Raakhee Mirchandani, SUPER SATYA SAVES THE DAY
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[0:49]I'm here today with Rocky Murchandani,
[0:52]who's the author of children's book Super Satya saves the day,
[0:55]which recently won the Purple Dragonfly Award from Barat Babies.
[0:59]She's an award-winning writer, editor, and pediatric cancer crusader.
[1:03]Her work has appeared in Elle,
[1:05]Red Book of Post, the Wall Street Journal, and the New York Post, among other publications.
[1:09]She's currently the editorial director of diversity inclusion at Dow Jones.
[1:13]Rocky has appeared in the Today Show, and on SiriusXM.
[1:16]So I'm here today with Rocky Murchandani, and we met at the Brooklyn Festival,
[1:22]and my kids and I have both all fallen in love with you.
[1:25]So I'm super excited you're here.
[1:27]Actually, my daughter, my younger daughter, invited Rocky to our house and asked her to sleep over.
[1:31]She did day one, minute one.
[1:33]Can I want to call her sleep over?
[1:35]Maybe. Why not?
[1:36]Luckily, you weren't totally caught up by that.
[1:38]So that's good.
[1:39]What a weird or biased turn.
[1:41]You don't have to be like that when she asked, it was okay.
[1:46]Oh my gosh, I'm sure she will be speaking in here at some point.
[1:48]She's like so excited to have you in the house.
[1:50]Anyway, okay.
[1:52]So Super Satya saves the day.
[1:54]What is it?
[1:55]This is a children's book.
[1:56]Yes.
[1:56]Tell us what this book is about and what it's fair to write this children's book.
[2:00]So it's a picture book.
[2:02]I always thought I would write a book.
[2:04]Like, I'm a journalist.
[2:04]I always want to be a writer.
[2:06]Like, this is the thing I want to do is edit her my school paper.
[2:08]I was not going to have another career.
[2:10]I was going to write my just figured I would write newspapers,
[2:12]which is what I did for the last 15 years or so.
[2:16]And I set out and I was like, in my brain,
[2:18]I'm going to write a novel one day.
[2:20]This is what I'm going to do.
[2:21]I love her read novels.
[2:23]And I have a daughter.
[2:24]She is going to be six.
[2:26]Her name is Satya.
[2:27]And she loves the bookstore.
[2:29]She loves books.
[2:30]We spend all of our time and all of our money
[2:33]at Little City Books in Hoboken.
[2:35]And she was really into Wonder Woman.
[2:38]This is like about two and a half years to cover.
[2:40]So she'd dress up like Wonder Woman.
[2:42]She'd wear Wonder Woman shirts all the time.
[2:44]Like, it was a full blown obsession.
[2:46]So I thought it'd be great.
[2:47]I go get a book.
[2:48]There's a girl kind of looks like her who's a superhero.
[2:52]Seems like an easy ass, right?
[2:54]They books about everything.
[2:55]Dragons, eating salsa.
[2:56]Like, you name it.
[2:57]There's a book.
[2:58]So I go to the bookstore and I'm looking in the shelves
[3:02]and I come up with nothing.
[3:03]There is one board book, but it's actually about Wonder Woman,
[3:07]but she's just a child.
[3:09]I was like, this cannot be.
[3:10]Like, it's not possible that no one has ever had this thought before.
[3:14]Right?
[3:14]So I go on Amazon.
[3:16]I'm like, they must have it.
[3:16]Maybe the bookstore is at zero.
[3:18]So now I'm like, really frustrated.
[3:20]And I didn't say anything to her,
[3:21]because it's not her frustration at like it was clearly mine.
[3:24]And I just didn't really,
[3:26]I was angry in that moment because I grew up not seeing myself in books.
[3:32]And to think that, you know, I'm 38 years old and to think that I have this
[3:37]daughter and the same thing was going to happen to her like just blew my head apart.
[3:41]And tell us about your heritage and why you're not fine.
[3:44]Yeah, yeah.
[3:44]So my parents are both from India.
[3:46]My husband is a turbine wearing sick and his parents are both from India.
[3:50]So we are, you know, we're American.
[3:53]We're Indian Americans.
[3:54]We're very Indian and we're very American at the same time.
[3:57]Right?
[3:58]And it was really this moment.
[4:01]And it happened so fast on that day that crystallized and I was very upset about it.
[4:05]Much more so than I thought I would be.
