
[13:06]So I just really wanted in small ways to show how the death of a feast father and their financial fallen kind of was even driving the behavior of a mother.
[13:18]Because I think a mother would have been a very different woman if a feast father had been alive.
[13:24]And I just really wanted to explore this and show how the change in their financial status was influencing them in different ways.
[13:33]And also how the mom and daughter's different views on what a marriage should be affected their relationship that they used to be more like friends.
[13:42]And then as soon as she got married, it became, you know, much more mother daughter.
[13:47]I'm going to tell you what to do. You have to do this sort of a didactic type relationship and how a wedding a relationship.
[13:54]I mean, it was all no, can seriously change your other relationships in unforeseen ways.
[14:01]Yes, yes, I'm because a big part of it is our fees mother has an idea of what a marriage should be and I feel starts off this agreeing, but an agreeing and then disagreeing.
[14:13]But definitely along those lines we see the relationship between our feet and her mother change in so many ways.
[14:22]That's it's actually very, very realistic one wants money comes into the picture a lot of our relationships tend to change that too. Yes, for sure.
[14:33]Tell me about so are you married yourself. This is none of my business. You don't have to answer. I'm wondering if you're married if your parents are married like what types of models for a marriage, like do you have in your own life.
[14:45]model for marriage. Well, so this is a, I think this book is unusual in two ways and that is this an arranged marriage.
[14:54]And I tell people that it's actually not common where I come from at least. So a lot of it was me imagining what an arranged marriage would look like and what a person in a in a range marriage would feel.
[15:09]But it's also kind of a polygamous relationship.
[15:15]Where you have one man with with multiple partners or once into have multiple wives and not I guess entirely succeeding.
[15:25]And that is also not as common as they used to be in Ghana and this relationship to exist, but they are not as common as they used to be.
[15:35]What I would say is that I'm not in an arranged or in a polygamous marriage, but I'm very interested in these institutions.
[15:44]I'm very interested in why people are within these institutions, but also how they have changed and why they are changing.
[15:53]Because I mean, I think if I look at my grandmother's generation, for example, there were more relationships or marriages with more than one partner with more than one wife.
[16:04]But in my generation, my parents generation is become much less common.
[16:09]And to me it's very interesting, but it also says a lot about I guess what women what women's expectations are and what women are willing to accept within marriage as well in Ghana and I'm sure in many other places.
[16:25]I mean, about the writing of this book how long did it take you to write and like what was your process like.
[16:31]So I began thinking about this book around 2010 2011 I was finishing up my doctoral dissertation at Boston College and I was spending a lot of time just sitting on my desk trying to write the dissertation and graduates.
[16:48]By the way, I had this vision of you in Ghana, like writing with all the sights and sounds the way they are in the book and you're like in freezing cold Boston around the corner.
[16:58]That's crazy, but okay, go on, go on.
[17:00]Well, some of the writing that happened in Ghana would have been thinking about it when I was in Boston and then I seriously began writing late 2012 early 2013 and I was back in Ghana by then.
[17:13]And it took me five years because I went back and started teaching at a University of Ghana and so had a full time job where I was doing academic research and writing teaching and everything else but also writing fiction.
[17:27]So I had kind of a very hectic days while wake up at four in the morning write fiction.
[17:32]Oh my gosh, six in the morning I was switched to writing.
[17:35]I no longer do that thankfully and then switched to nonfiction around six.
[17:40]So it was very demanding but I really enjoyed it because fiction is how I use fiction to relax.
[17:47]I use fiction to step back from my academic work.
[17:52]So what was that? I mean, they were very long days. It was very enjoyable.
[17:57]Well, that's good.
[17:59]And what are you working on now?
[18:01]Well, I'm in the final stages. I'm editing the second book manuscript and I was supposed to be done Monday morning.
[18:11]I told my agent I was going to send it to her yesterday morning and I haven't.
[18:15]It's only Tuesday. It's okay.
[18:18]But yeah, so I'm finishing up that manuscript and excited about the third one.
[18:24]Wow, can you give any previous as to what those two are about?
[18:28]Well, yeah, so that the second book is about friendship and it's about two cousins who are very close.
[18:36]So I'm very interested in how relationships come apart.
[18:40]And so it's two cousins who are very close, but then this they come apart over time.
[18:47]And I explore why it is that this happens.
[18:51]And I'm also interested in how two people can experience the same thing, but think about it very differently.
[18:58]So why two friends, they are both convinced that the other person is in the wrong.
[19:04]And for me, that is just so interesting.
[19:07]Basically, it's a book about friendship. Great. That sounds good. Definitely been situations where I'm convinced I'm right and perhaps I'm not. So that will be good.
[19:17]Do you have any advice to aspiring authors?
[19:20]Oh, I think it's important that you love what you're writing for me that has worked really well because writing is this long hours.
[19:30]Very demanding. And I think that if you don't love what you're doing, if you don't love the story that you're telling, I think it'll be really tough to just stick with it for years and years.
[19:42]Like, I've been working on this book. If I count editing, it's almost nine years, almost 10 years. And I feel like if you don't love the story, if you don't love the characters.
[19:54]It will be just hard to keep at it. So write the things that make you happy.
[20:00]that you you love and I guess eventually the writing will find its readers that's excellent advice
[20:07]well this book has certainly found a lot of readers so that's that's great
[20:12]including me and apparently my kids so all right well thank you for all of our hours of
[20:18]entertainment on the in the car and thank you for chatting with me today thanks for this beautiful
[20:24]story and and all of its different elements that really made me thank so thanks thank you thank you
[20:29]so much for having me I've enjoyed chatting with you you too have a great day bye bye
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[20:51]and you will thank me thanks for listening to this episode of mom's don't have time to read books
[20:56]don't forget to follow me on instagram at zibi Owens and at mom's don't have time to read books
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