Melissa T. Shultz, FROM MOM TO ME AGAIN
[0:08]Hi, I'm Zibi Owens and you're listening to the award-winning podcast.
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[1:00]Zibi Owens.com. I'm excited to be interviewing Melissa T. Schultz today, who's a writer
[1:05]and the acquisitions editor for Jim Donovan Literary, an agency that represents book authors.
[1:10]She's written about health and parenting for The New York Times, The Washington Post,
[1:14]Newsweek, Readers Digest, AARP is the girlfriend, today.com, and many other publications.
[1:19]Her memoir, Self-Help Book, from mom to me again, how I survived my first empty nest year
[1:25]and reinvented the rest of my life was published by Sourcebook in 2016 and named one of the three
[1:30]inspiring reads by parade.com. Melissa recently co-founded card sisters, a new line of greeting cards
[1:37]for women. The tagline is, women, friends, our sisters at heart. So welcome, Melissa. Thanks
[1:42]so much for coming on moms. Don't have time to read books. Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
[1:46]Can you please tell listeners what from mom to me again is about and what inspired you to write
[1:51]this amazing book? Of course, a book is written for moms with kids in junior high and up,
[1:58]and it's really about the process of letting go and learning to move forward. There's lots of
[2:04]storytelling for me and other moms. There's interviews with professionals, like therapists,
[2:10]researchers, and job counselors, and it's part memoir and part self-help. I talk a lot in the book
[2:16]about the ups and downs that are part of the journey and the areas of life that the journey touches
[2:20]on, like friendships, marriage, careers. And I wrote it because although I found lots of books that
[2:28]talked about life after the kids leave, I couldn't find any to help prepare me before they left.
[2:34]So I turned, you know, to books as a resource, and I had done that throughout my kids' life.
[2:40]So I could make better choices, more informed choices, to understand their needs, you know,
[2:45]beyond what may come naturally to me. But the big thing was this, as long as I'd been a parent,
[2:51]even with my work, even as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife, I considered myself a mom first and foremost.
[2:59]But with my kids moving out and up, I needed to rethink that whole view. And I created this
[3:06]blog, a weekly blog, to explore it all called the pre-empt chronicles. I pitched it to the
[3:12]Huffington Post, and luckily they said yes. And I wrote the blog for about a year before my
[3:17]youngest left for school. And then the book evolved from there. And as it turned out, it really was
[3:23]the beginning of a new chapter for me, writing the blog and eventually the book. It kind of allowed
[3:29]me to step back from all the emotion of the change and the transition and kind of tap into my
[3:36]inner spot. And I was able to explore lots of the parts of life that the transition impacts and
[3:43]then share what I was learning with other moms, kind of to keep them ahead of the curve.
[3:48]And hopefully to validate their feelings as well.
[3:51]You know, you said that this book is for, you know, junior high and up. But I disagree.
[3:56]I think this is for any age parent. Or because this is really about how to
[4:01]savor the time you have and strategies for doing that. And it's also just about
[4:06]the things that happened in your life as happened in various ways in other people's lives
[4:11]along the way and how you bounce back from that. So I think you're selling yourself a little
[4:14]short by only by limiting the mom audience. But that's just my two cents.
[4:19]Well, thank you. I mean, there are a lot of essays as you read that talk about when they're younger.
[4:26]And, you know, from really from the time that we meet them, so to speak, right through when
[4:33]they're often out to school or wherever they're going to. So yes, in that sense, I would totally agree.
[4:38]You have a really great moment when your sons had both left for college. And you wrote,
[4:44]though my heart was full after all, they were both on their way to achieving their dreams.