[4:08]Were there super here of books about kids who were not Indian?
[4:11]No, there were, there were, there were, but I wanted a book.
[4:14]My only thing I walked into the store was I wanted the character to kind of look like her.
[4:19]I didn't expect the character to be Indian,
[4:22]but kind of look like her, right?
[4:24]And there were none.
[4:26]And it just was, it was so angering for me in that moment.
[4:30]And I remember just kind of like being upset and then letting it go for a little while,
[4:35]you know, a day or two and then just writing it.
[4:38]I would sat on the on the train to work.
[4:40]It take, I have like a 25 minute train ride every day.
[4:44]I'm just writing it.
[4:45]I sat down and just it came together like very, very quickly.
[4:48]And then it happened.
[4:49]It's such a weird story because I now understand having sold a book after that.
[4:54]This is not exactly how things work.
[4:57]I wrote it and I told my agent, I'm like, I wrote this book.
[5:02]Do you want to look at it?
[5:03]She's like, yeah, and I was like, okay, I'm going to send it to you.
[5:06]And then I remembered that I knew this woman who ran this small indie publishing house in Boston.
[5:14]I didn't know her as a friend, but I had used one of her books in a, in a column I had written
[5:19]for Elle and I had liked it very much.
[5:21]And so I just sent it to her and she was like, I love this book.
[5:25]I would like to buy this book.
[5:27]And I was like, okay, I did not tell my agent.
[5:31]I would fully rogue.
[5:32]So then I was like, oh, oh, okay.
[5:35]And I sold this book to her.
[5:37]But now I have to tell my agent who's going to be like, what have you done?
[5:40]What happened here?
[5:41]We had a plan.
[5:42]You write manuscript.
[5:43]You send the manuscript to me.
[5:44]So wait, the agent though that you had.
[5:47]What were you doing with that agent?
[5:48]Had you written a novel?
[5:49]No, no.
[5:50]I was just kind of like exploring.
[5:54]What is it like to have a literary agent?
[5:56]What do you, what do you talk about?
[5:57]What does that relationship look like?
[5:59]Because it can find it even to get complicated.
[6:02]And are we a friend of mine Linda Stacy who was the long time New York Post and
[6:06]Deli News columnist had written two novels.
[6:09]Liza was her agent, Linda and I are very great friends.
[6:12]She introduced me to Liza.
[6:13]We all hit it off.
[6:14]Like it was fine.
[6:16]But it was so, I mean, when I think about announcing really quite idiotic,
[6:20]the way it did.
[6:20]Oh, God.
[6:21]I didn't think that.
[6:22]Because I was like, we're Liza.
[6:25]My long suffering, like, amazing human of an agent was like, okay, Rocky.
[6:31]I was like, hey, look at the contract.
[6:33]She was like, what happened in the time
[6:35]that we spoke and now.
[6:37]What did you do?
[6:38]I was like, oh, I told her she could buy it.
[6:42]Sorry.
[6:44]And it was like, it all, look, it turns out in the beautiful way that it's meant to, I think.
[6:49]Yeah.
[6:49]When you just really believe in something and I think you have,
[6:52]I think the intentions are really pure and really strong and really good.
[6:56]And I think the things just work out and they did for me.
[6:59]That's awesome.
[7:00]But it was like a very, every time I think about the story and I think about Liza,
[7:05]I'm like, what do I do?
[7:05]I want to fire myself.
[7:07]Liza, if I or me, she was like, okay, Rocky, let me tell you.
[7:10]This is going to work the next time.
[7:12]Don't ever do this again.
[7:13]I'm glad you did it this time.
[7:15]But the great part, I mean, what I'm sure the publisher in Boston responded to is that
[7:20]it's not just an old school story about it's superhero.
[7:23]It's so modern.
[7:24]It's like, the girl can't find her cape at the drive.
[7:27]Yeah, I'm glad they're closed.
[7:28]And the mom needs a cup of coffee.
[7:30]And it's just like so of the moment.
[7:33]And yet, timeless at the same time.
[7:34]Like the mom, you can see moms kind of laughing to themselves.
[7:38]Every time it's story time, are we that line and all the parents laugh?
[7:41]Because that is our daily struggle, isn't it?
[7:44]What was the last part?
[7:45]Yeah, this joke it says they did.
[7:46]This is when they're doing errands on the way to school.
[7:49]They did stuff for coffee, though.
[7:50]They always stuff for coffee.
[7:51]Mama says if she doesn't have any coffee, her head will explode.
[7:55]That's our life, isn't it?
[7:56]In the morning, you got to get somewhere.
[7:58]I have no time to do these like 15 things that we're supposed to.
[8:01]But we have to get a cup of coffee
[8:02]before I take you to school as I get to work.
[8:04]Yeah, that's just how it goes.
[8:05]I keep the go-coats in my house.
[8:07]And I fill it together.
[8:08]And that's genius.
[8:10]They're not expensive.
[8:10]This is very smart.
[8:12]It's a lot less than going out for coffee.
[8:14]And then I'm holding all day.
[8:16]And I don't have to like wash my mouth.
[8:17]I mean, I'm sure this is not environmentally expensive.
[8:19]Yes, I get it.
[8:20]The same life is life.
[8:21]But I mean, you're already going to waste a cup of Starbucks.
[8:23]That is right.
[8:24]It's not like buying the little pods.
[8:26]It's so much less than buying.
[8:27]And also, it's not even the price.
[8:29]I mean, it is the price, but also the time you spend
[8:31]waiting.
[8:32]Well, the waiting is always.
[8:33]And then, you know, every morning, this is every morning
[8:36]you think she'd learn by now, she doesn't care.
[8:38]Can I have?
[8:39]No, we're not here for you.
[8:41]And I'm getting a cake pop.
[8:42]It's seven, 30 of the way.
[8:43]What do you think your life is every morning?
[8:46]Every morning.
[8:47]One day, like one day when I say yes to her,
[8:49]she's just going to be like, what has happened?
[8:50]Who are you?
[8:51]And then she'll ask the rest of her life.
[8:53]It's like the study was so nice.
[8:54]You know, the price is like intermittent reinforcement.
[8:57]You know, and like sometimes when you press the button,
[9:00]you get the cheese, your poor daughter.
[9:03]Oh, good, I know.
[9:03]My log stuff, right?
[9:04]It's all the people in my life are just log stuff.
[9:06]No, I mean, I'm not going to refer to the best.
[9:08]No, it's true.
[9:09]It's true.
[9:11]So that, I mean, I don't.
[9:13]So this is like a book that appeals to me and also the kid.
[9:16]So it's like a perfect combination.
[9:17]It's amazing.
[9:18]So then how did you come up with the next,
[9:20]you already sold another book?
[9:21]We did.
[9:22]So I listened to Liza.
[9:25]I wrote the manuscript.
[9:27]I sent it to Liza.
[9:29]Liza read it.
[9:30]Then we'd like, she did all of the proper channels where
[9:34]she reached out to the editor.
[9:35]She knew at various houses and however that sausage gets me.
[9:40]So did you pick a different publishing house?
[9:41]So can I tell you a crazy story about this?
[9:43]So at the end of last year, I said to Liza,
[9:46]I really want to sell a book to Little Brown.
[9:48]So Little Brown is, I just think they make this really exquisite
[9:52]children's books.
[9:53]And I remember saying to her, like, Little Brown,
[9:55]that's why I want to sell my next book.
[9:57]And she was like, and she said, like, a very.
[10:00]supportive, loving woman. And she was like, I don't know about next year, but we'll get there.
[10:05]And I was like, okay, fine, but we're going to do it. And what do you know? Not six months later.
[10:13]Liza, the wizard she is, but we sold a books a little brown. I know it's really like a,
[10:19]that's amazing. It's kind of awesome. It's like all about like setting your attention.
[10:24]But I feel really weird what it happens. Yeah, because I believe and I really believe that's true
[10:29]that like when you really have a pure intention and you set it out and then you do the work,
[10:34]it's coming. It's going to happen for you. Like I believe that. But then what it happens,
[10:37]you're like, wait, I wanted to just happen. Yeah, amazing. In my head, I have like my dream
[10:42]publishing house and dream editor. Oh, I love it. I love it. In my head that I have yet to write.
[10:46]That's it. I'm just like, eventually like, this is how I will get there. And you, of course,
[10:50]you will. Of course, you have to believe it. I think that's like what everything is to believe it.