[4:48]It was also broken. I'd been demoted from the best most fulfilling, most challenging round
[4:53]the clock job I'd ever had to a lesser still undefined role in my children's lives. It's not as
[4:58]if I didn't know was coming. I just never imagined I could feel this wonderful and horrible at the
[5:02]same time. Tell me a little more about that moment. Yeah, it's actually hard for me to even hear
[5:08]that again. Well, time was different for me. You know, children have a way of having these schedules
[5:15]in this life and, you know, three o'clock meant something to me that it didn't mean to me in my
[5:19]20s, five o'clock meant something to me that it didn't mean to me in my 20s. And when they left,
[5:25]I couldn't get over how differently time works. So initially, it was just this giant rush,
[5:32]like, you know, you eat a piece of chocolate and it's just fantastic. And you say, isn't this
[5:37]great? And then all at once at the same time, it was this sort of, oh, snap. I'm not going to be
[5:44]part of the, you know, the small, sweet, magical moments that kind of add up and were ours as a
[5:51]family. And it was those little moments that that taught me about love in a way I'd never known
[5:58]before. So it felt sad. But I got through it in a couple of ways and writing certainly was one of
[6:05]them. I was able to sort things out by writing. And by speaking to other moms about the book,
[6:10]just hearing, there were a lot of universal themes that came up and just hearing those, you know,
[6:16]it was thoroughly human and it was very healing. And then knowing that I might be able to share
[6:23]some of my experiences again ahead of the curve for them, it was a kind of my pay it forward
[6:29]and it helped me get through it. I also tried setting goals for new, for trying new things.
[6:35]We do get sort of set in a routine and our lives are focused around our children. But I thought,
[6:40]okay, this is my chance to try some, some things I'd said I always wanted to try. And I did some research
[6:47]about it and it turns out if we challenge ourselves and we acquire new skills, our brains really
[6:53]do rewire themselves and rebuild themselves. So I took that to heart. And I also realized more than
[7:00]I've always been a very physical person. I like to get up and move and go for walks and
[7:07]exercise. But I realized that if I dwelled too much on what I might be missing, then I'm not moving
[7:14]forward and it can make you stalk. So I wanted to unstick myself. So whether it was work related,
[7:20]whether it had to do with friendships, whether it had to do with my marriage, whether it had to do
[7:24]with my house, I knew I needed to make plans and change things. And some things were easier than
[7:29]others. You know that kitchen drawer everybody has that's just filled with just weird things
[7:34]that you go. I don't know where to put that. So it's going in that drawer and I'm just going to
[7:38]close that drawer. I tackled that. That was like my first big goal because that was actually a little
[7:44]thing. But it meant a lot to me. And it kind of made me laugh because some really weird stuff
[7:47]came out of that drawer. I eventually moved my way up and got to sorting through my children's
[7:53]rooms and making them more adult. And that was fun because I texted my kids all along the way.
[8:01]They were away and said, okay, do you want this and do you want this? And we had fun with that.
[8:08]And I found a lot of macaroni necklaces and pictures they'd drawn of my husband and me.
[8:14]And you know it brought back some really nice memories I think for all of us. We also made plans
[8:18]to move. My husband and I are I did after our youngest graduated and we still have not moved
[8:24]because as it turned out that was more my goal than my husband's goal. And we are just now
[8:31]starting that process because I think you I think with couples they from all the people that I've
[8:36]spoken to and myself included. You go through this transition in a different way. Everybody
[8:43]processes it differently. And I know my husband processed differently than I did. So he wasn't
[8:49]to move from that environment where all these memories lived. And I thought we should absolutely move.
[8:57]We need to start fresh. So we have new memories. And there's something in between there for everybody.
[9:04]I could just jump around a little because you had this one piece of advice in the book. And as
[9:08]speaking as a mom whose kids well I have a child in boarding school but my kids are all home and I'm
[9:12]not at that stage yet. So I'm trying to take your advice and like sort of live it in the moment. So
[9:16]one thing you said is quote stop spending so much time worrying because virtually none of the
[9:21]things I focused on actually occurred. And as it turns out there's a fine line between being cautious
[9:26]and being a worry word. And so obviously I know this intellectually like it's not good to waste time
[9:32]worrying. But I feel like it's the nature of the beast in a way that you're constantly like worrying
[9:36]about your kids and what ifs and whatever else. Can you really actually like get it? I'm not
[9:41]saying I'm like pathologically worrying. But how do you actually put that into practice? Do you
[9:46]think like if you had to go back in time and talk to yourself about it? Well I do think some of us
[9:51]are primed to worry more than others. Sometimes it's because bad things have actually happened.
[9:56]Sometimes it's just our makeup. And sometimes as in
[10:00]In my case, I think I didn't feel protected as a kid,
[10:04]and I never wanted my kids to feel that way.
[10:07]And I've discovered that worry sometimes comes not
[10:11]just from the desire to protect our kids
[10:14]because I think every parent has that in spades.
[10:17]But I think the need to feel a sense of control
[10:20]is what it's all about.
[10:21]And if we can control, we can prevent.
[10:23]But as my kids love to text me, ha, ha, ha, you know,
[10:27]the life definitely plays by its own rules.
[10:31]So my best advice is just do what you need to do
[10:36]to feel prepared, because when I would prepare for things,
[10:39]it felt like the concept of insurance, you know?
[10:42]You buy insurance, you do your research, you buy insurance,
[10:46]and then you need to just go live your life.
[10:49]And so I told myself that if I could just plan enough
[10:54]so that I take care of the what ifs that I can control,
[10:58]and realize there's a whole bunch of them that I can't,
[11:00]that the insurance isn't gonna cover,
[11:02]then I just need to go ahead and live my life.
[11:05]And I had to remind myself that I'm resourceful.
[11:09]I mean, I'm a mom, moms develop these crazy mad skills.
[11:14]We're resourceful, and I will be capable
[11:16]of figuring things out if they happen in a word.
[11:20]So I'd also recruit a couple of women friends
[11:22]or women relatives in particular that are your posse
[11:26]who will be there for you through thick and thin.
[11:29]And then when things happen, you know,
[11:31]you've got some people to turn to,
[11:33]and that's the rest of your insurance policy.
[11:35]I mean, you definitely had a lot of things happen
[11:38]which you talk about in the book,
[11:39]not just that your kids were leaving for school,
[11:42]but your son Nick went through this horrific year long illness
[11:45]where the whole medical community essentially failed you.
[11:48]And you said you had to sort of stay after that experience
[11:51]on low level alert as a night watchman of sorts.
[11:54]Can you tell me, tell us a little about that experience
[11:57]with your son?
[11:58]And then like, do you think that made it even harder
[12:00]for him to leave or did you,
[12:01]I don't know, talk to me a little bit about that
[12:03]because it was still moving in the book,
[12:05]reading about what happened?
[12:06]I guess I've always likened the role of a mom
[12:09]to a watchman or a watch person,
[12:11]especially at night.
[12:12]I mean, when you think about it,
[12:13]it's when so many things happen.
[12:15]They're not always bad things,
[12:16]but it's often the stuff that keeps us up at night
[12:19]and the kids up at night too.
[12:21]Fever's dreams, worries, anticipation.
[12:26]And as my son's got older,
[12:29]I realized that most of our best conversations
[12:33]came out of those nights.
[12:35]I kind of left the light on in my office.
[12:37]I chose to write at night like I was a Motel six.
[12:41]I love the light on.
[12:43]And they would kind of slowly kind of creep in
[12:45]with a blanket wrapped around them
[12:47]and lay down on the floor and curl up with the dog.
[12:49]And often they didn't say anything at first.
[12:52]And I knew something was coming,
[12:54]but if I could just be there,
[12:56]I think it gave them permission to talk.
[12:59]And when Nick was sick,
[13:02]I kind of went into this full investigative mode.
[13:06]I learned and was disappointed to learn
[13:08]that at the time our health system
[13:11]wasn't set up to unravel health mysteries
[13:15]kind of at more than a snail's pace.
[13:17]You know, you go from doctor to doctor
[13:19]and it can take months to get appointments.
[13:21]They don't talk to each other in real time
[13:23]when you talk to them.
[13:24]They have seven minutes to give you
[13:26]and they love to hand out medications.