[10:54]And I think you have to say it out loud to to the stakeholders who are going to help you make it
[10:59]happen. I just do. Yeah. Like I knew when I said it to her, like I knew she was going to hear
[11:05]her a goal. That's it. And I knew she was going to hear it. And it would sit there in her, my,
[11:10]yes, it was like, it was kind of wild. I get to work with this amazing editor at Little Brown, Sam
[11:17]Gentry, who I just love. And with the next book. And we call it can you say. So yeah, the book is
[11:22]called Hair Twins. And it's about a turbine wearing sick father and his daughter who are hair twins
[11:27]because in this, in the sick faith, generally, the, the practitioners don't cut their hair. So the
[11:34]dad has long hair, just like the daughter. That's why they're hair twins. It's a cute, it's a cute
[11:39]story. And did you use the same illustrator? No. So the illustrator for SuperSettia is Tim Palin,
[11:44]who is, I mean, it's a beautiful book. Every time we meet people at like bookstores or we do events,
[11:49]people are who's like, who is the illustrator of this book? Because it's really vibrant and lovely.
[11:54]And for hair twins, it's Holly Adam, who did Dear Girl. Let's shift gears a tiny bit to like the
[12:01]sad part of your life. Yeah. You don't mind. I'm sorry. I don't mind at all. It's part of the story.
[12:06]You are a pediatric cancer crusade. I sure am. Tell me what happens. I sure am. So like I said,
[12:12]Satya is five. She's going to be six in November. And when she was five months old, about five months old,
[12:19]she'd cancer her. She cancer her for five months until just about a year old. She had a
[12:25]tumor called neuroblastoma. It is a very aggressive, scary kind of cancer in infants. But we were
[12:34]very, very, very, very blessed because we caught the cancer so early that she didn't need chemo.
[12:42]She didn't need radiation. We needed to watch it all summer and measure it and make sure like,
[12:47]they wanted her to get a little bit bigger before they did the surgery and they wanted to make
[12:50]sure it wasn't going very quickly. Where was it on her body? It was between her kidney and her aorta.
[12:55]How did you find it? It's just a tiny baby, right? So like you think about
[12:59]they're very small at five months old. Yeah. We found it. There are two schools of that. You
[13:03]could say we found it by accident or you could say that we were guided to it. It depends on how you
[13:08]look at things. But I went to the doctor three times and in third time, I kept saying like something
[13:12]is wrong with the baby. Something's wrong with the baby. And at third time, my doctor,
[13:16]Dr. My mood, I'll never forget her. I say her name every single night. She was like,
[13:20]you're the mom. If you think something's wrong, something's probably wrong. So let's get some
[13:24]blood and some urine and we'll see. And what were the signs? All I could describe was that her eyes
[13:28]looked really far away and she was like unable. I just felt like she wasn't locking eyes with me.
[13:32]Okay. Which sounds exactly like it sounds. It doesn't sound, it's, you know,
[13:36]no, it's not terribly scientific. But I was like, something is happening here.
[13:42]And she called me back in 24 hours. Everything was fine. And I was like, okay, well,
[13:47]I don't maybe it is teething like everyone says. And in 36 hours, they called me and they said
[13:51]Russia to the hospital. Right. Yes. And they said that she has a bacteria type or resistant to oral
[13:59]antibiotics. It's a UTI. But it's a very, it's this, she will need IV antibiotics for two months
[14:05]because it's like this crazy hyper resistant strain called ESPN. Fine. We get there when they do a
[14:10]UTI, if you know ultrasound, right? In the course of doing the ultrasound for the UTI, they found
[14:14]the cancer. Uh huh. That's how we found it. But she did have a UTI also. So it's unclear what's
[14:22]related and what was a UTI and what was actually this bacteria. Like there was a lot going on at the
[14:27]time. But that's how they found it. And did you freak out? You know, it's so, I am a very freak out
[14:34]kind of person. Like I can go from zero to 100 and back to zero and like, you know, in that moment
[14:40]because I heard the tech was doing the ultrasound. She walked outside the room and I heard her
[14:46]call the doctor. And she called the radiation oncologist and said, you need to come downstairs. I
[14:51]think that there's a tumor. And I was like, what? And I didn't say anything to her because I was
[14:57]obviously eavesdropping and like with my ear outside. But I knew exactly like what road and they
[15:02]were like, just meet the oncologist. It's probably nothing. I knew exactly the road we were going
[15:07]to go down. But I did it is wild that I did not freak out. It is actually wild and very uncharacteristic.
[15:13]Was your husband there too? He was not there at that moment. He was traveling for work. But he came
[15:20]like the the next day. And then did you go and fill on like fire mode? It was like I was possessed
[15:27]by another spirit of a human. Like it was not, it was unlike how I am now or in my normal life.