[13:28]So I think I got at least one year of my medical degree
[13:32]and in that year.
[13:33]Many of the doctors sent us home and would say,
[13:36]you know, yeah, Nick's not well enough
[13:37]to go to school, come back and see us in a month.
[13:40]And you know, months would pass.
[13:42]And I found that doctors in the same community
[13:45]wouldn't want to disagree with a previous doctor.
[13:47]So we were kind of just going in circles,
[13:49]but we did get really lucky in one regard.
[13:52]The school system sent a teacher
[13:55]to him to work with him when he was not well.
[13:58]And that was her job.
[14:00]She worked with families and with children who were sick
[14:02]and too sick to go to school.
[14:04]So and she came over like twice a week.
[14:07]He lay on the couch because he was just so dizzy all the time.
[14:10]And she, you know, gave him what he needed to do
[14:14]to keep learning and to give him hope.
[14:16]And, you know, she was also there for us, you know,
[14:20]after he went back to school part time
[14:22]and then eventually full time
[14:23]and really gave us advice right up to the time
[14:25]he went off to college.
[14:27]And she was the one who encouraged me
[14:30]to research getting him into the Mayo Clinic.
[14:32]And they really turned his life around
[14:34]because their style of medicine was so very different.
[14:37]They spoke in real time.
[14:38]They didn't let you leave until they had all the answers.
[14:42]And, you know, they made Nick better.
[14:44]And he made that made us better, I think.
[14:46]I ended up writing an article for Newsweek.
[14:48]They had a section at the time
[14:50]that was about medical oddices.
[14:53]And that piece I got so much mail from
[14:57]and so many stories from desperate parents.
[15:00]And there was one girl in particular.
[15:01]She had symptoms that were so similar to Nick's.
[15:04]We kept in touch for years after that.
[15:07]Wow.
[15:08]You also had breast cancer, would you talk about in the book?
[15:10]And this part has been literally like on repeat
[15:13]in my brain ever since I read this passage from your book.
[15:16]You said, I do wonder if the stress
[15:18]of my particular personality, being the pleaser,
[15:21]the responsible one, uber-tuned into everyone's feelings
[15:25]didn't contribute somehow to my breast cancer
[15:27]having the opportunity to grow.
[15:30]Okay, talk to me about this.
[15:32]Like, is it the stress?
[15:34]Is it the people pleasing?
[15:35]Do you actually think that is it the stress
[15:38]causing the inflammation?
[15:39]Like, tell me about this.
[15:41]And how, if you have this personality type, can you avoid
[15:45]having this personality type?
[15:49]Yeah, you're kind of stuck with it, I think.
[15:52]And it's not a bad thing, I think,
[15:54]because it also, you know, you're antennas out.
[15:57]So I think, you know, you're much more tuned in to you.
[16:00]You're children, you know, you're whole family
[16:03]and your friends.
[16:04]I mean, you're, you're gonna be that person
[16:07]that people go to and you'll identify things.
[16:10]Just for the record, I wrote an article about this,
[16:13]about what not to say to someone with cancer.
[16:15]I don't think anyone should ever tell somebody
[16:18]or imply to someone who has cancer
[16:21]that they gave it to themselves.
[16:22]It's blaming the victim and it's very hurtful.
[16:25]And it's not, it's not true.
[16:28]That said, looking back, you know, as you often do,
[16:31]when you have a diagnosis and you have time
[16:34]on your hands that you didn't expect to have,
[16:36]I do think if we wear ourselves down
[16:39]and moms tend to be the great multitaskers, right?
[16:42]We, we'd often don't get enough sleep,
[16:45]we take on more and more and we basically don't take time
[16:48]for what lots of people call self-care.
[16:51]Well, I mean, something's gotta give
[16:53]and our immune systems often pay the price.
[16:56]So when they pay the price, I think it does provide
[16:58]that opportunity for things to happen.
[17:01]And in the case of my breast cancer,
[17:03]I was told when I was diagnosed,
[17:04]oh, this is probably been growing for eight years,
[17:08]it takes, so it sort of quietly doing its thing.