[15:35]But it was all about how do we make the appointments? What do we need to do? How do we get in like
[15:39]first in the day? And it was like total mission oriented. We need to figure this out. We need to
[15:46]fade this out quickly. And what did you do with the rest of your life? I was so lucky to where I
[15:51]worked at the Daily News at the time of the New York Daily News. And I was so, so lucky to have the
[15:56]kind of editor in shape that I did because they were like your job is to take care of your baby.
[16:03]That is your job. We will still be here. Your job will still be here. Take care of your baby.
[16:09]And that is exactly what I did. But having that confidence and knowing that the other parts of your
[16:14]life are not going to fall apart because this part is is so empowering. And you don't realize it
[16:20]at the time, right? Because at the time you're like, I don't care. I'll never work again. What
[16:23]difference does it make? But as you unpack things like years later, that is, I understand how
[16:29]fortunate I was. And did you just not like released your breath for months? Like was it just sometimes
[16:35]I think I still have it? Sometimes I think I still have it. I know. They say I've read it
[16:40]certainly is easier and better. I don't panic at the thought of every cold and every cough. And
[16:47]that is all true. But I also have learned in that experience like I will celebrate every single
[16:52]joy. And I mean every joy. Every tiny you could forget this ever happened moment. Like
[16:59]I will celebrate it and I will take it because there was a large part of her first year that I was
[17:05]not sure we were going to have them. Oh my gosh. And how do you do that? Like I say that to myself
[17:11]a lot too. Like I, you know, I'm going to savor this moment or I need to take, you know, I'm so
[17:16]what? How do you write it down? How do you remember? Like I feel like my memory, does that happen to
[17:22]all the time? Like do you write it? Do you take pictures? Like how do you capture the joy and the
[17:27]gratitude when you feel it? Because I feel like it's also fleeting. Like you're I think you're right
[17:32]about that by the way. But I think there are two things. One, my friend Hoda and I had said this
[17:40]to actually Joe who wrote how to be married. My friend Hoda had taught me this this practice. Like
[17:46]me Hoda? Yeah, Hoda. Hoda caught me Hoda. But she taught me this practice of writing down
[17:52]every single day, three things that you are grateful for. And she does it every morning and I was
[17:59]like, this is useless. I'm not going to do this. It takes so much time. Who wants to do this? I
[18:05]don't want to keep a diary. And I was like, I'm never going to do this. And she brought it up
[18:09]quite a few times and she would talk about like what it did for her. And so I started doing it.
[18:14]Now I'm not terribly organized about in the sense that like it's not it's not always in one book,
[18:19]but I do it every single day now. And what it does for me is that it forces me, I think sometimes
[18:26]gratitude feels like this really large concept that like you have to say you are, but it's hard to
[18:31]wrap your arms around. But in the day when you think about the three things that you're grateful for,
[18:36]like there are actually three things every day that you are grateful for. And they're not always
[18:40]big things. Sometimes they are small things. Like you got a seat on a train when you were really
[18:45]tired, right? And that is a perfectly five thing to feel grateful for. And sometimes it's a really
[18:50]large thing, like my daughter's health, which is always the first thing on my list. But I think
[18:55]just feeling every single day that things happen today. And I'm thankful for them. It is exactly
[19:02]the way that I end my it's the way I end my day every day. When you put your head on that pillow,
[19:07]you're feeling real good about what happened today. As shitty as the day might have been,
[19:10]there were three things that you can be thankful for. So there's that. But I think the other piece
[19:15]also is I celebrate these small joys and I do, but I don't ever intend to carry all of them with
[19:23]me forever. Sometimes and many times, like I celebrate them in the moment and I'm really happy in
[19:28]that moment. And it is okay if I don't remember it again. And it is okay for that moment to leave.
[19:33]There will be more moments that come after. But I really mean it that, you know, if we I happen to
[19:40]pick her up like 30 minutes early, I'm so much more likely and we do it all the time. We're like,
[19:45]you know what? Let's just state the park for another 40 minutes. Or I made dinner at home and this
[19:51]is like a thing we've done a few times. But you know what? Why don't we just sit outside? It's a
[19:54]beautiful day. Like we'll get french fries and we'll go home and eat dinner. Just like really
[19:58]silly small thing.
[20:00]is that make me feel like we're soaking up
[20:03]every single piece of each other.