[17:12]And that was a lot of time that I wish I, you know,
[17:15]could take back and perhaps learn to find ways
[17:20]to quiet myself and have time just for myself
[17:25]and find that balance.
[17:27]I always found that difficult to be the mom I wanted to be
[17:30]and not be available all the time,
[17:32]but I did at some point realize that I'm a better mom
[17:36]if I can take some time for myself.
[17:38]I don't mean disappearing for huge chunks of time
[17:41]if I'm my kid's life, but just finding those moments.
[17:44]Sometimes 20 minutes is all you need,
[17:47]but I didn't do enough of that.
[17:49]I'd recommend that every mom take an honest look
[17:52]at their life, you know, right now in the way you live
[17:54]is is there room for improvement
[17:56]in terms of finding that time, you know,
[17:58]can you draw more boundaries between work and home?
[18:01]If you work at home, can you keep that door closed
[18:04]for a little bit longer?
[18:05]Anyway, also eating chocolate, that's, that does wonders for me.
[18:10]That's like my main coping strategy, basically.
[18:13]I'm like, wait, you're supposed to have a boundary
[18:16]between work and home?
[18:17]What?
[18:18]No.
[18:19]And I grew up that way.
[18:20]So my father was a very dynamic man
[18:23]and he was always, you know, working
[18:26]and he worked a lot from home
[18:28]and there were no boundaries.
[18:30]So to me, that was normal,
[18:31]but then I kind of met other people
[18:34]who had the opposite life.
[18:36]And I thought, oh, you mean this is how other people,
[18:38]this is how other people live.
[18:40]Your father doesn't work at 11 o'clock at night.
[18:42]And in those days, he had a separate phone line
[18:45]that was literally a red phone.
[18:47]It was like the red phone was ringing
[18:49]and somebody really important must be calling.
[18:51]And, you know, he did an all night radio talk show.
[18:53]And so, like, our house was just, it was 24-7.
[18:58]So I think there's a way to find balance
[19:01]that you would have appreciated, I think, today.
[19:04]I don't know.
[19:05]When you find balance, you let me know.
[19:07]But I just want to read one last quote,
[19:09]and I know I keep quoting, but some books,
[19:11]you just have to quote from a lot.
[19:12]Your relationship with your dad,
[19:13]which you were just touching on, you wrote about it.
[19:15]You said, sometimes, after we grow up,
[19:18]we figure out that the people who were charged
[19:20]with taking care of us were not necessarily
[19:22]ready for the role.
[19:24]Which I think says a lot about parenting.
[19:28]Some people aren't ready, some people aren't maybe.
[19:31]Well, anyway, let me let you talk about it, not me.
[19:34]Well, yeah, when I was an adult,
[19:36]and this is the way it often works, right?
[19:38]We get to know our parents better.
[19:40]And a lot of the time, he died when I was younger.
[19:45]And I wish I had figured out more about his life
[19:49]when I was younger to kind of give it more perspective.
[19:52]But as an adult, I learned to understand some of the reasons
[19:56]that maybe he parented the way he did.
[19:58]His parents were not.
[20:00]very involved. They weren't very loving, at least not in the way our generation, I think, has come to
[20:05]known. And the effect of that can often make us want to parrot differently. He had emotional issues,
[20:11]I think, that were genetic as well as, you know, his upbringing. And those issues were enabled by
[20:18]the people around him. People who I think could have made a difference in his life and ultimately
[20:23]mine. But again, times were different. People didn't talk as much about feelings. And I think
[20:28]he suffered. And as a result, I suffered. He could be wildly funny. He was brilliant in many ways.
[20:34]He was charming. And it was confusing. Our house was chaotic. There were no routines. We had constant
[20:41]company. I actually wanted someone to say, you know, I know how much kids hate this. But like,
[20:46]where are you going? And, you know, to pay attention to the answer. But he was, you know,
[20:50]very self-focused and our lives revolved around him and his moods. And I did, I thought,
[20:55]all dads were like that. When I became a parent, I ended up parenting just really differently.
[21:00]And I learned during interviews from my book that that was called, that actually had a name.
[21:05]It was called revisionist parenting. And I wanted to parent differently. I wanted my kids to feel
[21:10]protected, to feel valued. And most importantly, to feel wanted. And I think everybody deserves that.
[21:16]He deserved that. And I wish as a family, it had been addressed because with the right diagnosis
[21:22]and treatment. I believe our lives would have been very different growing up.
[21:25]Wow. But is that like hindsight's 2020, you know? Yeah. I know. It's hard finding forgiveness.
[21:32]I think for something in your parents, parenting can often take a lifetime.
[21:37]Right? I mean, it can. And I think that lifetime is because you go through your own stages with
[21:44]your children. And how many times I'm sure you've had this experience where, you know, all of a sudden
[21:50]in a scene with them. And you think, wow. Oh, I just understood something about my mother,
[21:56]or my father, or my grandparents, that, you know, I didn't get forever. Because I was having an
[22:04]emotion, you know, similar to something that I remember, you know, one of them having a frustration
[22:11]or a joy. And I, you know, they could have explained it to me 50 different ways. And I wouldn't have
[22:16]gotten it until I lived a version of it and interpreted it myself. So. Wow. So tell me now more about
[22:25]your new venture, which is very exciting. The card sisters, which by the way, when I went online,
[22:30]because I was researching you and trying to see what your new company was and all that. And so I
[22:34]ordered a card. And then you were so nice. You sent me like a whole bunch of cards and a mug,
[22:37]which I'm using like every day to heat up my kid's milk and everything. So anyway, that was super
[22:42]sweet of you. But tell me about this new venture of yours and what brought this on.
[22:46]Well, I've been taking photographs for most of my life. And it's just been a long time dream of
[22:51]mine to create greeting cards. And when my kids were little, I had an opportunity to do it. But
[22:57]at that point, I had a big job. And my children and I was commuting long distance. And I thought,
[23:02]oh my God, I can't, I can't do all this unless I stay up 24 hours. So I'll do it soon. And,
[23:09]the years past and the years past. And here I am. And I thought, this is soon. It's now we're never.
[23:15]So I asked a friend of mine who was also going through a transition with her kids heading
[23:21]heading out. If she would do this with me, if she partnered with me, her name is Lisa Miller.
[23:27]And I'm so glad she said yes. So we're, you know, we're a woman owned business. And we're using a
[23:34]a woman owned printer in Austin, Texas. Our tagline is women friends, our sisters at heart.
[23:40]And it's been three years in the making. We've literally taught ourselves each step along the way.
[23:46]We've had, you know, we've had steps forward and steps back. But it's just been a wonderful growth
[23:52]experience. So we've just launched online and we're hoping to go into stores soon. And actually,
[23:58]we have an offer for your listeners. If they go to our site, they can get 20% off. If they
[24:04]say card sisters at heart 20, if they type that in. Wow, thank you. And it'll say zebis listeners.
[24:10]But look for card sisters at heart 20. And you can chop in your jammies and they'll come to
[24:15]your door the way they came to your door. So they use, they do incorporate photographs. So they're
[24:20]my photographs. They're the photographs that other women have taken. They're the photographs of my
[24:24]co-founder, Lisa. And some of them are archival. They all have stories in themselves. Each photograph
[24:30]represents a story too. So wow, that was unexpected little bonus. Thanks. So just in closing. So what
[24:40]else is coming up for you? Like, what are you going to write another book? Like grandma again,
[24:45]maybe when your kids get older, like, do you want to keep doing writing? Do you want to keep pursuing
[24:51]photography? Like, tell me what's what's next on the horizon, as I've been running a new business,
[24:55]which could be all would you be fine? Well, yes, as my answer to all of that, like I just,
[25:03]again, I feel like I'm at this point in my life where there's so many things that I want to do.