[20:05]That's so nice.
[20:06]It's so sad, but it's so nice.
[20:08]It is, though.
[20:09]Do you still, though, lose your patience?
[20:12]All the time.
[20:14]All the time.
[20:14]I lose my patience all the time.
[20:16]That's kind of close tonight.
[20:17]Yeah, well, I'm not a Zen person.
[20:19]I'm not.
[20:20]I have moments of Zen.
[20:22]When I write these three things down, I'm quite Zen.
[20:25]But I'm in an impatient, kind of loud,
[20:28]brassy person.
[20:29]That's who I am.
[20:30]So I get, you know, I yell a lot at her.
[20:32]I yell a lot at myself.
[20:33]Does your daughter understand what happened to her
[20:35]when she was little?
[20:36]You know, it's interesting.
[20:38]My girlfriend just asked me this recently.
[20:40]So we do a lot of things together for the hospital.
[20:42]My husband, my daughter, my family, my brother,
[20:45]like everyone's involved.
[20:46]And so we take her there a lot.
[20:48]I take her.
[20:49]It's Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey.
[20:52]And we go out and look, we're going out in St. Jude
[20:54]in a couple of weeks.
[20:55]And I take her with me a lot.
[20:57]And she's very involved when we do bone marrow drives.
[21:00]There was a couple of kids who needed bone marrow drives.
[21:03]And so I would set them up in my town,
[21:05]and I would rally the people, and I make her come.
[21:07]And sometimes she just hangs out.
[21:09]Sometimes she's involved, sometimes she's entertaining
[21:11]the troops, like whatever it is.
[21:12]But I, she is aware.
[21:14]She understands that like cancer's a thing that happens.
[21:16]She asked me recently, like, well, why didn't I die?
[21:18]There's some people die, because they understand things.
[21:21]Or I just give me six, like she gets it.
[21:23]And it was like a really, I wasn't expecting her to ask me that.
[21:26]And I didn't have a particularly brilliant answer.
[21:29]And I said sometimes some people get to live,
[21:32]and some people get to die, despite having great doctors
[21:35]and my great medical care.
[21:37]And she just, like, she just looked at me and she goes,
[21:38]feel, I don't know what to do with what.
[21:42]And I made it in some ways, feel, right?
[21:46]Like, what else is there?
[21:48]There is no good answer.
[21:49]There's no good answer.
[21:50]There's no good answer.
[21:52]So you still, like, go on a mission to help other people.
[21:55]Yeah, we do a lot of, I'm the president
[21:58]of a pediatric cancer charity.
[21:59]It's 30 years old.
[22:01]It's called a Tamar's Children's Fund.
[22:03]I do a lot of work with the hospital foundation
[22:05]to hack and sack.
[22:05]A lot of work with St. Jude.
[22:07]I just, as much as we can truly for as many people as we can.
[22:12]Because I think that I've seen firsthand,
[22:15]especially like, spending the time that we did
[22:17]on the oncology floor as patients,
[22:20]what happens when you're there?
[22:22]Like, your whole world is falling apart.
[22:24]Your entire life is falling apart.
[22:28]And to know that there are people out in the world
[22:31]who don't know you, but are willing to lend a hand
[22:33]to let you keep some things together,
[22:36]is in that moment, it allows you to focus more deeply
[22:41]on the task at hand, which is your child.
[22:43]It's a tragedy on a million levels
[22:47]that when your child is sick,
[22:49]you're also worried about paying bills and groceries
[22:51]and mortgages and rent and carpet.
[22:53]Because all that stuff still happens.
[22:54]Like, the world still spins.
[22:56]It is not stopping.
[22:58]And so allowing people to participate in someone else's life,
[23:03]I think is kind of, it's beautiful.
[23:06]I wonder also about people who are going through this,
[23:08]who have other kids at home.
[23:09]Because like, I've even just been,
[23:11]I'm sure every parent has been to the ER.
[23:13]They will.
[23:14]It's definitely something else.
[23:15]And even just after it did,
[23:17]and I'm not trying to compare it at all
[23:18]to what you're going through.
[23:19]But even if I just, anyone who's ever had a sick kid,
[23:21]even with a cold though, you know the fear.
[23:22]You understand the fear?
[23:23]What is this?
[23:24]What are we doing?
[23:25]And then you get so drained, like a day in the hospital.
[23:26]Like it's like another time.
[23:28]It's like a time warp.
[23:29]It's like a prison time warp.
[23:31]A hundred percent of all-full universe.
[23:32]And then to have other people depending on you too.
[23:35]Or just your life in general.
[23:37]I mean, we haven't been like-
[23:38]We've been thinking about the other children though, right?
[23:39]And all of a sudden, the child is sick with cancer.
[23:42]This goes on for years.
[23:43]Two years, three years.
[23:44]What happens?
[23:45]It's really cancer threatens everyone in the family
[23:48]and every relationship in the family.
[23:50]And that's why doing this work,
[23:51]especially with these organizations.
[23:54]Like the Tomorrow's Children's Fund,
[23:55]it really, it is a holistic understanding
[23:58]of what happens when a family deals with a cancer diagnosis.
[24:01]So how do people wanna help?
[24:02]What should they do?
[24:03]Yeah, I think there are a couple of things.
[24:05]I think the first thing, and it's the most obvious,
[24:07]is make a donation.
[24:09]So find the morrow's children.
[24:10]Yeah, you could TCFkid.org.
[24:13]Whatever is the thing that speaks to you, right?
[24:16]For me, it's pediatric cancer,
[24:17]but like, know where your money's going.
[24:19]That's what I always say,
[24:20]is like, know where your money is going.
[24:22]When people give me money,
[24:23]I make sure, and I'm involved with the charity,
[24:26]even with the Hackensack Hospital Foundation,
[24:27]and I'm like, this money is for patient care, patient aid.
[24:30]That means that the money goes to actually pay these bills
[24:33]for these families,
[24:34]which is the thing that I care about the most.
[24:36]Because I understand the stress of,
[24:39]I was very lucky, right?
[24:40]My job, they were like, we got you.
[24:41]That is not what happens all the time.
[24:43]People have to quit jobs,
[24:44]and you spend years digging out of that.
[24:46]And so that is the first thing you can do.
[24:49]Also, there are other ways to help.
[24:51]There are like corporate, sort of like corporate giving programs
[24:55]that you don't have to do a ton of work,
[24:58]but the money will still go to the places that need it, right?
[25:01]And then call your local hospital,
[25:03]and be like, what can we do?
[25:04]What can we do in the community?
[25:06]What do you need?
[25:07]We have a food pantry at the Hackensack
[25:10]at the Tomorrow Children's Fund in Hackensack,
[25:13]and when patients go home,
[25:14]patient families go home,
[25:15]they can grab stuff for dinner.
[25:16]Like small things like that make huge differences to people, right?
[25:20]So we have the local shop, right?
[25:21]His name is Larry and Sarah,
[25:22]but he pays to keep the food pantry stocked.
[25:26]Like that is such an amazingly generous, beautiful act.
[25:29]Like you're actually putting food on the table for people, right?
[25:32]Like there's so many ways.
[25:34]And I think it matters.
[25:35]So why have you not written a story,
[25:39]like a book about this?
[25:40]You know, I think about it all the time.
[25:43]And I think it's because it still is a tremendous place of pain.
[25:50]And I think I just need a little more space.
[25:53]I think about it all the time, all the time.
[25:56]I mean, no pressure.
[25:57]Oh, no!
[25:58]I just feel like you're here.
[25:59]I'm so glad you asked me sometimes that, you know,
[26:01]I'm glad you asked me because it seems like it's so natural.
[26:05]I know.
[26:06]Like you could have just written that book right now.
[26:07]Like I could have just, I could just give me the choices.
[26:10]You could send that off as your proposal.
[26:12]I know.
[26:13]I know.
[26:14]I know.
[26:15]You know what I think about, though?
[26:16]Like the book that I, about this experience that I would really like to write is the thing
[26:21]that I have observed so many times is the relationships between the parents and the child
[26:27]in these moments.
[26:29]And I do, I often think about, you know, like some 10 tales, 12, whatever it is.
[26:36]But of what the parents learn from the children in these moments and what they learn about
[26:39]being parents in these moments, because there is so much that changes.
[26:43]If I were your agent, I would probably say so.
[26:44]That was wonderful.
[26:45]Let's start with an article.
[26:46]That's what they say.
[26:47]That's what they say.
[26:48]That's what they say.
[26:49]All the time.
[26:50]But I'm like, I have read so many articles.
[26:52]But if I were a publisher, I would want to buy it and read the book about your experience
[26:57]because I'm like hanging on every word of your story.