[25:08]And I want to take the time to do them all right and enjoy them. I think I'm always going to write
[25:14]stories about life and their pursuit of happiness. A lot of essays, but I just hope there's
[25:20]publications left to publish them. And I'm working on a couple of children's books, not to sound
[25:25]cliche, but I told my kids so many stories when they were growing up. And I always met to write them
[25:32]down. So write those stories down, mom, because, you know, people like to hear them. One of them
[25:37]is called, what do I do if I miss you? And it's about a boy who is worried about starting preschool.
[25:43]And his mom has an idea that will bring him comfort. And that boy is one of my sons. And it's a true
[25:48]story. So that's my next goal. I've got a couple pieces coming out. I've got one coming up
[25:53]in our next month about remembering the girl in all of us, because that memory will keep you
[26:01]young. And you always want to remind yourself of that time in your life. I think when you're stuck,
[26:09]I've found one of the things that's helped me a lot is to try to engage with that girl that I was.
[26:15]So it gives me energy and it makes me feel like there's lots of opportunities for the future
[26:21]and lots of things ahead. Wow. Any advice? Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. Go ahead. You go, you go.
[26:27]I was, I was saying I think probably what you're going to ask about advice for, you know,
[26:32]empty nesters and moving forward. Is that where you were headed? Sure. Let's do it again.
[26:37]So Melissa, do you have any advice for empty nesters and people going forward? And for any aspiring
[26:43]authors out there? I do. My advice for aspiring authors for nonfiction is write the book that you
[26:50]can't find. You know, the book that if you were on a dating app, you know, it would show you're
[26:58]just perfect for that person. You know, that's your book. As for newish or empty nesters,
[27:05]start early. The earlier you start thinking about things, I think the easier it is. And it's not
[27:12]that it's going to be, you know, oh, goodbye, see. But it does make it easier when you prepare.
[27:20]And when you think ahead about all the parts of your life, you know, your career, friendships,
[27:26]your marriage, those are important things to talk about and think about and make sure you're
[27:31]talking to your partner. Let yourself go through the process of feeling all the feels I call it.
[27:36]It's totally natural. Don't berate yourself for it. And then you got to give yourself permission.
[27:42]And I talk to women all the time about this. Permission is a keyword here. Give yourself
[27:47]permission to take center stage in your own life, you know, again, or maybe for the first time.
[27:52]And there was a hair commercial that L'Oreal did in the 70s. And it always stuck with me. They had
[27:58]this tagline because I'm worth it. And it stuck with me even before I understood what it meant.
[28:04]Because you're worth it. Isn't it? Because you're worth it. It's because I'm worth it. She actually
[28:08]says because I'm worth it. But I think eventually it morphed to become because I'm worth it.
[28:14]But that is the thing. You are worth it. And I don't think I think moms often feel as if
[28:21]the focus is 100% on the children. And that's different for everybody. But I think in order for you
[28:28]to be the best mom to them, you do have to remind yourself that you're worth it. And take the time
[28:36]to figure out what makes you happy. Because when you're happy, they're happy.
[28:41]I'm feeling like you have a partnership in the works now with L'Oreal. I mean, what do you think?
[28:46]I've got these little grace pouting sprouting through. So yeah, I may have a partnership in a
[28:51]different way. Well, thank you so much for coming on mom's to have time to read books. And for
[28:58]this beautiful book that you wrote that was really, really helpful for me. So thanks.
[29:03]Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thanks for listening to mom's don't have time to read books,
[29:08]the award-winning podcast. Today's episode of mom's don't have time to read books was sponsored by
[29:13]pediatrician in your pocket by Dr. Jennifer Tractenberg, Dr. DashGen.com, and her code PIP20PIP20
[29:22]for 20% off of these can't miss modules that will make your parenting life so much easier.
[29:28]You can follow me on Instagram at mom's don't have time to read books. Thanks so much to
[29:33]Steve and Ryan at Texture Sound for the Sound Editing. And thank you to Morningmoon Productions
[29:38]for providing this fantastic intro and out trim music. Thanks for listening. You can always email me
[29:42]at zibi at zibiowans.com.