[27:01]And it's inspiring, you know, and every parent.
[27:04]Yeah.
[27:05]Worries.
[27:06]I mean, as soon as you create life, you know that life, I mean, not to, you know, I hate
[27:09]to knock whatever.
[27:10]I know.
[27:11]I know.
[27:12]In the active creating life, you are creating an imminent death in a way.
[27:14]That 100%.
[27:15]And I mean, what?
[27:17]We can only hope that we're not here to see it.
[27:18]I mean, that's like, that's, but that doesn't make me feel better.
[27:21]Exactly.
[27:22]Like, I know.
[27:23]So it's, it's like, I know.
[27:25]I don't know.
[27:26]To address it head on early.
[27:28]They're powerful.
[27:29]Yeah.
[27:30]And there's power.
[27:31]And there's something, I think there was also something though in, you know, you're
[27:35]asking before about like, do you write it down and do you take pictures?
[27:38]And I do, I do all those things.
[27:40]But I think also being really comfortable with not having to remember and keep everything.
[27:47]You don't have to be the, the, the keeper of all of the memories for everyone's life.
[27:51]You just don't.
[27:52]I wonder what happens when instead of focusing on preserving, we just focus on living and
[28:00]being.
[28:01]But it makes a sense.
[28:02]What does that, what does that feel like for us?
[28:04]How does that change our experience?
[28:06]Being parents, being partners, just being people.
[28:09]Okay.
[28:10]We'll do speak places like me.
[28:13]You should go, be sure to be going out and like going and doing stuff.
[28:18]All right.
[28:19]We're going to turn this off in a minute.
[28:20]I'm going to give you a to-do list of what you need.
[28:23]Because you don't have to come here for all of the things I know you have like a massive
[28:28]full-time job as well and a mom and everything else.
[28:32]And it never got my hand right now.
[28:35]Well, thank you for sharing your story.
[28:39]Thanks, Sadie.
[28:40]Oh.
[28:41]Thanks.
[28:42]You're welcome to sleep over.
[28:44]Thank you.
[28:45]Love it.
[28:46]I love it.
[28:47]I thank you.
[28:48]Thank you.
[28:49]I'm a fan and I'm like nerding out being here.
[28:53]I'm just excited that like my funny Instagram message, like the world is brought us together.
[28:58]Right.
[28:59]That's so funny.
[29:00]That's how it is.
[29:01]It happens all the time in life and it just makes me laugh.
[29:05]When you walked into Brooklyn Book Fest that day, I was like, of course.
[29:08]Well, you were like, hey, what did you say?
[29:10]Like great art.
[29:11]I was like, I'm just really happy for you.
[29:12]Happy for you.
[29:13]I'm like, oh, that's so nice.
[29:14]So I liked it.
[29:15]And I was like, who is this thing?
[29:16]This is such a nice thing.
[29:17]And then after you happen to go to Brooklyn Book Fest, I was like, wait a minute.
[29:20]I think this is the same person who email me and it's you DM me or whatever.
[29:24]It's like, I can't believe it.
[29:26]And I'm like, hi.
[29:27]You're so funny because I just remember reading that piece.
[29:31]It was like, I did a New York Oprah of New York.
[29:33]Is that what I was like, I'm just anyone who I'm just happy for you.
[29:38]Like what a moment to be called that.
[29:39]I like this.
[29:40]And I just remember thinking like, cool.
[29:42]That's cool.
[29:43]That's so cool.
[29:44]It's so awesome.
[29:45]You know what I'm like, what a day.
[29:47]And everybody walked in.
[29:48]I was like, you know, this is how this is exactly how the world works.
[29:52]It's exactly how it works.
[29:53]For me too.
[29:54]Because now this is like an amazing experience.
[29:55]That's great.
[29:56]And now we'll be friends.
[29:57]Yeah.
[29:58]Exactly.
[30:00]I'm sitting over. We're friends.
[30:04]Thank you.
[30:07]This episode has been sponsored by Book of the Month Club, book of the month.com,
[30:11]enter code Zibi to get your first book for $5.
[30:14]Thanks for listening to Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[30:16]You can follow me on Instagram at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[30:20]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texturesound for the Sound Editing.
[30:24]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions for providing this fantastic intro
[30:28]and outro music.
[30:29]Thanks for listening. You can always email me at Zibi at Zibi Owens.com.